To Love Again (29 page)

“I want to wait,” he half sobbed, “but I cannot, Cailin!”

“Do not, my lord,” she encouraged him, tightening her hold about his neck as he slid his hands beneath her buttocks and sheathed himself within her passage, sighing with deep relief. He pumped her with long slow strokes of his weapon, and she felt him, hard but loving, within her body. She murmured low as he moved inside her over and over again until he could bear no more and his lover’s tribute exploded in hot bursts of passion that left him weak and Cailin shocked that
she had felt nothing but his physical presence. She shuddered, horrified.

Aspar opened his eyes. “What is the matter?” he asked her. “You had no pleasure of it, did you, Cailin? Yet I think I do not displease you, my beauty, do I?” He was free of her body now, and they stood together facing each other, her back still against the bathing pool.

“Is there only pleasure with a husband?” she asked him, honestly confused, and needing desperately to know. “I felt no pleasure when I was forced to couple with Jovian’s trio of Northmen, but I thought it was because I did not love them, because what they were doing to me was wrong. You are not my husband, but you are kind to me. I want to serve you like a wife. Should there not be pleasure then, my lord? You do not repel me!
You do not
!” Her voice cracked, and she began to weep wildly. “What has happened to me, my lord, that I can feel no pleasure with you?”

He took her in his arms and soothed her as best as he could. He was not a doctor, but he knew that the mind was probably the most powerful weapon that God had ever created. He had seen strange things happen to soldiers in the field, particularly after a cruel battle: Men, normally hardened and fierce, who would break down weeping. Men who could never look at weapons again without breaking into a fit of trembling sweats. Perhaps the brutal savagery Cailin had endured had hurt her in a similar way. He remembered the blank look in her eyes the night he had attended the entertainment at Villa Maxima. She had, in a sense, removed herself from what was going on upon the stage because it was the only way she could survive it.

“What has happened to you since you left Britain has hurt you in some unseen manner,” he told her comfortingly. “If you will trust me, I will help you to heal yourself, my beauty. I very much want you to have the same pleasure of me as I have had of you. Unlike most men of my age, I have a rather unusually large capacity for lovemaking, Cailin. We will continue on until you, too, are pleasured, no matter how long it
takes.” He took her hand. “Come now before we are so weakened that we are washed away in this bath.”

He led her from the bathing pool, and they dried each other off. Then, taking her hand again, he brought her to their bedchamber. Cailin was surprised to see that her pretty, narrow little couch had been removed from the dais and pushed against a wall. In its place upon the raised platform was a large striped mattress and several large, colorful pillows. Aspar began kissing her again, and shortly they fell to the bed, their limbs intertwined. The sensation of his body against hers was totally different here than in the bathing pool. He seemed harder.

“Lie still,” he commanded her, and pushing two of the pillows beneath her hips to raise her up, he told her, “I want you to spread your legs wide for me, my beauty,” and when she obeyed him, he leaned forward, gently spread her nether lips with his thumbs and began to touch her lightly and softly with his tongue.

Cailin gasped with shock and surprise. Her first thought was to push him away. This was an invasion of such a deeply intimate nature such as she had never experienced. Yet there was a tenderness to it, and a sweetness that hypnotized her so thoroughly that she found she was unable to deny him his way with her. His tongue gently caressed her flesh, then began to tease at the tiny core of her very being. Cailin felt heat suffusing her entire body, yet she shivered. The little nub began to sharply tingle, the sensation growing in intensity until she thought she could simply bear no more, but for the life of her she could find no voice to beg him to stop.

She let the deliciousness take her, and she heard herself, as if from a distance, moaning with her own pleasure. Her limbs were heavy with a longing she had never experienced but did not find unpleasant in the least. The feeling was building even more with each passing moment, until finally an intense sweetness swept over her like a wave from the sea, and receded as quickly, leaving her weak, but most strangely satisfied. “Ahhhhh,” she exhaled breathily. Then quite unexpectedly, she began to cry softly.

