Tipping the Velvet (22 page)

lamp was still high, and her eyes were open. I did not I said: 'You can't tell, can you, that it's a false one?'

undress, but stood with my back to the door, quite still, Now Alice sat up with the blankets gripped before her. 'You until she looked at me.

needn't look so horrified,' I said. 'I told you all, I wrote and

'I'm sorry about the hat,' she said.

told you: I've joined the act; I'm not Kitty's dresser any

'It doesn't matter.' I stepped to the chair by the fireplace, more. I'm on the stage myself, now, doing what she does.

and began to unbutton my boots.

Singing, dancing..."

'You shouldn't have spent so much,' she went on.

She said, 'You never wrote it like it was really true. If it was I pulled a face: 'I wish I hadn't.' I stepped out of the shoes, true we would have heard! I don't believe you.'

kicked them to one side, and started on the hooks of my

'I don't care whether you believe me or not.'

dress. She had closed her eyes, and seemed disinclined to She shook her head. 'Singing,' she said. 'Dancing. That's a say anything else. I slowed my hand, and looked at her.

tart's life. You couldn't. You wouldn't. ..'

'Your letter,' I said, 'was horrible.'

I said, 'I do"; and just to show her that I meant it, I lifted my I don't want to talk about any of that,' she answered quickly, nightie and did a little shuffle across the rug.

turning away. 'I told you what I think. I haven't changed.'

The dance seemed, like the hair, to frighten her. When she

'Neither have I.' I tugged harder at the hooks and stepped spoke next it was with a show of bitterness - but her voice free of the dress, then slung it over the back of the chair. I was thick with rising tears. 'I suppose you lift your skirts felt peevish and not at all tired. I went to one of my bags like that, do you? and show your legs, on stage, for all the and got out a cigarette, and when I struck the match to light world to look at!'

it Alice raised her head. I shrugged: 'Another nasty little

'My skirts?' I laughed. 'Good heavens, Alice, I don't wear habit Kitty taught me.' I sounded just like some hard-faced skirts! I didn't get my hair cut off to wear a frock. It's bitch of a ballet-girl.

trousers I wear: I wear gentlemen's suits -!'

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'Oh!' Now she had begun to cry. 'What a thing to do! What I got up, put my coat over my shoulders, and smoked a thing to do, in front of strangers!'

another cigarette. Alice did not stir.

I said. 'You thought it good enough when Kitty did it.'

I squinted at my watch: half-past eleven. I wondered, again,

'Nothing she did was ever good! She took you off, and has what Kitty was doing; and sent a mental message through made you strange. I don't know you at all. I wish you'd the night, to Stamford Hill, to make her pause - whatever never gone with her - or never come back!'

her business was just then - and remember to think of me, She lay down, pulled the blankets to her chin, and wept; in Whitstable.

and since I don't know a girl who is not moved to tears by My visit, after that poor start, was not brilliant. I had the sight of her own sister weeping, I climbed in beside her, arrived on a Sunday, and the following days, of course, and my own eyes began to sting.

were working ones. I didn't fall asleep, that first night, until But when she felt me close she gave a jerk. 'Get off me!'

very late, but the next morning I woke when Alice woke, at she cried, and wriggled away. She said it with such real half-past six, and forced myself to rise and eat my breakfast passion, such horror and grief, I could do nothing but what with the others, at the parlour-table. Then, however, I didn't she asked, and let her lie at the cold edge of the bed. Soon know whether to offer to take up my old duties in the she ceased her shaking, and fell silent; and my own eyes kitchen, with the oyster-knife - I couldn't tell whether they dried, and my face grew hard again. I reached for the lamp, would like it or expect it, or even whether I could bear to and put it out; then lay on my back and said nothing.

try it. In the end I drifted down with them and found I The bed, that had been chill, grew warmer. I began at last to wasn't needed anyway; for they had a girl, now, to sever wish that Alice would turn, and talk to me. Then I began to and beard the natives, and she was just as quick, it seemed, wish that Alice was Kitty. Then I began -I couldn't help it! -

as I had been. I stood beside her - she was rather pretty -

to think of all that I would do with her, if she was. The and made some half-hearted passes with my knife at a sudden force of my desire unnerved me. I remembered all dozen or so shells . . . But the water chilled and stung me, the times that I had lain here and pictured similar things, and soon I preferred to sit and watch - then I closed my before Kitty and I had ever even kissed. I remembered eyes and placed my head upon my arms, and listened to the when I had first slept beside her at Ginevra Road, when I hum of gossip from the restaurant, and the bubble of the was used only to sharing with my sister. Now Alice's body pans . . .

