To Have and to Hold (12 page)

Jess waited until the foreman had left before asking, “What happened?”

“I'll deal with it.”

She fell in step with him as he strode toward the house. “Then you won't mind if I watch.”

“This is station business.” He walked in the door.

“Wives help with station business.”

“You're not that sort of wife.” It was a cutting declaration. “I don't want or need your interference.”

She narrowed her eyes. The man was deliberately attempting to make her angry so she'd leave. It made her wonder how many other times she'd fallen for the same act. “Too bad.”

“Suit yourself. Don't get in the way.” Throwing his hat onto the study desk, he thrust a hand through his hair and remained in a standing position.

A young man appeared in the doorway a bare minute later. Jess had never seen anyone look more terrified. She knew him. Corey had been in the stables earlier and had admired her sketches. She couldn't imagine how he was involved.

“Close the door.”

Corey did as asked but stayed as far from Gabe as physically possible. She didn't blame him—Gabe's calm was so deadly, even she was scared. And she knew he'd never harm a hair on her head.

“You have a minute to convince me I shouldn't call the police.”

Corey's face threatened to crumple for a second. But to his credit, he squared his shoulders and looked Gabe straight in the eye. “It wasn't intentional, sir.” He swallowed. “I was smoking. I dropped a stub and thought I'd crushed it out. But—but that's where they say the fire started so it must not have been out.”

Jess saw Gabe's hands turn into fists. Her stomach dropped. Then they opened and she breathed a sigh of relief, belatedly realizing that she'd been way off base about how badly the fire had affected him. She'd never seen him like this, so close to the edge it was frightening.

“How long have you worked here?” he asked and his voice was a whip.

“A year, sir.”

“And in that year, did you learn the rules?”

Corey's head dropped. “Yes, sir.”

“Maybe you'd like to tell me what the first rule is.”

“No smoking on Angel. Anywhere on Angel.”

Jess hadn't known that, but now that she thought about it, she'd never seen a single hand with a cigarette hanging from his lips. And that was unusual. Around here, a lot of the men didn't care about lung cancer or second-hand smoke. They had far more to fear from the land itself.

“You're fired.” Gabe's jaw was granite. “Get the hell off the property and don't show your face ever again.”

She'd expected Corey to bolt, but to her surprise, he held his ground. “I'm sorry, sir.” He looked toward her. “Mrs. Dumont, I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know you didn't,” Jess said but knew she couldn't intervene.

“Sir, if you—” Corey broke off as Gabe's expression seemed to harden even more. Taking a halting breath, he restarted. “If you kick me off Angel, no one else will hire me.”

Jess knew the boy wasn't lying. The station owners around here might not always agree with each other, but on certain things they were a wall.

Gabe didn't respond to the plea.

Corey rubbed his hands on his thighs. “I need the work.”

“Get out. I won't ask again.”

Shoulders slumped, Corey left the room.

Jess waited until he was gone to walk over and put a hand on Gabe's arm. “Gabe, I want—”

“I said no interference, Jess. Don't you dare plead his case.”

She straightened her spine. “Why not? Because you're too blinded by the past to listen?”

White lines bracketed his mouth. “How I run this station is my business.”

“Yeah, well you made it mine, too, when you married me. And you'll listen to what I have to say.”

“Or what?” he said, quiet and dangerous. “You won't sleep with me?”

T
hat was one place she wasn't going to go. “He has a three-year-old girl. Her mother ran off leaving him with the baby when Corey was sixteen.”

Finally, a hint of something other than anger appeared in Gabe's eyes. “And you know this because?”

“Because he showed me her picture and asked if I could do a sketch of her sometime.” It had broken her heart to see the love in his eyes. “He took responsibility for his child but he dropped out of school to do it. Station work is all he knows. You cut him off and he's got no other options.”

Gabe's expression closed down again. “He knew the rules and he broke them. He's lucky I didn't have him charged.”

“But—” She tightened her grip on his arm.

“Leave, Jess. I need to start the insurance paperwork.” And that coldly, he shook off her hand and went around the desk to his chair.

Jess felt something fragile inside her break, something tender and newly formed. “I thought you were…. But you've got no more heart than a block of stone.”

* * *

Gabe heard the door slam behind Jess. It reverberated through his bones.

…no more heart than a block of stone.

She was right. He'd been ten years old when emotion had been seared out of him by the brutal deaths of his family and he had no intention of ever letting it back in. Not for Jess. Not for anyone. She'd known that when she married him, so why did she seem so damn surprised?

Refusing to give in to the urge to punch something or someone, he picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number. “Sam?” He silenced the part of his mind that asked him why he was doing this.

