To Fall (The To Fall Trilogy Book 1) (42 page)

62

Abby

Last night, I was supposed to go to Mel’s for a sleepover, but Xander called to tell me that his hunting plans changed. Mel covered for us and Xander picked me up at her dorm. I woke with Xander’s strong arms around me.

Stretching, I looked into his beautiful eyes. “Hmm, good morning, handsome.”

He didn’t say anything, which was unusual for him. I had to go to the bathroom, bad. He would have to wait. I kissed his cheek before sliding out of bed. Stepping back into the bedroom, the bed was made and Xander was gone. This wasn’t like him; he waited for me, kissed me good morning, and held my hand. Did I do or say something? Something in my sleep?

My dresser drawer was empty. Huh. I found my overnight bag on the desk chair and nothing was unpacked—that was weird. After changing, I braided my hair and brushed my teeth.

Stepping down the hall, whispers came from the kitchen, and when I turned the corner, they stopped. My stomach twisted at the eerie silence and averted gazes. Holding a plate from the cupboard, I sat at the table. The room was absent of the normal clinking and scraping of silverware.

My heart beat faster. Something was really off here. “Excuse me a moment, I forgot something.”

I closed the bathroom door and splashed cool water on my face. My mind raced, what was going on? I couldn’t focus. Something was wrong with them. Did I say something last night that offended them? My breaths were coming too fast and my hands trembled under the water. I had to calm down, but I couldn’t. I needed a pill.

I opened the drawer by the sink. Empty. No pills. I blinked hard as if my eyes somehow blocked the image of my pill case. I remembered I didn’t unpack. In the bedroom, I opened my bag. My blood kit was inside, but not my pills. Purse. Check my purse. Emergency meds were always in there. No purse. I didn’t have my pills? Why wouldn’t I have my pills? I always had them.

Yesterday, I packed and Xander picked me up. We went to the movies…what did we see? I couldn’t remember. We went to our spot and danced. What songs did we dance to? Did he kiss me or take me flying? We played games with his siblings. What did we play and who won? There was nothing, like the details had been wiped clean. I stilled.
Wiped clean
. An unwanted pain crept in around my heart and tightened my chest.

Back inside the bathroom, I threw the drawers open and reached all the way to the back, unwilling to believe it.
He couldn’t have
. Chest pain gripped like a vise around my heart. Falling hard on the tile, I gasped for air. I tore cabinets open, ripped drawers out. Xander wouldn’t move my pills without telling me. This made no sense. Why would I have my blood kit and not my pills?

My chest was going to explode. I needed air. I spotted a drinking glass on the counter. With the little strength I had, I pulled myself up and grabbed it. Glass shattering was the last thing I remembered.

My body jolted awake to Xander’s lips on mine, his hot hand on my chest. Air came into my lungs and my heart relaxed. Xander lifted me and carried me to his bed. “Abby, what happened?”

The fact he could ask with such an innocent look bothered me. “You happened.” I pushed him and he didn’t even give me the courtesy of moving. “I put my pills in the same spot when I stay here and I didn’t last night. I didn’t unpack and I don’t have my pills. I can’t remember last night. It’s like looking at a blank page in my favorite book, knowing what it should say, but I can’t read it.” I asked petrified, “What did you do to me?”

He sucked in a breath. “Abby, I’m sorry.”

It took much longer than it should for his words to sink in. He actually did it. He messed with my head, took my memories, and forced me to remember something else. My stomach dropped and my chest hollowed. It was like he punched out my heart. “You had no right to do that to me!”

“Abby, please.” He approached me like a wild animal, with extreme caution.

Hot tears flooded out and my lips trembled. “No, Xander. Not this time. You don’t lie to someone you’re in love with. You don’t keep secrets from each other. But you do. You don’t trust me. You went inside my head and took something from me and you think it’s okay. It’s not! I’m not your human pet who you can do whatever you want with.”

He blanched. “Abby, I never thought of you like that.”

“What did you take from me?” No answer. I couldn’t believe he would betray me like this. I grabbed my bag and stormed out.

Caleb appeared at the front door, wild-eyed. “Abby, wait. Don’t leave like this. We’ll take you home.”

“Are you a part of whatever this is?”

No answer again, only the same pitiful stare.

I left out the front door, walked down the steep drive, the steep mountain. While I stumbled, I looked for my phone. No phone. No purse. No pills. I kept going with my breaths hitched from crying. I wiped tears away on my sleeve. I didn’t know what I felt more. Betrayed. Hurt. Deceived. They knew I never wanted this. It scared me they had this much power over me.

This was stupid; I wouldn’t make it to my house. I wouldn’t make it down this mountain, down this hill. My mind raced with possibilities of where to go. There was a grocery store within two miles of the mountain base. If I made it, maybe I could call my parents. And tell them what? How would I explain that I was marooned at the Wrights’ house? I may be twenty, but telling my parents I had spent the night with Xander on more than one occasion was not exactly going to win me approval points. I’d call Mel or Beth.

Quickly, I tired. My legs felt wobbly and my heart couldn’t pump hard enough. I had to stop. My body reacted as though I had hiked miles, in reality, maybe a quarter of one. My sneakers slipped on the dusty slope and it took more energy than I realized to keep balance. With a racing heart, sweat dotted my forehead even though it was cool. I found a round boulder and sat while I looked in my bag one more time, every pocket one more time.

