To Ocean's End (11 page)

Jessie wrung her hands and looked at the floor. “He spent a month building my trust in him before... before showing his true colors.” She folded her arms, feeling a need to cover herself.

The room fell silent, minus the toast sizzling away on the griddle. She could feel their eyes on her.

“Okay,” Sam said, sounding taken aback. “Then for now you can take your turn eating after us. I don’t want you to get in the habit of hiding in corners. You’re eventually going to join us to meals.”

Jessie opened her mouth to protest but Sam held up a calloused hand.

“It’ll do you good. We’ll not let you live a life of fear and playin’ the victim. We all know you have plenty of fight in you. The sooner you go back to normal, the better. Do you understand where we’re comin’ from?”

She understood. “You’re right.” Memories from the beginning of her imprisonment with Tethys surfaced. “You’re very right. I--” She gathered her thoughts in hopes of clearly expressing how they could trust her to let go of the last two years of her life. “When the... raping...” Ugh, that word made her want to vomit. “...first started, I fought. I fought it as hard as I could. But after a few months I stopped and just took it. I couldn’t fight it anymore. Didn’t see any point. But I never gave up trying to escape. My being here is proof enough. I’ll fight my fears. I won’t give up.”

“Good,” Sam said with a warm smile. “The captain would approve.”

Mido scooped his third batch of French toast onto a heated plate sitting in the oven, then battered and placed a fourth loaf on the griddle, and sprinkled them all with cinnamon.

“Speaking of,” Ted said, “where is the good captain?”

Jessie looked up. A few men stiffened.

Cancer said, “Sleeping. He got sick in the night. He should be fine within a few days.”

Jessie searched the techies’ faces for signs of suspicion they’d been lied to, but they nodded in satisfaction. How could they suspect anything was amiss when the ship medic announced Dyne’s “illness?”

With aid of oven mitts, Mido set heaping plates of French toast on both sides of the table and slid them in. Six hands shot out and snatched up slices for their awaiting plates. The crew more tossed than dropped their piping hot slices, then shook out singed fingers. Mido flipped the fourth batch, then held the third heaping plate in front of O’Toole before bringing that to the table as well. That pile dropped to half in a hurry.

In an attempt to force herself to be braver, Jessie scooted her chair closer to the table, but only a couple feet closer. Still, it was enough to get another smile out of Sam, along with Ed and Ted. It would do for today. She did her best not to stare while the crew ate. The mix of fruit, cinnamon, and coffee wafting through the air made her stomach growl.

Mido divvied up the fourth batch and a few slices from the third onto five more plates. He set two plates in the oven, then handed off two more to Sam, who gobbed them with butter and syrup. He hastily finished his meal, then disappeared with the plates towards the cabins. Mido followed with a third plate and three bowls of fruit carefully balanced in his big arms. O’Toole snooped around the griddle but touched nothing.

Scully picked up the fruit bowl Ted had filled for Jessie. “O’Toole.” He held out the bowl. The Irishman considered it a moment, then took it and wandered off towards the cargo hold.

Soon the rest of the crew finished eating. Sauna took Ed and Ted to the engine room. Scully cleared the table and deposited all the dishes in the sink, then wandered off with more fruit in hand. Cancer returned to the cabins, leaving Jessie all by herself.

She got up and cautiously approached the table, looking both ways down the hall before reaching for a bowl. She scooped herself some fruit and took Dyne’s seat.

Mido returned empty-handed and headed straight for the oven. He used oven mitts to retrieve the laden plates and set them on the table. They had four golden-brown slices each with egg and cinnamon-smelling steam rising off them. Mido tossed aside the mitts and began buttering the slices on each plate, then chopped them up. Jessie raised an eyebrow. “I can do that for myself, you know.”

“I want to do it for you.”