“Hi, Gabe.” Sam's voice was without pretension, though he owned one of the most lucrative vineyards in Marlborough. “What's up?”

“I need a favor.”

* * *

Jess was so angry at Gabe that she locked both the doors leading to her bedroom. Despite their troubles to date, it was the first time she'd done that. She knew he'd think she was making the power play he'd accused her of, using sex as a bargaining tool.

But the truth was both far simpler and far more complex. Not only had she not forgotten his treatment of Cecily, she now had further evidence of his inhumanity in his inability to forgive Corey. And she couldn't imagine sleeping with a man capable of such cruelty.

A knot formed in her throat. She agreed Corey had made a mistake and a bad one at that, but surely everyone deserved a second chance? However Gabe was the one with the power. And he'd thrown Corey out without a single thought. What made it worse was that she hadn't been able to tell whether his action was rooted in decades-old pain, or simple cold-hearted vengeance.

Tears trickled down her face. Stupid, impractical tears. Even when she thought she had no illusions left, Gabe did something that splintered one and she realized she'd been clutching onto yet another dream that could never be. Her hand went to her stomach. Once again, she wondered what kind of a father he'd be. If he could condemn Corey so very easily, mightn't he one day turn on his own child because that child had broken the rules?

The scenario was excruciatingly easy to imagine. And it hurt. Gabe had always had the ability to wound her with his ruthless practicality, but she'd been able to bear that, cushioned by a layer of distance…by her love for Damon.

But that cushion was no longer there
. And she was too terrified to ask herself why. All she knew was that Gabriel now had a direct line to her most vulnerable self, a truth she couldn't ever let him know, not a man so harsh as he'd proven today.

She fell asleep with that thought buzzing through her brain. When she woke, it was already far too late. Gabriel was carrying her to his bed and her arms were wrapped around his neck, her body betraying her even in sleep.

“What are you doing?”

“Taking you back where you belong.” He sat on his bed with her in his lap.

She put a hand on his bare chest. “What if I don't want to be here?”

His answer was to kiss her, kiss her until her world spun and he became her sole anchor. She clung to him as she would to a life raft in a storm, his body muscular and powerful, protective and safe. But, of course, that was yet another illusion.

Breaking the kiss, she looked into that pitiless masculine face. Her pulse pounded in every inch of her skin. “I don't like you very much right now.”

The blunt honesty didn't faze him. “That doesn't matter. You still want me.” Sliding his hand up her thigh, he began to kiss the vulnerable line of her neck.

She sucked in a breath and tried to push him away. But he cupped her with that big, rough hand that knew her needs so well. It was all she could do not to cry out. “That's—that's n-not how it should be.”

He turned to place her on the bed, removing his hand so he could brace his body over hers. His next kiss was coaxing…gentle. Except it allowed no escape, wrapping her up in a cocoon of sexuality as real and as powerful as the man holding her prisoner. “We have passion. That's enough.”

Fighting through the sensual haze, she found herself saying something she knew she shouldn't. “What about love?” It came out as a whisper so soft, she wondered if he'd heard.

He tangled his lower body with hers. “Love is for fools.”

Those were the last words spoken by either of them as their bodies took up the conversation in a turbulent storm of hunger and unspoken need. Jess was drowning in what Gabe could do to her, but even in the midst of her pleasure, something struck her as different.

He'd never ever hurt her in bed, but tonight there was a carefulness, an aching tenderness to his touch that was new. He spent hours going over every inch of her skin, not letting her hurry him, no matter how she urged. In the end, she surrendered to that strange tenderness and it was another irrevocable step into the unknown.

* * *

After the haunting beauty of his lovemaking that night, Jess expected
some
change in their relationship, perhaps a new honesty born out of those intimacies. But even as she readied herself to face that change, hours turned into days and Gabe seemed to withdraw further and further from her.

It was true that she was busy preparing for the show, and he had to handle the rebuilding of the stables on top of the approaching lambing season, but notwithstanding all that, they seemed to connect less and less as the days passed.

That in itself might not have alarmed her if she hadn't begun to notice that Gabe refused to discuss the baby. At first, he was too busy to accompany her to the doctor's when she went for a check-up. She didn't pay much mind to that—he was hardly the kind of man who'd insist on following the pregnancy every step of the way.

But he became distant every time she brought up the topic—he never asked questions of his own volition. Part of her thought it was all in her imagination, what with the pregnancy seeming to turn her into a walking explosion of hormones. Another bigger part of her was convinced something was seriously wrong. However attempting to bring it up with Gabe was like trying to run uphill against the wind.