Aspar pulled himself up and gathered the girl in his arms. He said nothing. He simply stroked those riotous little auburn curls, marveling at their softness as his fingers became tangled amid the silk of her lovely hair. She pressed herself against him as if seeking his protection, and he was overwhelmed by his own desire to keep her safe from all the cruelty of the world. No matter what had happened to her, Cailin was in her heart an innocent. He was not going to let her be hurt again.

Finally her sobs subsided and she said, “You received no pleasure, my lord, yet I did. How can this be? I did not know a woman could be pleasured in such a way.” She looked up at him, and he thought that her beautiful eyes resembled violets, wet with a spring rain.

“There is pleasure in just giving pleasure, Cailin; not perhaps as intense for me as when I am encased within you, but pleasure nonetheless. There are many ways of giving and receiving pleasure. We will explore them all. I will never intentionally do you harm, my little love,” he told her, stroking her cheek with a gentle finger.

“They say you are the most powerful man in the empire, my lord. Even more powerful than the emperor himself,” she said.

“Never say that aloud to anyone else, Cailin,” he warned her. “The powerful are jealous of their power, and would not share it. My survival depends upon remaining a good servant of the empire. It is really the empire I honor. God, and the empire. No man. But that, my little love, must remain our secret, eh?” He smiled at her.

“You are like the Romans of old, I think, my lord. You honor the new Rome, Byzantium, as they once honored the old Rome,” Cailin said.

“And what do you know of Rome?” he asked her, amused.

“I sat with my brothers and their tutor for many years,” Cailin said. “I learned the history of Rome and of my native Britain.”

“Can you read and write?” he questioned her, fascinated.

“In Latin,” she responded. “The history of my mother’s
people, the Dobunni Celts, is an oral history, but I know it, my lord.”

“Jovian told me little of your background, Cailin. Your Latin is that of a cultured woman, if a bit provincial. Who were your people?”

“I descend from a tribune of the Drusus family who came to Britain with the emperor Claudius,” Cailin said, and then, as they lay together, she told him her family’s history.

“And your husband? Who was he? Also of a Romano-Briton family?”

“My husband was a Saxon,” Cailin said. “I married him after my family was murdered at the instigation of my cousin Quintus, who wanted my father’s lands. My cousin was unaware I had escaped the slaughter until I came with my husband, Wulf Ironfist, to reclaim what was rightfully mine. Wulf killed Quintus when he attempted to attack me. It was his wife, Antonia, who betrayed me, but you already know that part of my story, my lord.”

“It is amazing that you have survived it all,” Aspar said thoughtfully.

“Now you know everything about me. Zeno has told me that your first wife was a good and an honorable woman. What he did not say about the wife you now have is more of interest,” Cailin said. “If you would tell me, my lord, I should like to know.”

“Flacilla is a member of the Strabo family,” Aspar began. “They are very powerful at court. Our marriage was one of convenience. She does not live with me, and frankly I do not even like her.”

“Then why did you marry her?” Cailin asked curiously. “You did not need to marry again at this time, my lord. You have one grown son, Zeno says, and a second son as well as a daughter.”

“Did Zeno mention my grandchildren?” Aspar demanded with a certain humor in his voice. “My daughter Sophia has three children, and my eldest son has four. Since Patricius, my youngest, shows no signs of wanting to be a monk, I can
assume he, too, will give me more grandchildren one day when he is grown and wed.”

“You have grandchildren?”
Cailin was astounded. He did not look
that
old, and his behavior was certainly not that of an old man. “How old are you, my lord Aspar? I was nineteen in the month of April.”

He groaned. “Dear God! I am certainly old enough to be your father, my little love. I am fifty-four this May past.”

“You are nothing like my father,” she murmured, and then she boldly pulled his head to her and kissed him softly, sweetly.

His head swam pleasantly with her daring. “No,” he said, his gray eyes smiling into her violet ones, “I am not your father, am I, my little love?” He kissed her back; a long, slow, deep kiss.

Cailin’s senses reeled. Finally, when she recovered herself, she said, “Tell me more about your wife, my lord Aspar.”

“I like the sound of my name upon your lips,” he said.

“The lady Flacilla Strabo, my lord Aspar,” she insisted.

