To Professor, With Love (18 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY

“Angry people are not always wise.” - Jane Austen,
Pride and Prejudice

But...

“Even a fool learns something once it hits him.” - Homer,
Iliad

~ASPEN~

I hadn’t seen, talked to, or heard from Noel in three days, not since he’d driven me home from the carnival, walked me to my door, and kissed me senseless on my front porch. I guess he’d been serious when he’d told me the next step was completely and totally up to me, which freaked the crap out of me.

The smartest thing to do was stay away. I knew that and my head was on board. But my body just didn’t understand, and I don’t think my heart had caught the memo either. I was restless all day Sunday and Monday. I kept checking my phone to see if I’d missed a call. I kept glancing out my living room window to see if anyone was walking up my front walk. At work, I perked to attention in my office every time I heard footsteps in the hall. But no Noel, or any student or professor for that matter, stopped at my door.

Today, though...today I’d see him. In class. I was so on edge relaxing was impossible.

All my classes took place in Morella Hall except one, a beginning literature course I taught remotely through telenet to a local community college. I had to cross the street and walk half a block to the campus library, which had the closest video broadcasting system to the English department on campus.

As soon as I was finished with that, I had ten minutes to return to Morella to lecture for Noel’s Modern American Lit class.

Keyed up to see him, I hurried from the library, nearly galloping in my heels. I knew I couldn’t tell him I wanted to start a relationship, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t having some serious withdrawals. I needed a Noel fix...soon.

So when I spotted him as I was nearing Morella where he leaned a shoulder against the building with his back to me and his cell phone pressed to his ear, everything inside me soared.

I started his way so he would see me pass...until I heard what he was saying.

“Shh, sweetheart. Just calm down and tell me what’s wrong?”

The concern in his voice and the feminine pet name he used made me pause. A thick layer of jealousy tasted like acid on my tongue. Who was
Sweetheart
, and why did he sound so invested in her?

That’s when he hissed, “
Pregnant
? You’re
pregnant
? How can you be... Jesus Christ. But you said—”

Pregnant.

My ears rang with a hollow pain I couldn’t even brace myself against. But he’d gotten some girl
pregnant
? I couldn’t...this was just...

No.

“Just save it, okay,” he growled savagely into the phone. “You can apologize until the cows come home, but that’s not going to change the fact there’s going to be a...Jesus, how are we going to afford a kid? Holy fuck.”

He jerked his hand over the back of his head, his fingers shaking. “Stop. Stop crying right now. You got yourself into this one. And now we’re both going to pay. Fuck. I can’t...I just can’t...” He let out a world-weary sigh and messaged his temples as he bowed his head. “I can’t talk about this right now. I have to get to class. No...no... Damn it,
no
! I’ll call you later.”

He hung up and shoved his phone into his pocket. Glancing to his right as if to make sure no one had overheard him, he didn’t bother looking left, or he’d have seen me not moving, staring right at him with my heart shattering to pieces in my eyes.

The pain of knowing he’d impregnated someone else splintered until a fresh anger rose. He’d been nothing but rude to that poor girl. She’d been crying and apologizing, and probably scared out of her mind, and he’d yelled at her, scolded her, made her feel like shit.

What a total douchebag.

My disappointment rose up my throat. I couldn’t believe I’d been falling for this man, thinking he was noble and good.

Curling my hands into fists, I wanted to hit him, and make him hurt the same way I hurt. Hell, the same way his
sweetheart
hurt.

But for now, I had to get to class too.

After marching the rest of the way to my room, I set my briefcase on my desk hard enough to make a student in the front row who was lying her head on her desk to jump and sit up. Crap, I needed to cool myself down before I did something stupid.

Easier said than done because Noel walked into the room a second later, igniting every pissed off nerve in my system. I glanced at him, and he met my gaze. He looked very solemn and grave, and I wondered if he was going to confess everything to me. But then his lips twitched as if he was trying to force them to smile for my benefit but couldn’t quite get the job done. All the while, his eyes remained hooded and troubled.

