To Professor, With Love (24 page)
His fingers found my bare, flat stomach as if seeking our child. What if there
was
a baby in there? What if he’d planted a piece of forever inside me? A piece of our legacy could survive from generation to generation. Maybe our gold
could
stay.
My body turned to liquid fire as he took me straight to the peak without mercy, driving me straight over the edge and into ecstasy. We came together, kissing and touching, united in more ways than I could probably count. As I curled into him and he buried his face in my hair, holding me close, the only thing I could think was,
Please don’t let this end yet. Just a little longer
.
***
So, I peed on the stick.
After what had just happened in the car, my knees were already too wobbly to walk straight. Noel had always been an intense lover, but this time he’d left me rattled. But it must’ve affected him too because he didn’t want to stop touching me.
Once we’d found all our clothes and gotten decent enough to dash inside without being caught
in flagrante delicto
by the neighbors, he’d taken my hand and hadn’t let go. He wouldn’t even let me into the bathroom by myself, which was a bit too personal for me. I shooed him out. But as soon as I finished, he opened the door, popping his head inside, embarrassing the heck out of me because just knowing he’d listened to me was awkward.
“Anything yet?” he asked, stepping close and smoothing his hand down my arm as he glanced at the test strip.
I shook my head. We fell quiet, staring at the stick. Another thirty seconds passed and finally a line began to appear.
Noel squeezed my bicep. “Here we go.”
I held my breath, waiting, hoping. No second line appeared. My shoulders fell limp.
Noel lifted his gaze, his blue eyes probing. “This means it’s negative, right?”
I nodded, unable to speak a single word. My throat closed over, going instantly dry. I tried to clear it delicately, but it didn’t help.
“Well.” He blew out a long breath, stared at the wall over my shoulder, then raked his hand through his hair before setting it on his hip. “Shit.”
I lifted my face, surprised to hear him say that. Had he actually
wanted
it to be positive? Oh, my God. Had
I
? I’d been so hopeful. I thought negative was the result I’d been hoping for. But I felt so disappointed now that it was the result I’d gotten.
“I guess...I guess we just dodged a bullet there,” he said, only to wince and glance away.
Unable to handle knowing he’d wanted it as badly as I had, I pushed past him, escaping the bathroom. “Aspen? What...?”
I rushed down the hall, needing space. Everything inside me felt like it was going to come out. But once I reached the front room, I realized this wasn’t where I wanted to be. I wanted to be back in that car, on Noel’s lap, holding on tight to my chunk of gold.
Tears burned the backs of my eyes but I refused to cry. I sat blindly on the armrest of my couch and grabbed the back cushions for support. My throat squeezed shut; I probably should’ve gotten myself a drink, but I just sat there.
I felt as if I’d just lost a child, when in actuality I’d avoided a complete disaster.
“Aspen?” Noel appeared cautiously in the opening of the hallway, where he stopped as if afraid to come closer.
I looked up at him and shook my head, “What were we thinking? If I’d been pregnant, that would’ve been it. The secret would’ve come out. You would’ve been kicked out of school. I would’ve lost my job. Your siblings...your siblings...Why were we in any way
hopeful
for this?”
Noel stepped forward, paused, then stepped forward again. Kneeling in front of me, he took my hands and lifted them to his mouth to softly kiss my knuckles. “Because we wanted to create proof of how amazing we are together. We wanted a living legacy of our bond.”
His words were the absolute truth. I had wanted something tangible and real that was half me and half him. I’d ached for it, needing to make us as permanent as possible.
“But it’s the most irresponsible thing we could’ve done. This has gotten completely out of hand. We forgot protection again, just now, in the car. And we’re letting way too many people know about us. Damn it, everyone in the bar tonight
knew
we were together. And now they know we’re risky enough to possibly get pregnant. Hell, four of them were even
students
of mine.”
Noel winced. “If it’s any consolation, I’m fairly certain we can trust all of them.”
Fairly
certain? I closed my eyes and bowed my head. Jesus, wasn’t that just great. “It’s too dangerous. Too reckless. We need to be rational.”