“I married her for several reasons. The late emperor, Marcian, whom I placed upon the throne of Byzantium and married to the princess Pulcheria, was dying, and there were no heirs.

“Marcian came from my own household. He had served me loyally for twenty years. When I realized his end was near, I chose Leo, another of my household, to be the next emperor. I needed certain support from the court, however. The patriarch of Constantinople, the city’s religious leader, is a relation of the Strabo family, and family ties are strong here. Without him I could not have hoped to place Leo on the throne. To ensure his support, and that of the Strabo family, I married the widowed Flacilla. She was pregnant with a lover’s child at the time, and was causing her family untold embarrassment.”

“What happened to the child?” Cailin wondered aloud.

“She miscarried it in her fifth month,” he said, “but it was too late. She was my wife. In return for my aid, the patriarch
and the Strabo family supported my choice of Leo. Of course, other patrician families followed suit. This allowed us a peaceful transition from one emperor to another. Civil war is unpleasant at the least, Cailin. And Flacilla is to all outward appearances a good wife. She has taken my little son, Patricius, in her charge, and is a very good mother to him. He is being raised in the Orthodox faith. I hope to match him with the princess Ariadne one day, and make him Leo’s heir, for the emperor has no sons.”

“What do you want of me, my lord, I mean other than the obvious?” Cailin asked him, and then she blushed at her own audacity. Still, her life since leaving Britain had been so unsettled. She needed to know if she was to have a permanent home.

He thought for several long minutes. “I loved my first wife,” he began. “When Anna died, I thought that I should never again care for a woman. I certainly do not like Flacilla, but I serve a purpose for her. Her social stature is practically as high as the empress Verina, for I am the General of the Eastern Armies, and the First Patrician of the Empire. Flacilla, in turn, mothers my orphaned son, but that is all she does for me.

“I am powerful, Cailin, but I am alone, and the honest truth is, I am a lonely man. When I saw you that night at Villa Maxima, you touched me as no woman has ever really touched me. I need your love, I need your gentleness, and I need your companionship in my life. Do you think that you can give it to me, my beauty?”

“My grandfather said I had a sharp tongue, and I do,” Cailin told him slowly. “I am practical to a fault. If there is any gentleness left in me, my lord Aspar, you are possibly the only one to see it. Now what I must say to you will sound hard, but I have learned in the last year to be hard in order to survive. You are not a young man, yet I am your slave. If you should die, what will happen to me? Do you think that your heirs will treat the slave mistress of their father with kindness? I think not.

“I believe that I shall be disposed of with all the other possessions
that you own that will be considered unnecessary. Can I love you? Yes, I can. I believe you to be kind and good, but if you truly care for me, my lord, then make provisions to keep me safe when you are not here to do so yourself. Until that time I will serve you with all my heart and soul.”

He nodded quietly. She was right. He would have to make arrangements to protect her when he no longer could. “I will go to the city tomorrow and arrange for everything,” he promised her. “You will be free upon my death, and have an inheritance to keep you. If you bear my children, I will provide for them, and recognize them as well.”

“It is more than fair,” Cailin said, relief sweeping over her.

When she awoke in the morning, Aspar was gone from their bed.

“He has gone to the city,” Zeno said, smiling. “He says to tell you that he will return in several days’ time, my lady. He has also told me that you are to be considered mistress here, and we will obey you.”

“My lord Aspar is a generous man,” Cailin said quietly. “I must rely upon you, Zeno, to help me do what is proper and correct.”

“My lady’s wisdom is only excelled by her great beauty,” the elderly majordomo replied, pleased by her tactful response and the certainty that everything would remain the same.

Aspar returned a few days later from Constantinople. Within a short time it was obvious to his servants that he intended to make Villa Mare his primary residence. He left only to attend to court business and oversee his duties as general of the Eastern Armies. He was rarely away overnight. He and Cailin had settled down to a very quiet domestic existence.

Cailin was surprised to learn that Aspar owned all the farmland about the villa for several miles. There were vineyards, olive groves, and wheat fields, all contributing to the general’s wealth. He thought nothing of helping out in the fields, or working to harvest the grapes. She rather suspected he enjoyed it.