Time for Silence (32 page)

My father nodded his head gravely. “Robert has always struck me as a survivor, in his calm, quiet way,” he said.

I could not bear to think of Robert’s being in danger and my father changed the subject quickly. He said, “By the way…you haven’t seen anything…?”

I knew what he meant and replied, “No, and I can’t imagine who could possibly get in there.”

“I think it is certain that someone has been in there.”

“When?”

“Within the last few days.”

“I have been watchful.”

“You can’t be everywhere at once. The essence of this is secrecy. You must not let anyone see you are on the alert. I don’t like that key being in Mrs. Cherry’s possession. Not that I suspect her. But of course she doesn’t realize the importance of that key, and I can’t tell her. It’s a pity the room has to be cleaned.”

“I wonder if I could get the key?”

“How?”

“I mean, ask Mrs. Cherry to give it to me. Suppose I offered to clean the room?”

“Wouldn’t that be rather unusual?”

“Well, everything about it is unusual. Your study’s having to be kept locked, for one thing…no one but Mrs. Cherry having the key. I don’t see why I shouldn’t clean the room. If I had the key we could be sure no one could get in.”

“I think it would arouse too much suspicion if you asked Mrs. Cherry for it.”

“I’ll think of something.”

“Lucinda, be careful. You do realize how important this is, and if there is someone in this household…someone who is working for the enemy…well, such people could be dangerous.”

“I do know, but I am sure I can make it all seem natural.”

“I certainly don’t like the idea of there being a key that is not in my possession. I don’t like the thought of Mrs. Cherry’s going in. While she is working, the door will be open. She could be called away suddenly….I am certain that someone is getting into that room.”

“Well, I am going to find out, and the first step is to get the key, without which no one can get into the room, unless they come through the window, which is always locked; and as the room is on the second floor, an intruder would need the agility of a cat to get in. There’s not so much for me to do here as there was at Marchlands. Walk in the park…and play with Edward. I really don’t see why I should not clean that room. After all, there are not many servants in the house now. I could make that excuse. Leave it to me. I’ll get the key and that will set our minds at rest on that score.”

It was not so difficult to manage. I had always been on good terms with Mrs. Cherry, and Edward had made a special bond between us. She had thought the story of my bringing him from France was very “beautiful.” It was heartwarming, she said, like something in a novelette.

“Some would have left him behind. I mean to say…a young girl bringing home a baby like that. Well, of course, there was Mrs. Greenham. She’d never turn anyone away from her door, let alone a little baby. So I reckon it’s a beautiful story. And there he is, the little mite, as cocky as they come. What would have happened to him if he’d been left to those terrible Germans?”

She had always been fond of my mother, and now I had become almost a war heroine in her eyes, so I was on especially good terms with her.

I began by asking her for the key to my father’s study as there were some papers he wanted me to look out for him.

“Oh, that key,” she said. “It worries me a bit. Your father says I am never to let it out of my sight.”

“And you don’t, do you? It is just because he doesn’t want his papers moved about, you know.”

“I never touch papers. Besides, I thought they were all locked away.”

“Oh, yes, they are, I believe. But let me have the key.”

“I’ll get it for you.”

“Where do you keep it?”

“In the dresser drawer…right at the back of the cloths and things. It’s well hidden away there.”

She went to the drawer and produced the key, which I took from her.

“Mrs. Cherry, shall I keep the key?”

“Well, there’s times when I have to go in to clean.”

“You could ask me for it then, and I’d come and help you with the room.”

“
You
, Miss Lucinda!”

“I used to do all sorts of things at Marchlands. The hospital, you know. There’s not much for me to do here. I’d enjoy it. We could have a little chat while we worked.”

“Well, miss, I don’t right know what to say. Your father did tell me…”

“I’ll explain everything to him. I’ll keep the key and when you want it…just let me know.”

“Well, if that’s all right with you…”

“I think it will be. Let’s try it, shall we? I don’t like having too little to do.”

I put the key in my pocket. I thought, I shall always keep it with me. I went to my room telling myself I had managed that rather cleverly.