He groaned and pressed his forehead to our clasped hands. “I hate it when you’re rational; you always try to leave me when you’re rational.”
With a harsh laugh, I yanked my hands out of his grasp. “Because it’s the smart thing to do, Noel. My God, do you not realize how much we lose control when we’re around each other, how much we put at risk? This is the second time we’ve gone without any kind of protection, and you said you’ve never—”
“I know what I said,” he snapped irritably as he ran his hand through his hair and pushed to his feet. “And it’s not like I mean to forget. It’s just...everything with you is different. That’s the entire point of all this. If you weren’t, if you were just any other girl, we wouldn’t have any of these problems. I wouldn’t lose my head when you’re close, and I wouldn’t forget my fucking condoms. But then, we probably wouldn’t have to worry about remembering either, because you’re my teacher and I would have no problem staying away. But you are
different
. You’re more. And that’s exactly why it’s worth the risk.”
“No.” I shook my head, even though his words were getting to me. He always knew how to break my restraint. Because he was different too. He was more to me too. “It’s not worth it.” Since he
was
more, I didn’t want him to get hurt.
“Baby.” Cupping my face, he came in for a kiss. I knew the moment his mouth touched mine, I’d be a goner. We’d be right back where we started, sucked into the moment and forgetting reality...again. So I dodged away, making him seethe.
Letting me retreat, he blew out a hard breath and dragged his hand through his hair. “Okay,” he muttered. “I know tonight freaked you out—”
“It didn’t freak me out. It opened my eyes.”
He didn’t like that answer. His eyes narrowed and his teeth clenched. “Look, I know the chances of us actually making it through this unscathed seem impossible, but—”
“But what? You want to keep plowing forward as we are until we’re exposed and everything explodes in our faces?”
Throwing his hands into the air, he shouted, “I don’t care about exposure. I care about staying with
you
.”
I slammed my fists to my hips. “Well, staying with me isn’t good for you.”
Noel barked out a laugh. “What the hell ever. You’re the
best
thing that’s ever happened to me. I had to raise myself with no guidance of how to be a good person, how to build good study habits, how to feel like someone actually cared about what happens to me without me needing to fix all their problems in return, how to depend on someone else. You taught me all that. I
need
you, Aspen. Jesus, you really have no idea what you’ve done for me in the time we’ve been together, do you?”
Hugging my waist, I paced across the floor, craving some space before I wavered. “I’m not saying what we had together wasn’t...wonderful. But there are other very important things to consider here. Other
people
to consider.”
Noel sat on the couch arm I’d just vacated and stared across the floor at me as a dawning horror list his gaze. “What we
had
together?” he repeated slowly.
Everything inside me clenched with dread over what I was about to do. “I think—”
“No.” He shot to his feet and stalked toward me. “Don’t you dare say it.”
I scrambled backward, my eyes widening. But he caught me and clutched my shoulders tight. His eyes commanded me not to say a word. But I did anyway. “We need a break.”
“No,” he growled. “We started this together, fifty-fifty. We are not ending it unless both of us want out. And I say no.”
“Noel.” My voice cracked, and his face fell.
“Damn it, Aspen.” He dipped his head and came in to kiss me. I set my hand against his chest.
We stared at each other, eye to eye, both of us breathing hard as my little cat clock on the wall with the swishing tail and shifting eyes ticked back and forth, filling the silence.
“Fine.” His fingers eased off my arms as he took a step back. But his eyes remained intent, still full of fight. “You take your break. Take however long you want to think about it, or whatever shit you think you need to do. But I’m not. I’m still in this one hundred percent, and I’m not going anywhere until you realize we belong together despite everything there is against us.”
Without waiting for me to respond, he marched for the front door and jerked it open. His footsteps pounded on the front porch, growing fainter as he left. Holding my fingers to my lips, I tried not to cry.
Noel cared so much he was going to fight for us no matter what. It made me love him more than ever, which broke my heart even harder.
