To Fall (The To Fall Trilogy Book 1) (31 page)

“I can’t control these feelings, Calista. It’s too much.”

She fixed her stare. “Put Abby’s needs before your emotions until you learn control.”

Nodding, I went back into the house. Caleb stood outside my bedroom door with a pained expression, listening to Abby sob.

“Caleb, I’m sorry. I’m ashamed of how I treated you. Thank you for helping me earlier.”

“I forgive you, Alexander.” More sobs erupted from within my room and I flinched. Caleb said, “She needs you, Brother.”

I closed the door to my room and sat on the bed. Abby curled into herself, away from me. “I’m so sorry, Abby. I’m sorry I yelled at you and I’m so very sorry I scared you.” I blew out a deep breath. “I know it isn’t enough to apologize for my behavior and there’s no excuse. It’s hard to explain, but I’m not used to these human emotions. I don’t quite understand them and I’m struggling to control them. I don’t… I have no one to ask, no one to help me.”

In a broken voice, she said, “I know this is your room, but can I be alone? Please, Xander?”

“No.”

Her body hitched from tears. “Why am I here?”

“Because I want you here. I need you here. To know you’re safe.”

She used the back of her hand to wipe her cheeks. “You hate me for something I didn’t have any control over.”

“No! Oh, Abby, no. I could never hate you.” I curled around her.

Abby could barely talk between her cries. “You won’t even tell me who it is.”

“No, and I won’t.”

“I didn’t know until today it really happened.”

I kissed her neck. “I know.”

She pushed me off, clambered out of the bed, and grabbed her bag. I jumped up and blocked her from leaving, handing her a handkerchief. She took it and mopped up her face. Even though she wouldn’t face me, I saw the redness around her eyes and nose.

Kneeling in front of her, I held her hips, searching for her gaze. “I’m an ass, I lost it. You didn’t deserve how I reacted, I know. Abby, I’m sorry. To think of you helpless with a monster…it’s driving me insane.” My voice broke. “I wasn’t there. You needed me and I wasn’t there. I failed you. It’s me I hate. It’s me I blame. Never you. He almost…it makes me ill to think of what he did do to you and what he could have done.”

“Who or what is he?” I didn’t answer and Abby’s shoulders slumped farther. “What do you want me to do, Xander?”

Imploring her, I tightened my hold, “Stay. Stay with me. You can be mad and hate me. I deserve it. But don’t leave me. I need you, Abby.”

Dropping the bag, she crumbled in my arms. I picked her up, laid us back on the bed, and rubbed her back while she cried into my chest. After a few minutes, her tears stopped, breaths came deep and even, and she drifted off to sleep. I held her while she dreamed.

“I’ll break your heart over and over again, but I promise you, our happy ever after will be something Heaven could envy.”

46

Abby

I woke to a warm orange glow filling the room, the sun setting over the mountain peak. Wafting in was the scent of sweet peppers and onions cooking. My stomach rumbled in protest from lack of food. I padded to the kitchen and stopped in the entryway as I watched four unearthly creatures performing menial, everyday things like a human.

Grinning, Xander grabbed a yellow pepper slice from the cutting board and Hannah waved a knife at him. Calista set the table and Caleb cooked at the stove. The four of them joked with each other like today never happened.

“Oh, stop it. She wasn’t that gross!” Hannah complained as they laughed.

Xander’s hand slapped the counter. “Are you kidding me, she had green snot pouring out of her ears.” He shook his head. “I wouldn’t have touched her.”

“I didn’t have any time. She was ready to jump bodies. It was snot or tracking her down again.”

Xander held his hands up. “You’re the one with ear snot on her hands.”

With a roll of her eyes, Hannah spotted me. “Hey, sleepy head! Hungry? Dinner will be ready soon.”

I felt like an intruder until Xander threw his arms around me and kissed each eye. They were puffy and tired, but felt better after he kissed them.

Pulling me flush to him, he whispered in my ear, “I’m so sorry.” I believed him. I understood him better after he explained his reaction today. Wrapping my arms around him, he let out a deep breath of relief. “Thank you.” He kissed my forehead and took my hand.

Caleb asked over his shoulder, “Abby, would you mind going down the hall and getting Wolverine for me?”

After a few steps, laughter broke out behind me. I stopped and ran his request in my head again. “Funny.”

Caleb wiped a tear from his eye. “I’m sorry, Abby, I couldn’t resist.”

We sat down to teriyaki bowls, my serving at least a quarter of what the angels ate. They chatted away, laughing and teasing one another. I had never seen them this at ease before. Could they finally be themselves now that their secret was out? This must have been hard for them, lying for months.

