Tied Up In Heartstrings (24 page)

When I wake up, I’m in a hospital room. Jason is on the corner chair bent over with his head in his hands rubbing his temples. He’s stressed out.
 

“I’m really sorry, Jason,” I apologize, feeling awful that he’s always having to pick up the pieces when I can’t manage my own life.

He jumps up and is standing by my side. “Alexis, never EVER try to take on the world alone! You’re my sister, damn it. You have me. Please don’t keep me out, AGAIN,” he’s saying.

“I know, Jason…I’m sorry. How’s Sierra? When can I go home?” I ask. Then I hear the stomping and yelling in the hall.

“I said what room, where is she?” It’s him…he’s here…does he know? Is he angry with me? I’m suddenly terrified, but I’ve missed him so much that my desperation to be wrapped in his arms overrides my fear.

“He doesn’t know yet,
Lex, but you have to tell him now, babe.” Jason says just before the door bangs wide open and my big muscled cowboy runs over to the bed.

“My God, what happened? Are you okay?
Babe…talk to me! Jason…” he’s rambling, leaving no open air to have his questions answered. I reach out and touch his arm and he settles. “Sweetheart, I love you. I thought you were breaking up with me, again. But then Mom and Dad had Sierra. It wasn’t making sense. Baby, I’m so sorry!” He’s scared and exhausted. I can see the shadows under his eyes.

“Now that you’re here, I’m going home to deal with my wife.” Jason says to us, but winks at me, in spite of how hurt he is. I know it’s because we kept a secret from him. He hates when Kate and I keep him in the dark.
He kisses my cheek and leaves.

“You want to tell me what they’re going to do to make you better. What kind of fucking virus does
this
?” He asks frustrated. I have to tell him. I know I do. It needs to be now or he’ll find out from someone else. That would suck.

“Garrett…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner…” he interrupts me, kissing me on the cheek and investigating my body for anything out of place.

“No, baby, don’t apologize…you’re sick…where are the doctors?” He needs to listen to me now, before he starts an inquisition with the medical staff.

“Garrett, listen to me. I’m sorry I kept this from you, but…
.I’m pregnant.” He sits on the ground…falls really…right on his ass and stares at the floor. Is he upset? I try and get up, but my arm is attached to the IV on the opposite side of the bed. “I’m so sorry,” I cry in a panic…terrified that I’ve broken us by letting this happen and then keeping it secret.

I don’t even know if I heard her correctly. She’s pregnant…my girl is having my baby…half of me is growing inside her stomach. I’m trying to find my feet, my head, my words, but I can’t grasp anything, nothing. The wind has been knocked completely out of me. Until I hear her sniffling. Fuck. She needs to be comforted and here I am on the damn floor. I have got to get my shit together. “Baby, oh my God. I’m sorry. Are you okay? Please, don’t cry. I love you, Lex.” I sit on the edge of the bed and try to hug her in this awful position. She sits up and crawls into my lap. That’s better.

She feels so good in my arms. I hold her in my lap as we sit in the silence, taking it all in.

The nurse comes in. “Hello, Alexis, glad to see you’re awake and that this man,” she says looking at me sternly, “found his way to you without disturbing my other patients.” She comes over to the side of the bed and looks at me cradling Alexis in my arms. “You know this is a twin size bed. It’s for one person, mister.”

I shrug. “My girl needs to be held. I’m staying until she doesn’t,” I inform the nurse. I’m not screwing around with these people. They can take care of my girl with her in my arms.  “What are you doing about this virus that’s making my future wife and baby sick,” I ask.

The nurse laughs. “Your baby is what’s making your future wife sick, Mr. McKenna,” she says almost like she is amused at my confusion, and I look to Lex.

Did she know all along? Is this why she was saying she was
sorry. “Lex, how long have you known?” I ask, looking her in the eye.

“I’m sorry, Garrett.” She’s crying again. “Please, don’t hate me. I had a good reason.” Shit. We can work this out later.

“Ms. Phillips, you don’t have any excess fluids to spare, my dear. None of that crying, please. Mr. McKenna, you need to be cautious about upsetting my patient. You’ll have to leave if you can’t keep her happy,” she says to me with a no nonsense tone.

“Yes ma’am.” I say with my eyes still pinned to Lex. No way is anyone going to make her sad…Fucking EVER!

The nurse leaves and I slide all the way into the bed, getting
Lex into a more comfortable and permanent position. She drifts off to sleep, as I sing in her ear. I switch on the television and turn the sound to a barely audible tone and watch the Yankees and Sox game.

