To Hell and Back (23 page)

As soon as we were fully ensconced in the Dark Wood, and far enough away from the Underground City to where I could no longer see it, I exhaled a sigh of relief. It was a silly reaction, really, because we’d simply leapt out of the frying pan and into the fire. However, being away from Alaire provided consolation in and of itself.

“Ye should rest now, lass,” Tallis said in a soft voice, looking down at me while I looked up at him. “Yer body needs tae heal an’ the only way ’twill be able tae is if ye sleep.”

I didn’t reply as I settled my head back against his chest. Closing my eyes, I wished that things between us could have been drastically different.

***

We’d been traveling through the Dark Wood for two days and two nights. The time pretty much passed in a blur because I spent most of it sleeping. True to Tallis’s observation, my body needed a lot more rest to recuperate.

“We will stop haur fer the night,” Tallis announced when we approached an open clearing in the forest of dead trees. It was, maybe, the fifth sentence he’d said since embarking on this trip, although Bill and I weren’t talking much either. A new, but definite, undercurrent of suspicion now colored any interactions Bill and I had with Tallis, an undercurrent of suspicion which had never existed before. Every time I thought about it, the boulder in the pit of my stomach roiled.

Tallis unstrapped both his and my swords from around his chest, and leaned them against a tree trunk that stood nearby.

“It’s your turn to be on watch,” Bill told Tallis before going over to the hulled-out remains of a long dead tree. He leaned against it, scratching his back on the rough trunk a few times. “You good, nips?” he called over to me.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I answered as I sat up on the makeshift platform Tallis had built for me. Dragging the contraption with me on top of it for the last couple of days, I could only imagine how sore his arms must have been.

Because Tallis and Bill both needed to keep their hands free for protective purposes, neither one could carry me. So, Tallis, always the innovator, had built a platform for me to lie on. In order to build the platform, he’d simply collected some branches from the forest floor and tied them together, using the remarkably strong intestine that came from some unfortunate creature which happened to cross his path. Once he’d built the platform, Tallis topped it with the animal pelt he wore around his shoulders to make sure the branches wouldn’t give me any splinters.

“Hey, Conan, I could use some grub,” Bill announced before collapsing at the base of the tree. He rolled into a fetal position as he closed his eyes.

I looked up when Tallis approached me and couldn’t help but notice that he wouldn’t look me in the eyes. He didn’t say anything either but just bent down in order to lift me up from the platform. Ignoring Bill, he gently carried me to a tree next to Bill’s and leaned me against the base of it. Then he went back and retrieved his pelt from the platform, which he then laid out in front of me. I pulled myself on top of it.

The sound of heavy snoring from Bill’s direction made it pretty clear the angel was fast asleep. Hearing Bill’s noisy slumber, Tallis glanced over at him from where he knelt in front of the platform, busily checking the intestinal bindings. It looked as though he was making sure they were still intact and strong.

“Are ye hoongry, lass?” he asked, after he caught me looking at him.

“A little,” I answered. I was finally feeling surprisingly energetic and somewhat good, considering only a couple of days earlier, I was on my death bed.

Tallis only nodded at me before standing up and reaching for his sword. He started forward and soon disappeared into the dark forest that surrounded us. Barely five minutes later, he returned. His arms were full of dead tree branches, which he dropped a few feet from Bill and me. I watched him place each branch into a pile, tucking a few handfuls of old tree moss into the open crevices of the pyramid of branches. Removing a lighter from the sporran around his waist, he set the moss on fire, which instantly ignited the branches.

“So … when did you make that agreement with Alaire?” I asked, finally feeling strong enough to deal with the subject of Tallis’s betrayal so I could better understand it.

Tallis didn’t respond right away. He continued to kneel next to the fire, holding his hands over it in an attempt to warm them. “Efter our first trip intae the Oonderground City,” he replied finally, his voice soft and low.

“Did you come up with the agreement? Or did Alaire approach you?”

“He approached meh,” Tallis said as his eyes met mine. I could see the sadness and pain in their inky depths. Inside, I wanted to believe his visible regret was sincere, but I couldn’t help doubting it. I wasn’t able to hold his gaze any longer, so I looked away. “As soon as the Watchers reported tae Alaire aboot ye, he reached oot tae meh.”

