Ties (21 page)

“I think you did by getting Bex out of that living room before it turned into a bare-knuckle brawl,” he says, grinning sleepily. “By the way, I never would have thought that little guy with the big glasses could pack a punch like that.”

“Agreed. That was crazy. But he’s crazy in love with Marigold, so that would explain the way he snapped.” I look over at my car. “Ryan, you look dead on your feet. I think we’ve had enough excitement, right? I’ll text Deo so he knows I’m going.”

I send the text and Deo texts back not to wait up, that Rocko is taking Marigold to some nature resort for the weekend.

“You sure? I’m happy to wait if you want to go in.”

He’s barely able to stand up, and I keep rereading my brother’s text, wondering if it’s a sign.

“Let’s get out of here.” We walk to my car and don’t talk once we get in. Ryan’s head lolls back on the seat and he’s dozing before we’re down the street.

When I pull onto Marigold’s gravel driveway, I shake his shoulder to wake him up. He looks incredibly kissable this tired, all heavy-lidded, his hair sticking up adorably, his body loose and at ease. He follows me in, not quite awake, and doesn’t say a word until we’re standing in the middle of my guest room, the only light coming from the silver moon outside the big window.

I put my hands on his chest and kiss him, softly. He kisses back, holding his hands on either side of my body without touching, then pulls away.

“Hattie.”

It’s just my name.

That’s all he says.

But he might as well have read me a long passage from an erotic novel. My body trembles, knowing this may not be
the
night, but it will be
a
night with him, and that’s all I can ask for right now.

“I don’t want to talk after all,” I say against his lips.

I kiss him again, breathing in the smell of him. It’s windblown salt, sweat, and a want that’s as deep and hungry as mine.

“I do,” he insists, but he lets me kiss him again.

He lets me pull his shirt off, unbuckle his pants and slide them down.

He lets me help him out of his shoes and he takes care of all the odd pieces of clothing I missed.

He never says a word.

Neither do I.

I let my sundress fall to the floor and give him a good look at my sexy bra and panties, because I know he appreciates them.

I appreciate that.

“Hattie, I need to talk to you before we--”

I press my fingers over his lips. “All there is in this room is a bed. All I want to do is sleep. With you. Okay?”

“You...you want to sleep?” His eyebrows are pressed down over his eyes, confused.

I slide off the last bits of clothing and kneel next to him on the bed. When his arms come around me, I feel my entire body tremor.

“I think we’ve screwed this up a little. We made it too complicated. Maybe that was all me. So let’s go back to the basics. I want to sleep. In your arms. Naked. Nothing else, no obligations. Okay?”

He looks confused and exhausted and so damn gorgeous. Instead of trying to argue or convince him of anything else, I lie down on my side and hold my breath.

Just when I’m sure I’m a total idiot and this was the freaking stupidest idea I’ve had yet, he lies next to me, curls his arm around my body and pulls the sheet and blanket up over both of us

I was so ready to fall and fall fast into sex. If I’d pressed, we could have started and finished in no time. I know it could have been a rush of our bodies, the friction, the intoxication of driving towards the final explosive climax. One huge, adrenaline powered dive off the side of a cliff and into the depths of uncertainty.

This is different.

Entirely different.

This is quiet: so quiet it’s almost uncomfortable. So uncomfortable, I almost get up and put on my cotton pajamas so I can be safe, far away from the intense electricity of our exposed bodies pressed together.

This was a stupid idea.

It’s hard enough five minutes in. How am I going to sleep for hours this way? I can hear his breathing and mine, which don’t find any kind of immediate rhythm. My heart is hammering so loud, it blocks all other sounds from my ears.

We lay stiff for a few long minutes in the shadowy room. Then I turn my back to him and move closer, inch by inch. He rolls to his side and throws an arm out, linking it around my waist and dragging me close. I hold my breath and let him pull me over. He doesn’t stop until we’re spooned impossibly tight, not an inch of room between us.

He’s so tall, my head is tucked under his chin. His arms, bulging with muscles under his hot skin, are clasped around me with plenty of room to spare, but he cinches them tighter, one hand on my ribcage, the other crossed to my opposite shoulder. His heart thuds between my shoulder blades and I can feel the solid press of his abs against my spine.

