To Love and Obey (Boundaries) (12 page)

“What the hell are you talking about?” growled Adam. He sounded genuinely shocked.

“I know you want another TPE and I really have tried to get my head around it. I’ve thought of nothing else, Adam, please believe me, but I can’t do it. I love you so much and I’ll do pretty much anything for you…except become your slave. I’m so sorry,” she whispered, as the tears continued to run down her cheeks. She could feel her heart breaking bit by bit, just like it had so many times before. This would be the last time though. She knew she would never recover from this.

“Rachel, why would you think I want a Total Power Exchange?” He sounded incredulous, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“But you said, when you were talking about Karen, that you wanted another slave. And then you kept talking about me wearing your collar and…” She paused and waited for Adam to agree with her, but he just kept staring at her in shock.

“Rachel, that was ages ago. I was joking. Yes, I want you to be my slave, but my sex slave. I love everything about you—your feisty independence, even your stubbornness. Why would I want to change that?” He was serious.

Had she really got it so wrong?

“But…”

“But nothing, Rachel. After all that shit with Karen, I never want another TPE again, but I’ll always be a Dom. I’ll always need to control you sexually, to restrain you and use you, even inflict pain on you, but only if that’s what you want too. What I was trying to say was that I’ll never be a nice, normal, vanilla man.”

“I never want you to be a nice, normal, vanilla man,” she hiccupped. “I love the kink, I wouldn’t want you any other way, but I thought…”

“You thought I wanted a twenty-four-seven TPE—all or nothing,” he finished for her.

She nodded and quickly wiped another tear from her face.

“Why didn’t you say something before?” he asked softly. “If I’d known what you were thinking, I could have reassured you long ago and saved you all this.”

“I was afraid you’d leave me if I told you how I felt.” Her voice was so quiet, it was barely a whisper. She didn’t need him to say anything for her to know exactly what he was thinking—she’d heard it for herself in her own voice.

“This goes back to your trust issues, doesn’t it? I thought we’d cleared that up.” He took her hand and held onto it tightly while searching her eyes for answers.

“I know, so did I, to be honest. But I was so convinced that you wanted a TPE that it never occurred to me that I might have got it wrong.”

“You could have asked me,” he said quietly.

“I know. I’m sorry.” God, she felt awful. How could she have been so stupid not to trust him enough to just tell him what was bothering her?

Adam reached out and gently wiped another tear from her face then leaned over and kissed her softly on her lips. “This is why openness and honesty are so important in a BDSM relationship. Misunderstandings can easily happen and the consequences can be disastrous. Promise me you’ll never keep anything from me again. Ever.”

She nodded. “I promise.” Did that mean he still wanted her?

“Okay. Then I guess I’d better ask the question I’ve been meaning to ask all weekend,” he said, his eyes radiating love and warmth. “I’d like you to move in with me and to wear my collar permanently. I don’t mean as a twenty-four-seven slave, I mean as my submissive and steady girlfriend. Outside the bedroom we’d be equals, but when it comes to sex I’ll accept nothing short of your complete and total submission. What do you think?”

Was he serious? “Yes, yes, yes, Sir,” she laughed, and threw herself into his arms.

Chapter Nine

Rachel stretched luxuriously and opened her eyes, only to feel a stab of pain behind them. Adam was staring down at her, a soft smile playing on his lips.

It was a week since she’d confronted him at Boundaries, only to find that she had gotten it wrong on a stupendous scale. She shivered slightly as she acknowledged how her stupid insecurities from the past had nearly destroyed their relationship. Thank God he loved her enough to forgive her for her lack of trust. He’d said, right at the beginning, how important trust and honesty were in a D/s relationship, and she had managed to screw it up royally.

And yet, he hadn’t dumped her, or punished her by making her feel guilty. Well, at least not after he had given her such a vigorous flogging that had made her scream in…agony? No, more like ecstasy. He’d then made her kneel in front of the whole bloody bar and beg for his forgiveness. Bastard!

Actually, that had sent her into submissive freefall as the humiliation had mixed with the pain of the flogging, and when he’d fucked her shortly afterwards, she had come so hard that she’d thought she would shatter into a million pieces.