Shrugging, she let him wait on her. It was a small gesture, but she still felt touched. She being only twenty two years old, not many guys had tried to pamper her, besides her father. But he didn’t count romantically. Her teenage boyfriends didn’t know how to treat a lady, and now here she was after Tethys, with a cook who wanted to please her. She started pecking at her fruit as her thoughts centered on their first hug. She watched his muscles flex minutely as he cut up their meals. She had to admit they were nice arms, but would they always protect her, or would they one day overpower her?

Mido poured a generous amount of syrup over both plates, then slid them to opposite ends of the table. “Would you like some coffee?”

“Yes, please. With cream. And nutmeg if you have any.” She shooed away thoughts of Mido being a threat as best she could.

He crossed to the coffee pot and poured two tin mugs of coffee to order, preparing them both with cream and a pinch of nutmeg.

“You like nutmeg, too?”

“Never tried it. Sounds good.” He held out a steaming cup.

Jessie looked at it and waited for him to put it down. He frowned and set the mug next to her fruit bowl. He took a sip from his own tin. “It is good,” he said with as much enjoyment as someone attending a funeral. He stared into his mug but didn’t sit.

Jessie picked up her tin mug in both hands. She knew not taking the mug from his hand had offended him. Ed and Ted had been the first loving contact in two years, followed by Mido’s attempted hug. She wanted to experience that feeling again but was afraid it’d go all wrong. She closed her eyes and inhaled her coffee’s spicy aroma, then took a sip. This was her first cup of coffee since Tethys. Two years with nothing to drink but water. She took another sip. “I don’t know what you did but this is the best coffee I’ve ever had, and Cyprus isn’t far from Italy.” She took a third sip. Yep, definitely the best, and hopefully her genuine compliment would smooth over her not taking the mug from his hand.

“Thank you,” he said, his frown softening. He set mug beside his own plate. “Now.” He held out a hand, palm up. “Please don’t be afraid of me, Jessie. I know you’ve been through a lot, but it still hurts every time I see you cringe.”

Jessie considered his hand, then wiped her own on her pants and slowly reached for his. Her brain screamed at her to stay away from it but... she wanted to be a survivor, not a victim. She clenched her teeth and placed her hand on top of his with a feather touch. Mido gently sandwiched her hand between both of his and just held hers. Her heart pounded as her memories assumed she knew what was coming next. Two years of being touched meant getting raped. But this time...

She flinched when he said, “See? No harm.” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, then began massaging it.

As good as it felt, her brain slipped into shutdown mode. Her emotions turned off and the world around her fell into a haze. She just sat there, oblivious to what was happening to her, letting unwanted company just have his way until he was done. He’d be done eventually. If she was lucky, he’d give her no bruises. She’d managed to keep all her teeth, unlike most of the other women who’d come and gone on Tethys’s ship.

Her body was gently shaken. A finger snapped near her face and she heard someone call her name. She blinked a few times, then realized Mido was still holding her hand. Worry crinkled his brow. “Are you okay? Your eyes just glazed over and you didn’t respond to anything I said.”

Jessie fully came back to the present and the sensation of her hand in his. “I’m sorry. I just...” Her heart began pounding. She wanted to run. Run and hide. This was so embarrassing.

“Don’t be sorry.” He kissed her hand began rubbing it again, but watched her eyes for signs of glazing over.

Instead, her eyes filled with tears. She looked down and tried to squeeze the horrible memories flooding her system. And anger. Lots of anger. The anger that’d fueled her before the fight had left her. She made a fist with her free hand. A little voice in her head told her to not swing. She knew the voice was right but she had so much anger in her system. The men who’d taken needed to be punished. She craved revenge--no, justice. Beating and castrating every last one of them would be justice. She raised her fist.

A hand seized her wrist. That contact sent her into a frenzy. She wrenched free and started swinging, but connected with nothing. She surged to her feet and lunged for the man backing away from her. He blocked all her punches and yelled something at her repeatedly. Some two-syllable word. She continued swinging until she recognized her given name.

“Amphitrite! Stop! Please!”

