To Mend a Broken Heart (17 page)

Chapter Sixteen

I refuse to think of it as a date. This is Daniel, and regardless of what he told me last week, this is not a date. This is two friends going out for dinner. Yes, one of those friends happens to be in love with the other one, and yes, the other one happens to find their friend ridiculously attractive, and yes,
maybe
I am wearing my best lingerie and have shaved everywhere.
But this was not a date.
Nope. Not at all.
The doorbell goes and my stomach flips, time for my date.
No!
Not a date. The little annoying voice in the back of my head reminds me again, if it isn’t a date, then I wouldn't be wearing what I'm wearing. I choose to ignore it.

I head downstairs and put on my coat and scarf, grabbing my gloves and handbag as I go to the door. When I open it and see Daniel standing there, I know that one of us
definitely
thinks it is a date. Dressed in his dark grey winter coat, I can see  he is wearing a suit underneath, and not just
any
suit, his
navy
suit. The thing about his navy suit is, blue makes his eyes look incredible, I’m certain he knows this, someone
must
have told that before.

“Good evening, Katie.” Daniel smiles at me.

“Good evening, Daniel. I'm all ready to go.” I step out and pull the door shut behind me.

 The heels of my shoes click on the pavement and I hear Daniel’s breathing get a little heavier.
Definitely a date for one of us.
I lock the door and turn around.

“So what are we doing tonight?” I ask, placing my keys in my clutch bag.

“I have two tickets for
Swan Lake
at Saddlers Wells." he puts his hand into his his coat pocket and pulls out an envelope.

“Swan Lake?” my throat constricts and tears threaten to fall.

“Yes. I always wanted to take Poppy. But she was too poorly and.. Katie?”

“Richard took me to see
Swan Lake
on my twenty-fifth birthday.” I whisper.

“I should have asked. I'm so sorry.”

“There is nothing to be sorry for, I would
love
to go with you. It is a wonderful show and I have some special memories of seeing it, I would like to have more and I'd like you to have some too.” I take his hand in mine and squeeze it.

“If you're sure.” he brings his hand up to my face and gently wipes my tears away.

“I'm sure. Let's go and create some happy memories, Daniel.” I smile.

We walk down the path and to his car, Daniel, always the gentleman opens my door for me and waits till I am safely seated before closing it and walking round to the drivers side and sliding in. He starts the car up and pulls away from the house and down the street. Watching Daniel drive is something special. I can’t fully explain it to myself why I find it so strangely beautiful, but I do. His hands are strong, yet smooth, not a workman’s hands, but strong nonetheless. He drives with confidence and ease, seemingly completely in control of his car and the road in front of him. I have never felt safer in a car than I do with Daniel, not even with Richard.

“So I thought we would grab some dinner nearby. There is a lovely Italian close by, if you fancy Italian that is. If not I'm sure there are lots of other places.”

“No, Italian sounds perfect.”

“How was your day?”

“It was tiring. I'm still struggling to balance work and the hospital and life in general if I'm honest. I get home exhausted and coming home to an empty house when I'm so used to coming home to.. Well, you know. It's just exceptionally difficult. Especially at this time of year when it’s dark when I leave and dark when I get home.”

“I can imagine. The house always seems so empty to me now. Regardless of the season or time of year.”

“How was your day?” I place my hand over his on the gear stick and give it a little squeeze.

“Challenging. I made arrangements for someone to come and pick up Poppy's furniture from her room. I can't have it in the house any more. It isn't helping me and it isn't healthy.”

“Are you sure?” I almost whisper.

“Am I sure I want to remove everything Poppy ever had from the house? No. Removing it feels like I'm cutting out my heart, like I am trying to erase my precious little girl from my life.”

“Daniel, no.”

“The rational part of me knows I’m not, but that is how it feels. I have to do it. They are just material things, they don't tell the world she was my daughter. Her memories and the photographs, they do that. So as difficult as it will be, I have to do it. But I need to ask you something.”

“Anything.”

“They are coming on Thursday. I didn't explain why I needed it to be taken away, I can't. Can you..” He takes a deep breath before continuing, “Can you.. be there? When they come to collect it?”

“Of course I will be.”

“Thank you.” he whispers a little hoarsely.

We drive in silence for a little while and soon arrive at the restaurant Daniel mentioned. He parks and gets out of the car, handing his keys to the valet that must work at the restaurant. Daniel walks around and opens my door for me then holds out his hand.

“Ready?” He smiles, all traces of our earlier conversation gone.

“Absolutely.” I smile.

We walk into the restaurant, Daniel's hand at the small of my back. We’e greeted by a small man who shows us to our table, seating us towards the back of the busy restaurant. The table is intimate and romantic and more proof that Daniel sees this as a date.

“Katie, tonight is my treat, it's been too long since I've been able to spoil a beautiful woman and I hope to be able to make the most of it. Order whatever you would like and however much you want.”

The candles around us are casting the most incredible golden glow around him, his dark blonde hair looking more golden, his strong jaw and nose made more beautiful, which I must admit, I didn't think was possible.

“You really are a charmer, Mr Lambert.” I grin.

“Am I? It's been so long I think I may have forgotten how to be charming.”

“Not at all, you are charming all the time, but especially so tonight.”

The waiter comes over and hands us each a menu and wine list. I hand it over to Daniel, knowing nothing about wine I will probably end up ordering something awful.

“I can't have more than a small glass, so which would you prefer? Red? White?” He looks at me over his menu, his blue eyes sparkling.

