To Protect & Serve (11 page)

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Hours later Alex still couldn’t evict Keri from her thoughts or her body. The restless stirring of her senses made her shift uncomfortably in the leather chair opposite Norman Smith, her family’s lawyer. She glanced around at the diplomas and certificates that cluttered the paneled walls, then tried again to focus on the gray-haired man seated across from her. Norman Smith had been a fixture in her family as long as she could remember. The least she owed him was her complete attention.

“I know this is difficult, but unfortunately, the world doesn’t slow down when terrible things happen,” he said. “It’s been almost a year and some matters need your attention. As the only child, you’re sole beneficiary to your parents’ estate.”

“Yes, that’s fine.” Alex interrupted. She’d already had enough to deal with today. Having her parents’ lives reduced to a stack of legal mumbo-jumbo gave her cold chills.

She supposed emotional trauma over finalizing her parents’ affairs was inevitable, and Norman was right: she’d delayed the process long enough. But every box of papers she opened contained more memories and pain she was not ready to face. Her parents’ tidy preparations for the future made Alex all too aware of her failure to enjoy the present. Grief began to choke her and tears stung her eyes.

“What about the company?” Norman asked. “Have you given any thought to what you want? There’s the parent company here in the States and several foreign subsidiaries. I can help with a sale if you wish. I’ve already had inquiries.”

“I can’t decide that right now.” Alex took a deep breath. “Whoever’s been running it for the last year seems to be doing fine. Let them do it a while longer.”

For most of her childhood Alex had believed her parents ran a simple computer store. They’d tried to convince her to come into the business with financial incentives and properties before she joined the police department, but Alex wanted to make her own way. Their privately owned corporation, the Trojan Horse, handled all facets of high-tech surveillance, from basic night-vision equipment to advanced satellite components. The clientele spanned the globe. Then as now, Alex had been unable to imagine herself doing anything but the job she loved. But selling the business her parents spent their lives building didn’t seem like an option at this point, either. It was too soon and too final.

“Don’t wait too long,” Norman said. “Your parents were dear friends of mine and I just want to make sure their daughter is taken care of.” He paused as if waiting for his comments to register. “I assume you’re keeping the house. The title and insurance have been transferred into your name. What about the cars? Do you want to keep them?”

A lump formed in Alex’s throat. She’d never considered returning to her parents’ home, but now it belonged to her. Her infrequent visits the past year had barely been enough to keep cobwebs from forming in the corners. It felt like her parents’ lives were being disassembled piece by piece and she was being asked to dispose of them. Her knowledge of the business was insufficient to make such important decisions at this point. But her childhood home and all its memories would also have to wait. “I’m not ready for all this.”

Norman shuffled through the stack of papers in front of him, pulled one out, and continued, “There are also the other properties to consider, in addition to the business. The two vacation homes, various real estate investments locally, and a sizeable stock portfolio.”

“But hasn’t everything been going along fine for the past year? The company seems to be doing well from the quarterly statements I receive. The vacation homes are being properly maintained as they were before, and the other real estate properties are currently occupied by long-standing tenants. So what is the urgency today, Norm?”

“The stock investments are due for rollover soon, and with all the recent market fluctuations it’s time for a portfolio review. You could leave it in place or reinvest it in something else. Whatever you decide, we’re on a two-day deadline and I’ll need your signature to make it happen.”

“Fine, just let it ride, if there’s no penalty involved. I don’t need any huge influxes of cash anytime soon.” She signed the proffered form and pushed her chair back from the desk.

“There is one final thing,” Norman added. “The board of directors meeting is next month. I think you need to be there. The CEO and board have been doing a great job running the show, but they need to know the company is still important to the principal shareholder, and that’s you.”

“I’ll give it some thought. Everything else can wait.” Alex rose stiffly from the chair, shook hands with the lawyer, and took the probate documents from him. “I’ll read all this and make some decisions. Just give me a few days, okay? And thank you for everything you’ve done for my family, Norm.”

Norman walked her out to the elevators. He seemed a little more relaxed than when she arrived. Some of the tightness around his mouth had disappeared, but Alex knew the heavy creases in his forehead were only one sign of the gravity he attached to his responsibilities to her family. Alex thanked him again for being patient and for the care he’d taken with her parents’ affairs. As she rode down, she realized she had finally moved from disbelief to a form of acceptance. Her parents were gone. The finality she’d refused to accept until now washed through her.

She sat in her old Mercedes coupe outside the lawyer’s office for a while. Her throat felt raw as a sickening feeling clawed its way up. Her eyes watered and stung, blurring her vision. She pounded her fists on the steering wheel as tears streamed down her face. It was the first time since the funeral she’d allowed herself to cry, and the timing couldn’t have been worse.

There were too many responsibilities, too many things demanding her time and energy. Entirely too many to waste time crying. But the feelings continued to bubble up and spill over. She’d stuffed them down, avoided them, ignored and denied them for too long.

“But why now?” Alex asked aloud, wiping her eyes on her shirt sleeve. “I don’t have time for a nervous breakdown.” Something her father said years ago came to mind: “You have to grieve your loss to embrace the future.” The tears began anew and she let them fall.

She thought about her mother’s perfectionist expectations and her father’s tenderness, constant encouragement, and acceptance of all things Alex. They’d only asked one thing of her, and that was to be happy. And it was the one thing Alex couldn’t give them.

It should be easy. Find your passion and the person who makes it all worthwhile and live. Right? Law enforcement was definitely her niche, but the personal component proved more elusive. The thought of disappointing her parents brought another round of soul-tearing sobs.

“I miss you so much.” She slammed her palms against the roof of the car. “I don’t know what to do about all this.”