“Never underestimate a pretty little liar.” - Sara Shepard,
Pretty Little Liars
~ASPEN~
Four grueling, awful, incredibly long days passed. And I didn’t see Noel once. I think he was torturing me on purpose. He knew my willpower was nil. He knew I’d have to see him soon. And honestly, tomorrow—when he walked into my classroom for Early American Literature—couldn’t come soon enough. I needed my Noel fix. Now.
I tapped my fingers against my chin, unable to concentrate on my work as I stared longingly at the cell phone I’d set on the corner of my desk. When I started to reach for it, thinking I could send him one little text, just to say hello, I mentally slapped myself and snapped my fingers back to my keyboard.
No. Bad Aspen.
I turned my attention to the screen of my computer where I was entering scores into the campus’s grading system, and couldn’t focus on a single thing. I hated entering scores. I might have to go completely paperless just to bypass the monotony of score entering.
The only class so far where I’d decided to go paperless was Noel’s. And it was going surprisingly well. After we’d started our relationship, I’d had the students in his class turn in their next essay electronically. That way, I didn’t see a name when I read their papers. I just read them as fairly as possible, assigned the score when I was done, and that was that, they were instantly in the system. That part, I loved.
The scary part came when I realized I’d had no idea what letter I’d given my own boyfriend, because I hadn’t been able to discern which paper had been his. After I’d finished with everyone in the class, Noel and I had checked his score together. I think I nearly squeezed his fingers off I was so nervous by the time we saw he’d gotten a B.
I almost bawled because I hadn’t given him an A like I’d hoped I would. He was the one who’d laughed and pulled me into a hug, telling me it was okay. He was making an overall high C in the class. All he had to do was pull another B in the last essay, and he’d be fine. He’d sounded so sure of himself I had relaxed. But, God, I’d had no idea dating one of my students would put this much stress on my job. When we’d begun this thing, I’d been confident I could separate school and personal life. Except I couldn’t. I wanted to give Noel the biggest A possible.
A throat cleared, jerking me from my daydreaming. “Dr. Kavanagh?”
I lifted my face from my computer screen to find a pretty redhead standing in the doorway of my office. She looked familiar, but I wasn’t sure where I’d seen her before. Swiveling my chair to face her, I pasted on a smile, always thrilled when a student sought me out. “Yes?”
She bit her lip, looking a little nervous. “I’m Marci Bennett. I’d really like to talk to you about my grade.”
“Okay. Come on in.” Since I was already in the system, I quickly typed in her name to pull up her file. “You’re in World Masterpieces, right?”
“That’s right.” She stepped inside and shut the door behind her. It caught me off guard because students typically didn’t do that when I met with them. Usually, we kept the door open, or I was the one to close it. Only Noel had ever done that to me, which only made me more uneasy about Marci doing it. But I shrugged off my apprehensions and continued to smile.
As soon as she seated herself, her demeanor changed. Her coyness melted away to be replaced by a smug little smirk. Confused by the transformation, I skimmed my gaze over her, taking in the entire picture. Her hair was her one shining feature, but it was so brilliant a red I wondered if she dyed it. Her boobs looked big, but again, they were nothing help from a good bra couldn’t make. Most everything about her seemed fake and enhanced.
“So, how can I help you?”
She folded her hands precisely in her lap, reminding me of one of my mother’s moves. “Well, for starters, I’d really like an A.”
To keep from rolling my eyes, I gave a serious nod. “I see. Well, it looks like you have a C now.” I flickered my gaze briefly to my computer, and yep, she was so rocking a C, a C minus at that. “All you have to do is attend all your classes, turn in all your papers, work really hard and raise it two grades, and you’ll be set.”
Okay, that might’ve been a bit smarmy of me, but she was giving me a pretty smarmy look herself. The spoiled brat.
“Actually,” she said, twirling a piece of a hair around her finger. “That’s doesn’t work for me, ‘cause I’m not planning to attend another one of your classes for the rest of the semester. And I’m sure as hell not writing another one of your damn essays.”
Hmm, I’d been wrong. Spoiled brat was actually too mild of a term for this one. I was beginning to think raging bitch might work better. Continuing to smile, I lifted an eyebrow. “And you expect an A for that?”