I nodded as I tried to think back on all the time I’d spent with Tallis, trying to figure out a timeline for every moment we’d shared with one another. I didn’t know why, but it suddenly became extremely important to recount which events occurred prior to and after he’d made his decision. “So the time right after our first mission to the Underground City, when you showed up at my apartment in Edinburgh to tell me you wanted to continue my sword-training?” I started but then lost my voice. Tears began filling my eyes, and I furiously held them at bay.

“Aye,” he answered simply, letting me know that he had made this horrible decision prior to arriving at my apartment and persuading me to train with him again.

“Was that the reason you came to see me in Edinburgh? Because you wanted to take me back to the Underground just so you could turn me over to Alaire?” I demanded. Waves of anger inside me made me clench my hands into fists at my side.

“Aye,” Tallis replied before dropping his heavy gaze to the ground. He was quiet for a few seconds and appeared to be inspecting the terrain in front of him. Moments later, his eyes met mine. “At least, that was the reason Ah gave mahself as tae why Ah shoowed oop oan yer doorstep.”

“That was the reason you gave yourself?” I repeated scathingly. Then I scoffed as it occurred to me that maybe, he was just trying to avoid making it look like he didn’t care about me, and most likely, never had. “What other reason could there have been?”

Tallis cleared his throat, but didn’t drop his eyes from mine. “Ah wanted tae see ye agin,” he answered softly. He shrugged his massive shoulders as if to indicate it was no surprise that he’d wanted to see me again. “Mooch though Ah didnae want tae admit it tae mahself, Ah felt drawn tae ye.” He cocked his head to the side and seemed to be in deep thought. Moments later, surprise was all over his face. “Mayhap that was part o’ the reason Ah was sae determined tae leave ye wif Alaire, ’cause Ah didnae like how mooch Ah … that Ah … cared aboot ye.”

I couldn’t comment. Part of me wanted to laugh at his words sarcastically, while the other part yearned desperately to hold onto them and believe they were true. “So the whole time you were training me on how to use my sword,” I began, trying to clarify his intent. I refused to lose myself in anything pretty that might emerge from his mouth.

“Aye, Ah had already made mah decision.”

Swallowing hard, I closed my eyes and forced the tears to cease. The last thing I wanted to do now was cry in front of him. “So why did you bother training me, if you knew you were just going to turn me over to Alaire anyway?” I persisted, finally feeling like I was in control of my emotions again.

“If anythin’, Ah wanted tae give ye a fightin’ chance wif ’im, lass.” Clearing his throat, he stood up and began to pace back and forth, rubbing the nape of his neck. “Let meh make somethin’ verra clear tae ye,” he started before facing me.

“What?” I asked when he appeared to lose his train of thought.

“Ah didnae want tae give ye tae Alaire,” he answered. His voice sounded more determined, and almost angry.

“And yet, that’s exactly what you were going to do,” I countered. I had to make damn sure I didn’t let him off easily.

“There was naethin’ Ah hated more than imaginin’ his hands all over ye, an’ heem forcin’ himself oan ye, an’ hurtin’ ye,” Tallis continued. His gaze was so intense, I preferred facing the fire instead. “Ah couldnae sleep at night,” he explained. “Ah couldnae escape the horrible images o’ him wif ye.”

“Then why did you agree to the terms?” I demanded, finding no solace in his words. “If you hated the idea of him hurting me and using me, why did you decide to go through with it? Why did you ever allow him to meet me?”

“Because Ah wanted tae believe Ah could do it,” he spat back, rubbing the back of his head again.

“You wanted to believe you could do it?” I repeated and shook my head as I wondered how I could have ever been so misled by Tallis. Here I’d thought he was this wounded man who was atoning for a past that bothered him deeply. I’d been so terribly mistaken, so absolutely wrong.

“Ah was the worst sort o’ person in mah past,” he explained, his voice growing calmer and softer again. “An’ Ah wanted tae be able tae find that power inside meh again.”

