To Please the Doctor (15 page)

“
It shouldn
’
t be difficult.
”
His voice was now infinitely gentle, and his arm which rested along the sill now pressed against her shoulders.
“
I said just now that it wasn
’
t my affair, and I meant it. You must do just as you wish, I haven
’
t any right whatever to stop you, but I did have the right to give you my opinion.
”

Jill had believed the pressure of his arm to be accidental. Now his encircling hold was drawing her closer until her face was within a few inches of his. Conscious of tears which hung on her lashes, she longed to turn away, but some inexplicable longing to prolong that soothing contact held her.
“
I just hadn
’
t thought. I
’
m so upset about Terry ... but I suppose you
’
re right.
”

“
Terry is seriously ill; I don
’
t have to tell you that. He is, however, a fortunate child: he will have the best of care and nothing that money can buy will be spared to assist his recovery. He is even fortunate enough to be nursed in his own home, not in hospital among strangers; loving and familiar faces will always be at his bedside ready to give
in to his slightest whim. That is the story of one child. Back at St
.
Joseph
’
s you have a ward of forty children, some equally ill—many far worse. They need you just as much, maybe more, and can you weigh one child against the multitude?
”

“
No ... I had no right to think of it.
”
Jill
’
s voice was little above a whisper.

“
You see, Jill, if I felt your presence would do anything to further Terry
’
s recovery it would be different. For the next few days he won
’
t be conscious of any particular person, when—and if—he rallies, then the danger is passed and there would be no necessity for your presence. Your intention of staying here is purely selfish, entirely for your own peace of mind and not the child
’
s.
”

“
Yes, I see that now.
”
Jill dabbed her eyes with her handkerchief. She felt suddenly relaxed, yet inwardly dreaded the moment when he would withdraw his supporting arm. She had been acutely conscious of his unexpected use of her Christian name, yet it had seemed entirely natural at the
time, a
nd only now produced within her a sense of pleasurable surprise.

“
I take it that you would not, in any case, be leaving here until Sunday night or early Monday. I shall be haying another word with Dr. Sharland before I go. It
’
s possible that he may want me to look in again tomorrow, so if you care to delay your decision about overstaying your leave, I shall be able to carry back your letter to Matron.
”

“
I have made up my mind. I shall be returning at the proper time.
”
Jill knew relief even as she made her decision, but the tears, no longer to be denied, forced themselves below her lashes and lay wet on her cheek. She did not know if Duncan McRey had drawn her head to his shoulder or whether the desir
e
so long withheld, to indulge in her grief, blinded her to conscious action, but she was suddenly aware of the rough texture of his jacket against her cheek and the caressing touch of his hand on her hair. Her first grief spent, she still felt no inclination to move, as if by movement she would shatter the blissful peace of that respite and know again the tearing anxiety of her distress. It was indeed doubtful if she realized whose arms held
her, and against whose shoulder she had found consolation. She lived for that brief moment as under a spell.

“
That
’
s enough, Jill. Giving in won
’
t help you—or the child. Perhaps you understand now that, quite apart from the purely ethical question of your remaining here, I prefer a patient to be nursed by someone with neither personal nor emotional relationship.
”

Jill lifted her tear-stained face.
“
I shouldn
’
t have been like this with Terry,
”
she protested.

“
It would have been humanly impossible for you to nurse him as well as you w
o
uld some child in whom you are entirely disinterested. It was not easy to tell you that, so I thought it wiser to appeal to your sense of duty.
”
This time his eyes twinkled with amusement.
“
It was bound to annoy you whichever way I put it.
”

“
I see now you were right, on both counts.
”
Jill managed a tremulous smile, then becoming suddenly aware of her undignified posture, a warm flush mounted to her cheeks. She sat up hurriedly, and smoothed back the hair which had tumbled across her forehead.
“
I
’
m sorry, I
’
m afraid I
’
ve been behaving like a child,
”
she murmured with embarrassment.

“
That
’
s quite all right, I like children.
”
The words were casual and disinterested, and his expression was hidden as he stooped to retrieve the teddy bear which lay on its back, its four paws stuck up in the air. Straightening its limbs, he placed it carefully beside him.
“
Feel better?
”
he asked abruptly.