As he passed, he flipped a folded slip of paper my way. It landed perfectly in my closed briefcase. He didn’t even slow his pace as he kept going, finding a spot in the back of the room.

Thinking he was going to ask me to meet him somewhere so he could tell me what had just happened, I reached for the note with unsteady hands and unfolded it. But it was just another quote for my board. And a cheerful, happy quote at that.

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” - Phyllis Diller

I frowned, the straight line of my lips showing that everything was indeed not straight.

How dare he? After what he’d just done to that other girl, after what he’d just found out...how fucking dare he try
anything
with me? Awful, no good, rotten, cheating bastard.

Opening my case, I slid out my pile of notes. Blood seethed through my veins as I shuffled through them without a clue as to what I was actually looking at. Then, calmly, I stood in front of the room, my hands curling around the notes as I watched seat after seat fill until it looked as if everyone was present.

Noel sat low in his chair, his eyes closed, and his face in his hands as he rested his elbows on the desk. It was more than obvious news of his fatherhood was bothering him. Well, I decided that clearly wasn’t enough for him to worry about.

Cramming my notes back into my case, I clicked it shut and rested my hands on top.

“In Nathaniel Hawthorne’s work,
The Scarlet Letter
,” I started, with my chin high, “the protagonist, Hester Prynne, has to wear a red letter A on her clothes to show everyone she committed adultery and had a child out of wedlock. She became an outcast for the rest of her life. While her
lover
, who committed the very same act, got off scot-free because she refused to name him. But even though he lived out a life of good reputation, he ended up driving himself insane and dying from the guilt.
Mr. Gamble
.” I lifted my voice and shot him a hard stare. “Which do you think is worse?”

His jerked his head up from where he obviously hadn’t been paying attention to anything I’d just said. Eyes ravaged with torment, he croaked, “What?” Then he glanced around and turned back to me. “I’m sorry, what?”

“
The Scarlet Letter
,” I reminded him. “Nathaniel Hawthorne. The woman sleeps with her minister and gets pregnant. She’s publicly scorned for
three
hours, then thrown in jail, and then forced to wear the letter A to show her shame to everyone for the rest of her life. Or her lover. The local minister she refused to indict. He comes away with a clean reputation but can’t handle all the guilt. So...which character do you think had it worse? Would you rather everyone know what you did and hate you for it, but end up with a fairly clean conscious? Or would you prefer to hide it and let it fester, where you always worried about it coming to light, and were always ashamed to know someone else paid for the very crime
you
committed?”

His face lost all color as his mouth fell open. But he had nothing to say. He stared at me hard for a good twenty seconds, and torment filled his eyes, before he blinked rapidly and shook his head. “I...I thought we were starting on Tennessee Williams today.”

Around us, the class tittered, and my face filled with red, hot shame.

Dear God. What the hell was I doing? This had to be the most unprofessional, immature thing I’d ever attempted. If I was upset with Noel for something, trying to take it out on him in the classroom was the worst thing I could possibly do. Feeling sick to my stomach with my own shame, I glanced away and brought the back of my hand to my mouth as I tried to pull my dignity back in around me.

It didn’t work. Drawing in a deep breath, I lifted my face, trying not to bawl. “Very good, Mr. Gamble,” I said, my voice raspy with emotion. I nodded once. “I guess you were paying attention after all.”

Though everyone else let out an amused chuckle, Noel just kept staring at me as if I’d betrayed him.

Still too rattled to continue class, I fluttered out my hand. “I still expect you all to have
The Glass Menagerie
finished by the end of next week. So today, I’m giving you the rest of the hour to find a nice quiet corner to read. We’ll continue our classroom discussions on Thursday.”

For a beat, no one moved as if they thought I was teasing them. I wasn’t one of those teachers who let class out early, but today, there was no way I could stand up here the entire hour.

Not bothering to wait on them, I yanked up my briefcase and streaked toward the exit. Behind me, I heard them finally begin to gather their things, but I didn’t wait around as I usually did. Like Hawthorne’s minister, I had my own guilt to nurture.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

“They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald,
This Side of Paradise

~NOEL~

What the hell had just happened?