felt strange to me; it seemed queer and wrong, somehow, to hi short, I fell asleep; and only woke when Father, hurrying lie so close to someone and not kiss and stroke them .. .

by me, stumbled over my skirts and spilled a pot of liquor.

I thought suddenly, Suppose I fall asleep, forget that she Then it was suggested that I go upstairs - out of their way, isn't Kitty, and put a hand upon her, or a leg —?

they meant. And so I passed the afternoon alone, alternately nodding over the Illustrated Police News and pacing the 185

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parlour to keep myself awake - and wondering, frankly, He shrugged. 'I knew she'd never marry me or nothing like why I had come home at all.

that. But I do miss her; and she was a lovely looker -

The next day, if anything, was worse. Mother said straight though not quite as lovely, if you don't mind my saying so, out that I must not think of spoiling my dress and hurting as her sister has gone and turned out..."

my hands by trying to help them in the kitchen; that I was I didn't mind, for I knew that he was only flirting - indeed, here to have a holiday, not to work. I had read the Police it was rather pleasant to be flirted with by an old beau of News from cover to cover: all there was now was Father's Alice's. Instead I asked him about the hall - about how it Fish Trades Gazette, and I couldn't bear the thought of a did, who he had had there, what they had sung. At the end day upstairs with that. I put my travelling-dress back on and of it he picked up a pen that lay on his desk, and began to went out walking; I started out so early that by ten o'clock I fiddle with it.

had strolled as far as Seasalter and back. At last, desperate

'And when are we to have Miss Butler back again?' he for some amusement, I took the train to Canterbury - and asked. 'I gather you and she've teamed up properly now.' I while my parents and sister laboured in the oyster-house, I stared, then felt my cheeks grow red; but he only meant, of passed the day as a tourist, wandering about the cloisters of course, the act: 'I hear you're working the halls together; a cathedral which, in all the years that I had lived so near to and are quite a pair, by all accounts.'

it, I'd never cared to visit.

Now I smiled. 'How did you find that out? I am very quiet But on the way back to the station I passed before the about it with my family.'

Palace. It looked very different to me, now that I had an eye

'I read the Era, don't I? "Kitty Butler and Nan King". I for halls; and when I stepped up to the posters to look at the know a stage-name when I see one ..."

bill, I saw that all the acts were rather second-rate. The I laughed, 'Oh, isn't it funny, Tony? Isn't it just the most doors, of course, were closed, and the foyer dark; but I marvellous thing? We are in Cinderella at the minute, at the couldn't resist it, and wandered round to the stage door and Brit. Kitty's the Prince, and I'm Dandini. I have to speak, asked for Tony Reeves.

sing, dance, slap my thigh, the works, in velvet breeches.

I had my hat and veil on: when he saw me, he didn't And the crowd go mad for it!'

recognise me. When he knew me at last, however, he He smiled at my pleasure - it was lovely to be allowed to be smiled and kissed my hand.

pleased with myself, at last! - then shook his head. 'Your

'Nancy! What a treat!' He, at least, had not changed at all.

folks, from what I've heard them say, don't know the half of He led me to his office and sat me down. I said I was here it. Why don't you have them up to see you on the stage?

on a visit, and had been sent out to keep myself amused. I Why the big secret?'

said, too, that I was sorry to hear about him and Alice.

I shrugged, then hesitated; then, 'Alice doesn't care for Kitty

..." I said.

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'And you and Kitty: you're still in her pocket? You're still I laughed. 'It's not so far.'

struck with her like you always was?' I nodded. He sniffed.

'Far enough,' she said, 'to keep you from us for a year and a Then, she's a lucky girl. . .'

half.'

