To Kill a Wizard: Rose's Story (The Protectors of Tarak Book 1) (34 page)

He laughed, a warm, husky sound that made my heart beat faster. “I know you’ll avoid the temptation, because you care enough to be this worried about it.”

I pulled my fingers free of his and balled my hand into a fist against his chest. “But what if that’s not enough?”

His hand closed around my fist. “Then, I’ll be here to remind you.”

My entire body, every tensed muscle relaxed, and tears sprung to my eyes. Until that moment, I’d had no idea how much effort it’d taken to bottle my fears inside and carry them around with me. But now, my fears were revealed to the man I loved, and he’d done more than just listen to them, he’d volunteered to share them.

I couldn’t have hoped for more.

“If you couldn’t have guessed,” he said, tightening his arm around my shoulders. “I promise not to use my magic to kill.” And then after a moment, he added, “unless I have to.”

I smiled. “So do I.”

Now that Meisha had taught me how to sense when I used the roses, I wouldn’t do it again. No matter what. Even if it meant accessing the other Protectors magic, and opening myself up so they could take mine more easily.

“Do you believe me?”

I fought the urge to laugh. “Of course!”

He sat up just a little, and I turned to meet his serious gaze. “Then, does this mean you’ll stop being afraid of me?”

My smile vanished. He’d known all along, and I hated that my doubts had hurt him.

“You wouldn’t hurt me. I trust you.”

Relief washed over his face, and he lay back down, his muscles relaxed once more.

“I trust you completely too,” he murmured.

He. Trusted. Me. Completely. Each word was like a dagger slicing through me. I’d been treating him like someone unworthy of my trust, but he wasn’t the one keeping secrets, telling lies.

I tore free of him, his cloak spilling off of me, and rose to my feet, taking two steps before his worried voice stopped me.

“What is it?”

The cold air seeped beneath my skin, and I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself, then turned back to him. I needed to tell him about his sister, but would it make me a coward to not tell him about myself first?

I bit my lip. Of course it would. But if I told him about myself, he’d never help me in the battle against the Undead. And besides, I had to believe his sister was wrong, that if he knew his sister was safe and happy, he could let go of his anger against the women who took her. Then, I could tell him the truth about myself, and he might eagerly help me stop the war.

“I have something to tell you something, but I’m not sure how you’ll take it.”

His arms dropped to his side, his hand still clutching his cloak. “You said you trusted me completely. Trust me with this.”

I took a shaky breath. Where should I start?

“I found your sister.”

His cloak fell to the grass. “My sister? You found Sura?”

He crossed the space between us and lifted me in his arms, spinning me around. His eyes sparkled, but his expression was still cautious, as if fearing my next words. It was a strange reaction. One I hadn’t quite expected. It seemed his mind and heart were battling, to celebrate his sister’s life, or to steel himself for bad news.

He stopped spinning us and lowered me so that my feet touched the ground, but his warm arms still encircled me. “Was she well? Did they keep her in a prison cell like they did to me?”

“She was well.” I hesitated. “I would even say happy.”

Asher’s eyebrows rose, and I reached up, pressing my palms against his cheeks. I knew the words needed to be said, but I longed to soften them for him, to take some of the pain my words would cause.

“She’s a Protector now.”

He recoiled from me as if I’d struck him. “I don’t believe you.”

I winched. “It’s true. I spoke with her. We shared a meal. She told me she missed you.”

“No.” He shook his head, backing away from me. “She’d die before joining them.”

I raised my hands, trying to soothe him without touching him. “It’s okay. She’s not hurt. The Protectors aren’t really as bad as they seem.”

He laughed, a mocking, angry sound. “Now, I know you lie. Anyone who says
the witches aren’t really so bad
is lying or stupid.”

He spat the last word. I was losing him quickly. His anger and hatred of The Protectors was overshadowing his happiness that his sister was alive.

“I’m telling you the truth. I swear it.”

His face crumpled. “They killed my father in front of me. And if after what they did, she would still become a Protector…”

“But maybe—”

“And you can’t have failed to notice my face,” sadness laced his words as he pointed at the network of scars on his jaw and throat. “Nazar did that to me. She stopped me from ever being able to save my sister. But you say Sura’s
chosen
to become one. She’d never betray me like that.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered again.

