Times and Seasons (20 page)

Thursday
morning Cathy woke to the sound of voices in her backyard, loud hammering, and a drill that sounded as if it were boring right through her bedroom wall. She leaped out of bed and ran for her robe, pulled it on, and dashed to the window. She bent the blinds down and peered out. The yard was full of workers.

“What is
this!
” she shouted. “I
told
them!” She rushed out of her room to the back door and stepped barefoot out into the yard.

“What are you doing?” she shouted. No one seemed to pay much attention to her. “Excuse me!” she yelled, clutching her robe tight. “Where is Mr. Barksdale?”

“He ain’t here,” one of the workers said. “He’s over at another site.”

“No! This is not acceptable!” she cried. “I want everybody to stop what they’re doing. Just freeze, okay?”

Most of them stopped their work and looked up at her, but a drill continued to clatter. She looked around, following the
sound. The worker who ignored her wore headphones. He was drilling into the bricks on the back of her house.

She ran barefoot across the yard and pulled his headphones off. The grinding stopped, and he looked startled. “I told him we weren’t going to build yet! I told him we wanted to postpone it! My fiancé spoke to him and told him!” She turned back to the crowd of men gaping at her. “Hold it right here. Don’t hammer one more nail. Don’t chip off one more brick. I’m going into the house to make some phone calls.”

She bolted back inside and dialed Steve’s number. He sounded too perky for six-thirty.

“Hello?”

“Steve,
they’re here!
”

“Who’s here?”

“The workers,” she said. “They’re banging holes in my house, breaking down the bricks, digging up the yard.”

“Oh, no,” he said.

“You said you would take care of it!”

“I did take care of it,” he said. “Barksdale told me he’d check his schedule to see if he could shift us around. He never got back to me, so I assumed that he had.”

“But I didn’t want to be shifted around. I wanted to cancel it until we were ready.”

“But if we cancel, we’ll lose the money. Cathy, I borrowed money for this. I was trying to find a way to keep from forfeiting it.”

“Do you mean to tell me that I have no choice in this? They’re going to start tearing up my house whether I want them to or not? We’re broken up! I gave the ring back.”

“But I don’t plan to keep it,” Steve said. “I was waiting for the right time to put it back on your finger.”

“What were you going to do? Drug me and make me set a date?”

“Maybe.” She could hear the smile in his voice. “Something like that. So I was thinking it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if they went ahead and got started.”

“
Steve!
” she shouted. “You tricked me.”

“No. It’s not a trick, Cathy,” he said. “And if, for some reason, things don’t happen, and you meet Mr. Casanova and decide to dump me—”

“Does Mr. Casanova have a contractor?”

He laughed, then quickly cleared his throat. “Cathy, I’m paying for the renovation, and if for some reason you refuse to marry me, you’ll have a nice house that’s worth a lot more than it was when we started. If you think about it, I’m the one who might get taken here.”

“Right,” she said. “This is all my clever ploy to get a bigger house.”

He laughed again.

“Steve, it’s not funny. I don’t want contractors here. I have too much going on.”

“Just ignore them. Act like they’re not there.”

“But I can’t. They’re digging up my backyard and banging down my walls.”

“They’re not banging down the walls,” he said. “They’re just taking off the bricks. They’re not going to make doors into the house until they’ve almost finished everything else. We talked about that.”

She let out a frustrated scream.

“Mom, what’s going on?”

Rick was standing, groggy-eyed, in the doorway to the den.

She put her hand over the receiver. “My life is out of control,” she said. “That’s what’s going on!”

“What time do you go to work?” Steve asked.

She looked at the clock. “Well, I have to be there at eight.”

“Fine. Just put on some headphones or something, turn the hair dryer on, do anything you can to get your mind off the men in the backyard. They’ll be gone before you get home from work today. They get started early so they can knock off early and miss the hottest part of the day. You can pretend they were never there.”

She opened her mouth to give him a retort, but nothing came out.

“I love you,” he dared say.

She wanted to break something.

