To Protect & Serve (18 page)

Alex simmered with annoyance as they walked to her office. “You promised the last time was a one-shot deal,” she said as soon as they were in private.

“At the time, I didn’t know this was going to happen.”

Alex presented the rational argument. “It’s not appropriate for me to be a principal in an ongoing investigation. You know it as well as I do. I can’t maintain objective oversight of the operation if I’m involved in it.”

“Under normal circumstances I’d agree, but these aren’t normal circumstances and Davis isn’t an ordinary bad guy.”

“I understand, but that doesn’t help my dilemma.”

Beth’s stare was intent. “I think we both know your dilemma is more complicated than you want to accept.”

Alex should have known Beth would call her on her feelings for Keri. The thought of spending time alone with her again, especially in the kind of scenario that weakened her will, tantalized and tormented her. She would never forgive herself if she blew this case because she couldn’t be totally professional.

“We’ve got to be willing to bend the rules a little to catch Davis,” Beth said. “Can you do that or should we just scrap the operation now and tell everybody to go home?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I want to catch Sonny Davis. That’s why I have to say no to this.” She sighed. “You’re right. It’s complicated.”

“You’re worried about making the wrong move because Keri impairs your judgment?” Beth asked directly.

“Of course.” There was no point pretending. Beth knew her too well.

“The wrong move is the one you’re making right now,” Beth said softly. “We have an opportunity, mostly thanks to you. How is it going to look if Keri shows up alone? More importantly, do you really think she can pull this off by herself? Is that a chance you’re willing to take?”

Alex thought about Keri’s impulsiveness and risk taking. This was a dangerous undercover operation. Davis and his thugs weren’t stupid. One tiny misstep and Keri could not only blow it but place herself in serious danger.

“No,” Alex said. “I can’t take that chance.”

“So, let’s do this.”

Alex nodded. “I just need to stay focused on the big picture.”

“Thank you.” Beth opened the door. Before she walked away, she said, “Everything will work out.”

Alex didn’t answer. Even if they managed to convict Davis and she got her promotion, she still wouldn’t feel things had really “worked out” because she would be left wondering how to deal with Keri Morgan. If there was a successful conclusion to the Davis case, Keri would expect to join Vice/Narcotics permanently, and the chief would probably insist upon it. Alex would be stuck working with her indefinitely. How would she preserve her professional distance then?

She leaned against her closed door and cursed beneath her breath. As if that wasn’t enough to unsettle her thinking, she now had to leave for a supervisor’s meeting in Bedford, chief’s orders. She knew who she could thank for that. Helen Callahan would expect her to stay overnight, since it was a five-hour drive, but Alex had no plans to be stuck in a hotel with her manipulative ex. Helen could go fuck herself, and Alex wouldn’t be there to help.

Alex claimed a seat at the mahogany bar in the Bedford Marriott lounge and idly cruised the new arrivals for a potential hookup. It had been too long since she’d allowed anyone to touch her body just for pleasure. Now she ached for it. Yet despite her cravings, nothing sparked. Her customary interest was absent. Her nerves already sizzled with fragility. Five hours on the road had failed to banish her fantasies of Keri. Instead she thought nonstop about the excruciatingly pleasurable dance at Shelly’s bar and that unforgettable kiss.

Being away from home always made her melancholy for the things she’d left behind. This time, one of those things was Keri Morgan. She remained like a watermark in Alex’s subconscious. Why was she so drawn to this woman that she couldn’t get her out of her mind? Keri wasn’t the first warm, honest woman she’d met, but none of the others had ever captivated her so completely. Alex wondered if she was simply needier now because of the changes in her life, or if those events had somehow changed what she wanted.

Other than her aberration with Helen, she’d always looked for brief, uncomplicated liaisons with women. Keri would never be one of those. Alex already knew that from just one kiss. Keri wanted more and if Alex were honest with herself, so did she. But the timing couldn’t be worse. She wasn’t ready for this, and maybe she never would be. Alex wasn’t even sure if she was cut out for a long-term relationship with one woman.

