Tiredness Kills - A Zombie Tale
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Authors: Unknown
Tiredness Kills
By Julie Taylor
Copyright
© 2015 by Julie Taylor
All rights reserved. No part of this
publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in
any form including photo copying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical
methods without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the
case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other
non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.
I
lovingly dedicate this book to anyone who has spent any of their working life
in a customer based environment. Whether it be a fast food outlet, a retail
shop a supermarket or a coffee bar.
If
you have spent a large part of your day pointing out where the easily visible
milk, toilets, sun cream, dog food, 1 inch wood screws etc. are, then yes, this
is for you. I feel your pain brothers and sisters!
This
book is a mark of respect to anyone who has felt the icy fear of an imminent
visit from the dreaded Mystery Shopper or who have taken part in morning group
huddles where 'Upselling Challenges' have been bestowed and noncompliance dealt
with.
If
you have taken part in twee conversations of which you care not a kipper about
how little Jonny doesn't like crispy bacon or have been likened to Dick Turpin
who at least had the decency to wear a mask, whilst absorbing many angry cries
of 'How much?' and still managed a smile then you fit the description for which
this dedication has been offered. I salute you!
But
of course my husband gets a mention too as had he not constantly text me with
the loving words “You had better be writing today!” I may still be stuck on the
first chapter wondering how the heck I was going to introduce the Zombies,
which is where my son Jon and his great imagination came into play.
You
all rock!
It
was a chance meeting in a club called Paradiso in Amsterdam, where the two
students did literally bump into each other. A drink was spilled and a fight
may well have broken out had it not been for the euphoric feeling that was
still evident in both young men after having eaten cake in separate cafes along
the strip only hours before. Instead hugs and apologies were offered and the
remainder of the holiday was spent together, mainly between the Paradiso club,
the
Mellow
yellow cafe and a discreet massage parlour.
The
two men had much in common as they were both attending universities and
studying for the same ultimate goal which would satisfy each of their lusts for
chemistry.
Many
years later they would find themselves in the city of Birmingham working for
the highly acclaimed Dr White and being in the enviable position of having much
trust, and access to many different man made ingredients at their disposal.
One
of these men had become dangerously ambitious, the other one not so much, but
between them they had been working to concoct a serum that would, once
administered, have the ability to render an individual completely under
anothers
influence with no obvious tell-tale signs.
Zombiefied if you like, and could be extremely handy for use on certain people
who were very high in power perhaps.
Once
perfected this stuff could be worth its weight in gold but so far, all that had
been achieved was the capability of turning cute little white bunnies into
rabid creatures of rage who appeared to have an overwhelming need to bite.
Quite
what would happen if this serum were to ever end up being ingested by humans at
this early stage in the experiment, either of the men had not a clue!
It's close to
midnight,
and
something evil's
lurking in the dark........
Over 30 years ago,
this was how many people were introduced to the Zombie.
It was December
1983 and 12 o’clock Midnight and Michael Jackson was walking his girlfriend home
from a horror movie when suddenly from out of the graves in a nearby graveyard,
and accompanied by the funk of forty thousand years, out crawled a plague of
Zombies who then proceeded to express their despair through the medium of
dance.
Times have changed
and Zombies are no longer the entertaining funsters to be copied at weddings.
They are real, they are dangerous and they must be destroyed.
I was approached by
Scott Morris and Anthony Langston to write this book Tiredness kills. Both men
had been aware for quite a while now, of the distinct possibility of a viral
outbreak with the ability to bring Mankind to its knees, changing our world
forever. If your town hasn't yet been polluted then we are pleased for you for
now but you must prepare for it. Trust me it is on its way and it will not be
merciful. Scott and Ant want to share with you some important rules for
survival;
- Assess the
extent of the situation. - Grab anything
close that can be used as weaponry - Ignore all
cries for help from other humans. Don't even look at them. If they are
wearing blood then it is already too late.
Oh,
and Good Luck!
Scott Morris was in heaven!
As he gazed around the huge
'hangar' type building he felt his excitement bubbling up like an underground
spring!
This wasn't just any old Show
at Birmingham's NEC: this was
the
Show! The Gadget Show. And the only
thing that was almost bursting his bubble right now was a flaming wedding!