Alone in my room, I took out the key and looked at it. Things could fall out of pockets. I found a strong gold chain and hung it around my neck, tucking it down the bodice of my dress. There it would be safe.

When I told my father what I had done, he was clearly pleased.

“I shall feel much happier now,” he said. “And if anything else happens, we shall have to consider whether someone has a key to the room besides ourselves.”

“How could anyone come by that?”

“If they had stolen it from Mrs. Cherry, they might have had another made.”

“Wouldn’t they have to keep it some time to do that?”

“Not very long, I suppose.”

“She would have missed it. She was certainly worried about having it and was glad to pass it over to me. I shall see that no one goes into that room without my knowing.”

“It’s a comfort to have you here, Lucinda.”

I was susceptible to every sound in the house. I was sleeping lightly. Often a creaking floorboard would awaken me. I would imagine I heard someone creeping down the stairs…the sound of a key in a lock. Then I would feel for the key which I kept around my neck, even in bed. I realized that I was oversensitive. But there was a night when I thought I heard noises. I put on my dressing gown and went down to the study. I turned the door handle. The door was locked. I stood there listening.

Then someone called. “Oh…it’s you, Lucinda.”

I looked up. Andrée was leaning over the banisters.

“Is everything all right?” she asked.

“Yes. I thought I heard someone down here.”

“False alarm?” said Andrée.

“I’m sorry I disturbed you.”

“I’m a light sleeper…particularly since I’ve been looking after Edward. The least sound and I’m awake….”

“I must be the same. It’s chilly here. We mustn’t get chilled. Good night.”

I went into my room and shut the door. How foolish I was! Yet, on the other hand, if someone had been there, I should have caught him…or her. I had to be on the alert.

Spring would soon be with us. There was a certain hope in the air. We were forcing the enemy back with some success. The battle for the Somme had started and the fighting was fierce. Robert was constantly in my thoughts and I was tortured by speculations of what was happening out there. There was not much news, but the German successes which had occurred in the beginning were definitely halted. People were saying that we were winning the war of the U-boats and it would not be long before we were triumphant on land.

Frequently I saw Annabelinda. I had been to look at two houses with her. I told her I did not know why she wanted my opinion, because she never took any notice of it. She retorted that she knew exactly what she was looking for. It had to be something more splendid and grand than anything anyone else could have. I told her she would never find perfection, but she believed she would. However, I did find looking at houses a fascinating experience. I liked to explore the rooms, imagining all the people who had lived in them, while she was calculating how impressive those rooms could be made to look.

One day at the beginning of April she came to the house and I could see that she was not her usual exuberant self.

At last we were alone in my room and she burst out, “Lucinda, I’m worried.”

“I thought something was wrong.”

“Is it so obvious?”

“To me…yes. But then I know you so well.”

“I’ve had a note,” she said.

“A note? From whom?”

“From Carl.”

“You mean,
Carl?
…Carl Zimmerman?”

She nodded.

“And it has upset you, of course.”

“He wants to see me.”

“You won’t see him, will you?”

“It’s difficult.”

“Why? And what is he doing in England?”

“He was attached to the Swiss Embassy.”

“But I thought he’d gone from there and that was why he was able to work as a gardener at
La Pinière
.”

“He must have sorted that out. Anyway, he’s in England.”

“How did he get here?”

“I expect he is back in the embassy.”

“What does he want?”

“To see me.”

“Does he know…about Edward?”

“How could he?”

“He is his father. Perhaps it is about Edward that he wants to see you.”

I felt alarmed. What if he wanted to take Edward away?

“He wants to see
me
,” she said. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Why don’t you tell Marcus?”

“Tell Marcus!”

“Why don’t you tell him everything?”

“How could I?”

“Just tell him…that’s all.”

“How ridiculous! Of course I couldn’t tell him.”

“Then what are you going to do?”

“I don’t want to see Carl. I don’t want ever to see him again.”

“Well, don’t answer the note.”