My phone rings in my pocket and
Lex stirs a bit. I answer it on the second ring. It’s Drew. I left the tour six hours before a show. We had to cancel the next few shows, but I could give a rat’s ass right now…my girl was sick.

“Hey, dude, I can’t really talk.” I say into the phone in a whisper. I need to talk to him, but I don’t want to wake or move
Lex. She needs rest the nurse says.

“How is she?” he asks.

“She’s amazing, but very sick. I’ll talk to you about it later. Do you need me for anything specific?” I ask, wanting to speed this conversation up.

“No dude, we’re cancelling the rest of the week. We’ll reschedule in the fall. I want to get home to my wife and baby, too.
You good with that? We need your confirmation,” he asks.

“
Abso-Fucking-Lutely cancel it. I’m staying here with my girls. We’ll all talk tomorrow. I’m not going anywhere until she’s better, let it be known now!” I say, and he laughs.

“Got
ya. Be well, dude. Take care of your lady. We’ll talk later.”

“Will do, give my love to Court and Gabe.” I disconne
ct and feel Lex stirring a bit.

“Garrett, did you just cancel your tour?” she asks in a sleepy voice.

“For this week, yes. We’ll talk about next week after I see the doctor. I can’t leave you in this condition, sweetheart,” I answer.

“I’ll be fine, Garrett.
”

“Are you kidding me, Alexis? Babe, you’re sick because my baby is causing you trouble. I want to be the one to take care of you.”

“Garrett, you can’t cancel. I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t want you to feel trapped. I didn’t want you to have to change your life. People are going to think I did this on purpose.”  She cries into my arm.

“
Shhh…” I say wiping her face. “None of that, babe. No wasted fluids.

Sweetheart, what we have is once in a lifetime… I don’t care what anyone thinks. I love you so fucking much, I can't even see straight anymore.
 You aren’t trapping me, baby. You’re changing my life in the most glorious way. I wished this on us. I want this life, really bad. This was magic, baby.” I say to her knowing I’ve been writing songs, making plans, dreaming, and begging God to make this girl want me for the rest of my life.

Filling her with my baby wasn’t planned just yet…but damn, I’m happy to have this baby. I just need to use some stern words with this kid about making his Mama so sick! Little man or woman needs to reign that crap in.

“Babe, you’re making me a real man…more and more every single day,” I say kissing her. I feel like the tin man who finally got his heart. I’m lucky. This lady has brought so much greatness and happiness to my life.

For many years I’ve felt like a cardboard cutout that people moved around the country to manipulate and perform. I felt fake and empty. It all changed so quickly when this beautiful girl came back into my world.

Finally, I’m leaving the hospital. Two nights in that place was torture. Garrett’s home for rest of this week and I’m so happy about it now. I was worried at first that he’d feel like he had to sacrifice his tour to take care of me, but he hasn’t shown anything except complete joy. Joy that I’m okay, joy that his baby’s growing nice and strong, joy that Sierra
is happy and healthy, just joy.

I’m so looking forward to getting home and wrapping my arms around my little girl. She didn’t come to the hospital to visit, because I wasn’t really sure how she’d feel about it, so she’s been with Garrett’s parents for a few days. They’re thrilled about having her there, and I know that she’s being very well loved. Kate’s been helping out, too.

It’ll be great to finally sleep in my own bed. It’ll be great sleeping with my man in my big bed. Sleeping in this tiny bed has posed a bit of a challenge. But when I told Garrett I really just needed him to hold me so that I could sleep better, the man made it his mission to make sure I was snuggled. Even when the nurses came in giving him a hard time, he made it quite clear he didn’t want to hear any of their crap. 

Elizabeth is at my house with Sierra. Garrett had to let Elizabeth and James in on our little secret. I’m scared to see them. I don’t really know what kind of reaction to expect from them, but it’s far too late for me worry about how this looks.
This is a bit of a done deal.

We’re going to tell Sierra together, but not tonight. We agreed that it needs to be special, and I want to feel better for it. I already feel almost 100% better, but the doctor said I needed to rest a lot and drink lots of fluids. I have some medication
that help ward off the nausea.

When we get home, I walk into the house, despite Garrett trying to convince me that carrying me in and putting me to bed was best. I hear my little girl come running for me. She’s already seen Garrett several times, but I haven’t seen her in three days. I’ve missed her like crazy.

“Mama…Mama’s home…” she says, running around the corner.

