Together We Heal (29 page)

“That was very generous of them,” his mother said, but I couldn’t tell if she really thought it was.

Max sighed and looked up from his plate.

“Look, I’m sorry I haven’t called or visited and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Trish or the car, but I didn’t think you’d want to hear about it,” Max said.

He was going for it. Okay, then. I squeezed his knee under the table and hoped for the best. And hoped that I could keep my mouth shut in this particular situation.

His mother let out a tense breath through her nose and his father coughed again. They shared a look that I couldn’t really figure out. Guess it was one of those parent looks that I’d never seen.

“I’m sorry,” Max said again, his voice breaking. His hand reached for mine and I held it. Even though the situation was hard, I was glad that he reached for me. That I could offer support, at least a little bit.

“I just wish you could understand why I had to do it.” His father leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

“That’s just the thing, Max. I
don’t
understand. I don’t understand why you would go off and leave your family. Leave the business that I built
for you
for your future. No, I’ll never understand that at all. Excuse me.” He tossed his napkin on his plate and got up from the table. Max’s mother tried to call him back, but he was out the door and then there was the sound of a car engine.

“Shit,” Max said under his breath. He put his elbows on the table and rested his face in them. The picture of utter defeat.

“I’m so sorry you had to see that,” his mother said in a quiet voice, folding and unfolding her napkin. “This has been hard for both of us.”

“And it hasn’t been hard for me at all. Do you think that I wanted to leave you? That I wanted to have my parents hate me?” Max pushed back from the table and stormed into the living room. I got up and scurried after him. His mother followed a moment later.

“You know that we don’t hate you. We just want what’s best for you.”

“And I have no say in that. It’s only my fucking life!”

“Maxwell!” He paced across the room and turned around. Not sure what to do, I just stood there feeling awful that I’d been the one who forced him to come here and do this. If only Beth was here. She’d know exactly what to say and how to fix the situation. I definitely didn’t.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t do this,” Max said, turning around. “I keep hoping that one day you’re going to call me, or I’m going to come here and you’ll ask me how school is going and we’ll talk about stupid stuff and it will be normal. You won’t try to guilt me into coming back. You’ll just be parents that are proud your son is in school and trying to figure out his life. But I guess that’s not going happen. Ever. I’m sorry, Mom, but I can’t stay here anymore.” He went to the door, took a breath and then opened it.

“Max,” his mother said, her voice breaking.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “Come on, Trish.” He reached his hand out to me and I went to him.

“It was nice to meet you. The lunch was delicious,” I said, but she wasn’t looking at me. She only had eyes for her son, who looked so much like her.

“Bye,” Max said one more time before we were out the door and back in the car.

“ARE YOU OKAY?”
Trish asked as I backed out of the driveway. My hands shook on the steering wheel and I felt like I was floating above my body and not really inside it.

“Not really, Trish,” I said, and I knew I was being an asshole, but I was so angry, I didn’t know what else to do.

“Pull over,” she said in a sharp voice. I ignored her. “Pull the fuck over, Max!” She screamed and I wrenched the steering wheel over and we ended up coming to a stop on the shoulder.

“What the fuck do you want?!” I screamed back at her.

“Give me the fucking keys right now. I’m driving.” I pulled them out and threw them at her before getting out and slamming the door. We crossed beside each other as we switched seats. I was almost vibrating with rage now.

She started the car and we started driving again, with me in the passenger seat and staring out the window.

“I’m sorry that happened,” she said in a softer voice.

“I knew that was going to happen. That’s why I didn’t want to fucking go, Trish. Shit, why couldn’t you have just listened to me? You always have to push. You never let things go.” A sniff made me look over at her. Great, I was firing on all cylinders today. I’d pissed off my parents and now I’d made my girlfriend cry.

I wanted to go back to this morning when we’d been lying in bed. We’d been talking about tattoos again. I’d pretty much decided I wanted to get one, so we were talking about what I’d get and location. I’d pointed to her tattoos and she’d told me the pain level of each. Of course, that had led to a lot of other things and the tattoo discussion had been put on hold for another time.

I just wanted to go back to that.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I just wanted you to fix things with them. They love you so much. I’d give anything to have parents who loved me.” A sharp pain went through my chest. God, what a mess.

My anger had started to fizzle out, like an open bottle of soda losing carbonation.

“I know you wanted to fix it. I just… I don’t think it’s fixable. Someday, maybe, but not right now. We’re standing on either side of a wall.” A wall that I had built and refused to tear down.

