Titanium (6 page)

He appeared in the doorway. "I stink. Mind if I borrow your
shower?"

"You don't have to ask. It's half yours."

"Not yet." Zander pulled a checkbook from his hoodie
pocket. "What's my part of the rent?"

I realized we'd never talked money. I named an amount a
little under half. Having him nearby was worth a lot.

He closed the distance to the dining table and wrote me a
check. "This is okay, right? Or do you prefer cash?"

"A check is fine. It's not like I won't know where to find
you."

Zander didn't respond to my joking, but turned and walked
away with a decided limp. I felt another stab of sympathy. He'd
definitely overdone it today and probably last night.

While I threw together a couple of salads from packaged
greens, he went about his business. I heard the bathroom door shut
and, soon after, water running. A crash and loud "Shit!" sent me
flying to the hallway.

"Everything okay in there?"

"Don't come in!"

"Wouldn't think of it." I wondered if I was making him
nervous by being so openly needy. Maybe I should reassure him that
my sense of security wasn't his responsibility, and we were nothing
more than renters sharing space. Not that I wouldn't give him an
enthusiastic go if offered the chance. I liked everything about the guy
so far, but I didn't need to tell him that. Especially if he was having
second thoughts or something.

While the dinners baked, I got on the computer, which was
located in Zander's bedroom, and reread my father's email. I
honestly didn't know how to respond now that I knew he'd sent me
money for years. Leslie had one thing right, I decided. Whether I
wanted it to or not, my perspective had been altered. What if he
had
turned his life around? Did I owe him a second
chance?

I'd adored my dad right up to the moment I overheard him
and mother shouting one night in their bedroom. Although I'd been
young, I'd known it wasn't a good thing when daddies had girlfriends
on the side. The fact that he'd had one while my mom was so sick
didn't really sink in until much later. It became a betrayal I'd never
forgive.

Hello. It was nice to hear...
Actually, it hadn't been.
Delete. Delete. Delete.
I was surprised to get your email. How did
you get my address? I'm fine. Going to school and working in San
Antonio. I have a new roommate named Zander. He's cool. Thank you
for the money you've sent. I wish I'd known about it sooner.
Delete.
Delete. Delete. I didn't want him to be pissed at Leslie, whether or
not she'd been right to keep the donations from me.
I don't know
about the holiday thing. I need to think. Riley.

Just as Zander emerged from the bathroom, I hit
Send
and met him in the hall. "We should probably move this desk
into the living room. I don't want to trespass every time I need to
check email."

He nodded. Zander wore flannel sleep pants and a thermal
shirt, both faded and comfy looking, as well as his shoes, which
seemed odd. I was a barefoot girl, myself, especially at home. I found
myself longing for a bath, but it would have to wait. I liked my food
hot.

We sat and ate in oddly uncomfortable silence until I got the
nerve to speak. "Are you upset about what Kyle said?"

"Which?"

"His comment about hell being inside his head."

"We all feel that way."

So it wasn't that. "Are you upset with me?"

He put down his fork. Our gazes met. "You don't have to
tippy toe around my bad moods, Riley. Believe me, you'll never be
able to keep up."

"I won't, but if I did or said anything to piss you off, I'd like
to know so I can avoid doing it in the future."

"You didn't. It's me. All me."

"Fine." Did we start talking then? Of course not. He ignored
me; I ignored him. When I could stand the tense silence no more, I
took my salad bowl to the sink. "I'm going to take a bath. Make
yourself at home."

"Mind if I use your laptop?"

"Nope." I left him and his mystery mood alone.

When I could hear the water running, I sat at Riley's
computer desk, located to the right of my new bed. A shake of the
mouse brought her PC out of sleep mode. When the monitor came
on, I saw that she had just answered an e-mail that was now right
there in front of me.

I looked everywhere for the logout box, in the process
unwittingly reading just enough of the thing to make me want the
rest:
Riley, I know I haven't been much of a dad to you, and for that
I'm sorry.