'Ant should be here!' he
mumbled to himself. 'Not flouncing around some
Medieval Castle in a Tux and Cummerbund- even if he is the Best man!' he
thought, feeling a little cheated and also a little bit
solitary, given that Ant was his soul mate
when it came to things such as this.
In his pocket he had a list; a
list that he and Ant had compiled weeks before. They both had a fairly generous
budget which unfortunately had needed to be harnessed a little after Scott had
pointed out that he would be the sole shopper/carrier here thanks to that
bloody wedding!
As he wandered around Planet
Gadget, he noticed a crowd had gathered around one of the stalls. As he got
closer, he could see why. It was in fact the first item on the list. Wolverine
claws!
The geezer on the stall was
holding a pair in the air. Scott needed to get closer to hear what was going
on, so he politely pushed his way through the crowd. No one complained. This
may have been Brum; but this was a Geek-fest!
As he arrived in the front row, he was greeted
by the 'geezer' with the words “Looks like we have an eager volunteer! Follow
me!”
Before anyone could say Holy
Bazinga
, Scott found himself in the middle of the growing
ensemble and being fitted with a fairly heavy pair of Wolverine claws.
“Now quickly make a fist with
both hands, being sure to touch the strap that's running across your palm
firmly with your fingertips!” said the geezer to Scott whilst mimicking the
instruction.
Scott did exactly as he was told and almost
passed out with delight as both of his hands turned into weapons of mass
destruction.
Okay, so the tips were
never likely to slice through metal; but you still wouldn't want to
accidentally scratch your head whilst wearing them!
Scott's delight didn't end there, as the
geezer produced two items. One was a large watermelon which was placed on a
tall stand; the other was a crudely dressed rubber doll which appeared to be
grinning rather widely in his direction.
“Go get 'em!” said the
geezer, and Scott was off like a shot. Firstly he attacked the watermelon, and
was amazed at just how easily the claws sliced through the soft pink flesh that
lay beneath the fairly robust green protective casing. The pink contents
splattered across the floor, making a few people in the audience turn away
whilst covering their mouths and retching. Next came the rubber dolly. This
wasn't quite so easy to attack because it had a face. (
Albeit
a very odd looking one).
“Pretend it's an ex-wife who
took your house!” shouted a disgruntled member of the crowd.
“Or a flesh
eatin
' mother-
fuckin
' Zombie!”
shouted another.
That was all Scott needed to
hear to put him into attack mode.
“
Arrrggghhh
!!”
he growled as he quickly pounced towards the doll.
With lightning speed he raised both claws
into the air and bought them down onto the rubber zombie's head, puncturing her
immediately and altering her wide mouthed expression forever. A few twists of
his fingers left her in a shredded tattered mess. God he hated Zombies!
A few crowd members shuffled away rather
urgently.
“I'll take two pairs, thank
you!” said Scott to the geezer, his eyes gleaming with maniacal excitement.
“Keep the change!”
The other items that were purchased
that day were:
·
A rather handy
Grip strip that promised to grip almost anything to
anything, and would mean having
a hands
free- phone attachment for just about anywhere
(especially handy for the smallest room in the house).
·
A Fitbit flex
wrist band that would be simply life- changing (Scott could not wait to synch
it to his other devices).
·
A 3D pen for Ant
that quite honestly is a form of magic that needs to be seen to be believed, a
Bluetooth coffee machine which they planned to share at work, an amazing
invention which would allow them to make coffee just by tapping their phones.
·
A cardboard smart
phone projector that would make lunch times at
work more interesting- whether it be
watching kittens falling into bins or any
other crazy stuff they would find on the Interweb and project onto the
wall, a
Rollie
egg on a stick just for the novelty
value.
·
A wallet ninja.
List completed, Scott headed
for the exit. On the way out he passed a tiny food hall where an array of
pasty- looking sandwiches were parading themselves to the tune of three quid
per bite. Thank goodness he would be meeting up with Ant in an hour's time at
their local motorway service station. It may also be pricey; but at least they
offered a decent breakfast for your money, and of course that included hash
browns.
'I hope he's changed out of his Tux by now,
'thought Scott, still slightly annoyed at Ant’s desertion as he applied his
Alien on board bumper sticker and headed off in the direction of Hopwood Park
services. A cursory glance at an instrument told him that he had more
electrical charge left in his new Nissan Leaf than what was needed to reach the
car charger that also happened to be at the services. He awarded himself a smug
smile.