“Cathy, I know you’re under a lot of stress right now, and I promise to make this as easy as we can. Most of the mess will be in the backyard, and except for early mornings, I really think they’ll stay out of your way.”

“Do I have a choice?” Cathy asked, falling back onto the couch.

“Of course you do. You could call it all off and let me eat that fifty-thousand-dollar loan. Hey, it’s only money.”

She threw a cushion off of the couch, then kicked it. A horrible noise erupted in the yard, making it impossible for her to hear. “I can’t hear you!” she shouted. “I’ll call you back later.”

She hung up the phone and let out a frustrated yell again. The noise stopped before her voice did.

“Mom?” Now it was Annie, standing in her gown.

“Go back to bed,” she said. “They’re just destroying our house. Don’t worry about it.”

“You’re letting them?”

“Unless you have fifty thousand dollars on you.” She flung the cushion again, then started back to her room. “I have to get ready for work.”

Cathy
heard from her children a dozen times that day, complaining about how the workers sounded as if they were tearing the house down, how they were digging up the yard and blocking the driveway with their trucks. Each time, Cathy told them to call Steve at work and let him handle it.

A sense of dread crept over her as she doctored the animals that came to her for attention. She had postponed the wedding because of Mark—or had she? Was it really Mark’s situation, or was it a much broader fear? If Mark could bring this much stress on them, she couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be married and still dealing with the frustrations of smart-mouthed kids and attorney bills.

The thought that she would have so much responsibility for Tracy, a child at the very age where she had probably started making the most mistakes with her own children, frightened her to death. The constant comparisons that she knew were inevitable for Steve frightened her even more. How would the love she and Steve had for each other endure such hard times?

Then again…

It would be nice to have a partner in life, someone who had a stake in what happened, someone who could grieve with her and for her, someone on whose shoulder she could cry. And Steve was more than that. He was someone who made her laugh and brought joy back into her life.

The thought of losing Steve frightened her even more than the thought of marrying him. If he gave up and went his own way, she doubted that she would ever get over it. Yes, she was strong. Yes, she had been through grief before and come out on the other end. But she didn’t want to do it again—not alone.

She went into her office and pulled out the file that held the blueprint they’d made of the addition on to her home. It would be a beautiful home when they were finished. Steve had thought of everything.

This would be the first time she’d have a master bedroom with bookshelves. She’d always wanted that. And their bathroom would border on luxurious. They needed that family room, especially with four kids and all their friends coming and going in the house. Even when all the kids had left home, the family room would come in handy for grandchildren and visits back home.

The thought that she had a future like that and someone to share it with filled her with warmth. Maybe it was a good thing the builders had gone ahead. Maybe God was intervening with her postponement, telling her that it wasn’t necessary.

Yet how could she get married when Mark was behind bars?

She decided not to deal with any of it today. She would wait until she got home and see what happened. Maybe this was a good thing. She would try to hang on to that thought.

Pulling into her driveway that afternoon, Cathy saw that the trucks were all gone, just as Steve had promised. Some supplies had been left behind, but at least they were all stacked in a pile on the side of the house. That was probably as good as she could expect.

She went into the house and put her things down. Annie was sitting in front of the television. “They finally left, Mom. But you should see what they did to the backyard.”

She closed her eyes. “Should I even look, or should I just pretend I don’t know anything about it?”

“I think you should look,” she said.

Cathy headed to the backyard. At first sight, she was torn between feeling a thrill that her house was going to turn into something wonderful, and a little kernel of dread that this was going to get worse before it got better. In the early stages of drawing up the plans, she had asked the architect for things she had never thought she could have. With two incomes, there would be room in her life for a few luxuries…and more contributions to Sylvia.

She looked at the lumber stacked at the side of the yard and the other supplies that would soon be made into part of her home.

She was surprised to see Rick at the edge of the yard, squatting in the dirt where she had spent last spring planting a garden on her weekends. Her heart sank again as she saw what had been done to it.

“They dug up my flowers,” she said.

“Sure did, Mom.” Annie was behind her, egging her on.

Rick looked up at her. “I was thinking of maybe putting them in some pots before you got home. I didn’t want you to go crazy.”