“Good morning, gorgeous. Sore head? Better get something for that, you’ve got a big day today,” said Adam, his dimples deepening along with his smile.

Oh, yes. Her stomach lurched with excitement as she remembered it was Saturday. She was moving in with Adam today. He’d given her the day off work yesterday so she and Mandy could pack up the flat. Mandy was leaving for New York after the weekend so the timing had been perfect.

She and Mandy had spent an emotional day packing, cleaning and reminiscing. When they’d finally finished, they’d gone to the pub, drunk nearly a whole bottle of Jack Daniel’s between them, and had spent the rest of the evening drunkenly putting the world to rights with the locals.

They’d eventually staggered out of the bar at midnight, where Adam had been waiting to take them home. Rachel had called him at the club during the evening to tell him how much she adored him. It had been an emotional outpouring that had probably been incomprehensible because of her slurred, but heartfelt, words.

Adam, bless him, had been so worried about them walking back on their own, that he’d jumped in his car and waited outside the pub so he could drive them safely back home. On the way, he’d asked Rachel to come back to his place after they’d dropped Mandy off. She had spent the rest of the journey in excited anticipation of what he was going to do to her when they got back, and had then passed out the minute she’d stepped through the door.

She smiled back at Adam and frowned as the pain in her head intensified. “I am never going to drink again,” she groaned, as her head thudded with every slow movement.

Adam just laughed. “Serves you right. Come on, up you get. Rob will be here with your things in less than an hour.”

Rachel buried her head in the duvet. “Oh, no. Can I Just have another five minutes?”

The next thing she knew, the duvet had been ripped off, and Adam picked her up in his arms and carried her into the bathroom where he unceremoniously dumped her. He marched her to the shower cubicle and turned the water on, eliciting a scream from her as the warm water pounded onto her sleepy body.

“I want you downstairs in fifteen minutes. Do you understand?” he growled.

“Hey,” she protested. “You’re not my boss now, you know.”

Adam just laughed, reached into the cubicle and pinched her nipple. “Fifteen minutes.”

Fourteen minutes later, Rachel stepped into the kitchen and felt her heart contract with happiness. The room was lit with bright sunshine streaming in through the open patio doors. Thor and Freya were asleep just outside, looking like two black melting splodges in the hot sun, and the room smelled of bacon and freshly made coffee. A contentedness she hadn’t known she was capable of feeling, nearly overwhelmed her as Adam indicated she should sit down at the table, which had been set for breakfast. Next to a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice were two painkillers—he’d thought of everything.

“Take those when you’ve eaten something,” said Adam, as he sat down opposite her. “I want that hangover gone because, apart from the fact that you’ve got a lot of unpacking to do today, I want you on top form tonight.”

Rachel raised her eyebrows. “Why?”

“You’ll find out. Now, eat,” he said, with a hint of Dom in his voice.

Without even realizing it, she responded with a, “Yes, Sir,” and tucked into her toasted bacon sandwich.

Thankfully, the headache cleared quickly and she was ready when Rob pulled up outside in the van he’d hired especially to move her things. Adam had cleared several cupboards and drawers around the house for her, and she thoroughly enjoyed herself as she gradually put her own stamp on her new home.

* * * *

At seven o’clock, they ordered a Chinese take-away and ate it in the garden, enjoying the warm evening sun.

“Luke’s opening up tonight, so we don’t have to rush,” said Adam, as he poured her a glass of lemonade. He’d strictly forbidden her to drink any alcohol tonight and, although she’d been a bit annoyed initially, she was actually quite glad. She wasn’t sure how much of last night’s drink was still in her system. She knew that BDSM and alcohol didn’t go well together, so she guessed that that meant she would be in for an interesting night. Her stomach fluttered at the thought.

Before they left, Adam placed the leather collar around her neck and pulled on the ring to draw her closer to him. He kissed her hard, forcing his tongue roughly into her mouth and taking away her control. She happily relinquished it and melted into his kiss.

When he eventually pulled away, he spoke softly, but firmly, into her ear, “Tonight, you will follow club protocol. I want your complete submission at all times,” he growled. “Do you understand?”