Resisting impulse, I minimized the letter and surfed the net
for a bit, even going to YouTube to watch some surprise military
homecomings to keep from getting into that letter again. They were
like crack cocaine, those videos. Impossible to resist. I saw vets
popping up at their kids' schools, vets jumping out of huge Christmas
boxes under the tree, vets sneaking in on their unsuspecting wives at
work, even vets arriving at hospitals just in time to see their babies
born. Though I knew sights like this made a lot of people cry with
happiness, I still felt nothing. My own homecoming couldn't have
been more different.

Still waiting for Riley to get out of the bathroom and log me
out of her email, I went back to it so many times I soon had the whole
damn thing read.

I'd never been so buffaloed.

How could any father on the planet give up a daughter as
amazing as Riley? The guy had to be a flake. When my curiosity
began killing me, I went into her sent mail and shamelessly read her
reply.
I need to think.

She'd gotten that right. Wishing I could kick her sorry dad's
ass, I mentally composed the email I'd have written if I'd been her.
He definitely wouldn't have wanted to read it.

At that moment, Riley came out of the bathroom. I quickly
minimized the screen and jumped up to catch her. I saw a rosy-
cheeked girl in a fluffy white robe with her hair wrapped in a pink
towel.

I completely forgot what I meant to say.

"Um...hey." Zander's face flushed for some reason. "I can't,
um, seem to log you, um, out of email."

"Oh. Sorry." I walked to my desk and located the log-off box
on the screen, admittedly in a weird spot and kind of small.

He sighed. "Duh."

Without comment, I went to my bedroom and took out my
earrings, something I should've already done. A glance at the clock
revealed it was way too early for bed. So I simply ran a pick through
my damp curls and headed to the living room. Hadn't been there but
a second when Zander yelled, asking for our street address. I shouted
it back.

In a bit, he joined me in front of the TV, choosing the recliner
instead of the couch on which I sat. "You have curls."

"Yeah."

"They're nice."

"If you say so."

"Should we leave my flat screen in here since it's bigger? I
don't mind moving this one to my bedroom."

"Good idea."

And that was it for conversation. Zander made the switch
and got everything hooked up, something I was lousy at. Soon bored
with watching his TV, which was quite a bit bigger but still showed
the same ol' same ol', I decided to go to bed. I left my door open a
crack instead of shutting it because I hated to be cut off from the rest
of the house. The TV was still going when I fell asleep.

I was immediately alone in that dark parking lot again. Jason
started walking towards me. I tried to run, but never got anywhere. I
screamed, but without a sound. Jason grabbed and shook me.

"Riley! Wake up!"

The parking lot vanished. I saw a shadow leaning over my
bed and gasped.

"It's just me. Zander."

Who? Oh yeah. The housemate. I grabbed the spare pillow
and covered my head with it, groaning. The bed dipped slightly. He
tugged the pillow away. "Are you okay?"

"Dreaming."

"I'll say."

I glanced at the clock. Eleven. Still early. I had a long night of
nightmares to go.

Loud banging on the front door made both of us jump. We
exchanged an uneasy glance before Zander led the way into the
living room and peered through the peep hole that was too high for
me. He turned on the porch light and opened the door a little.
"Yes?"

"Where's Riley?"

Recognizing the voice of Charlie Hathaway, the guy who
owned the duplex and lived in the other half of it, I nudged Zander
aside and opened the door. "I'm right here."

His gaze swept me. His eyes narrowed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Why?"

"You screamed," said Zander.

I slapped my hand over my mouth. "I did? Wow. Sorry about
that. I'm perfectly fine. Just had a bad dream."

Charlie's expression was nothing but suspicious as he
glanced from one to the other of us.

"We changed the locks, by the way. Let me get you a key." I
went to the kitchen to get it.

"Why'd you change them?" he asked Zander.

"We found out there was a spare in that turtle thingy out
front."

"Damn. Wish I'd known. I paid to have one made when the
last renters left. They never turned theirs in."