“No.” Pain laced the word. “Don’t ever speak to me of her again.”

I reached for him. “You don’t mean that.”

“She’s a Protector. Don’t you get it? She’s become what I hate most in the world, and I’ll never forgive her for that.” His voice held a tortured anger. “You weren’t there. He didn’t even have a chance to fight back. They ended his life, like the clap of hands around a fly, and left him to bleed in my arms.”

My breath caught in my throat. “Why?”

“I’ve asked myself that question so many times.” His voice was just a whisper. “My mother said it was a warning, but I never understood.”

What could I say?

He straightened his shoulders. “I’ll tell my mother that they killed Sura, to spare her from the shame of knowing her daughter has become pure evil.”

Numbness washed over me. This was his sister. Someone he’d known all his life, and he couldn’t forgive her. He wouldn’t forgive me. I would lose him.

A chilly breeze stirred the air, racing around us, and ruffling his hair. I shivered, but he didn’t react. The urge to run to him and wrap him in my arms came and went in a flash, as I realized I was the last person who should be hugging him.

He turned away from me. “But there’s more you’re not telling me, right? I’m not a complete fool, Rose.” His shoulders fell. “I know you’re working with The Protectors, because you hope to save your friend. Yet, you’re also starting to feel differently about them. Aren’t you?”

I nodded. “I need you to listen to me. Without getting angry. I need you to hear everything.”

His tone was even as he responded, “I’m listening.”

I would tell him as much as I had to, I decided, but not everything. He’d made a mistake in allowing his hatred to overcome even his love for his sister, but I couldn’t allow his hatred to condemn all of Tarak to death, not when he was the only chance we had. Even if he could never forgive me for my deception.

“You know some of this already,” I began. “But not everything. And you need to know this, because without you Tarak will be invaded tomorrow night.”

“Rose—” he chided, shaking his head.

“I need you to
listen
,” I interrupted. “The Protectors are responsible for killing the wizards, so Hadia agreed to give the wizards an opportunity for revenge. She gave them the ability to come back to Earth in darkness, and The Protectors have been keeping a shield of magic around Tarak to keep the people safe from them ever since.

“This isn’t some lie told by The Protectors, this is what’s happening. I saw the Undead wizards, and the shield, and I was there when it almost fell. For good. If it does, the wizards will surge over Tarak. The Head Wizard says they only want the lives of The Protectors and the queen, but Sazar and his brothers are with them. They won’t stop at that. They’ll kill everything that moves.”

“Impossible,” he murmured. “We’d have heard something about this.”

I sighed. “We’re both near the center of Tarak, so we haven’t seen the shields or the battles, but I’m sure you heard whispers of strange things, just as I did.”

The doubt in his face was all I needed to see.

“I thought so,” I said, moving closer and placing my hands against his chest. “I was taken to The Oracle, a man who once had the ability to call upon the goddesses. He taught me how to speak to them, and I called on Zeuita.”

His brow rose. “You
called
on a goddess?”

“Yes, and I asked her to forgive Tarak and keep the wizards dead. She said she couldn’t undo Hadia’s promise for revenge, for killing all the wizards. And then,” I took a deep breath, “I told her about you.”

“Why?”

“Because if all the wizards weren’t dead, then the deal Hadia made with them could be undone. Zeuita agreed.”

“So the wizards will stay dead…” He took my hands in his own, rubbing his thumbs against my palms. “So why does any of this matter?”

“They get one final attack tomorrow night, the shield will fall, and The Protectors will fail.”

His thumbs stopped. “So then we’ll be invaded?”

“Maybe,” I raised myself on my tiptoes. “But I think you might be able to stop the battle.”

He shook his head, frowning. “I’m still wrapping my mind around the fact that the kingdom I’ve lived in all my life has been surrounded by bloodthirsty Undead wizards, and I haven’t known it. Besides the fact that you spoke to a goddess. And now, you want me to believe that
I’m
somehow the answer to all of this?”

I pulled my hands free of his and reached up to touch his cheeks. His laughter died. “I know this is a lot to take, but I think they might stop the fight if they see one of their own kind on our side.”

It hit him in one moment, and he was stumbling back from me. “Are you asking me to fight alongside The Protectors?”

Anger coursed through me. The Protectors had hurt me too. I wasn’t proud to be one of them, but I could get beyond my own feelings to save lives. And, I had to believe the man I loved could too.