She jerked the idea from her mind and placed her order for Stoli vodka and tonic. The handsome Latino bartender returned with her favorite cocktail a few minutes later and Alex knocked back a mouthful. As warmth from the alcohol flooded her chest, she drove her thoughts to the other personal matter she was trying to ignore, her parents’ house and the Trojan Horse.

Alex had reviewed the documents Norman had given her and was overwhelmed by the magnitude of her parents’ estate. The stock shares themselves would be worth millions if she sold them outright. And the vacation homes were valued at several million. It seemed unfathomable that she could be the sole heir to such a fortune. What would she do with all that money—ever? But Alex had no specific feelings about being wealthy, beyond the numbing enormity of it all. She just couldn’t grasp it yet. Her main concerns at the moment were expelling Keri Morgan from her thoughts before she became a greater problem and getting back to the case that would define her future.

Two task force members greeted her, looking tired and unhappy, obviously having made long drives themselves. Helen Callahan was conspicuously absent.

The DEA supervisor said, “Where’s Callahan?”

Alex shrugged. “She hasn’t arrived yet.”

“She arranged this briefing in the first place,” he said, confirming her suspicions. “What gives?”

Alex struggled to keep her face calm. She couldn’t appear weak or ineffective to these men. It was so typical of Helen. Screw up and leave her the mess. But this time, whatever her game, she was toying with Alex’s livelihood. The temptation to throw her to the wolves was strong. Alex didn’t owe her shit.

“In all honesty, I don’t know,” she told her male colleagues. “I’m as surprised as you are, but Callahan seems to think the rest of us are just her cheerleading squad, or hadn’t you noticed?”

She intercepted a startled look between the two men and smiled in satisfaction. It was out there now, the fact that she’d failed to stand by another female officer. They could interpret her antagonism toward Helen any way they wanted.

“Yeah, we noticed the attitude,” the DEA supervisor said. “Jesus Christ. I left a search warrant on three meth labs for this.”

Sounding equally disgusted, his companion said, “Get used to it. I’ve worked a few major cases with Callahan. If you want my opinion, she’s a glory hog who gives her troops lousy leadership.”

They sat down and ordered drinks, her new best friends. Over the next hour they took numerous trips to the buffet, discussed progress and strategies for the Sonny Davis investigation, and shared all the dirt they had on Helen. Both men were on the point of leaving when a briefcase landed in the spare chair at their table and a breathy voice announced, “I’m here.”

“Captain Callahan.” Alex stood and began gathering the files she’d referred to. “We were just winding up the meeting.” Her two companions shook hands with Alex, grunted an obligatory farewell to Helen, and left.

When the men were out of earshot, Helen said, “Well, of all the nerve.”

“I agree completely. How dare you schedule a meeting that wasn’t necessary, five hours out of town, and inconvenience three people for your own selfish reasons? Since none of us knew what you really wanted, we discussed the case and adjourned.” Alex gave Helen a scathing look and continued packing her briefcase.

A shocked expression skirted across Helen’s face and disappeared just as quickly, replaced by the sultry visage of a seductress. She slid an arm around Alex’s waist and whispered in her ear, “I’m certain you know what I want. You’re the reason we’re here and you knew it before you came.”

The swell of heat that usually accompanied Helen’s touch was noticeably absent, a fact that gave Alex great satisfaction. A line from
The Wizard of Oz
skipped through her mind:
Ding dong, the wicked witch is dead
. She stepped away from Helen’s grasp and conceded, “Yes, I did. I decided it was time I stopped covering for you and started taking up for myself. Everybody sees through you, Helen. They know you’re touting your own agenda for the credit and glory, and it’s over. Stay out of this investigation from now on and out of my life.”

“I can
not
believe you betrayed me to these
men
.” Helen’s face turned a bright shade of crimson as Alex’s words registered. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

“Of course. I told the truth. But more importantly, I stood up to you for the first time in my life. Never contact me again unless it’s in a professional capacity.” Alex turned and strode away.