A flash of desire blinded her briefly as her breath caught in her throat. Adam reached up and took hold of a fistful of her hair. “I said, do you understand?”

“Yes. Yes, Sir,” she gasped, amazed at how quickly she slipped back into submission.

“Any lapse of protocol will be severely dealt with.” His voice was hard, telling her the Dom in him was now fully in control.

“Yes, Sir,” she whispered, shivering with excitement. Wow, this sounded serious. She couldn’t wait.

* * * *

By the time they walked through the doors to Boundaries, with her on a leash, she was already in such a submissive headspace that following protocol came without a second thought. She understood the need for that protocol now. It really did help her to get to where she needed to be.

As they entered the bar, she looked around for her friends. Chrissie was busy chatting to some Doms at the bar, looking ever glamorous in her Marilyn Monroe wig and outfit. Amelia was kneeling, face down, by Jack’s feet over near the aftercare lounge. Rachel gulped when she saw his boot holding her head firmly in place on the floor. A few weeks ago she would have been appalled by such a display of complete control, but she knew now how much Amelia loved it. In fact, she understood exactly how her friend would find it such a turn-on, because the thought of Adam doing that to her, actually made her feel quite aroused. Bloody hell, what was happening to her?

Adam led her silently to their table, where Mandy had Dawn on her knees in front of her. This was looking like it was going to be a seriously intense night. The atmosphere was already laced with sexual tension, and her own desire flared as she connected with the ambiance of the club.

She grinned as the heavy sounds of Pain filled the bar—what a great name for a band, and how appropriate for a BDSM club.

Chrissie tottered over with their drinks and joined them for a chat. Well, she joined Adam and Mandy for a chat, because she and Dawn weren’t allowed to talk. She felt a small niggle of irritation and quickly quashed it again by winking at Dawn, who looked just as bored as she was.

She sighed as some of her submissiveness slowly drained out of her, only to be replaced with defiance. This Dominance and submission stuff was all well and good, but when her freedom of speech was restricted, she seriously needed to question what the hell she’d gotten herself into. It was the one aspect of D/s that she wasn’t entirely comfortable with. And Adam knew it, damn him.

She didn’t know what came over her then but, while Adam was discussing some big scandal making headline news, she was overcome by an impulsive moment of rebellion. When Adam wasn’t looking, she stuck her tongue out at him, which made Dawn, unsuccessfully, try to stifle a giggle. This only made Rachel giggle back and, suddenly, both she and Dawn exploded into fits of laughter—real, deep in the belly, laughter.

Adam turned and glared down at her. Oh, shit. She knew that look.

“What exactly are you two laughing at?” he said, his voice now a tone deeper and meaner than before.

Unfortunately, this only made Dawn burst into another fit of giggles which immediately re-ignited Rachel’s laughter.

“I don’t know,” spluttered Rachel, and wiped her eyes, which were now streaming with tears.

She tried. She really tried to stop laughing, but the more she tried, the more she laughed, and the more she laughed, the more Dawn laughed. Rachel clutched desperately at her sides to try to ease the cramp from laughing so much, but it didn’t help, and she ended up rolling over onto her side with another infectious belly laugh escaping from deep inside her. Dawn, who was taking a sip of water to try to calm down, saw Rachel struggling to control herself and let out a huge guffaw, thus spurting water all over the table. Well, that was it. Rachel was doomed as she shrieked with more uncontrollable laughter.

Adam shot a bemused look at Mandy and they both shrugged, not quite able to believe the sight of the hysterical subs on the floor in front of them. He leaned over and whispered something in Mandy’s ear. They both nodded in agreement.

“As you know,” said Adam darkly, “I like to make my punishments match the crime, so I think it’s time that Mandy and I have a little laugh of our own. What do you think, Mandy?”

“I think that’s a mighty fine idea,” drawled Mandy, with an evil grin on her face.

Suddenly, all the laughter drained out of Rachel as she was pulled up and marched across the room toward the bar. She glanced over at Dawn as she was also marched to the bar. Adam spoke quietly to Chrissie, who nodded and brought out several plastic wine glasses and filled them with water.

“You haven’t done this one in a while,” said Chrissie, and laughed when Rachel scowled at her.