She flashed me a grin. “Exactly.” Then her gaze went serious as she leaned forward. “Oh, and one more thing. I’m going to need you to stop fucking Noel Gamble while you’re at it.”
I bolted upright in my chair as the blood rushed from my head. “
Excuse me
?”
With a little sniff, she rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to play stupid with me, honey. I know everything. You see, Noel turned me down the other week.” An aggravated sound gurgled from the back of her throat as she tossed her red locks over her shoulder. “And no one turns me down. I knew something was up then. So...I followed him until I got my proof. And
tada
!”
She drew up her cell phone, turning it to show me the screen. Noel and I were in my car, cozied up in the passenger seat. We hadn’t reached the part yet where he’d ripped off my bra, thank God, but it was more than obvious what kind of relationship we had.
Wondering how the heck she’d gotten such a good shot, as dark as it had been and as close up as it was, I zipped my gaze up.
Marci smiled and nodded. “It’s time to give me a chance with him now.”
Dear God, she
liked
him. She liked
my
man.
Banking on the fact that she didn’t want to hurt him, I said, “If you show that picture to anyone, Noel will get into trouble, too. After the scandal on the volleyball team, his coach told all the football players they’d be kicked off the squad if they were caught in a similar situation. And since he’s here on his athletic scholarship, he’d have to leave Ellamore completely. Do you really want that to happen to him?”
Marci paused. I prayed I had her bluffed out; I even took a relieved breath. But then she came back with, “Then I guess I’ll just have to show them
this
picture.”
She used her fingers to scroll to a new image, and I almost threw up.
Noel’s face didn’t make this shot. It was all me. My bra was gone, and I’d thrown my head back until my hair was spilling down my back with my bare breasts arched out. The only part of my partner was a strong masculine arm wrapping around my back. I was probably in the middle of my orgasm, and...okay, I had to swallow a little bit of vomit there.
But, oh, my God. This was bad. How many pictures did this bitch have?
“No one can tell who he is here because his face is cropped.” She sent me a little smirk, which I returned with a silent glare. “But you see... right there.” She pointed to his tattoo. “About a dozen other players have that same exact tattoo. So, it’s more than obvious you’re fucking a current player on the football team, but no one has to know exactly which one.”
I kept my expression bland. It was the only thing I could do at a time like this. I mean, sure, I could leap across the table to strangle her to death, and that’s what I wanted to do. But that wouldn’t help Noel, unless I finally did come up with a way to sneak a dead body out of my office.
Damn it.
After clearing my throat discreetly, I asked, “Did you want that to be a low A or a high A?”
***
“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” - Chuck Palahniuk,
Invisible Monsters
***
~NOEL~
I decided to give Aspen some time. I know, that made no sense. Whenever she had time to reason things out, she decided against us. But I was banking on the fact she’d miss me.
Because I sure as hell missed her.
“Come on, man. You’re killing me here.” Ten reached past me where I sat at the table in our dinky kitchen with homework spread across the surface and slammed closed the textbook I was reading. “You’ve been working or doing homework all fucking weekend. It’s driving me batty.”
I sent him a glare and reopened my book, muttering under my breath because the bastard had lost my place. “I told you, I need to catch up with this shit. Back the fuck off.”
Ten slowly tipped the book shut again, lifting his eyebrows in outright challenge. “You’re not doing homework, pussy. You’re pouting because she dumped your ass.”
Clenching my teeth to keep my temper in check, I ground out, “She did
not
dump me.” She’d specifically said the word break. Break meant we’d get back together...eventually. Break meant there was still a chance.
When I opened the book a third time, my roommate snagged it off the table and out of my reach, holding it above his head like some kind of eleven-year-old bully stealing his little sister’s doll. “You just keep telling yourself that, bud. But we’re still going out tonight.”
I slapped the top of the table. “I don’t want—”
“Well, I’m starving, and there’s no food in the fridge. It was
your
turn to grocery shop. So you’re taking me out to eat. I’m craving Guido’s.”
I shook my head, startled by how specific he was. He never craved one certain place. Hell, the guy never craved one certain type of food. He was one of those vacuums that ate whatever you put in front of him.