I was already in a fuck-tacular mood. The call I’d just received had flipped my world upside down.

I’d woken up this morning, planning on being the perfect student in Aspen’s class and being playful and cute and shit so she’d stop resisting me. I’d even found the perfect quote to make her smile. But then all hell had broken loose, and it had taken everything I’d had to even look at her in all her stunning glory while my guts felt like they were being jerked up toward my tonsils.

She’d called my name while I was in the middle of deliberating whether I should go home and try to help clean up some of the mess my sister had made. But Jesus, how were we going to raise another kid in that place? Caroline would be eighteen soon. Maybe I could bring her out to Ellamore with me. Except the idea of leaving Colton and Brandt alone made me cringe.

Then Aspen happened. I have no clue what had changed between Saturday night and this morning, but this was not the woman I’d kissed goodbye on her front porch. That woman was warm and receptive and could send me to my knees with her smile alone. But
this
woman...fuck, I don’t know. But I was going to find out what her fucking deal was.

As she raced from the room as soon as she dismissed us, I grabbed my things and followed in hot pursuit.

“Hey!” I called. But there were still too many people around. I wasn’t sure if she ignored me for propriety’s sake or because she was just that pissed. Clenching my jaw, I followed. She hit a stairwell that led up to the top floor where the offices were kept. We left the students behind and as soon as we reached the landing, I grabbed her arm.

She whirled around, glaring at me. So I glared back and yanked open the first door I saw. It ended up being a supply closet. Perfect. I shoved her inside.

“What do you think you’re doing? Stop manhandling me.”

After making sure we were good and locked inside, I came around slowly. “We are
going
to talk about this.”

“I said get your hands off me!” Panting, she twisted her elbow out my grip.

I clenched my teeth. “Christ, what is going on with you? Why are you suddenly so pissed off? Saturday night—”

“No! How
dare
you mention Saturday to me?
Damn you
.” She shoved against my chest. “Even the idea of you coming into my class with your flirty little note just
minutes
after hearing you’re going to be a father disgusts me.”

“A father?” I took a step back and ran into the door. “Say
what
?”

“Yes! A father.” Her green eyes shot hateful daggers just before they filled with pain. “I
heard
you talking to that poor girl on the phone,
yelling
at her. Jesus, Noel. How could you treat her that way? You’re just as responsible for this as she is, yet you didn’t seem to have an iota of remorse or—”

“Okay, stop right there.” I lifted my hands, glaring at her. “Maybe you should know all your facts before attacking me.” I snorted out a bitter laugh. “Jesus. Your faith in me is incredible. I can’t fucking believe you automatically thought that was
my
kid.”

“Well, you sounded pretty fucking sure you’d have to take care of it, going on about how much harder this was going to make your life. Why
wouldn’t
I think it was yours?”

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not into incest. That was my seventeen-year-old sister,
Caroline
, and yes, I was furious to learn she was knocked up. I’m also fairly certain the baby’s daddy isn’t going to be there for her, so I
will
have to help her take care of it and this
will
make our lives that much harder to handle.”

“Oh.” She blew out a harsh breath. Apology hung heavy in her gaze, but she didn’t beg for any kind of forgiveness. “I...”

When she couldn’t even say sorry, I snorted.

“This is just great.” Spiking my hands through my hair, I whirled away but couldn’t even step a foot from her; the closet was too small for me to escape. I felt sick to my stomach. “I can’t believe I’m falling so hard for you that I’m willing to risk school, my family, my entire future—
everything
—and you still think I’m capable of juggling you and a new kid. Fuck, I was even willing to try a monogamous, committed relationship with no qualms whatsoever, which I’ve never even considered before.”

Rage consuming me, I spun back to her and pointed a finger into her chest. “I may have had drunk sex with complete strangers more times than I can count, but I have
never
, not even once, forgotten protection. I’m a safe fuck, got it? And if I did manage to impregnate some girl, I sure as hell wouldn’t turn around ten minutes later to send secret love notes to my goddamn English teacher! Is that perfectly clear?”