She didn’t know if it was the business, loneliness, feeling like an orphan, or the feelings suddenly surfacing around Keri that upset her most. Alex buried her face in her hands and rubbed the tears from her eyes. She shook her head and hammered the lid shut on her emotions once again.
Life needs my attention. I can’t fall apart.

She drove home mechanically and pulled into her driveway, scanning the street out of habit. With her keys already in hand, she walked to the house, unlocked the door, and went inside. Her living room was more welcoming now that she had decorated with some memorabilia of her parents’ lives. A picture of her parents occupied the focal point on the entryway table. Every day now she looked at them, celebrated their lives, and vowed to live hers more fully. She felt comfortable among their things and appreciative for the physical connection to her parents.

She knew Norman was right. It was time for her to take the responsibilities her parents had entrusted to her and make the decisions they would have expected. But the investigation was heating up and she needed to stay focused for a few more days. After that, she’d deal with the estate and everything else that seemed so splintered in her life at the moment.

Alex dropped into her father’s old leather recliner and picked up the rotary phone. She dialed the number and waited for the familiar, soothing voice.

“Hello?”

“Wayne, it’s Alex.”

“Alex, it’s good to hear your voice. We haven’t talked, other than at work, for months.”

Alex mentally kicked herself. “I know. I’ve been a terrible friend.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant I’ve missed you. I know you have a lot going on right now. And I also know when you’re hurting, you work that much harder.”

“You know me too well.” Secretly, she was glad. Wayne Thomas reminded her of her father in so many ways. They were both strong and supportive but gentle and intuitive, especially when it came to her. Wayne supervised her in Narcotics and mentored her toward a more politically advantageous position in the department. His advice in matters of the ol’ boys’ club politics had proven invaluable. But it was his support when her parents died that changed their working relationship to friendship.

“So, how’s the assignment coming along?”

They spent the next thirty minutes discussing progress and possible directions the investigation might take. He offered encouragement and advice. She listened to the kindness and acceptance in his voice as he reviewed tactics that, thanks to him, were already second nature to her.

Talking to her friend and mentor helped. She felt more reassured and comfortable about the case. “Thanks for listening and letting me bounce some things off you.”

“No problem. You’ll get this guy. I have faith in you.”

“You’re good for my ego. Don’t stop.” Alex hesitated.

Wayne’s voice softened. “You’re really missing them tonight, aren’t you?”

Alex exhaled a long breath. “Yeah, I am. Sometimes I just feel like I failed them.” She wanted her parents to be proud.

“You know your parents just wanted you to be happy. Remember, your father used to say that real living wasn’t based on the size of a bank account or a successful career. It was based on love and commitment.”

“I remember.” Alex thought of Keri and her pulse quickened.

“So, Alex Troy, whoever’s got you thinking about your parents, disappointment, life, and the future, go after her. Don’t let her get away.”

Alex was stunned by Wayne’s insight. “But I didn’t say—”

“You never do. Life’s too short, Alex.” A slight hitch sounded at the end of Wayne’s statement. “Now, I’ve got to go. There’s a gorgeous woman in my bed and it sounds like you’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

Alex had no idea she could be so transparent, but she knew he only had her best interest at heart. She hung up the phone with Wayne’s encouraging comments like a warm blanket around her. Perhaps life was too short to rationalize her feelings away or pretend they didn’t exist. The more she thought about Keri, the more the younger officer entrenched herself in Alex’s mind and soul. But it seemed everything in her life was suddenly happening at warp speed. Everything demanded her attention and everything was critical. How was she going to juggle it all at once to honor her parents’ lives, vindicate a friend’s death, catch a killer, and fall in love?

Something would have to wait, and with sadness and regret she hadn’t imagined possible, Alex knew what it would be. As she prepared for the first task force meeting the next day, Alex relegated her interest in Keri Morgan to the pending file. She only hoped her feelings could be so easily contained.

When Keri entered the cramped conference room, Alex felt the temperature rise by degrees. She was dressed in tight jeans with a baggy denim shirt and a pink camisole peeking out at the neckline. Her mahogany brown hair waterfalled across her shoulders, hanging in naturally curly ringlets around her face. An infectious smile radiated enthusiasm and way too much happiness.

She waved a paper bag in the air and the smell of warm bread permeated the room. “I brought bagels for everybody. I hope there’s coffee.” When Alex didn’t respond, she teased, “Come on, Lieutenant. I know you want it,” and shook the bag in her direction, apparently determined to get some kind of response.

Alex allowed herself only a momentary glance at her. That disarming smile and those piercing blue eyes could prove hazardous, or at the very least, distracting. And distraction was something Alex couldn’t afford. “Thanks for the bagels, Morgan. Help yourself to some coffee and grab a seat. The others should be here shortly.”

The room was lined with worn, black fabric chairs pushed against the walls and gathered around the scarred table. It smelled of stale cigarettes and cold coffee. On one side of the space, a scratched green chalkboard hung and on the other, a corkboard overflowing with wanted posters. In a corner just inside the door, a child’s desk functioned as a serving table for the industrial-sized coffeepot, sugar, and fake cream packets. As officers arrived, they gathered around the makeshift coffee bar to collect their morning shot of stimulation.

Alex snuck M&Ms from her pocket one at a time. She carefully cracked the hard outer shell between her tongue and the roof of her mouth, felt the creamy chocolate melt, and waited for the inevitable sugar high. She watched Keri joke with the other officers as though she knew them personally. Everybody took to her immediately. But Alex’s impatience grew as she shuffled papers and tried to look busy. By ten o’clock everyone but the Layton officers had arrived.
Damn you, Helen Callahan.