That snapped her out of her red haze, but she still felt a need to punch things. She had so much anger pent up inside her. Mido looked at her fearfully and didn’t move. She wiped at her tears and kept her fists raised. “I need... a punching bag...”

Mido stared dumbly, the demand throwing him off-guard. “This way.” He waved for her to follow, then led her to the cargo hold. They hurried down the hall and into the bow of the ship, past stack after stack of wood crates and into a corner on starboard side. Other men were in there but they both ignored them. A large red leather punching back hung from a steel bar holding up a second-level storage shelf. Mido reached for something on top of the bag, then turned around and held it open for her. An open-fingered sparring glove. Jessie slipped her hand into the too-large glove and tightened the wrist strap, then repeated the process with the other. Mido back out of the way and Jessie took out her wrath on the bag.

She slipped back into blind rage mode. She pounded the bag over and over, throwing her weight into each blow. It felt so good to beat the crap out something, yet she couldn’t seem to hit the bag hard enough. She willed herself to swing harder with every blow. She tried kicking it several times, then went back to punching. Her brain told her arms that she wasn’t getting tired at all but at some point they started quivering, feeling heavier. Her swings became slower and weaker, but she willed herself to keep trying to hit harder.

Her last swing missed the bag entirely. She stumbled and reached out for the bag to catch herself, but her burning arms couldn’t hold her up. Mido caught her before she hit the floor and helped her upright. He tried to back away but she held on with shaking hands. He held her with his hands cradling her elbows and said nothing, just looked at her with sadness in his blue eyes. And a hint of fear. She looked at the floor and whispered, “I hate them all.” Fresh tears filled her vision. She leaned towards him and he pulled her into a hug. She would’ve hugged back but her arms were done. Instead, she started crying. “I hate them all so much,” she said louder.

“Hopefully you’ll never see them again,” Mido said in her ear.

“If I do, I’m going to castrate all of them. They’re worthless pigs. They’re going to pay for what they did to me and so many other women.”

“They definitely deserve it. But try not to think about them okay?”

“I’ll try.”

“Think about yourself and the rest your life ahead of you.”

Jessie broke into heavy sobs. Suddenly her legs couldn’t hold her up anymore and she started slipping. Mido guided her to the floor, then pulled her close so she could cry on his chest. Beyond caring, she buried her face in his chest and cried.

The tears came out of nowhere. Maybe she’d burned through all her anger and there were only tears left, tears for all the horrible things she and her fellow captives had endured. All the cries of pain, all their shared tears, all the ravaging to her own body made her cry harder. She felt so unworthy of the arms that held her, but she lacked the strength to get away. That just made her cry even more.

Mido rocked her gently and rubbed her back. That fueled her tears as well. Her mind warred away with how to react to such kindness. She’d done nothing to deserve being treated well. How could he stand touching her? How? She didn’t deserve it at all. At the same time part of her willed him to not let go, to hold her close and protect her from ever getting abused again. It was so much better than her other experiences. Mido hugged her tighter. Oh, god, it was so much better. She needed to convince herself to not resist such kindness anymore.

Jessie stopped crying, bolted upright, and tore herself from Mido’s arms. She looked around for a garbage but didn’t see one anywhere. She rolled to her hands and knees and began vomiting all over the cement floor. The few sips of coffee, the fruit, and whatever else had been sitting in her stomach splattered everywhere. She heaved until she had nothing left, then clenched her stomach and dry-heaved a couple of times.

Mido put his hands on her shoulders to steady her when she started tipping sideways. Jessie gasped for breath and spat a few times to get the acidic taste out of her mouth.

“Feel better?” Mido asked.

She nodded. She felt a lot better. Lighter, too, like whatever’d been weighing her down had left her system. She also felt like she’d pass out in five seconds if she closed her eyes. “Sorry about the floor.”

“Don’t worry about it. Scully’ll clean it up.”

“No, I should. I’m the one who made the mess.”

Mido pulled her to her unsteady feet. “You need a hot meal in you, not a cleaning duty. Are you well enough to walk?”