“What is this?” I asked. “You asking me on a date?”
He winked and blew me a kiss. “Buy me enough drinks, and you might even get lucky.”
With a snort, I gave in and let Ten drag me out of my apartment. I wouldn’t admit it to him, but it was nice to get some fresh air. I’d holed myself up in the apartment for too many days, and getting out to breathe for a minute actually helped clear my head.
We found a spot a block down and across the street from Guido’s. Still flipping me hell about mooning after Aspen, my roommate bumped his arm into mine, trying to rile me up. But I ignored him for the most part.
Not until he breathed, “Oh, shit,” did I look up and catch how wide his eyes had gone.
“What?” I began to turn to see what he was staring at, but he caught my arm. “Nothing. I changed my mind. Guido’s sucks. Let’s get some Mexican or something instead.”
I rolled my eyes. How much more obvious could a guy get. I turned again. When he physically tried to bar me from looking, I shoved him back and faced the little Italian joint.
And there she was.
Across the street, in front of a wide, open glass window at a table for two, sat Aspen. In Guido’s. With Dr. Chaplain. On what looked like a fucking date.
“Motherfucker.” When I stepped off the curb to cross to her side, Tenning grabbed my arm.
“Whoa, man. What do you think you’re doing?”
My jaw set. I couldn’t look away from
my
woman as she took a drink from a wineglass and smiled at something the douche across the table from her had just said. What did she think
she
was doing? That was the question.
“I’m going over there,” I told Ten. But he jerked me back, pissing me off something major.
“Are you nuts? If you go over there and create a scene like some kind of
jealous ex-boyfriend
, people are going to realize you’re actually a jealous ex-boyfriend. Do you
want
to get kicked off the team? Do you want her to lose her job?”
I snapped a hard glare at him. He lifted his brows, and I cursed under my breath. “Damn it.” Digging my phone out of my pocket, I did the next best thing. I called her.
I could tell the moment her end of the line started ringing. She went stiff and her
date
made a gesture, probably telling her it was okay if she answered. But she shook her head. I ground my teeth. When it went to voice mail, I growled. “I see you. I see who you’re with. And I don’t like it. How is being with an
engaged
man so much better than dating a student?”
After leaving that message, I instantly dialed her number again. This time, she apologized and leaned down to check the ID. When she saw it was from me, she set her phone back in her purse. I could read her lips as she told him it was no one important.
Acid ate through my stomach. “No one important, huh?” I snorted and had to glance away because it suddenly hurt too much to look at her. “You told him I was no one important? Thanks. Thanks a lot.” I hung up because I knew I would say something really awful next, and I didn’t want to say anything awful to Aspen. I just wanted her to get her head out of her ass and get away from that dick.
But, damn it, I couldn’t hold it in. I lit her phone the fuck up with text after text, damn near harassing her—or maybe it was flat-out harassment. Hell, I didn’t know. I asked if she was going to fuck him, if cheating on his fiancée with him made her feel better about herself than having a faithful, monogamous relationship with me, if she always got over men as easily as she’d gotten over me. I don’t know what all I said, I just couldn’t shut up until I saw her grab her purse and stumble to her feet, probably heading toward the bathroom.
Taking that as my cue to follow, I stepped off the curb again. But Ten, damn him, wasn’t about to let me get near that restaurant.
Growling at him until he gave me some breathing room, I paced the corner of the street, waiting until she made it to the bathroom, or wherever the hell she’d gone, and could reply to me.
But she didn’t reply.
Fed up, I dropped the big bomb. I wasn’t playing around anymore. Fingers shaking so hard I had to delete and retype the message three times before I pushed
Send
, I wrote, “
Don’t do this. I love you, Aspen. Ditch him and come outside to me
.”
Anxiety shuddered from my lungs. There. Now she knew. I’d just bared my soul to her and made myself as vulnerable as I’d ever been. Only a cold-hearted person would ignore this, and I knew Aspen. She was the furthest thing from cold-hearted as a person could get. She loved me back. She just had to stop listening to reason and propriety, and she’d realize that.