My breaths came ragged now. I zipped my bag shut, stared at it, threw it down, and put my head in my hands. I was trapped in this body, trapped by this stupid heart. I was so weak, sitting here, feeling sorry for myself. The anchor.

Hot arms wrapped around me and lips brushed my ear. “You can hate me, I deserve it. But please don’t do this. You’ll hurt yourself.”

I pushed him and spun, struggling for breath between words. “I can’t…even walk…down the hill. I’m…stuck here. I don’t…want to be here.”

“Abby, please.” His remorseful, pained gaze remained.

“You…didn’t have…my permission,” I choked out, grabbing my chest. Xander reached for me, and I backed away, shaking my head. “You didn’t…ask. You…violated my mind. I trusted…you!” Another pain ripped through and my knees slammed into the ground.

His eyes hardened. “I’m not going to stand by and watch you do this to yourself.” Helpless, I had no choice but let Xander heal me.

Cradled tight to his chest, his lips rested on my forehead while he walked back home. Flying would be faster, and I knew he walked to stretch this out and let me cool off.

He set me down on the bathroom counter. The room was cleaned of broken glass and strewn bottles. Xander tried to wipe my face with a wet towel, but I took it from him. He went to touch my hand and I crossed my arms. He was beside himself, without a clue what to do.

“How many times have you done this to me?” I demanded.

He shook his head. “Last night was the first.”

“I want my memories back.”

“No.” That was it. No discussion.

How could he invade my mind like this? I had to tell him everything. He persisted until I shared every thought. But when it was his turn, he closed up, shut down. Now he had resorted to wiping away whatever insight of him I had.

My voice broke. “Can you take me home now, please? I don’t want to be here with you anymore.”

He flinched and gave me a sad nod.

Xander tried to grab my bag, but I held it. I wouldn’t accept his help to get in the SUV. I hugged my arms close and didn’t look at him on the drive. As soon as we pulled up to my house, I flew out of the cab, and Xander appeared in front of me. “Wait, please. Abby.” He placed his hands on my shoulders.

I backed away and he winced. I said, “I need space from you. I need to think.”

“About what?” His eyes widened.

“
About what
? About what you did to me! I never thought…you knew…you broke my trust!”

“Abby...wa...wait!” he stammered. “What…what do you…what do you have to think about? Me? Please, I’m…I’m sorry.”

Tears burned my eyes. Shaking my head, I stepped around him. He choked out my name once more before I closed the door. I said hi to my parents and went to my room. The damn 4Runner was parked on the corner.

Margaret knocked. “You all right?”

“Fine.”

She threw me a sad smile. “Yeah, ’cause I sulk in my room when I’m fine.”

I swiped at my tears. It really sucked that I couldn’t just be angry and not cry. “Okay, I’m not fine, but I could use a good sulk.”

“Well, if you want to add ice cream to your misery, let me know. I’m always up for a chocolate fix.”

“Thanks, Margaret.”

She left and the SUV did, too. I found Mom balancing the checkbook and asked if I could borrow her car for the day.

Not knowing where else to go, I went to Mel and Beth’s dorm. They were getting ready to go out. I wasn’t ready to admit that I was in a fight with Xander, so I sat on their couch and flipped through the Ulta mailer.

“I have something for you.” Mel handed me my purse. Pills and phone inside.

I examined my purse as though it had magical qualities of disappearing. “How did you get this?”

“No clue. I had it on me last night. Weird, huh?”

What the hell happened last night? “Yeah. Weird,” I repeated dumbly.

Mel slipped in the new silver hoop earrings Greg bought her. “What are you doing today?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I don’t want to sit at home, though.”

Beth plopped down onto the couch with me. “We’re going to Jake’s. Come with us.”

“Yeah, sounds fine. I’ll follow you in my mom’s car.”

While Mel finished getting ready, I checked my phone. Margaret had called. I didn’t know if I was relieved or sad that Xander didn’t call. Relieved. I was relieved for the space.

Following the Lexus to Jake’s, Margaret called again. I answered, “Hey. Sorry, you’re on your own with the chocolate ice cream.”

“Baby girl, can you come back home?” She sounded frantic.

“I don’t want to, Margaret. I’m with Mel and Beth.”

She said, “Alexander is looking for you, I think you should come back home.”

“That’s why I left. Look, I want time to think.”

Margaret snapped, “
Abigail Miller
, I want you to come back home.” What did I do to earn the full name?

“Margaret, I love you, but it’s not gonna happen. Bye.” Oh, I had never spoken to her that way. It was possible I just earned my first whooping. I saw a wooden spatula in my future.

My phone buzzed with a text.

Xander:
Abby, I love you. I’m so sorry.

So much for space. Everyone was at Jake’s; well, the humans were anyway. Mel bounced into Greg’s large arms, and he twirled her. She squealed that he was sweaty, but didn’t let go of him. Greg returned to his game with Jake.

How many Saturdays had I sat on this bench, watching everyone play basketball, hoping for a day I could play with them?

Beth and Mel joined in the game. I watched, sulking. More texts.

Xander:
I was doing what I thought was best for you. Please, forgive me.

Xander:
This is killing me. Please, talk to me.

Mel tapped me on the shoulder and pulled me back to reality. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Complete and utter lie. Both girls sat down with me.

Beth said, “You don’t seem like it. Are you and Xander okay?”

“No.” They recoiled with wide eyes and open mouths.

Mel asked, knowing she was stepping through a tearful landmine. “What did he do?”