He seemed only to be flirting again; but I had the queerest

'I've been busy,' I said. 'We have been terribly busy, both of impression, too, that he knew more than he was letting on -

us.' She nodded, not much impressed: she had heard all this and didn't care a fig about it. I answered, 'I'm the lucky one,'

before, in letters.

and held his gaze.

'Just make sure it's not so long before you come home He tapped with his pen again upon his blotter. 'Maybe.'

again. It is very nice to get your parcels; it was very nice to Then he winked.

get those gifts; but we would rather have you, than, a I stayed at the Palace until it became rather obvious that hairbrush or a pair of boots.' I looked away, abashed; I still Tony had other business to get on with, then took my leave felt foolish when I thought about the presents. Even so, I of him. Once outside, I stood again before the foyer doors, didn't think she needed to be quite so rusty about it, quite so reluctant to resign the reek of beer and grease-paint and hard.

confront the altogether different scents of Whitstable, our Having made the decision to leave sooner, I grew impatient.

Parlour and our home. It had been good to talk of Kitty - so I packed my bags that night, and rose, next morning, even good that, seated at the supper-table later, between silent earlier than Alice. At seven, when the breakfast things were Alice and nasty Rhoda with her tiny, flashing sapphire, I cleared away, I was ready to go. I embraced them all, but missed her all the more. I was due to spend another day my parting was not so sad, nor so sweet, as it had been the with them, but now I thought I could not face it. I said, as first time I had left them; and I had no premonition of we started on our puddings, that I had changed my mind anything to come, to make it sadder. Davy was kind, and and would take the morning, rather than the evening train made me promise I would come home for his wedding, and tomorrow - that I had remembered things that I must do at said I might bring Kitty if I liked, which made me love him the theatre, that I shouldn't put off till Thursday.

all the more. Mother smiled, but her smile was tight; Alice They didn't seem surprised, though Father said it was a was so chill that, in the end, I turned my back on her. Only shame. Later, as I kissed them good-night, he cleared his Father hugged me to him as if really loath to get me go; and throat. There you are,' he said, 'back up to London in the when he said that he would miss me, I knew he meant it.

morning, and I've barely had time for a proper look at you.'

No one could be spared, this time, to walk me to the station, I smiled. 'Have you had a nice time with us, Nance?'

so I made my own way there. I didn't look at Whitstable, or

'Oh yes.'

the sea, as my train pulled away from it; I certainly did not

'And you will take care of yourself, in London?' asked think, I shan't see you again, for years and years - and if I Mother. 'It seems very far away.'

had, I am ashamed to say it would not much have troubled 189

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me. I thought only of Kitty. It was still only half-past seven; tucked roughly into his trousers, but his braces dangled, she wouldn't rise, I knew, till ten, and I planned to surprise almost to his knees. He was bending over the bowl of her - to let myself into our rooms at Stamford Hill, and water, bathing his face - that had been the lapping sound creep into her bed. The train rolled on, through Faversham that I had heard. His whiskers were dark and gleaming and Rochester. I was not impatient now. I did not need to where he had wet them.

be impatient. I merely sat and thought of her warm, It was his eye that I caught first. He gazed at me in sheer slumbering body that I would soon embrace; I imagined her surprise, his hands lifted, the water running from them into pleasure, her surprise, her rising love, at seeing me returned his sleeves; then his face gave a kind of twitch, horrible to so soon.

behold - and at the same time, from the corner of my eye, I Our house, when I gazed up at it from the street, was, as I saw Kitty twitch, too, beneath the bedclothes.

had hoped, quite dark and shuttered. I walked on tip-toe up Even then, I think, I didn't quite understand.

the steps, and eased my key into the lock. The passageway

'What's this?' I said, and laughed a little, nervously. I looked was quiet: even our landlady and her husband seemed still at Kitty, waiting for her to join in my laughter - to say, 'Oh, abed. I laid down my bags, and took off my coat. There was Nan! How funny this must look to you! It isn't how it a cloak already hanging from the hat-stand, and I squinted seems, at all.'

at it: it was Walter's. How queer, I thought, he must have But she did not even smile. She gazed at me with fearful come here yesterday, and forgotten it! - and soon, creeping eyes, and pulled the blankets higher, as if to hide her up the darkened staircase, I forgot it myself.