I squirm closer, though he tries to hold back, and I wonder why. Then I feel him.

Hard and long, stiff against me.

I break the spell with a giggle.

“Is this going to be torture for you?” I ask, my voice shockingly loud in the quiet room.

He rubs his chin on the crown on my head. “Being with you is
always
torture, Hattie.”

I elbow his ribs gently and love the way it feels like his laugh folds over me.

“I’m serious. I wanted...I thought about the last time. And my rules. I know you didn’t like them, but my rules aren’t all crazy. So I decided to reexamine them.”

“And you came up with the idea of getting naked and luring me to your bed? I’m intrigued by these new rules. Please explain.”

His voice echoes from his body through mine, and I close my eyes to enjoy the vibration.

“I know we want different things from this. But I don’t care what the hell we label this, and I’m tired of arguing about things that don’t matter in the end. I just want something elemental.”

“Something elemental with an expiration date?” he asks, and I can feel the regret as much as hear it in his voice.

“Can’t we just be the way we are now, feeling the way we do?” I ask. “Because I don’t know what we’ll be to each other, but I know the only thing I want right now is you. I want this.”

“And what if you wind up wanting more?”

This conversation could easily become an argument that will spiral this whole experiment out of control. But his voice is anchored by a deep weariness. The words lap out slowly and he punctuates the question with a long, adorable yawn.

“Let’s just enjoy what’s now,” I suggest.

He doesn’t say anything back.

I close my eyes and listen to his breathing. Then I match his sleep-deep rhythm. Then everything recedes except his arms wrapped around my body and our breath twisted together in the dark.

17 RYAN

I’m having the best dream of my whole damn life.

It started on the boat, but it wasn’t the frenzied bullshit like I’ve been dealing with all these weeks prepping for the race. This time it’s like I’m one with the ocean, like I can feel the swells in my blood and hear the wind shifts like they’re originating from my own lungs. My pulse is the race, and there is nothing else except me and the boat and the ocean.

And then Hattie appears in front of me. Her body is locked with mine, her warmth is a direct contrast to the breezy cool of the waves and spray.

And she’s completely naked.

My fingers draw down along the silky length of her arm, stopping when they meet hers and she grabs onto my hand. I push her hands up over her head and listen to her moan as she writhes against my body. She presses her back to me, turns her head around and kisses me, quickly and softly.

And then I hear her moan and open my eyes.

My dream is reality.

She’s kissing deeper, her mouth pressed hard on mine. I drag my tongue along the back of her neck and feel her shiver at the sensation. I kiss her delicate shoulders and along her line of her backbone, and she twists that soft, ready body closer to me the entire time. I let go of her hands and she whips around on the sheets, facing me with a sleepy, wicked grin, bucking hard and wrapping her arms around my neck. Her tits press against my chest, her hips grind against mine in a quick rhythm.

My hands close around her tits and she drops her head back, moaning as I suck on her neck. I squeeze and press, let my fingers find her nipples and tug at them as my lips suck her skin.

“Hattie.” I look up from where I’m sucking. Her hair is wild, stuck along her neck and falling into her eyes. That sexy pink mouth is hanging half open, lips shiny because she licked them, and I think of every perfect thing that mouth could make me feel. I nuzzle against her.  “Damn it, you’re making me crazy. Tell me what you want. Any damn thing you want.”

She whimpers, her bottom lip locked between her teeth, those gold eyes scanning me like she wants what she sees badly.

Good, because I’m hell bent on staying right here in this bed until she’s screaming my name.

Loud.

“You,” her voice shakes hard. “Now.”

The best two words I’ve heard in so damn long. I suck down her body like I’m memorizing the taste of her, burying my face between her tits and licking at her tight nipples, swirling my tongue around each one as she pants and jerks her hips off the bed.

“Are you sure?” I double-check, cradling her body like she could splinter at any second.

My gorgeous, tough as nails, fragile as porcelain girl. My Hattie.

“Ryan.” She bobs up and rolls those gorgeous eyes. “I drove you here and got you naked in my bed. I want you so badly, it’s driving me crazy.”

She cops the tough attitude, but her hands cling hard to my back, her fingernails biting into my shoulder blades.

I’ve done this. I’ve done it with so many girls I can’t even come up with a decent estimate in my head, so why am I so nervous with Hattie?