“Good idea,” she said. “Maybe it’s not too late. Are they dead?”

“No, they still look alive and kicking,” he said.

“Come on, Annie,” she said. “There’s some potting soil in the storage room. Drag it around here and get some pots.”

As they worked together to get the flowers into pots, she realized that no real harm had been done. The workers had been more respectful of her property than they had been of her schedule.

“So, Mom, I was thinking,” Annie said. “About this college thing…”

Cathy gave her a warning look. “Annie, you’re going to college.”

“But Mom,” Annie said. “I told you, I can’t stand the thought.”

“Then get a full-time job that will support you,” she said again. “Annie, education matters. You can’t do anything in life unless you’re educated for it. It’s worth the hard work.”

“I know,” Annie said, “but my problem is that I don’t know what I want to do, okay? I don’t have a clue. And I don’t want to just float through college like Rick’s doing, taking all those classes that don’t mean a thing to me.”

“Hey, I’m not doing that,” Rick said. “I’m about to declare a major.”

“Yeah? Well, what is it?” Annie challenged.

Rick shrugged. “I’m going to come up with it by the end of summer, okay? Get off my back.”

“That’s just my point,” Annie said. “Why should I go spend all this money at college and take all these classes and keep studying for four more years when I don’t even know what I want to do?”

“Annie, I’m not going to let you skip college,” Cathy said. “I told you how it’s going to be.”

“Well, I had another thought,” she said. She abandoned the pot she was working on and sat back on her bottom, not even heeding the dirt stains that she was going to have to deal with later. “Mom, listen to me,” she said. “I have a plan. A really great idea.”

Cathy looked up at her and braced herself. “Okay, shoot.”

“Well, you know those pictures of those kids that Sylvia’s working with? You know, they really moved me. The truth is that Sylvia needs help from
people
, I mean, another pair of hands, more than she does money.”

“She needs both,” Cathy said.

“Well, I was just thinking about what I’d be giving if I went to college. I mean, what I’d really be accomplishing, especially since I don’t know what I want to do yet. And I was thinking that maybe if I went to Nicaragua…”

“Wait a minute,” Cathy said. She got to her feet and dusted off her hands and rump. “Annie, if you’re going to start asking me to send you to Nicaragua on some glorified vacation, I’m
just as sorry as I can be. I don’t have the money for it, and I don’t have the patience to talk about it.”

“No, wait,” Annie said. “I don’t want to go on a vacation. I’m not interested in seeing the landscape. Oh, I mean it’ll be cool and all, but that’s not it.”

“Then what do you want, Annie?”

“I want to help those children.”

Rick started to laugh. “Here it comes.”

“Shut up!” Annie said. “I’m serious.”

Rick snorted.

“Mom, that little boy, Miguel. The way his eyes came to life after they’d been feeding him…it really surprised me and made me think. It takes so little to meet somebody’s needs.”

“But it’s not just about meeting their physical needs, Annie. It’s about meeting their spiritual ones.”

“I know, Mom. But I want to help with both.”

She had never heard Annie talking this way before, and something inside her stirred in gratitude. She gazed in surprise at her daughter. “Annie, are you serious?”

“Mom, I was thinking that if I could just lay out of school for one year and go over there and help Sylvia with the orphans and the children who need to be fed, the hundred dollars I was going to give to help her buy food could help pay for sending me. And don’t worry, Mom. I know I’d have to raise my own support, buy my own airline tickets, get over there myself.”

“Annie, have you really given this any serious thought?”

“Yes,” she said, “ever since I started looking at those pictures. I thought how bad I want to go over there and pick those children up and hold them and work with them.”

Cathy looked at Rick. He was leaning against the fence, his mouth stretched into a huge grin as if he couldn’t believe his ears. “Annie, a missionary? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Hush, Rick,” Cathy said. “She sounds serious about this.”

“I am serious, Mom,” Annie said. “Why would I make this up? Most kids are anxious to go off to college. You know me. I love the social part of school, and I love camp and I love being
with the youth group and I love hanging out with my friends. That’s part of what college is all about. But I don’t want it.”