I bend to scoop her up when Garrett takes my arm, shaking his head. “No way, lady. Go sit down. You’re not picking up little girls in your condition,” he says, intercepting Sierra and holding
her up to me, so that we can hug and smother each other with butterfly kisses as we walk to the couch. He’s hovering a bit, but I’m trying be patient with him because I know I really scared him, and he doesn’t really understand how the whole pregnancy thing works. I’ve done it, but he hasn’t, so he’ll need a bit of loving guidance - not my typical approach. I’ll give him a bit to catch up.

I sit on the couch and Sierra attempts to climb into my lap, only to be halted by Garrett. He sits next to me with her on his lap instead. Oh Hell NO…he cannot start acting all crazy and overprotective and stop me from holding Sierra. I’m pissed. I look at him sternly and reach to take her, and
my stern look is reciprocated.

“
Lex…” he starts to say something when his mother walks into the room.

“Garrett Michael McKenna, give her that child right now and don’t you dare give her any hassles. Alexis is a very smart lady and knows exactly what her body can handle,” she orders, walking over to the couch to hug and kiss me. She’s wea
ring a very endearing smile.

“Thank you, Elizabeth!” I say, hoping she realizes I’m thanking her for more than just putting Garrett in his place. I reach my hands out and Sierra climbs into my lap and snuggles. Garrett scoots in closer to snuggle us, too. That’s better. This feels nice.

Garrett’s parents stay for dinner. His mother has cooked and stored enough food to last us weeks. She’s done all the dishes and sorted out all the laundry. “Elizabeth, I can’t thank you enough for all that you’ve done for me this week. I want you to know how much easier it was for me to relax and get better knowing you were taking care of Sierra,” I say to her when we’re finally alone in the kitchen. I’m sitting at the bar helpless, since every time I try to do anything someone escorts me to the nearest chair or couch.

Elizabeth comes to my side and holds both my shoulders, looking me in the eye. “You, my precious, precious girl have brought love to my son and life to this family. You’re a gift from the heavens and I’m so thankful for you,” she says with the corners of her eyes leaking tears. I’m amazed that this is the reaction she has to me getting pregnant, out of wedlock, with her only son’s baby. But as amazed as I am, I’m so happy that there is no tension.

“Elizabeth…” I start to say and she interrupts...

“Mom or Mimi,” she says, looking sternly and waiting for me to comply with either title.

“Mimi…” I start to say, feeling a little odd and uncomfortable, but then moving on to what I needed to say. “I know that you don’t know me very well, but I wanted you to know, I didn’t plan this…I didn’t do this to trap him…I do love him very much.” She looks at me with an enormous amount of compassion.

“Sweetheart, sometimes things that are meant to be can’t be planned. They just happen. And for that we’ll be thankful. The stars aligned properly, so that you and Sierra could come into our lives and bring us joy! “

I too have tears trailing from the corners of my eyes when Garrett comes into the room after helping Sierra with her bath. “Mother, no wasted fluids! What did you say to make her cry?” he screeches at his mom, running over to me to inspect me.

“Garrett, you idiot! She’s pregnant. Everything will make her cry now. Her hormones are all out of whack. I love this young lady probably more than I love you today! Leave us alone. I was just telling her how amazing she is,” she says scolding her son, and the fake wounded look on his face makes us both belly
laugh.

James walks into the kitchen, holding a pajama clad Sierra to say goodnight, since he’s already read her stories. “What’s going on in here?” he asks, telling Sierra he thinks they missed something very funny if it was a good enough laugh to brin
g tears to Mimi’s and my eyes.

I take Sierra onto my lap and snuggle her close on the barstool, with Garrett standing closely beside us. I’ve missed my baby girl so much! Garrett’s hovering again, but I’m trying to remember this is new to him and seeing me in the hospital was very hard on him.

Poor Garrett really struggled being told what to do and how to take care of me. I’ve learned in the last couple days that there are very few people in this world who successfully tell my man what to do. So far I’ve only seen Elizabeth, Sierra, and myself get away with any direct orders. The nurses at the hospital quickly figured out that:

1.
              He was not going to get out of my bed until I was properly snuggled.

2.
              He would not leave that room when the nurses and doctors came in to check me out.

3.
              Blood Pressure could wait if I was sleeping.

4.
              I wasn’t eating their crappy hospital food when his Mother made homemade organic soup.

5.
              HE REALLY WASN’T GETTING OUT OF MY BED WHEN I NEEDED TO BE SNUGGLED…NO MATTER WHO WANTED TO POKE AND PROD ME…. END OF FREAKING STORY!