Her green eyes were so wide I could see every remorseful thought inside her. “Yes,” she whispered. Then her face crumpled. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Why do I keep misjudging you?”

“The hell if I know.” I clenched my teeth and glared. “I fully realize this thing between us is doomed, okay. I know we can never...” I closed my eyes and bowed my head. “We might not stand a chance, but I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop craving that connection we share. It’s so fucking strong, I’ve been willing to... God, I would do anything for little stolen pieces of you, Aspen. But if you can so easily assume I’m... Christ, if you don’t feel the same way about me—”

“I do. I feel the same.”

“Then prove it, damn you. Show me I’m risking everything for a reason. Because, right now—”

Warm lips crashed into mine, cutting me off. Aspen clutched my face and rose up onto her toes, pressing herself against me and fitting us together like two halves of an inseparable whole.

“I do. I swear it,” she rasped against my mouth between kisses. “I feel the same. Exactly the same. Please. Please. I’m sorry. I feel it, too. I’m just scared and—”

“So am I.” I literally shook from fear, and some residual anger, as well as growing lust. The lust won out. Hauling her up into my arms, I slotted our mouths firmly together.

Every molecule in my body ignited. As heat consumed me, my brain shorted out and my body took over. Or maybe it didn't quite short out, but it definitely went into caveman mode.

Mine.

Must possess.

My words hadn’t gotten through to her, so I was compelled to just
show
Aspen how much she affected me. How different she was from every other woman. I had to somehow cement what we'd started so she'd know this wasn't merely fluff.

My mouth attacked hers, forcing her to open and let me in, to accept every piece of me. My fingers imprisoned her face, trapping her in my kiss. I turned into some kind of madman, unable to get enough. The fact that she was just as frantic for me only fed the beast.

Blood pumped through my veins like rushing lava. Hot and explosive. Unable to control my staccato breaths, I backed her into the small space of wall next to the closed door. But that wasn't enough for either of us. Not nearly enough. She climbed me, clinging to me with her legs as she wound them around my waist.

I bumped my hips up between her thighs and ground against her hard. The way she gasped and arched into me, throwing her head back and pulling taut in my arms as she bit her bottom lip, was so fucking hot I almost came in my jeans.

Sinking my teeth into the base of her neck, I thrust against that warmth I wanted to burrow into. Her fingers in my hair tried to yank me bald. The resulting pain was so damn hot I growled and caught her knee, spreading her just a little wider.

Before I knew quite what I was doing, my palm skated up bare skin until my hand was under her skirt. Damn, I loved this skirt. And with no pantyhose in my way, I found my way inside the barrier of her panties as soon as I encountered moist cotton.

She was wet. So wet. For me.

“Noel,” she moaned, writhing against me, grabbing fistfuls of my shirt and yanking me closer.

I thrust a finger into her and we both let out a sound of shocked abandonment. “Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck,” I breathed. She was so... “Fuck.” I nudged another finger in and, damn, it was so sweet. So fucking sweet.

Aspen knocked the crown of her head back against the wall and closed her eyes tight. Her lips parted as these quick, shallow pants exploded from her, each breath heaving out her pleasure. She was so beautiful as I kissed her neck. Fingers pumping hard and fast, I nearly came every time I went deep.

When my lips caressed the shell of her ear, I asked, “Do you feel that? Do you feel what we do together? This isn’t normal, Aspen. We are a force of fucking nature. How can we keep fighting this? How...God. I want to be inside you so bad right now.”

“Uhn...” That seemed to be her tipping point. She shuddered and the muscles hugging my fingers contracted. Crying out, she came so hard and fast it shocked the shit out of me. I kissed her to muffle the sound, my digits penetrating until they were soaked and cramping. She kissed me back, and kept kissing me until I was breathless and dizzy.

As soon as her body began to quiet, I slipped my hand free and grappled for the top button of my jeans. Mindless with lust, I didn’t think the next step through. I just knew I had to be inside her as soon as possible or I was coming in my damn jeans.