Because I give a damn about her.

I feel like there’s so much to lose if this winds up being just some shallow screwing around. I have to show her how much this means, how much I want her.

How much I want to protect her.

I kiss down her body, watching as her muscles tighten and her skin breaks into goosebumps where ever my lips touch down. When I come to her hips, I kiss a warm belt across her stomach, then retrace my trail. My hands work massaging her thighs as I let my lips drag along her skin.

The more she moans, the closer my lips and hands come together, until my mouth is just north of her clit and my fingers are brushing along her slick lips.

She jerks up on her elbows, her eyebrows crushed low.

“This?” she asks.

“Oh yeah.” I smile as she looks down with wide eyes. “I’ve wanted to do this from the first second you gave me your list of uptight rules. Open wide.”

“No.” She jerks back, but I’m quicker. I grab her by the hips and drag her closer.

“You were fine with sex.” I raise an eyebrow and let my lips coast over her skin. She rocks her hips and grabs handfuls of my hair. “Whoa. Calm down, sweetheart. I didn’t even start yet.”

“Not this,” she pleads, her voice verging on a whine.

That’s damn cute.

“I don’t remember any rules about this.” She loosens her hold on my hair, and I tempt fate and flick my tongue.

Hattie’s thighs squeeze hard, pushing me back.

“Why not?” I ask.

“Because it’s too...” She throws her hands around, then falls back hard on the mattress, letting out a frustrated groan.

“Too out of your control?” I guess, pressing her legs apart and kissing her thighs with the barest brushes of my lips. Just the way she loves to hate it.

She kicks one heel low on my back with adorable frustration. “Why can’t it just be sex, Ryan?”

“Because you know how I feel about sex and you. So this is my idea of compromise.” I run my thumbs along the edges of her slick center, applying just enough pressure to make her jump.

“I
hate
compromise,” she growls. I can feel her wiggling her toes. “It’s like ending a game with a tie.”

“What’s wrong with a tie?” I ask. “A tie means everyone wins.”

“A tie means everyone loses,” she gripes.

“You know how you look cutest?”

“How?” she huffs.

“When you turn that crazy smart brain off and just go with what feels good. And, trust me, this will feel awesome if you can just let yourself go. Can you do that?” I lick at her again, and, though she lets out a long, irritated sigh, she doesn’t rip my hair out by the roots or try to suffocate me between her thighs.

“That’s a good girl,” I say, fully expecting her to freak out like mad.

She whimpers and presses herself into my mouth instead. I hook my arms around her legs and drag her as close as I can. And then I lick her like my tongue is one hundred percent responsible for whether she decides to take a chance on me or leave without looking back.

“Ryan,” she moans, low and whisper-quiet.

I lick once, twice, a third long, sweet drag off my tongue against her, and then I pull back. “Nice. I like hearing my name from that pretty little mouth. Now say it so the whole class can hear.”

She giggles, and, much as I like that sweetly girly sound coming from her throat, my next enthusiastic tongue glide cuts the giggle short in her mouth and fractures the sound.

“Ryan!” It’s louder, and I slide a finger deep in her, closing my eyes and moaning against her because--
damn
--she is tight and wet as hell.

I press a second finger in and set up a rhythm that makes her arch and buck. A few times she trembles, like she’s right on the edge. But she pulls back and goes still every time.

“Hattie?” I let my fingers stroke her in time to her pants. “You need to let go.”

She shakes her head back and forth and clasps and unclasps her hands. “This feels good. This is perfect.”

“This isn’t enough.”

I kiss her thighs; rub my lips over the smooth skin I know I’m scratching with my stubble. I also know from the way she squirms and pushes closer that she loves it.

“It’s going to have to be.” She plants her feet and pushes back, just out of my reach.

I grab her by the hips and anchor her down. “You are the sexiest girl I’ve ever been with.” I keep my voice low, tight. “I’m already addicted to the way you taste.”

“Stop,” she begs, sliding her hands over her ears. “I can’t hear that.”

“If you can’t hear that, then you probably won’t be able to stand knowing that I’ve never wanted to bury my dick in anyone the way I want to with you.”

She gasps and sits half up, her chest rising and falling, her eyes wide.

“Ryan?”

