To Fall (The To Fall Trilogy Book 1) (39 page)

Xander turned and held my face. “Are you okay?”

“No. They were about to—” I tried to be strong, but tears burned my eyes. “Xander…”

“What is it?” he asked.

My voice trembled. “I didn’t scream.”

Xander held me tighter. “Yes, you did. We heard Bozo, and right before we dropped down, you called me.”

I shook my head. “No, I should have as soon as I saw them waiting for me and I didn’t. Not until they undid their pants. I knew I was in trouble, but I…I don’t know why.”

His thumbs wiped the tears away. “I hate that I have to say this, but you’re too innocent, too trusting that the good will win out the evil in people. It’s what I love about you and never wish for that to change. But evil exists, Abby, and people do bad things. You can believe in humanity, but trusting them is something different. Trust yourself and what your heart tells you.”

Changing the subject, I asked, “Did you do something to them?”

Caleb nodded without apology, still staring after the men. “We wiped their memory of us jumping over the structure and made a suggestion to leave.”

“Calista and Hannah might be adding to that suggestion as we speak.” Xander looked to the other campsite.

“Oh.”

Xander held out his hand to take me back to camp, but I paused. As if reading my thoughts, he reassured me again, “I’ve never done anything like that to you. It isn’t something we enjoy doing, but to keep you safe, we won’t think twice.”

I nodded, taking his hand and the three of us went back to camp. Leaving Xander by the fire, I went to our tent to calm down and think. How stupid was I? I knew I couldn’t run. I should have been smarter. I should have screamed for help as soon as I saw them. To distract myself, I began fixing the one sleeping bag on top of the wide cot, still unsure of our sleeping arrangements.

Xander came in and I fidgeted. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring a bag. I can sleep on the ground,” I offered.

His brow creased and shook his head. “I assumed we would share it. But if you’re uncomfortable—”

“No. I just didn’t understand the sleeping arrangements.”

His shoulders fell and he sighed. “I would never let you sleep on the ground. Come on, beautiful, it’s late and we’ve all had a long day.”

Xander and I snuggled into the bag and kept it loose, but it warmed quickly from our body heat. I craned my neck to kiss him, but he pressed a kiss to the hollow of my cheek, muttered for me to have sweet dreams, and wrapped his arms around me. Xander didn’t do any more than hold me. I tried to reason that his siblings were a few feet away and they heard our every move, but the fear crept in.

I was an anchor.

57

Xander

I didn’t know if the frequency of her dreams correlated with how tired she was, or it meant something more disturbing—something I didn’t want to consider yet. Her eyes closed, and not long after, Abby’s heart raced, air puffed on my skin, and she gripped my chest. I knew it was coming, the end.

Before she screamed, I took her into my thoughts. Last time she wasn’t quiet, which I would never complain about, but I didn’t want to embarrass her. I took us to a small island with warm blue water, white sand, and a hut on the beach. We swam in the ocean, lay under the shade of the coconut trees, and collected seashells.

I let sleep take me, thinking my intervening would be enough, but she woke up screaming later. My siblings shifted outside and I told them I had her.

Twice in one night, my sweet Abby. It gutted me to see her this way.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed.

I kissed her and salty tears dripped onto my lips. “Don’t ever apologize. You can’t control it, Abby. I’m sorry you have to suffer like this.” She looked at me with those brown eyes and I wiped her cheeks. “What did you dream?”

The tears flowed faster and her lips wobbled. “It changed again. He found me, before I could get to you. It’s been taking longer and longer to find you, but I always do, always. And I couldn’t. You weren’t there. I was alone with him.”

Crying into my chest, I smoothed her hair down, but I had to fight my own tears forming, her words echoing my fears.

“Can you help me?” she pleaded. Her exhaustion was painful, having no clue the last decent night’s sleep she had.

“Of course I will.” Kissing her forehead, I put my hands to her temples and took her to our spot. Her birthday.

The rest of the night, we slept.

Caleb wanted to go on a fly before the sunrise. I let Abby sleep in, and with Hannah and Calista to watch over her, Caleb carried Bozo.

The scenery here was breathtaking. We sat on top of a flat mountain and Bozo sniffed around, staying close to us.

Caleb and I watched the sunrise, one of our favorite things to do on Earth, marvel at His Creations. From where we perched, His mountains and deep green forests stretched for miles. I wished Abby could have seen the Earth before it was overrun with humans and pollution. Areas like these reminded us of God’s intentions for the human race.