“I know, Annie, and I really don’t understand it.”

“Well, maybe this is why. Maybe God wanted me to do something else this year. And then when I come back, I can go to college, and by then maybe I’ll know what I want to do. It’ll give me time to think, and time to get out of Cedar Circle where everything’s nice and pat. I can get over there and actually help people. I don’t think I’ve ever helped anybody before, Mom.”

“But, Annie, for you to really be able to help people the way they need to be helped, you have to have a certain spiritual maturity. I’m not sure you’ve really grown into that yet.”

“Mom, how am I going to if I never stretch? Let me go.”

Cathy sat back down in the dirt and realized that tears were stinging her eyes. “Annie, I’m not ready to send you halfway across the world on a whim.”

“It’s not a whim, Mom.”

“She’s gone insane,” Rick said. “It won’t last a week.”

“It will, too,” Annie said. “Shut up, Rick. If I get over there, I can’t afford to come back until it’s time.”

Rick chuckled and went back to his potting. “Let her go, Mom. It’s about time she got out of my hair. And then you could just give Tracy her room and not worry about fixing up yours.”

“No!” Annie said. “I’d be back. It’s still my room.”

“Of course, we’d keep it, Annie,” Cathy said.

“Then you’re going to let me go?”

She felt broadsided, unprepared. “Annie, I have to think about this. It needs a lot of prayer.”

“Well, we have time before school starts, Mom. I don’t have to go right now. I can go whenever Sylvia thinks it’s best.”

“That’s another thing,” Cathy said. “I’ve got to talk to Sylvia. She may not want you to come.”

“Why wouldn’t she? She needs help.”

“Well, I know, but she remembers you as this teenaged kid floating around from social event to social event. She might not actually believe that your heart is right in this.”

“Mom, let me talk to her,” she said. “I can convince her. When I raise the support, she’ll know I’m serious.”

“And how are you going to do that, Annie?”

“I’ve got lots of plans,” she said. “I’ve learned a lot from you. When you fought with the school board, and last year when you collected clothes for the clothing drive. I know how it works, Mom. I’m willing to go door-to-door if I have to and ask people to sponsor me. Trust me. If I can’t raise the money, then it’s not meant to be.”

“You’ll understand that?” Cathy asked. “You’ll believe it?”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Because I’m not willing to spend your college money on this. I’m not giving up on that.”

“That’s fine, Mom. I promise, I’ll come up with the money. And if I don’t, I won’t go.” She laced her hands together. “Just say you’ll talk to Miss Sylvia.”

“I will. And I have to talk to Steve.”

“Why Steve?”

“Because,” Cathy said, “my future’s tied up with his, even if we’ve postponed things.”

“It doesn’t look like you’ve postponed it much,” Rick said, looking around.

“No, it doesn’t.” She sighed and dug into the dirt. “All I do know is that I want to spend the rest of my life with Steve. You and Annie, you’ll be out of here before I know it, wherever you decide to go. And Mark, well, he’s where he is. Steve is for me. He’s mine. He’s someone that I believe God sent me to make my life more complete. And I want to consult him about things going on in my life.”

“Fine,” Annie said. “Consult him. I think he’ll probably be glad to get rid of me. Two down, one to go, if you can ever get Rick to move out.”

“
Hey!
” Rick said, no longer amused. “I’m leaving in August.”

“I know the time is coming,” Cathy said, “and I know God has a plan in both of your lives. I don’t want to cling. But I’ve got
to know it’s right, Annie. I’ve got to consult God and make sure it’s his plan and not yours.”

“Okay, Mom,” she said. “Just know that I’m praying, too, and my prayers might cancel out yours.”

“Thank goodness it doesn’t work that way.” She touched Annie’s face with her dirty hand. “I’m very proud of you, Annie, for even considering this. Even if I don’t let you go.”

Rick stepped toward them but didn’t commit by touching either of them. “It is pretty cool, Annie. If you really do it.”

It was the most tender moment they’d had as a family in a very long time. Cathy only wished that Mark was here to share it.