To Kill a Wizard: Rose's Story (The Protectors of Tarak Book 1) (23 page)

Horror touched my words. “And I couldn’t stop you?”

“Perhaps you could gather the strength to push me away. But the experience, it is… violating.”

I opened my eyes. “So how do I put these walls up?”

Uncertainty filled her gaze. “I can teach you.”

“But?”

She sighed. “I know.” Her gaze grew more intense. “Your arm hurt when I wounded Asher.”

Shock coursed through me. “How do you?” But then I remembered, she was down in the hole with us, of course. “Why does it matter?”

“He is your
One
.”

We stared at each other.

“He is the man you are destined to be with, and no other. It is only him that you will marry, and when you are apart, it will be as if a piece of you is missing always.”

My heart throbbed. That was exactly how it felt. But uncertainty filled me. I’d never imagined meeting a man and simply accepting that I would marry him, that I had to be with him. It set me on edge.

“I don’t know anything about Ones,” I told her hopelessly.

She folded her hands in her lap. “Of course not. Only magic people have Ones. And not all of them. It is information we do not bother to share with humans, although more often than not they are our Ones.”

I frowned. “Then why isn’t this common knowledge?”

A gleam touched her eyes. “I want you to imagine that you are drawn to a man… and kiss, which is how the connection is made. The connection ties the two people together. But the human man, he does not
have
to feel the same way. He can, if he allows himself, but he does not have to the way The Protector does. Would you want him to know you are bound to him forever?”

The thought alone made me cringe. “I can see how that’d be a problem.”

She smiled. “Yes. With elves, giants, fairies and any creature with magic brimming through them, they have an easier time if they do not fall in love with a human.”

I wrapped my arms around my chest. “So Asher and I…?”

“He is a wizard, so you are his One, just as he is yours.”

An unexpected wave of relief swept through me. “So why did you bring up our connection?”

Her smile disappeared. “When you put up your walls, you seal him off from you too.”

I shrugged. “So?”

“So.” She closed her eyes, tilting her head. A peacefulness stole over her features. “My beloved is happy today. The humans let him walk through the jungles. He longs to run and play in his True Form, but it is better walking on human feet in the jungles than trapped in the village with the stench and closeness of the village.”

Her eyes opened, and the peacefulness slowly faded. “The only time I put up my walls is in battle, or when I am in a great deal of pain. I want to protect him from such things.” She paused. “The rest of the time, I cannot bear to seal myself off from him. It is like an open wound already, being so far from him. Not being able to touch him.” Her eyes glistened.

“I’m sorry.”

Two tears slid down her bronzed skin, leaving silver tracks. “It cannot be helped.” She glanced towards the window, the tears still clinging to her skin like memories. “So you see that most everything we do comes at a cost. Still, I shall teach you how to put your walls up. It is a valuable skill.”

And my training began. It took me awhile to imagine non-existent walls and raise them. But each time I did it, the process was easier and easier.

“Now,” she said, breaking through my thoughts. “Keep your walls up. How do you feel?”

I pulled them up, feeling triumphant, but this time left them up. At first, I felt no different. Then, it struck me. I looked down at my stomach and touched it. Something inside me hurt, ached, but I couldn’t identify where the strange feeling came from.

After a time, realization dawned on me. It was the absence of something. Of my connection to Asher. Emotions I hadn’t realized weren’t my own were gone. Emptiness settled inside of me.

I gasped in breaths as I groped inside myself. It was as if I’d suddenly lost an arm. The absence of him created a pain that was both physical and emotional.

Dropping my walls, I inhaled sharply. He was there again. Lonely and confused, but there.

“Do you see?” Meisha asked me, those big amber-colored eyes filled with sympathy.

I unclenched my hands. “Yes.”

“I think that is enough for today.” She rose to her feet in one fluid motion.

I stood up more slowly. “What will happen to me if I can never save him? If I can never get him back?”

Reaching out, she squeezed my arm. “Have faith. Sometimes love is more powerful than even The Fates.”

Her words left me speechless.

She crossed to the room’s only exit.

I moved to follow her.

She raised a hand. “I have taught you valuable lessons, but you are not done.” A look of pity crossed her face. “You still must train with Clarissa and Blair, and
that
may be even less pleasant than you imagine.”

My entire body hurt. Even sitting on the floor brought protests from the swelling lumps and forming bruises covering my body. I’d never realized how much damage a fist and a wooden sword could wreck on a person, especially when used without the slightest hint of anger.

I shifted, and a groan escaped my lips.

Clarissa leaned against the wall, a smug smile on her face. “You’re a terrible fighter.”

I attempted a glare. “And where do you think I would’ve learned how to fight?”

Her smile faltered. “I could slice a man’s throat in his sleep without making a single noise by the time I was your age.” She gazed at something unseen. “Killing is far better than being killed, remember that Clarissa.”

This wasn’t the first time during our training session that she’d seemed to disappear to another place. Trapped somewhere in her memories, I imagined.

Something uncomfortable stirred in my belly. This woman must have seen and experienced some awful things to have her mind so badly twisted.

Her gaze snapped back to me with all the impact of a cold sword resting against my throat. “I think they’re wrong about you. I don’t think you’re special.”

I looked back at her, unflinching. “You’re probably right.”

She seemed not to hear me. “My mother was the best assassin that ever lived, but I couldn’t even kill the woman who ordered her death.” She sucked in a deep, noisy breath. “The daughter of a woman destined for greatness could be no more important than a child whose sole purpose is to muck out horse stables.”

“Is that why they think I’m going to end this war? Because of my mother?”

She didn’t answer my question. “I knew your mother. She was a self-righteous creature who thought nothing in this world was more important than her husband and
precious
daughter. I wonder how she’d feel to see you here now?”