“Her dreams are getting worse, Caleb. She said she couldn’t find me and she was alone with him.”

“Yeah, I heard.” He sighed. “There’s so much we don’t understand. Her existence, her dreams, and that Cresil attacks her in them. It…scares me.” His eyes flashed what I knew. It would come true. Cresil was hell bent on getting my Abby.

We arrived at our empty camp. Caleb and I went to the fishing spot from yesterday to look for the girls. Abby held up a large fish with a full smile, lighting her up beautifully. Light purple rings stained around her eyes from lack of sleep; I kissed them away and planted another on her lips. We stayed a while longer until we had enough fish for dinner.

Sometime during the morning, those two drunks packed up and left the campsite. I made sure to give Bozo extra treats for keeping Abby safe again. She thought that dog was a menace, but he was one of us. He had earned a spot amongst her Guardians.

We had a late breakfast and decided on a hike. I carried Abby most of the way since it was uphill, but she was able to walk downhill. After dinner, I flew her to the spot Caleb and I were at this morning. We brought a sleeping bag and cuddled together under the stars with her head resting on my arm.

“How many kids do you want?” I asked, running my fingers through her hair.

She giggled. “We’re not even married yet!”

I remained serious. “I know, but how many?”

“I don’t know. We can’t even do what we need to do to have kids.” An edge laced her voice, a hardness that I had put there.

Pushing her hair to the side, I kissed her neck, finding that sweet spot behind her ear. “We will one day. I told you, we need lots of practice.”

With a sigh, she thought. “Three like you.” Her eyes sparkled under the stars as she gazed at me.

I drew back, laughing. “I don’t think even you could handle four Xanders. What if we had two like me and one like you?”

Her face fell, bit her lip, and looked away.

“What did I say?”

She shook her head in response.

“Abby?” I tugged her chin up.

Her bottom lip quivered. “I don’t want kids like me. I want them to be strong like you.”

I didn’t realize she would take it like that; I never knew that was a fear of hers. My heart hollowed and I traced her bottom lip. “Abby.”

Without thought, my mouth covered hers and my tongue swept inside. Abby gripped onto me and our kiss became consuming, desperate. I couldn’t help but think how much I wanted her, and could have her here and now. My core clenched and I felt thick and swollen with an all-encompassing need for her.

Abby’s hands went under my shirt and mine went to her backside, hauling her against me, feeling so damn good. I thrust my hips into her and she let out a quiet moan. That moan reminded me of what happened last time.
I hurt her
.

I slowed our kiss down, took my hands off her, and backed my hips away. I gritted my molars out of frustration. Pulling away from her caused an ache in my chest, but I was selfish by allowing my desires to take over.

Her hands fisted my shirt. “You’ve been holding back lately.”

“I know.”

“You’re not putting everything into these practices. What does a girl have to do?” Her playful tone couldn’t mask the sadness in her eyes.

I said, “You only need to be you.”

“Do I stink?”

I kissed the tip of her scrunched nose. “Well, I didn’t want to say anything.”

“Funny.” She whispered, “Am I doing something wrong? Are you not…attracted to me?”

“How can you think that?” I waved to the obvious contradiction to her statement. With a shrug, she looked away and I pulled her face up to mine. “You had to tell me to stop last time. I should know. It shouldn’t have happened.”

“I know I push the limits. I let things get to a dangerous point. It isn’t your fault, Xander. I asked you to take me to your room.”

I interlaced our fingers. “I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do. I was already thinking it, Abby. Long before you even went into the pool, I wanted it more than you.” I rested my forehead against hers. “I’ve been struggling with certain feelings. This is all so new to me. Too easily, I lose control and I can’t let that happen with you. I want us to wait, but once I kiss you, touch you, it’s damn near impossible to stop.”

“What does that mean for us?”

I didn’t answer her or look at her.

Nodding, she sat up and faced away from me. “If I were normal, we would have made love by now. I’m keeping you from experiencing that.” She swallowed and my anger rose at those awful thoughts swirling in her head. “Xander, maybe it would be best for you if we—”

I gripped her arm and spun her to face me. “Don’t you
dare
finish that sentence.”

Blinking, she dragged in a ragged breath. “Can we go back now?”

“No.”