“But he knows the address. Though how he got it, I can’t imagine. He’ll write again.”

“Then write and tell him you can’t see him.”

“Well…”

“Well what?”

“That note he wrote…it doesn’t sound as though he will take no for an answer.”

“As long as he doesn’t know he has a son…”

“You would bring that up!”

“It’s rather a salient point, isn’t it? It’s the only thing you need worry about. If he doesn’t know about Edward, all you have to say is, I don’t want to see you again. I’m a happily married woman, no longer a romantic schoolgirl. Good-bye.’ ”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“Other people’s problems always seem simpler than one’s own. But it does seem a clear case to me. All you have to do is tell him you don’t want to see him.”

“It’s the way he writes. It’s almost like a threat. I’ve got to go and see him. I think he is still in love with me.”

“It might be blackmail.”

“What do you mean?”

“He may be desperate. What was he doing working as a gardener? Really, Annabelinda, the best thing you can do is tell Marcus everything. Then you will have nothing to fear.”

“How could I tell him!”

“I’m sure he would understand.” I thought of Miss Emma Johns and Janet. How could he judge Annabelinda harshly because she had taken a lover before marriage? He was, of course, what is called a man of the world. I guessed his emotions had not been deeply involved with Janet. So…surely he would understand.

“And then,” she went on, “what about Edward? Isn’t this awful bad luck? All this to come up now I am so happy, and everything is going perfectly.”

“One’s actions do have an effect on one’s life and one cannot be sure that the consequences will make themselves felt only at convenient moments.”

“Stop moralizing! What am I going to do?”

“If you are asking my advice, I would say go to him and explain. If he makes a nuisance of himself, then there is only one thing to be done, and that is tell Marcus.”

“It’s not only Marcus…it’s his family. Just suppose Carl went to them.”

“How would he know about them?”

“How did he know my address? Oh, it was all so wonderful…and now this.”

“Go and see him, Annabelinda. Explain that you are now happily married. He can’t possibly know that there was a child.”

“You’ve never betrayed me, Lucinda.”

“Of course I haven’t.”

“You might have done…” She looked at me tearfully and flung herself at me. “Oh, you are a good friend, Lucinda, and I’m not always good to you. Why do you put up with me?”

I heard myself laugh. “I don’t rightly know,” I said. “But you are Annabelinda, the intimate and tormentor of my youth. I’d always do what I could to help.”

“I don’t deserve it, Lucinda. I really don’t.”

Such an admission really disturbed me. Poor Annabelinda! I had rarely seen her so frightened. The only other time was when I had told her I knew about her indiscretion and Edward’s birth.

I truly wished that I could help her, but there was nothing I could do but advise her, and who could say that my advice was any use?

“Do go and see Carl Zimmerman,” I said. “Explain how you are placed now. Tell him it is finished between you, and say good-bye. If he’s a decent, honorable man, he’ll disappear and won’t bother you again.”

“All right, Lucinda. I’ll do that. I’ll go and tell him.”

I heard nothing from her for several days, and I was growing anxious.

I called at the house.

The parlormaid said that Mrs. Merrivale was resting and asked if she should tell her that I was calling.

I was amazed when the maid returned and told me that Mrs. Merrivale had a headache and was sorry she could not see even me. She would be in touch with me and she was sure that she would have recovered by the next day.

I guessed something was very wrong. It was unlike Annabelinda not to want to talk about her troubles, so I guessed she was very worried indeed.

I returned to the house. Andrée was sitting in the garden with Edward. The London garden was a square patio at the back of the house in which a few flowering shrubs were now beginning to show signs of spring blossoms.

Edward was reading aloud to Andrée in a halting fashion.

“Hello,” said Andrée. “How is Mrs. Merrivale?”

“How did you know I was going to see her?”

“You said you were.”

“Oh, did I? I didn’t see her actually. She isn’t well.”

Andrée smiled. “Do you think…?” She nodded toward Edward.

Pregnant? I thought. It was a possibility, but I thought it was more likely something to do with Carl Zimmerman.