“How old are you?”

Hannah smirked, sitting up straight. “Let’s say Biblical old. And we look damn good.”

“Should I be going to church or something? ’Cause I’m a little behind.”

Calista shook her head. “It’s what you do in the everyday, Abby. He’s always watching, not just on Sundays. What lies in your heart is what matters most to Him.”

I considered Caleb and Xander. “What are you doing on the weekends besides restoring an invisible car?”

Xander chuckled and Caleb almost choked on his bite. Swallowing, Caleb said, “We’re demon hunting.”

My eyes shot to Xander and he grinned. “We’re not in danger. Our light casts them from this dimension.”

“You can heal, control and read minds, and get my dog to listen to you?” They laughed and nodded. “The zoo?”

Xander answered, “We have the ability to draw animals to us. It seems the wilder they are, the more attracted they are to us.”

I drew in a deep breath, before asking the next question. “What can demons do?”

Hannah put her glass of water down. “They can control minds without touch and possess humans. Once possessed they give their human vessel speed and strength. A demon’s powers are much like an angel’s but are usually weaker than us.”

“And you fly? Is that what we did today?” Their grins were wide and bright.

Xander’s fingers interlaced with mine. “I can take you tonight if you like.”

“Really?”

He seemed pleased I wanted to go. “Yeah.”

After cleaning our dishes, Caleb and Xander went to the backyard. I gave them privacy—it seemed like they needed to talk. Watching them fix the patches of grass, I wondered what happened out there. The girls and I sat on the couches.

“Have any of you ever loved a human?” I asked.

Calista averted my gaze and audibly swallowed. Before I could inquire, Hannah said, “Alexander is the first I’ve known. It’s an extraordinarily rare occurrence for us to love.”

“Why?”

“Angels weren’t meant to love God’s Creations, only protect them. It’s not an easy…decision for us. If an angel chooses to be with a human, they would have to fall.”

My brows pinched together. “What does that mean,
to fall
?”

Calista thought before she spoke. “It’s a choice Alexander must make between Heaven and Earth. He can’t have both. Angels don’t have much say in what our assignments are, or how long we stay here. We could be reassigned or called back to Heaven at any moment. In order to stay, he would have to become human.”

“You mean no longer an angel.”

“Yes.” Calista paused. “The transition I’ve heard is painful and difficult.” She flashed Hannah a knowing look. “Alexander’s main concern is losing the ability to heal you.”

“Oh.” My shoulders slumped, remembering he couldn’t even kiss me without using his gift. “I don’t want him to change and give up everything for me.”

Calista put her hand on mine and smiled. “Abby, our brother loves you. It’s his wish to be human with you, to grow old with you. It’s going to take us time to figure out how. Be patient with us.”

Hannah and Calista’s eyes darted above my head and I sensed Xander’s gaze. The girls left to give us privacy.

Sitting beside me, Xander took my hands in his and I studied his features. What if Heaven called him back before…before what? Before my heart gave out? How much time did we have together? Was it even possible for him to be with me?

Xander whispered, “What are you thinking about?”

“That we don’t have a future.”

Holding my face, his eyes blazed. “Yes, we do. I’ll figure it out, Abby. I want you. I told you I would move Heaven for you.” His gaze dropped and his fingers played with my Claddagh ring, tracing it. “One day, I’ll do this with a ring I give you on your left hand. Our hands will be old, wrinkled, and arthritic. I promise you this.”

Xander pulled me into his lap and held me tight. I wanted to believe it was possible, but I knew better than to hope for miracles.

Everyone piled into the family room and watched a movie until it was dark out. I found it amusing that these beautiful angels kept looking out the windows like they were waiting for Santa’s reindeer. Excitement charged the air and I wondered if I was the reason, or this was how they normally acted.

We stepped outside into the warm night. Without the moon, the twinkling stars were the only light above.

Calista and Hannah changed into sport tanks and the boys took their shirts off. Each of them had the same marks of two iridescent lines from their shoulder blades stretching to just above their hips. Faster than my eye could perceive, they morphed into their angel forms. Long, majestic wings spread out from their backs, and their bodies and feathers glowed in a gentle light.

“Does it hurt to take them out or put them back?”

Caleb answered, “Our wings? No, they fold down into our skin, but they feel cramped and uncomfortable if we don’t stretch them out.” He turned to his siblings. “Ready?”

Hannah left the ground first in a
whoosh
, flapping large pearl wings, forcing the air around her to push out, and my hair whipped around me. She was like a lightning bolt of white leaving the earth. Caleb followed, then Calista. They swirled in the air like shooting stars, waiting for Xander.