“Look,
Asher
,” I said, my voice sharp and angry even to my own ears. “The Protectors took my mother and my best friend, but I won’t let my hatred of them stop me from doing the right thing. Will you?”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’d rather see Tarak fall than fight with them.”

“And me? Will you sit by and let me die?”

His expression hardened. “No one is
making
you side with those monsters.”

I took a deep breath, swallowing the urge to scream. “Tonight, I’ll go to a city on the outskirts of Tarak called Sereus, and I’ll fight alongside The Protectors. If you decide to grow up, channel your magic into the middle of the portal and think of Sereus, and it will lead you to me.”

“I won’t be there.”

I shrugged, glaring at him. “I guess you can just wait here for the Undead wizards to kill you, your mother, and your friends.”

His eyes narrowed. “At least I won’t die surrounded by witches.”

“You’re a selfish coward you know that?” I spat.

My words cracked his angry shell, and sadness rushed over his face. “Don’t say that.” He stared down at the cloak in his hands. “If what you’re saying is true, then we can use the portal to get to a town close to the water. We can take my mom with us on a boat, and escape this place.”

I took a deep breath. “I couldn’t live with myself if I did that. Could you?”

He said nothing.

I turned away from him, racing back the way we’d come. I thought I heard the sound of my name, but it could’ve been the wind rushing in my ears.

When I finally made it to the portal, I waited. Hating myself for hoping he’d follow.

But he never did.

“So, we have a chance to defeat them?” Blair said, staring blankly at the untouched food in front of her.

Meisha shifted in the chair beside her. “But the wizards are too powerful. They will defeat us.”

Their conversation came to me as if from far away, and my eyes slid to the picture of the woman beside the fire. “Who’s the woman?” I asked, my voice slurred.

I felt Blair’s gaze on me. “Servants,” she ordered. “Bring her some Oryens’ Potion.”

“She looks evil,” I muttered.

“She’s not,” Blair responded, quickly and sharply. “She was the leader of The Protectors before me, and a very fine woman. Not many people are willing to die for what is right, but she did.”

Meisha looked away, but I couldn’t tear my gaze from Blair. It wasn’t her anger that kept me mesmerized, it was the underlying emotion, brimming just behind her eyes, making her voice waver ever so slightly.

I had a sudden urge to comfort her, coming and going in an instant. No, I didn’t want to comfort Blair. I wanted to open the connection between Asher and myself, to not feel so terribly alone, at least for a moment. But as much as I wanted to reach for him, I couldn’t, and that knowledge was like a painful splinter buried deep within my heart.

“You should have slept and ate since your time with the Oracle,” Meisha whispered, drawing me from my misery. “That drink is not good for you.”

“We all must make sacrifices, whether we want to or not.” Blair’s words held an oddly numb quality.

A servant came and placed a thick drink the color of unripe cabbage in front of me. Already the smell, like a rancid stew drifted up to me. It would taste bad, the memory was still clear in my mind, but it’d also make my mind and body aches vanish in an instant. So, taking a deep breath, I chugged the glass.

For several seconds, I thought I’d hurl it back up as lemon and overcooked cabbage assaulted my taste buds, but then it settled in my stomach, and my muscles spasmed and relaxed. My mind sharpened back onto our conversation, and what I wanted to say.

“All we can do is fight.” I said, reaching out, but not quite touching Blair.

Her shoulders shook. “I’m so tired of fighting, always fighting.”

I glanced uncertainly at Meisha, wondering at what mystery lay behind Blair’s unpredictable emotions.

Blair inclined her head, staring openly at me for an awkward moment. “This battle has been cursed from the very beginning. Did you know that?”

Meisha took a deep breath before speaking slowly. “All battles are doomed when you fight on the wrong side.”

Her words cut right through Blair. She sagged down in her chair, suddenly looking very old.

“A battle fought for revenge isn’t in the right either,” I said, struggling to maintain my certainty.

Blair turned to the fire. “No. You weren’t there. Those wizards, man, boy, and baby. All dead.” Her voice wavered. “So many loved ones lost.”

Something snapped into place for me, something I hadn’t known was missing from my understanding of these women and their battle. Guilt followed them like shadows. They blamed themselves for the deaths of the wizards, so even though they fought them like enemies, in truth, they saw the wizards as victims.