Both his parents are beaming from ear to ear about our unexpected little secret, but are keeping it quiet so as to not let our little ears hear.

I’m quite excited to put Sierra to bed tonight, because it’s been several days without our nighttime song. I’m sure she’s missing it, too. Her birthday is in four weeks, and this is her last week of school before summer. I can’t believe my baby will be starting kindergarten in the fall. She’s
growing up so fast, too fast.

I think and fully expect for Sierra to be overjoyed at the news of having a sibling. It’s as much a dream for her as it is for me. Garrett has joined our life so seamlessly. I absolutely adore him for the happiness he’s brought to our home.

The night winds down and we say goodbye to Garrett parents. I thank them over and over for all their help and support. Elizabeth and James promise to check on us tomorrow. They love Sierra, and the feeling is mutual. She says goodbye to Mimi and Pops, as she calls them, and promises to visit during the weekend. It’s really quite precious and nice for her to be so freely accepted as their grandchild.

Garrett and I head upstairs to sing to Sierra, since it’s past her bedtime as it is. I start to sing her song after she’s said her prayers only for her to stop me. “No, Mama, I want to hear my song.” I’m confused…that is her song. What am I missing?

But then Garret says to Sierra. “Baby girl, let’s sing your song to Mama together.”

The other day,
she asked me, where do babies come from?

Sh
e looked at me earnestly, and waited for words of wisdom

I said to h
er, my little friend, babies come from love

Questions children ask, never know just what to say

Who is God? Where is Heaven? Why does that man look that way?

I need some inspiration, I don’t wanna let her down

Sh
e looks to me for the answers, I do the best I know how

What’s it like to be someone else? To live in their bodies for a day?

Don’t you wonder what they think? Or how they like to play?

Stumped again by my pint size kin, I say I wonder the same

Questions children ask, never know just what to say

Who is God? Where is Heaven? Why does that man look that way?

I need some inspiration, I don’t wanna let her down

Sh
e looks to me for the answers, I do the best I know how

Daddy, are we rich?  Why do we need money?

Money’s nice I say to her
, but the important things are free

Time with you, is the greatest jewel, I ever could possess

Questions children ask,
Never know just what to say

Who is God? Where is Heaven? Why does that man look that way?

I need some inspiration, I don’t wanna let her down

She
looks to me for the answers, I do the best I know how

When they finish serenading me, I’m full of unshed tears. That’s just the most precious thing I’ve ever heard. He wrote that song for her. I’ve heard her ask some of those questions to him over the last few weeks. He wrote her her very own song. “I love it, what a beautiful song for a daddy to sing to a very lucky little girl,” I say to them both. I kiss Sierra’s head goodnight, and Garrett follows suit before we leave her to slumber.

I’m very much looking forward to climbing into bed with my man. I’m dying for him to get his hands on me. It’s been far too long since I’ve fallen apart under his touch, and with all these pregnancy ho
rmones raging, I’m a bit needy!

He cracks the door, as always, and we start walking toward our room when I’m overcome with a need to kiss him. He overwhelms me…
.I love him so much. I stop him en-route and climb into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist as he supports me, holding my bottom. “Baby, as nice as it is to have you in my arms, feeling your warm little center pressed against me this way is making me crazy. You need to let me hold you another way or I’ll lose my fucking mind, Lex. It’s been over ten days...”

Yes, over ten days and that hiatus
is ending tonight. “Yes, Garrett. I need you. Please, take me to bed and make love to me.” I ask in a whisper in his ear!

“
Grrrr…fuck, Lex. You know I want you, baby, but we can’t. You just got out of the hospital. You need to rest,” he says, and I know this is going to be one of those situations where a direct order is the only way to get what I want.

“Garrett, you’ll take me to bed, right now. You’ll make love to me very thoroughly, and then I’ll sleep. Otherwise, I promise to stay awake all night plotting bodily harm to you in ways I commit to seeing through! Got it?” He looks startled, but is still silent. “It’s been over ten freaking days,
Garrett. I’m pregnant and needy and in need of being serviced. You’re the man who did this to me, now be the man to make me feel better.”

With that he’s trotting me down the hall into our room where he ever so gently places me on the bed, then roughly starts throwing off my shoes and yanking off my yoga pants and top, throwing them haphazardly across the room. He pauses, kisses my face, and runs out of the room. What the hell is he doing? Where’s he going? Then I hear him in Sierra’s room through the monitor. He’s making sure she’s sleeping. Yes…he’s going to be a very Good Daddy!