“
Yes—so much better.
”
There was a depth of underlying feeling in Jill
’
s tone. She felt more content than she had since that morning when she had held Terry in her
arms,
had felt his hot limbs beneath her fingers.
“
I have been so—so bottled up, I
’
m not like that any more.
”
It was she who sought his eyes this time.
“
I am glad you came, I know he
’
ll be all right in your hands.
”

Duncan McRey rose to his feet and at that
moment,
looking up, Jill thought he seemed taller than ever.
“
I appreciate your confidence.
”
He gave a short
laugh, then, as if to put an end to the discussion, added:
“
I must get down now and see the others: the sooner I set started back the better.
”

“
If you don
’
t mind I won
’
t come down ... I ... I still feel a bit shaken. If Mother notices any signs of tears it will only
alarm
her.
”
Jill watched him leave the nursery, then returned to kneel on the seat at the window. Darkness had fallen. She hadn
’
t noticed how quickly gloom had filled the room, which was lighted only by a glowing gas-fire behind a high, protective fender. She turned away. She could see nothing through the darkness, beyond the narrow outside sill from which the snow had now disappeared, leaving a wet, slushy surface. Shadows flickered across the furniture giving the room a strangely unfamiliar appearance. Even the bright chintzes were mellowed to a greyish monotone, and the seat where she rested was now submerged in shadow. She hadn
’
t realized how dark it had suddenly become; the last hours of daylight had passed her by and she felt like a swimmer returning to the surface. She leaned back, cradling her head against the folds of the undrawn curtain, and scarcely conscious of the action set the teddy bear on her knee. A little smile curved her lips as she recalled Duncan McRey with the toy in his arms; how he had smoothed its furry limbs and straightened its ragged ears; how utterly inexplicable he was, how ruthless, almost heartless at times, an
d
yet
...
She put the toy fro
m
her as a warm feeling of embarrassment filled her being. Surely the whole thing had been an illusion, a trick of her overwrought emotions. Had he really held her close against him
...
cradled her head against his shoulder? It couldn
’
t have been, it seemed like some mad, fantastic dream!

Jill passed her hand across her eyes as if she would wipe out the vision and sweep the idea from her mind, but it was not until she returned to Terry
’
s bedside and kneeling rested her head against his as it lay on the pillow, that she
knew it to be true.

“
I like new doctor man.
”
The child
’
s voice was little above a whisper.
“
He has made my headache lots better, he very, very kind
...
”
His voice trailed away.

“
Don
’
t talk, sweetheart.
”
Jill smoothed the thick curly hair.
“
Just lie quietly, try and sleep. I
’
ll stay with you.
”

“
I love him
‘
most as much as you. He says you help him make ill people better. Do you
?
”

“
Yes, that
’
s right
...
now try and rest.
”
Jill repeated as she smoothed the sheet across the cot and tucked it neatly under the mattress.
“
I
’
ve made you all cosy and it
’
s very dark, past your bedtime.
”

“
Can I have that nice man to make me better again?
”
Terry went on, apparently unconcerned with anything but the problem of the moment.
“
I want him to
come and
see me lots and lots. I
’
m going to show him my engine on rails, the one what works with
‘
tricity,
‘
cos it don
’
t work any more and he says he
’
ll make it work. So he will, won
’
t he? A sigh shook his small frame and he flung an arm restlessly from the confining covers.

“
Yes, of course,
”
Jill murmured, realizing the hopelessness of attempting to curb the child
’
s desire to speak.
“
He
’
ll do anything he promises, if you are good too, and do as he tells you.
”

“
‘
Course I will. He pricked me with a pin and I didn
’
t
cry;
I love him
‘
mensely. When you aren
’
t here with me, is you with him? I thought you might be lonely, but you wouldn
’
t be, not with him, would you? Does you love him like I do?
”
The childish voice was obviously
tiring,
and Jill had to stoop closely to hear.

“
Yes—yes, I do.
”
Jill surreptitiously wiped away the tears which had sprung to her eyes. The reassuring words were but an idle lie to pacify a child, but she knew they were neither as improbable nor as far-fetched as she might, not so long ago, have most certainly believed.

CHAPTER NINE

It
did not Take long
for Jill to realize the justice of Duncan McRey
’
s arguments against her nursing Terry. She was fair enough to admit that the nurses who had come down from Baldwin
’
s could manage the child as she, loving
him
as she did, could never have done, and the result was obviously to the patient
’
s advantage. She knew both nurses reasonably well, since, although attached to the
“
Outdoor Staff
”
of Baldwin
’
s, they frequently returned to the wards between cases, and at various times she had worked with both of them. They had shown some surprise that Jill, after her long experience of Dr. Humphrey, had not called him in to the case. It hadn
’
t been easy for Jill to give any reason, it was something which she had not as yet explained to herself; but of one thing she was certain, she harboured no regrets. Duncan McRey had inspired her with confidence which Dr. Humphrey, in spite of his high standing in the profession, could never have done.