Helen came after her, grabbing her arm in the lobby. “Alex, darling. Don’t be like that.” She stroked the hollow of Alex’s cheek with her thumb and looked at her with those intense bedroom eyes.

Amazed that this woman still thought she could assume command of her life, Alex jerked free of her and said, “Touch me again and I’ll bring charges. You’re not in control anymore, Helen. Get used to it.”

“Alex, you’re not listening to me.” Helen’s words were like aspartame, sickly sweet and usually accompanied by hazardous results. “This is just a silly misunderstanding. I’ve missed you. Darling, can’t we talk about this? I know it’s been difficult for you.”

Alex remembered those eyes on her body, those hands stroking and filling her with unbridled pleasure. Amazingly, the only sensation those memories evoked was distaste. “You’re right. We do need to talk.”

As if she’d been given a second chance, Helen’s attitude changed from solicitous to in-charge. She steered them toward a love seat in a quiet corner of the lobby. “Mind if I get a drink?”

“Actually—”

“You don’t expect me to have this conversation completely unfortified, do you?” Helen flagged down a passing barman and gave her order. Her palm was hot against Alex’s leg as she kneaded the well-defined muscle in her thigh. “That’s one thing I can always count on.” She smiled up at Alex. “Even when we’re fighting, your body still wants me.”

Alex waited for the usual pulse to hammer in her crotch. Nothing. She drew a deep breath of relief. “Yes, Helen, we did have great sex,” she said. “But it wasn’t worth the price.”

Helen flinched, but her recovery was almost immediate. “Will you ever forgive me? I’d like to make it up to you somehow.”

Alex’s mind flashed back to Keri. It had only been days ago that she leaned against Keri’s chest as they danced, and listened to her heart pound. How could two women’s touches feel so different and elicit such physically similar but emotionally diverse responses? Helen’s calculating caresses only reminded her that their life together had been emotionally charged but substantively void. Keri offered something altogether different. She reminded Alex of life before Helen Callahan—love, possibility, hope—all the things Helen had denounced or destroyed.

“Helen, it’s too late,” Alex said flatly. “It’s over.” Her voice cut like a surgeon’s knife, steady and sure.

Helen stopped, stared into Alex’s eyes and dropped her hands into her lap. “You sound serious.”

“I’ve never been more serious in my life.”

The muscles around Helen’s mouth tightened, but her eyes sparkled with challenge. Sparks of light flashed in her squinted eyes and her nostrils flared. Her gaze never leaving Alex’s face, she taunted, “Like you have a better offer. Get real. Obviously she doesn’t want you or you wouldn’t be sitting here with your tail tucked between your legs, pretending we’re saying good-bye for good. Let me guess, little Miss Innocent?”

Alex checked her rising anger, determined not to stoop to Helen’s level. She got to her feet. “Here’s your drink.”

They were both silent as a waiter set the shot of bourbon on the low table in front of Helen.

“I’m going now,” Alex said as soon as he moved away.

“Sure, you are.” Helen downed the bourbon with one swift gulp and reached for Alex’s hand. When she pulled away, Helen’s shocked expression quickly turned to rage. “You have absolutely no idea what you’re doing. Nobody walks away from me.” As the distance between them grew, Helen’s last desperate insult echoed through the hotel lobby. “After you’ve popped her cherry and get bored, don’t expect me to be waiting.”

Without looking back, Alex walked out the door and headed toward the parking lot, feeling Helen’s hold on her heart and mind fall away.

*

Steady rain, sharp lightning, and rumbling claps of thunder accompanied Alex on her journey back to Granville. As she drove, she relived Helen’s shock and anger and smiled with sheer satisfaction. Finally their professional relationship could assume its appropriate place alongside the others in her life—no more important, no less. But it was the personal aspect that brought a smile to Alex’s face. Helen’s grip on her had ended, and Alex knew the change was permanent. She would never be affected by Helen again. The sway of her sexual prowess no longer existed for Alex. She wasn’t excited or enticed in the slightest; in fact, thinking about Helen repelled her.