“You think you’re the only one who has an easy time playing it safe, Hattie?” I ask, my thumb circling her slick clit as my fingers pump deep into her. “I’m going to wait because I care about you. But I want all of you, so much it drives me fucking insane. I want to be the first guy and the last who gets to be inside you, and I don’t give a goddamn if that’s too much for you to hear.”

I feel her start to tremble. I watch her bite her lip, softly at first, then hard enough that she’s going to break the skin. I want my mouth on her when she comes, but I need to shock her out of her overworked brain if we’re going to get there.

Which means I have to say the things that I’ve been burying deep in my dirty mind.

I match the movement of my fingers to her gasps, and it’s getting faster and slicker with every breath.

“You think I don’t want to have sex with you?” My laugh is strangled. “I want to
fuck
you. I want you pulling my hair, spreading your legs, scratching my back, all of it, Hattie. But if I get it once, I’m not going to be able to let you go. I’ll want it every night. Over and over. So that’s what my big goal is right now. You, stripped down, spread out in front of me, all mine, coming so many times, you lose count. And then I want you coming back for more night after night after night.”

She gives a stuttering scream. “Ryan!”

I dip my head and taste her, hot and salt slicked, and know there’s no way I’m letting her go.

When she stops jerking her hips and lets her legs and arms fall limp at her sides, I drag myself up next to her.

“Morning, sweetheart. How about you come out on my boat?”

She moans softly, her eyes wide and staring straight up at the ceiling.

“I’m just gonna lie here and feel this. All this.” She waves her hands along her body. “That was amazing. Thank you.”

“Thank
you
.” I kiss her neck and gather her in my arms. “How about you rest for half an hour, and then we head out?”

“You’re very chipper this early,” she whines, turning on her side and burying her face in the blankets.

“Sex with you gets me hopped up.” I kiss lower, and she pops up and grabs my face in her hands.

“Unless you’re ready to do every single thing you talked about when you were making me come like crazy, you need to stop right now.”

It’s a warning wrapped in a plea.

And I do want it. All. All of her.

Obviously, painfully, right fucking
now
.

But she’s not committed yet, and I’m not about to deviate from this course that I’m set on. No matter how much my dick hates me for it.

“Is it okay if I shower?” I ask.

She throws a pillow over her head and points across the hall. I start that way and notice she rolls over to watch my naked ass. And she giggles.

And then moans.

I can’t stop whistling.

***

“I thought we were going out on the boat you live on,” she says, looking at the racing boat with a raised eyebrow. “This is what you race? Don’t you need a bigger crew?”

“Yes to win a race. No to take you out.”

I hold a hand to her, and she alights on the deck, her hair still damp from her shower--sadly, it was separate from mine.

Though that was probably a good thing, considering I had some pressing issues to attend to after that long naked night and sexy morning I had with her.

She comes further on the deck and sits close to me while I get the boat ready, double-checking every single thing because it will be hard to take this out on my own. But I want to pull out all the stops for her, show her what I want to do and why I’m sacrificing the safety of a “real” job for it.

And I can’t manage that with Bex screaming his head off at me or the three other guys who don’t have the same investment I do onboard.

“Do you get seasick?” I check, securing the lines.

“I don’t think so.” She looks so small. She
is
small, but something about her looks off-kilter today.

“You okay?” I ask, glancing at her out of the side of my eye.

She pulls her smooth legs to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. “Yeah. I am. Just...I feel...weird.”

“Weird how?” I ask carefully, my stomach dropping when I realize it’s probably not the best thing that she’s using the word ‘weird’ to describe how she feels this morning.

I wouldn’t be so worried if she said ‘amazing.’ Or ‘horny.’ Or ‘so damn ready to be your girlfriend, you freaking stud.’ Any of those would have been fine.

“Weird like you cheated. You found a loophole in the rules,” she accuses, crossing her arms and biting her lips.

I can’t keep the smile off my face.

“You know rules are made to be broken. Or bent. Or ignored.” She doesn’t smile back. “Hattie, seriously? We keep agreeing to throw the rules away. Or change them. To tell you the truth I’m not even sure I know which rules you’re talking about at this point.”

“Me neither. That’s the whole problem.” She presses a hand up into her hair. “Maybe I
am
seasick.”