Ties That Bind (37 page)

“Okay.” Ariana nodded, offering a weak smile. “Tell them I'll be out shortly.”

Isaac grabbed her bags and went outside. Ariana hugged every sibling, saying something to each one. It had been her wish that they stay inside until she was in the car. It scared Lovina that Ariana had started micromanaging life in order to cope.

Rudy hung back, waiting. He would return to Indiana for the year. His Daed needed his help, and since, as part of Nicholas's agreement not to sue Rachel, he'd put restrictions on all relationships between Ariana and anyone Amish, it made sense for Rudy to go home. Maybe Nicholas would relent in a few weeks or months and at least allow letters.

What restrictions would they need to put on Skylar in order to keep the Englisch world out of their home? Would this time prove beneficial to Skylar, or had Lovina begun something that would only do harm to all involved?

Ariana moved to Lovina. “You show Skylar what it means to love the way the Brennemans do.”

Quill would bring Skylar to the house in a couple of hours and drop her off. It was Skylar's request that Quill drive her.

Lovina held on to her daughter, wishing she didn't have to release her in order to have time with Skylar. “Lieb du.”

“Ya, I love you too. Forever and always.” Ariana motioned for Salome, and Salome put her arm around Lovina as Ariana took Rudy by the hand.

Once at the door of the café, Ariana turned. She looked different. Her hair and clothes were the same, but something was different. Lovina couldn't imagine what it was. Had becoming the owner of the café made her more confident? Maybe Lovina was seeing her as an adult leaving home. She'd never had a daughter leave home unless she was getting married.

Who would Ariana be when she returned in a year?

A horrible thought hit Lovina so hard her legs buckled. Isaac put his arms around her, steadying her.

When the year was up, what if Ariana no longer wanted to be Amish?

A
riana stepped out of the café, holding tightly to Rudy's hand. How could this be happening? She was an adult with a boyfriend she intended to marry and a new business—and she'd been reduced to feeling like a lost child.

The seconds ticked by in slow motion, feeling surreal. Whose life was this?

Her Daed put her bags in the trunk of the car. He closed it and stood there, watching her as if afraid to do or say the wrong thing.

Things like losing one's entire family were for people who chose to spit in the face of all that God had given them and walk away. During a rare treacherous event, some lost their family through an accident. More rare, some lost them through violence.

She fit inside none of the scenarios that made sense, and after spending a lifetime of feeling blessed by God, she felt cursed. She had thought she understood God on the topic of family. The peace of understanding His will had lived inside her for as far back as she could remember. His joy had carried her forward since she was little. Her days had a beautiful, buoyant value to them no matter how difficult the times, whether fighting lack or accepting exhaustion from hard work. But now…He'd revealed the truth. Her days weren't hers at all. Her joy could be stolen for all time. Confusion and grief had overtaken all her familiar emotions, all the ones that made her feel like herself and understand what she needed to do.

Her Daed grimaced, but it was the best he could do for a smile. She released Rudy's hand, and Daed engulfed her in a hug. He held her tight, trembling, but he said nothing. She longed for magic words that would comfort him, but she had none, not today.

A door on each side of the car opened, and her Daed stepped back and returned to the doorway of the café.

Ariana had put off the inevitable for as long as she could—meeting Nicholas Jenkins and Brandi Nash. They didn't feel like parents. They felt like thieves.

The man walked toward the back of the car. He stared at her. Was he swimming in that same pool of disbelief and dislike as she and her family were? He was about her Daed's age, inches shorter and not nearly as robust. Unlike her Daed's thin, silky blond hair, his hair was dark and thick and edged with silver. He lifted his hand halfway to her, as if to offer it for her to shake, but he lowered it and gave a nod. “Hi.”

Ariana pursed her lips, hoping the tears stayed at bay. She nodded but not a single syllable would leave her mouth.

A woman came around the other side of the vehicle. She didn't look much older than Ariana's eldest sister. She had white-blond hair like Ariana, and she was thin. Her white pants followed the shape of her body, but they stopped just below the knee, and she had on sparkly pink sandals that matched her lacy, beaded shirt and the nail polish on her toes and fingers. She gave Ariana the once-over, her eyes moving up and down her. Clearly she didn't want this
new truth
to be real any more than Ariana did.

She gestured to the man. “This is Nicholas, your dad, and I'm Brandi, your…well, you know.” Brandi held out her hand, and the gold charms on her wrist jingled.

