To Sleep Gently (29 page)

Where's the lamp unto my feet?

Where's the hope within my prayer?

All the times that I called out, I wonder: were you really there?

He listened, unspeakable suffering pouring through him, bent and broken like a partially completed jigsaw puzzle, a part of it life, another part a swan song in the valley of the shadow of death, the morning sun playing tricks on him when he crested a hill and the light spilled in, and he was on his way to Maine with Sandra beside him. They were going to rent a little cottage and work as grocery baggers, spend their nights reading to each other, drinking wine, making love. She was going to write her novel.

I wonder: were you really there?

He reached into his pocket. He took out the cell phone that Freddy—now dead and staring at the sun—had given him, and dialed Mike's phone number.

It rang only once. Then a machine picked up.

Angela's voice said: "You've reached Mike and Angela. We'd love to hear from you, so leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as we can. Thanks."

Then there was a beep.

Dempster stared out at the road, watched a car come from the other direction and disappear behind him.

"Mike," he said. "It's Jack. Sorry I, uh... well, I'm sorry I never called you in regards to dinner, but life got really busy. I'm on my way out of town right now but I wanted to tell you something." He paused, veered the car gently to the left. And then, "I guess I just wanna say that I'm sorry for, well, for being the way I am. I'm sorry that I'm such a goddamn pathetic loser, and, well. shit." He sighed. "Forget it. Never mind. Anyway, you better start painting again. You know me like I know you, and if I know you, you know the consequences of letting me down. Letting yourself down is what will let me down, Mike, so don't do it. Get your ass in gear, pick up a goddamned brush and get to it. Maybe someday I can come to an opening. You're my best friend, and I love you. All right. Later, Perky."

He disconnected the phone and then rolled down the window. He watched the sun climb higher into the sky, heard the Hollis Wake sing that they couldn't find their way back home. He flung the phone as hard as he could against the highway.

In the rearview mirror he saw it shatter into a million pieces.

THE END