I ignored the venom in her voice. “My mother spoke to you about me?”

Spitting on the floor, she sneered. “You’re just like her. I hope you know that.”

Her words weren’t meant to be a compliment, but I suppressed a smile all the same. There was something about Clarissa’s prickly exterior and strangeness that made her fun to annoy, even though I was careful to not be too obvious about it. I had no desire to see what she’d do to me if I pushed her too far.

“How did she do?”

I jumped slightly, clamping my lips to stop another groan.

Blair hovered in the threshold of the door, wearing a tan dress, so pale it was almost white. Her hair had been styled into a simple, low bun, rather than left to flow about her shoulders. It made her look older. Her high cheekbones looked less elegant and more like the result of a woman who’s seen too few meals.

I imagined what it would be like to make the kind of decisions she had to… I might skip a few meals too.

Clarissa didn’t look at the Head Protector as she answered. “She isn’t the worst recruit, but she’s not good.”

“No matter,” Blair said, with a wave of her hand. “Her powers don’t require her to be.”

Anger flashed across Clarissa’s face. “Then, why am I wasting my time?”

Blair stilled. “Because I told you to. Now leave us.”

The warrior sauntered out of the room, pausing in the doorway to throw me one last look that said
you’ll pay for her embarrassing me
.

A moment later, I was left alone with Blair.

Her silver eyes took in my crumpled form. “Stand up.”

I doubted I could, but the last thing I wanted was for her to know that. So I struggled to my feet with all the grace of a newborn deer, fighting back the overwhelming urge to simply lie down and sleep.

She watched me in silence, neither pleasure nor pity twisting her expression. “Oryens’ Potion greatly sped up your recovery after the battle. Had you not taken it, there would have been several days or perhaps weeks spent resting and recovering both your body and powers after such an extreme usage of your magic.”

I winced as I leaned against the glass wall, too tired to care much about her warning. “So what do you plan to teach me?”

She pushed up her long sleeves. “Why to use your powers, of course, what else. Now let’s get to it. Which goddesses’ names do you know?”

Reluctantly, I confessed that I knew just the two.

Surprise flickered across her face, then disappeared. “Somehow I imagined you knew more, and yet, usually it requires a desperate situation to learn a goddess’s name. You are young to have experienced too many.”

My heartbeat sped up. “So learning how to use my powers might be dangerous?”

She shook her head. “No, because you have me to teach you.”

“How many names do you know?”

She waved my question away. “Not important. My time is valuable, and so we must get on with our lessons. Today, I will teach you the name of Nyxus, the Goddess of Night’s, name.”

As much as I longed to learn my magic, I was exhausted. “Can’t we learn it another day?”

“No. There isn’t enough time already to prepare you before the next wizard attack. Now, repeat after me.
Nyxus
.”

For the next hour, I tried to repeat the name exactly how she spoke it, with no luck. Blair showed no signs of frustration, which only made me more so. It hurt to stand. It hurt to speak. I couldn’t even lift my arms, they ached so thoroughly. Why was she making me do this now? I’m sure I’d do better after a little rest.

Finally, I sagged to the floor. “Why does this name matter anyway?”

A smile curled her lips. “You know that speaking the name is only half of what our magic requires. The second thing you must do is imagine what you hope to accomplish with the spell… not that things always go as you plan.” She took a deep breath. “Now, watch.
Nyxus.”

Warmth exploded from her in a wave.

The room was swallowed by darkness.

No, not just darkness. It was as if I’d been dropped down a well, so far down that I couldn’t see the light from the opening. This kind of darkness was suffocating. I gasped in ragged, painful breaths.

“Okay. Enough.”

Blair said nothing.

Fear seized me. Was she even there? I turned my head left and right, seeing nothing. My ears strained to pick up even the smallest sound, just a hint that I wasn’t alone in this overwhelming darkness.

“Blair?”

Still nothing.

I started crawling in the direction of the stairs, moving slowly. I kept going until the top of my head hit a wall. Running my hand along the mirrored walls, I crawled on, but after several minutes of darkness and silence a terrifying realization struck me. There was no way out. Blair had trapped me here.

The room started to close in around me.

I needed to get out, and to get out I needed to see.

“Nyxus,” I gasped out. Wrong, all wrong.

Over and over I tried, without luck.

Finally, I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the panic threatening to swallow me. Blair had spoken the name softly, as if a whisper in the dark, like the wind sweeping through the leaves. I needed to say it the same way and imagine the darkness lifting. Otherwise…

“
Nyxus
.”

My skin tingled as warmth rushed over it, and I sensed a giant exhaling sharply. When I opened my eyes, light had returned to the room.

Blair stood in the center, a look of immense satisfaction on her face. “So now you must see how learning such a name may be of use to you.”

My lips curled. “That was cruel.”

She shrugged. “If you can’t learn the names through simple instruction, there are faster ways to learn. Remember that.”

I tilted slowly to my side and lay down on the cold stone floor. Exhaustion of mind, body, and magic left me too drained to do anything but blink slowly.

Blair swept across the floor and stopped beside the stairs. “You did well today, Rose. I have no doubt you’ll be ready for whatever you must face, when the time comes.”

Closing my eyes, I listened to her footsteps patter down the stairs.

I’d show her and them all.

When I could get up.

I had no idea how much time had passed when someone kicked me, but I forced my eyes open.

“Rough training today?” A blonde-haired giant of a woman asked me.

I grunted.

“Well,” she laughed. “I’m Thea, captain of our troops, and I need the training room. Think you can get up?”

Closing my eyes again, I mumbled, “you may have to practice around me.”

She laughed again, the sound grating on my ears. “I hate to tell you this, darling, but it only gets worse from here.”

That was exactly what I was afraid of.