“So what are we supposed to do then?” I asked, looking between Meisha and Blair.

They reeked of defeat. In their minds, no matter the outcome of the battle, they would lose. And no amount of pompous pretending could hide the truth in that moment.

“So, you’ll let more innocents die to soothe your guilt?”

Blair ran her fingers along the top of the table, tracing the burn marks her hands had left. “No, we’ll fight. But, we won’t plan on winning.”

“What does that mean?”

Blair’s fingers stopped, and she straightened slowly in her chair. “I’ll inform the queen, and she’ll evacuate those people deemed too important to die.”

She rose, rubbing a tired hand against her cheek and headed towards the hallway.

“Wait! What of our plan?”

She froze and looked back at me. “We’ll have The Protectors gather along Tarak’s border, with the most powerful at Sereus, where they’ll likely concentrate their attack. And we will wait.”

“And what if they don’t attack at Sereus?”

Blair laughed bitterly. “Oh, they will. They want a bloody battle. They want to face us head on.”

“And will you be there?”

She stilled.

The two women exchanged a meaningful glance.

Tears glinted in Blair’s eyes. “I’m going to try to be there… even if it costs me my life.”

Silently, she disappeared down the hall, but her words lingered.

“What’s she going to do?” I asked, turning to Meisha.

She stared at where Blair had left, lowering her voice. “She is going to try to break the queen’s hold over her. To go against a command made by the wielder of her True Name.”

I frowned. “Is that possible?”

Meisha’s amber-eyed gaze met mine. “I do not know. I have never heard of a person doing it and surviving.”

A rush of concern came over me. Would Blair really risk her life just to come to a battle she’d likely die at?

I pushed my feeling aside. We were all risking our lives, in one way or another.

“They will sound the bell of war any moment, to prepare the women. You should get some sleep. There is nothing more you can do right now.”

As if Meisha’s words brought it to life, the bell rang through The Glass Castle. The building seemed to shudder with the strength of the low vibrations. I left the dining hall and wandered into the halls where women moved with stiff limbs out into the courtyard. Hurrying past them, I heard Thea, a woman I’d ran into many times in the practice rooms, shouting of war.

Standing on a large stone, her long blonde hair was tied back from her angular face, but excitement softened her masculine face. One of her thick arms was lifted above her, the dark tattoos standing out against her pale skin.

Her enthusiasm ran through the crowd like a wave, but still, no one could match the warrior’s glow within Thea.

I smiled and moved out of the doorway, so others could file past me into the courtyard. She was a ruthless warrior, and I was glad, at least, that the captain of our troops hadn’t accepted defeat.

Shuffling down the hall and up the stairs, I lost myself in thought until I reached the confines of my room. Taking off my boots, I crawled beneath the covers and hoped for sleep to find me, but Oryen’s Potion coursed through my veins, leaving me strangely energized even with so little sleep.

Eventually, I gave up trying to sleep, rising and going to my wardrobe. Inside, a number of either practical or extravagant dresses stared back at me, but my gaze focused on a pair of trousers and a shirt. Before I came to The Glass Castle, I’d never considered wearing men’s clothing. But Clarissa was right, even in training I’d realized how frustrating a dress could be while fighting.

With hesitant fingers, I stripped off my dress and replaced it with the white shirt and brown trousers. I put on boots lined with soft fur, and a brown cloak to match.

Finally, I pushed the clothes aside and opened the small door in the back of my wardrobe. It was a secret hiding place Clarissa had placed weapons for me. I took the belt, then picked up the sword and dagger in their sheaths. They were lighter than the ones I trained with and felt more natural as I gripped their hilts. Putting them on my belt, I stood for a moment, adjusting to their weight.

Taking a deep breath, I turned and walked slowly to the mirror in my room. The face staring back at me was determined and ready. I brushed my hair and stared at the two roses on the windowsill.

There were a lot of reasons I’d decided to fight, but Sirena was the most important one. If I won this battle, I could save her. She’d have her life back, and I’d have her. There was nothing I wanted more than that.

My thoughts slid to Asher, but I pushed them aside. I couldn’t be distracted by him now, or my resolve might weaken.

Carefully, I secured my hair back using my best friend’s barrette.

Now I was ready for battle.  I hoped.