“Do I have time to look over the menu before I decide?”

“Katie, you can do whatever you'd like, have as long as you'd like.”

I smile and continue to look at my menu, my mouth waters just looking at the choices there are. I am so thankful that I’ve gone for my sexy but sensible dress and not something that requires me to wear my Spanks.

“I just cannot choose.” I groan five minutes later.

“What are the choices?” Daniel smiles at me.

“It is easier to ask me what isn’t!" I laugh.

“Okay.. What isn't on your short list.”

“The side salad.” I grin.

“Winter is a terrible time to have salad anyway.” he laughs.

“Okay, I'm just going to see what comes out of my mouth when the waiter comes back. What are you having?” When I look back at Daniel his eyes are a little darker and focused on my mouth.

“I'm going for the salmon, it is absolutely delicious.” he answers, looking at me.

“Then I won't get the salmon, I can just try yours.” I reply cheekily.

Dinner is delicious and I eat
far
to much. Good job this isn’t a date because I make a complete and utter pig of myself. Daniel helps me put my coat on and we walk the short distance to the theatre arm in arm. It feels natural, it feels right and it isn't until we step foot into the theatre and I spot a friend of Richard’s that it feels wrong.

“Katie?” Sean comes towards me and I tense.

“Sean, I haven't seen you since… How have you… This is..” my mind goes blank. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say.

“I know. I'm sorry about that. I did try to get in touch soon after the funeral, but I spoke to Ginny and she said you needed a little time.”

“Right.” I am aware I need to introduce Daniel but I seem to have completely forgotten how to speak.

“I'm Daniel, Katie and I volunteer at the children's hospital together.” Daniel holds out his hand to Sean who shakes it warily.

“I'm Sean, I was a
friend
of Katie's
husband
.”

Sean looks at me as he says husband. I see the look of disapproval in his eyes. It has been ten months since Richard died, it isn’t like I jumped straight into another relationship or anything and this isn’t a relationship. It isn’t even a date.

“I best be getting back to Gillian. It was good seeing you.. You seem,
happy
.”

Why is there judgment in that one word? Am I not allowed to be happy? Did losing Richard mean I have to be sad and heartbroken forever? His attitude upsets and annoys me, more than I should let it. I watch Sean walk away and only stop watching when I feel Daniel's hand squeeze my arm.  

“I know he was a friend, Katie... But he seems like an idiot to me.” he whispers in my ear.

“It wasn't just me then? I was being judged?”

“He has no right, Katie. No right at all.”

I feel suddenly teary and like everyone around us knows that my husband died ten months ago and I am now on a date, that every single person around me is judging me.

“Everyone thinks they have a right to judge. We can't change that, but what you know in your heart, what your friends know, is what matters.”

“Thank you.” I whisper, feeling a little embarrassed.

“His judgment says more about him than it does about you, I can assure you of that.”

Daniel leans closer and surprises me when he places a kiss to my forehead and pulls me into an embrace. I lean into him, soaking up his warmth and scent, a scent that is so comforting to me after all these months.

“Now, we are going to forget about him and we are going to have a fabulous evening together, understood?”

“Understood. I just need to pop to the ladies and fix my face, I must look awful.” Daniel leans in again, crouching a little to meet my eyes and looks at me closely.

“Actually, quite the opposite, you've never looked more beautiful.” I feel that familiar warmth wash over me and I sigh, suddenly feeling calmer.

“I'll be right back.” I tell him, turning and making my way to the ladies.

After freshening up my make up, giving myself a pep talk and applying a little more perfume, I make my way back out to the bar area. I spot Daniel standing chatting to another woman at the bar. She is tall, slender and beautiful. It is clear even from here she is flirting, leaning into him, laughing. I scowl and realise I feel jealous again. She is exactly the kind of woman he should be with, so why does it annoy me so much? I think it’s time to admit this is a date for both of us. Daniel looks up and spots me then, a smile spreading over his whole face.

“Are you okay?” he asks when I step up to his side.

“I'm great, thank you.” I reach down and take his hand in mine, making it clear to the female standing in front of him that he isn’t available.

“Would you like a drink? We still have some time before we need to take our seats.” he smiles at me, a smile so beautiful it takes my breath away.

“I would love a glass of wine.” Daniel places his order and then we move over to an empty table and take a seat. I look around and see the female at the bar looking over at us quizzically.

“Did I interrupt something?” I nod in the direction of the bar.

“Nothing at all. I came with
you
. I want to be with
you
.”

The words are simple enough but laced with so much meaning. It's only then I realise, I don't just love Daniel like a friend, my feelings run much deeper than friendship. He is so beautiful to me, inside and out. His courage inspires me everyday, his kindness makes me want to be a better person, his presence makes me feel safe and wanted and if I’m honest, loved.

“I want to be here with you too.”

“I don't just mean tonight, Katie.”  his face is serious now.

“Maybe I don't either, Daniel.”

There is an announcement then, that everyone should take their seats for the performance. I take Daniel’s hand and stand up. He pulls me to him and just rests his forehead to mine for no more than thirty seconds, but in those thirty seconds I feel something change.

* * *

  We drive home much later in a content bubble, my hand resting on Daniel's the whole way. As we get closer to my street a overwhelming feeling of sadness washes over me, it completely consumes me. I realise I don't want to say goodnight to Daniel. I don't want our night to end. I have only just admitted to myself that I have feelings for him, but was I ready to take it any further? No I’m not.

“Daniel?” my voice comes out as a whisper but he hears it.

“Yes, Katie?”