Days passed and still she didn't push. Things were relatively smooth between them and she didn't want to make ripples, especially not when all she had were the very vaguest of misgivings. Their relationship might have gone on in this way for months if she hadn't picked up the business line one night.

“Angel Station.” She sipped her coffee, her mind on the show which was only a week away. Another important date loomed much closer, falling this coming Saturday in point of fact. And Gabe hadn't said a word about it so far.

“Jess, is that you?” The voice was feminine, slightly husky and amused. “Acting as Gabe's secretary now?”

The coffee suddenly tasted like dust. “Hi, Sylvie. What can I do for you?”

“Actually, I needed to talk to Gabe about something.” She paused. “Well, I'm sure you know, with the anniversary approaching.”

Jess's hand squeezed the receiver. “It was nice of you to call.”

“I couldn't not call, could I? I mean not many people know the truth. Oh, I suppose you do, don't you?”

Jess knew full well the other woman was being purposefully bitchy, but she couldn't help the hurt that sliced through her. The fact was that Sylvie was only able to do what she was doing because of Gabe. He'd made the decision to keep his wife in the dark about everything that mattered.

Gabriel returned at that moment. “Hold on, Sylvie. Gabe's here.” Passing him the receiver, she took her coffee and walked out. This time she ignored the dangerous temptation to listen in and went to sit on the back steps. The stars sparkled bright overhead but she barely noticed them. It was hard to see beauty through the dull ache of an angry hurt.

She didn't move even when she heard Gabriel's footsteps a few minutes later. He sat behind her, his legs on either side of her body, the heat of his chest pressed to her back. But he couldn't warm the cold places in her heart.

“What did Sylvie say to you?”

Unsurprised by the question, she put down her coffee and wrapped her arms around herself. “Don't worry. She didn't tell me your secrets.” She focused on the farthest star she could see on the horizon, a bright pinprick that offered hope even in the darkest of times.

A cruel lie.

Sometimes darkness was all there was.

Gabriel ran one hand down her arm. “Sylvie and—”

“I don't want to know.” She could live her whole life without knowing about his relationship with Sylvie. “She's nothing to me. But you're my husband and I'd like very much to know what that means.”

“Jess.” A quiet warning.

“Food, shelter, sex.” She ticked off the elements one by one, her voice outwardly serene though a strange fury roared in her blood. “The basic three. Oh wait, I forgot—a baby. You gave me that, too. But you don't seem to want that baby very much.”

“I'll provide for our child.”

“Like you provide for me?” she snapped. “Or like you provide for Sylvie?”

“We've had this conversation before.”

“I don't think you're cheating, Gabe. At least not with your body.” Shaking off his touch, she stood and turned to face him. “But what do you call it when you tell her things you don't tell me?”

He didn't rise but anger threaded his voice. “Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?”

“Okay, yes, I messed up. I should've told you about the baby straightaway instead of letting you find out from Damon.”

“Very generous of you.” Sarcasm laced every syllable.

“Don't reduce this to a petty squabble.” She shook her head. “It's important.” The silence ended today, no matter that it would splinter the calm of their relationship. In truth, she'd always known it was a false calm, hiding more than it revealed.

“I walked into this marriage with my eyes wide open.” She thumped a fist against her chest. “I married you despite knowing what kind of a man you were. But our child didn't make that choice. So I don't care how much you confide in Sylvie,” she lied, “or how much you ignore me, or that you treat me like a convenience, but you are not hurting our child like that. You will give our baby the love and respect he, or she, deserves!”

He finally rose to his feet. “Are you finished?”

“No, I'm not.” She was too angry to be intimidated by his size. “I'm never going to be finished on this topic. You wanted a wife and a child, but that means you have to be a husband and a father. You know what, forget the hell about being a decent husband—just concentrate on being a good father.”

“I don't want to be a father.”

Stunned, thinking she'd misheard, she froze. “What?”

“I made a mistake when I asked you to get pregnant.”

The words fell between them like drops of icy rain.

Jess couldn't accept what had been said. “Are you asking me to…” She put a protective hand on her abdomen.

“Of course not. I'm not a monster.” His face was a shadow in the darkness. “But don't expect me to be some doting father either. I'll support the child but I want it in boarding school the second it's old enough.”

Every part of her rejected that idea. “What is wrong with you?” she yelled. “This is our baby you're talking about, not an unwanted piece of furniture.”

“I mean what I say.” His tone was pure steel. “That kid is not staying in this house a moment longer than necessary.”

A horrible thought crept into her mind. “Do you really think I cheated on you?” she whispered. “Is that what this is about? You think it's not your child?”