When she scurried to help me, fumbling for my zipper and completely on board with my idea, I let her take care of that part so I could cradle her ass in both hands and secure her a little higher against the wall. Her legs spread open, allowing me all the access I needed, and with her skirt rucked up to her waist I could see how the crotch of her panties was still pushed aside from my fingers.

The dark curls between her legs were wet and glistening. My mouth watered as I caught a glimpse, and my dick pulsed in her hand when she tugged me out of my pants.

I needed this so bad. I needed her.

Holding me at the base, she guided me to her entrance. Our cheeks brushed as we both stared down, watching our bodies join.

“Do it,” she whispered, sounding as eager as I felt.

I shoved forward, impaling her.

She was so wet. And warm. And oh, my fucking God. The tightest thing to ever take my penis. When she keened out a high sound as if she was in pain, I jerked my head up to watch her bite her lip and close her eyes. I wondered if maybe it hurt, because, Christ, she was so snug I probably felt like I could split her apart.

Somewhere in my head, I knew I should stop for some reason, pull out, go slower...something. There were multiple reasons to end this and think things through. But I couldn’t concentrate on a single one because fuck, she was
so
... I pushed in a little deeper, groaning at the way she gripped and squeezed even tauter around me.

“It’s okay,” I told her, instead of asking if she was really okay. Why didn’t I ask? I had no clue. Then I kissed her hair and stroked the side of her neck as I held her by the ass with one arm and pulled out just enough to ease back in. “You can take it, baby.”

Actually, I wasn’t so sure she could. This was...this was...intense. But I made myself believe it, because, damn, stopping was not an option.

When I pumped her again, she made another sound, which I couldn’t quite tell whether it was pain or pleasure. I was trying to go as slow as possible, even though I had to keep moving because I couldn’t just
not
move.

“Noel,” she whimpered, clutching my head and turning her face in toward my neck. Her breath on my throat made me swell inside her.

“What’s wrong, baby? Hurt?”

“No. God, no.” She moaned and shivered. “It feels so good. I just...I need...I need...” The way she tightened around me and wiggled, her body demanding more, had me groaning and moving a little faster. “Yes,” she breathed, her sigh a gasp of thanksgiving. “Faster. Harder.” And then she bit me. She freaking bit me, right on the jugular.

From that point on, I was a goner.

I fucked her against the wall, raw and primal, without tenderness or mercy. Every thrust I delivered was fraught with a savage thirst for more. We attacked each other, touching and kissing, biting and licking. I cupped her breast in my hand, and sank my teeth in the swell of her breast, right through her blouse because I couldn’t take the time to remove her clothes. I needed it all, right then.

Just as urgent as I was, Aspen caged my hips between her thighs and wrapped her legs around me until the pointy ends of her high heels stabbed me in the ass every time I pulled out.

When she came a second time, I was right there with her, flooding her with everything I had. It felt so good and right as I buried myself as deep as I could go. I almost passed out as soon as I was done. Sagging into her, I buried my nose in her hair and let the wall support us both while it took me a moment to recoup even an iota of my strength.

I hadn’t expected it to be quite that powerful.

“Jesus,” I breathed, taking another few seconds just to get my wind back. Zapped of energy, I snuggled against her, not sure if I was trying to give comfort or take it. I just knew I loved sharing this moment with her, loved nestling into her warmth and inhaling her scent.

She was quiet and compliant, and so soft in my arms, I think I could’ve held her just like that for the rest of my life. I whispered her name because I needed to hear it aloud. Then I cradled her face with a hand that wasn’t quite steady.

I wanted to tell her...so much. But there weren’t words to express what she’d just done to me, what we’d just done together. It couldn’t even compare to what I’d always imagined.

Tilting her head in toward me, Aspen kissed my palm, so I pressed my mouth to her throat. When she threaded her fingers through the hair at the back of my neck, I lifted my face.

“You okay?”

Now I ask.

If my mind wasn’t scrambled to hell and back, I might’ve smacked myself in the head and apologized for my stupidity, but Aspen only laughed. The sound shot through me, making my exhausted dick pulse with one last aftershock inside her.