Ariana tried to respond, but her hands dangled at her side, unwilling to move. Brandi reached out and lifted Ariana's hand and held it, looking at it with an obscure expression. She turned her hand palm up. “You're used to hard work.”

What made Brandi say that? But Ariana nodded. Brandi smiled, and Ariana realized how very weary she was of seeing forced smiles. And of giving them.

Brandi squeezed her hand before releasing it. “You ready?”

No. Never. Not if she had a lifetime to prepare. But Ariana held her tongue and nodded. She turned to Rudy. This was it. He would go home to Indiana to work for his Daed. He would live with his family and save every penny. It was his way of coping—to halfway convince himself that his girl was no farther away than the Brenneman home while he was busy working twelve-hour days to earn money for their future.

She cupped his face. “I'm yours, Rudy, for now and forever.”

He leaned in until her lips were on his. He kissed her as if he never wanted to let go of her. She would remember the warmth of his kiss, the gentle strength of his arms around her. Every sense of propriety she'd been taught about public displays of affection seemed to fade into nothingness. What did
that
matter? They were going to be separated for a year. He released his embrace and took her by the hand again.

He gestured at the sidewalk and the café, his eyes boring into hers. “I'll be right here…when you return.” But before he finished the sentence, he lowered his eyes, and her heart skipped and ached in protest. Was he unsure of being here for her?

Maybe he feared that the café would be lost, fold up in failure, between now and then. But their time was up. She had to go, and all conversations would have to wait…a year.

Brandi held open the front passenger's door. “Would you like to ride up front?”

Ariana shook her head. “Nee, denki.” Embarrassment burned through her. She hadn't meant to use her first language, but she let it rest and climbed into the car. Her family stood at the storefront windows of the café, watching and staying inside as she'd asked. She waved, forcing another detestable smile. Her eyes brimmed with tears.

Nicholas started the car, and shrill beeps assaulted her nerves. The beeps ended, and music, with unfamiliar sounds and pulses, sprang up from nowhere.

Abram came out of the café, and the others followed. He waved, holding one thumb up, assuring her she could do this. Her family stood on the sidewalk, waving, looking as lost and confused as she felt. She waved until their sweet faces disappeared.

Willing the tears to stop, she wiped her face. A teardrop crystal prism hung from the rearview mirror as did peacock feathers on a circular thing with threads woven inside it. Cigarettes were on the dashboard. The lyrics coming through the radio spoke of guys drinking at bars and going home with a pretty girl. It only added to her nausea.

Nicholas looked at her in his rearview mirror. He turned off the radio. “I know this is hard, although I can't really imagine what it must feel like.”

She drew a deep breath. “I'm fine. Denki…thank you.”

“You speak a different language than Englisch? I may have read about that, but it didn't click.”

Didn't click? What did that mean?

She fought to find her voice. “Ya, two actually—Pennsylvania Dutch and High German.”

“Can you read and write in them?”

Was this what life would be now—useless, empty conversations with people she didn't know? “Some.” She was used to talks with people she'd known her whole life, people related to people who'd known her relatives for hundreds of years…except that wasn't true, was it? None of the people for generations back knew her family as she'd thought.

God, help. I feel as if this heartache should kill me, but I'm still here. What should I do?

Brandi turned to face her. “Maybe you could teach me…us some of your language.”

Teach them, Ari.

The quiet voice inside her was undeniable. But what did she know? They were the overeducated ones. She knew of farms, baking, and babies. Then as if God was illuminating her mind for a moment, she knew she had a new mission. Quill told her she would find someone to help.

This situation was more important than a lone Amish girl having her life interrupted. It was eternal.

She knew God. His peace and joy. His ways, which were on the narrow path not the wide one. Nicholas and Brandi might not want her any more than she wanted them, but maybe they needed her. Ariana knew High German because it was spoken at every church meeting, and it was the language of the Bible tucked away in her suitcase. Brandi wanted to learn some of the language. The ache inside Ariana eased a bit, and she smiled to herself—a real smile, finally a real smile.

This inside-out life had a purpose. Nicholas wanted it to be about scrubbing the Amish off Ariana. Maybe Brandi hoped for that too.

But God had different plans. That's all she knew right now, all she needed to know.

Ariana relaxed against the car seat. She was safe, and she was with family.

What God needed of her next would unfold, and she would be ready.