He looked content as though the worries of the day had melted away. “Are you ready?”

“What do you need me to do?” I asked, trying to keep calm.

Scooping me up, his hazel eyes were bright and love filled them. “It can be disorienting. Don’t throw up on me and we’ll be good.” He laughed as my eyes widened; I wasn’t sure I could actually promise that. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

I nodded, at a loss for words.

His wings stretched out and flapped against his muscled arms without exerting effort. I made the mistake of glancing down and gasped. A few wing flaps and we were at least twenty stories high. The ground swirled, my stomach twisted, and it was too hot. I closed my eyes and threw myself into Xander’s neck.

Vibrations of laughter played against my forehead; his skin heated around me and the nausea went away. “And don’t look down.”

“Every time you get hotter, you’re healing me?”

“Yes, I can sense you and that is my gift heating my skin.” His voice turned into a sexy rumble. “It’s handy during our practice sessions.”

I shot him a look and he grinned.

Xander’s movements were smooth, and if it weren’t for the warm breeze or looking out occasionally, I wouldn’t have known how fast angels flew. The four of them were at home in the sky, free from everything as though the Earth was a shackle, keeping them out of Heaven. Observing the stars, they were close, as if I could pluck diamonds from the inky depths.

He caught my gaze. “I’ve wanted to share this view with you, since the basketball court.”

I smiled. How could I wrap my head around this? I had been in love with a real angel from Heaven, and he loved me.

Caleb—whom I thought was the most reserved of the group—turned out to be the most playful. He looped and chased the girls through mountains; their angel light gave away their position, and in watching them, I realized Xander couldn’t play like the other angels because of me. Once again, the thought crept in. I was holding Xander down. The anchor.

“If you want, you can put me down,” I offered.

Shaking his head, Xander blinked. “What? Why would I do that?”

I shrugged. “I’m keeping you from flying like they are.”

“Abby, this is a dream come true for me. There’s no way I’m putting you down.”

Xander sped up, turned sharper, dipped, and spun—his strong hold on me never wavered. Even with me, Xander was faster than his sisters. Caleb, I noticed, was a tad faster.

“How fast can you fly?” I wondered.

He kissed my forehead. “Pretty fast. I’ve never flown slower than I did today, though. I was terrified of losing you. I wanted to stretch out each second I thought I had left with you.”

“Xander, what girl in her right mind wouldn’t want a guy with wings who looked like you?”

He muttered, “I didn’t know for sure.”

“Let me say, you shirtless, doesn’t suck.”

We must have been in the sky for hours before coming back home. The four of them didn’t seem at all tired; instead, the excursion invigorated them.

Caleb ran for the back door. “First dibs, suckers!”

After Xander put me down, he ran after Caleb and tackled him in the grass. Another huge indent appeared. Now the holes made sense. The area around us was darker and it took me a second to recognize their wings were missing.

Calista and Hannah giggled and reached the door first. “No, you two are the suckers!” they said.

Looking at each other, Xander and Caleb bounced up and ran inside. The four of them attacked multiple cartons of ice cream. They didn’t bother with bowls, just spoons. I stared at the four gorgeous angels with mouthfuls of ice cream and I couldn’t stop laughing.

Swallowing, Xander peered up to me. “Sorry, we get pretty hungry after we expend energy. You want some?”

At the mention of eating, nausea came over me, a reaction to the change in speed. I shook my head, holding my stomach. He placed his hands on my face and my stomach settled.

“That’s better, thank you. No, I want to take a shower.”

“Use mine.” He kissed me with cold, sweet lips, and then dove back into his cherry vanilla, which Hannah had been sneaking spoonfuls from. She gave me a conspiratory wink and dug a spoon back into her cookie dough carton. With one last glance over my shoulder, I was certain I would find four empty ice cream cartons in the garbage in the morning.

Inside his room, I looked out the window to the stars. I would always remember this night, flying with him for the first time, and a big goofy smile spread on my face.

Taking out what I needed for my shower, I left the bag on his bed. I texted my parents goodnight and threw the phone back in the bag.

Xander’s bathroom was clean, everything had a place and in perfect order, like his room. The old adage “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” made me laugh. I took off my clothes while staring at the mountain, looking for any signs of life. This was weird to be open and exposed like this. The large showerhead pelted me like thick droplets of hot rain, and I welcomed the water to wash this day away as it dripped over my sore muscles. I remembered everything I needed except a towel. There was only one on the rack, so I wrapped the dark gray cotton around me and the scent of clouds wafted up.