Her shoulders fell a fraction more.

“I love you, Abby. I want to be with you and we will.” I knew that conversation was a direct result of my mixed signals. I wasn’t being fair to her. It was a difficult balance, letting her know I was attracted to her without taking things too far and I was doing a crap job of it.

Eventually, we made our way back to the tent. My siblings weren’t around; they must have gone for a long fly. Bozo went with her to the bathroom again while I sat by the fire and waited until she made it back to the tent, and then joined her.

When I stepped in, I stopped breathing and all the blood that I regained control of went back below my waist. I stood there in the entry, holding the flap in my grip as though the fabric could keep me from going in farther.

Abby stood wearing underwear, wiping herself down with baby wipes. Her dark hair waved loosely around firm breasts and her creamy skin was hidden by white lace. I followed the length of her body to the dip in her belly above the matching panties. Long, toned legs begged to wrap around me. Her cheeks blushed deep red, pouty lips parted, and dark chocolate eyes filled with desire.

I ached to kiss every inch of her. She was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen and I shouldn’t be in here, but my eyes wouldn’t move, my body locked.

“Turn around.” Her voice held no conviction.

“No.”

“Xander,” she pleaded, shifting under my stare.

Her heart raced and breathing harder, her chest heaved against the delicate fabric. I wanted to rip off what little she had on and look at her, have her.

My mind urged me to go. I couldn’t be here now. Turning, I left the tent. She would have been in trouble if I didn’t. My self-control weakened by the moment. Lately, all that had been on my mind was making love to her. The more of Abby I denied myself, the more I wanted her. I didn’t want to put us in a situation where she had to tell me to stop again.

Unfurling my wings, I flew to the treetops. I had to come to grips with controlling myself. I knew she felt rejected, but I felt dangerous. It was impossible to resist her when she looked at me with those eyes.

After a long while of stargazing, I calmed down and came back into the tent. My siblings were still gone. Keeping my shorts on, I pulled back the sleeping bag to see her shirt rose up while she slept. Staring at her body for a long moment, I appreciated what bare skin I could see. My gaze found her face, stained with tears and the pillow was wet. My resolve deteriorated.

Turning her over, I woke her up with my kiss. I drew her against me, twisted our legs together, and her tongue stroked mine. Heat coiled and settled between my thighs, burning brighter as her fingers drew over my chest, abs, and teased my hips. I took her hands into mine and pulled them above her head to keep her from touching too much of me, holding off the inevitable. Even pinned under me, her body bowed and arched, and her curves slid against me.

Kissing her, the shirt moved up higher and exposed her stomach. I pushed her legs open and pressed every inch straining in me against her; our bodies moved together, rocked against each other.

The quiet moans escaping her lips threatened to end this now. The hardened tips of her breasts teased my chest through the thin fabric. Thrusting into her again, we both moaned, desperate to relieve this deep, sweet ache.

Abby’s heart was beating too fast, slipping from my control. My fists clenched onto the sleeping bag to resist ripping her clothes off and her freed hands went to my shorts; the waist slipped below my hips. My focus waned, and as much as I didn’t want to, I took her into my mind and imagined what the rest of the night in the sleeping bag would have been like. This time as she dreamed, I didn’t watch, I kissed her.

Hours later, I opened my eyes. I smiled, gazing at Abby still wrapped in my arms. Her peaceful face snuggled into my chest, and her legs entwined with mine. This was the most wonderful feeling waking up with her.

Abby’s body tensed with a stretch and lashes fluttered. She looked up at me and I kissed her neck, which she eagerly craned for me. She groaned and blushed. “I don’t know how much of that was real.”

“I never took off our clothes.”

She looked under the covers and frowned.

“It’s for now. I can’t keep my focus on you, Abby. I’m sorry.”

She nodded. “Do you think it’s going to be like that?”

“No. It will be like Heaven.”

Smiling, she kissed me. “What’s Heaven like?”

“It’s peaceful. Time moves differently there. Angels don’t live like humans. We don’t have possessions and don’t want for anything.”

“Sounds nice.”

“I used to think so until I started to experience human emotions. Angels don’t love like humans do, Abby. It’s an obligation to love His Creations, not a will of our own. We exist to serve Him. Angels don’t have passion and desires emotionally or physically. I much prefer Earth. I much prefer loving you like a human would, and be loved by you.”