"So ex-renters have had a key to this apartment the whole
time I've lived in it?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess so." He stood in silence, clearly deep in
thought. Finally coming to some kind of conclusion, he shook his
head and left without another word.

Baffled, I shut the door and met Zander's gaze. "What a
jerk."

"You know what he's thinking, don't you?"

"That he should've changed the locks when the last renters
didn't return their keys?"

"No, about you screaming." Zander made a suggestive
gesture with his hands.

I felt my face flush with embarrassment. "Oh God. That's all I
need."

Seeing his mischievous grin, I decided the nightmare had
been worth any mistaken assumptions Cheap Charlie, as I secretly
called him, might have about us.

"Are you okay now?" Zander asked.

"Good as gold. Are you?"

He didn't pretend to misunderstand. "Roger that. Sorry
about before."

"No sweat."

Glad that Zander hadn't challenged me when I'd lied about
how I was, I went back to bed. I couldn't fall asleep for hours after
that and finally got up at five on Monday, exhausted from the off-
and-on dozing I'd managed. Zander's door was shut. I dug my
newspaper from under the bushes outside and scanned the
headlines as I ate.

Since Zander still wasn't up, I wrote him a note. He walked
into the kitchen, fully dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved Go Army
tee, just as I finished it. I tucked a corner of the paper under one of
the magnets on the fridge. "This is a copy of my class schedule. I'll be
at UT until one. I have to be at the mall by two. T&M closes at
ten, but sometimes I don't get out of there until eleven. If I'm not
home by midnight, please call Sergeant Brian."

"Roger that."

"I guess you'll be unpacking?"

"Actually I'll be at Brook until after lunch. When I come back
I'll try to clear this stuff out. We should probably exchange cell
numbers."

"Oh yeah. Good idea."

"And Riley? Park safe at the mall."

"I will."

* * * *

My hours at UT proved to be very stressful. In every
hallway, I found myself looking over my shoulder. In every class, I
couldn't help but stare down each guy, looking for an earring or
tattoo. I thought of calling Leslie during the trip from school to the
mall, but honestly didn't know what to say to her. While I didn't want
to be disloyal to the aunt and uncle who'd graciously taken me in, I
couldn't let their resentment and decisions drive my life, either.

Time had blurred my memories of my father. Leslie's
negative attitude toward him had probably tainted the ones I
retained. I couldn't recollect a single thing nice she'd ever said about
him. Instead, I recalled conversations about his drinking, his
obsession with his work, and his supposed affairs. His fling with his
publicist still weighed on my mind, especially because he'd had it
while my mother was undergoing chemotherapy.

Was that despicable enough to write him out of my life
forever? Dad wasn't the only one who lost out in that scenario. I did,
too. But did I really want to reconnect with a man I couldn't respect?
And what about the half-sister I didn't know? Baby Ginny. Should I
allow hard feelings to keep me from meeting her even though those
feelings were justified?

The mall proved no better than school. I parked around
front instead of in the back, of course, but was still anxious as I
worked and dreading the walk out. Every tall guy in a hoodie who
bought a taco came under suspicion. I couldn't stop thinking about
the upcoming walk to my car, even though the lot was way brighter
and there would be people making the same trek.

Shannon asked over and over if I were okay. Analena cut me
no slack. I couldn't count the times she yelled at me and got so
frustrated at one point that I almost walked out. Luckily she left
around six when her teenage son Julio showed up. Though he wasn't
as old as most of us, he was still the "boss" in her absence. But where
Analena yelled, he joked around and shamelessly flirted with the
female crew, which also had an adverse effect on efficiency. And
clean up after closing was accomplished way faster than usual
because he always had someplace to be.

At around ten-thirty, I walked out of the mall with straggling
customers and my coworkers, my stomach in knots even though I
was perfectly safe. Just as I started across the lot to my car, Zander's
truck wheeled in. He stopped beside me and shoved the passenger
door open. "I thought you got off at eleven."

"We were early tonight." Thrilled he was there, I hopped
aboard and leaned across the console to give him a sideways hug.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you."