“But when I met you, you were atoning for your wretched past!” I protested before glancing at Bill. I wanted to make sure my voice wasn’t so loud that it woke him up. He needed his sleep as much as I needed mine. When I faced Tallis again, I lowered my tone of voice until it was as soft as his. “You were making amends for all the horrible things you did when I met you. You were doing penance. You were trying to become a better person!”

“Aye,” he answered but then shook his head as if my point wasn’t valid. “Ah thought Ah was repentin,’ boot Ah was only kiddin’ mahself,” he admitted. “Ah knew as mooch as soon as ye came intae mah life.”

“Why would my entrance into your life make you decide you were kidding yourself about repenting for your past?” I demanded. I failed to see how I could have had anything to do with his epiphany.

“The first time Ah saw ye, Ah had tae keep mahself frae takin’ ye,” he seethed at me. “Ah wanted ye frae the verra beginnin’ an’ it joost got harder frae then oan. When Ah made mah agreement wif Alaire, Ah wanted tae stop feelin’ anythin’ fer ye, lass. Ah wanted tae free mahself frae the flame Ah carried fer ye.”

I swallowed hard because the truth was, I’d also wanted him from the first moment I saw him. But my sexual attraction to Tallis didn’t upset or alarm me like his for me obviously did. If anything, his attraction to me was the very thing that spurred him into making such a horrible pact with Alaire. It was almost as if he truly wanted to get rid of me, simply in order to banish his feelings for me. “So … the whole time we were traveling together, through the sewers of the Underground City, you knew in just a short time, Alaire would demand his introduction to me?”

“Aye,” Tallis agreed. “Ah didnae know when, nor how, boot Ah knew Ah was tae bring ye tae Alaire oan that fateful trip.”

I was quiet for a few seconds while trying to get my emotions under control. Anger and deep sadness were tearing my brain and insides apart. It was all I could do to take a deep breath and promise myself I wouldn’t cry—whether the tears came from anger or melancholy. “So when did Alaire realize you didn’t intend to go through with your side of the arrangement?”

“He knew joost afore we arrived at his office.”

“How is that possible?” I asked, shaking my head. “I was with you the whole time before we met him! There was no way you could have told him anything.”

“Ah didnae tell Alaire,” Tallis responded. “Ah told Grashnelle, an’ he told Alaire.”

Grashnelle was the water creature who’d appeared in the sewers while we were retrieving a soul from Cerberus. Grashnelle had served as a messenger for Alaire, also informing us that Alaire wanted to meet me.

Shaking my head more vehemently, I tried to make sense of Tallis’s story but parts of it weren’t adding up. “You forget, I was there the entire time Grashnelle was with us! And I don’t remember you saying anything to him.”

“Aye,” Tallis agreed as he nodded. “Boot if ye recall, Grashnelle could also communicate telepaffically, sae Ah didnae have tae rely oan the spoken word.”

I didn’t answer as I quietly thought about everything Tallis just admitted to me. My head was brimming with too much information that suddenly made me exhausted again, as if all the sleep I’d managed to get over the last couple of days was no more than a mere nap. But, I wasn’t finished with our conversation. There was still way too much that I didn’t understand, and still needed to know.

“When Alaire approached you with his bargain, what did he say to you exactly?” I asked, eyeing him pointedly.

“Lass, why dooze it matter?” Tallis asked me. Then, he shook his head, as if all of this were wasted breath. “All that matters noo is ta git ye home safely, so ye never haftae see meh agin.”

“No, that’s not all that matters!” I railed back, hearing my voice crack. “What matters most to me is knowing the chain of events in sequence, so I can fully understand how you could …” I didn’t finish my sentence because my voice failed me. I was moments away from unleashing a barrage of tears.

“Alaire said he wanted meh tae bring ye tae heem an’ leave ye thaur. ’Twas all he said tae meh.”

“What for?” I demanded, renewed anger starting to churn inside me, although it felt better than wallowing in self-pity. “Why did he want you to leave me with him?”

Tallis cocked his head to the side. He was quiet for a few seconds before he returned his gaze to mine. “Ah dinnae know fer certain, boot Ah imagine he wanted tae steal yer innocence frae ye.”