“I’m just so sorry,” she said, sobbing over the steering wheel. Now I was the one telling her to pull over. She did and I gathered her into my arms.

“Your heart was in the right place. I know that. I know you were doing it out of love. I just wish it could have turned out better. I wish my parents could be normal and welcome you with open arms and we could sit and laugh together. You have no idea how much I want that.” In the absolute back of my mind, I’d had a hazy vision of it. Sitting around at the kitchen table, eating my mother’s casserole and laughing about something or other, my parents totally accepting Trish. The four of us totally comfortable with one another.

A family.

Now it was like I had two families. The one that was mine due to biology and the one that I had chosen. All I wanted was for them to coexist.

I stroked her hair and made shushing noises to calm her down. I wasn’t angry anymore. Just sad. Terribly sad.

She pulled back from the hug and wiped her eyes. Her mascara was smeared. I opened the glovebox and pulled out some tissues that had been part of my gifts when I got the car.

“I’m sorry for blubbering all over you,” she said as she blew her nose.

“You can blubber all over me anytime you want, sweets. I love you so much.” I hugged her again.

“I love you, too.” It was so quiet I almost didn’t hear it, but then I realized she’d said it and my heart seriously stopped for a minute.

“I love you,” she said, louder and stronger.

I kissed her so hard our teeth knocked together.

“Oh, my wild girl, you have no idea.”

WE KISSED AND
held each other for a little while on the side of the road. We were only about ten minutes from my house. For a half-second, I considered going back, but that would only lead to more sadness right now.

My parents weren’t ready. They might never be and accepting that would probably be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do. If I was alone, I didn’t think I could do it, but having Trish and my friends support me meant the world.

“You never got your ice cream,” Trish said as I stroked her cheeks with my thumbs.

“No, but it’s okay.” She shook her head.

“No, it’s not. I bet there’s a place somewhere around here. You’ll have to show me where to go.” Actually, if we kept going straight, we’d pass right by the local Hannaford.

“It’s the least I can do,” she said.

“Let’s go get some ice cream.”

WE ATE OUR
ice cream right out of the tub with plastic spoons in the parking lot of the supermarket. The sun was going down and the sky was on fire with color.

“Now, if the rest of the day hadn’t sucked total ass, this would be a perfect way to end it,” Trish said, leaning back in her seat.

“The earlier part of the day can’t ruin this,” I said. “My girlfriend told me she loved me today and that’s the most important thing.”

Trish knocked my spoon out of the way so she could go for a huge chunk of cookie dough.

“I wonder what they make this stuff out of. Because it seriously does taste like frozen dough.” She popped the giant cookie blob in her mouth and smiled at me.

“No idea, but I bet you could find out.” We finished the rest of the ice cream and then just sat there until the stars came out.

“There’s Orion,” I said, pointing it out. We’d parked away from the orange lights of the parking lot, so we could see them.

“Yeah. That’s still the only one that makes sense.” I pointed out a few more to her that I knew about.

“Still don’t see it,” she said, but she was laughing. “It’s sweet of you to try, though.”

She kissed my cheek.

“I really am sorry about today.”

“I know, hun. It’s okay. It will be okay.” I didn’t know if that was true or not. I just knew that I wanted it to be.

“THAT WAS THE
longest day ever,” Max said, flopping down on his bed. He rolled onto his back and put his arms out for me.

“Cosign,” I said, lying down next to him. He put his arms around me and held me like I was a lifeline.

“I’m so tired,” he said around a yawn. It was only six and we hadn’t really had dinner yet. The ice cream didn’t really count as a meal.

“You want me to order some pizza?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said, closing his eyes and pretending to snore. I poked him in the stomach and he opened one eye. I got out my phone and called for a pepperoni and green pepper pizza with extra sauce. Max’s favorite. I liked knowing his favorite kind of pizza. I liked knowing his favorite shirt because it was the first one he wore when he did laundry. I liked knowing that I could drive him wild just by kissing a certain spot on his hip.

No, that was a lie. I loved those things.

I hadn’t planned to do it when I told him earlier. Didn’t think about it. The words just slid out of me. So easy. So right. I’d waited for the terror to hit me but the only emotion I’d felt was incandescent joy. And then the way Max looked at me? Made it even more worth it.

“What are you thinking about?” I hadn’t realized he was watching me.

“You,” I said honestly.

“What about me?” I smiled.

“How much I love you.”

“Really?” I sat down and kissed him on the forehead.

“Yeah.”

He closed his eyes and then opened them.

“I like hearing that. Like, a lot.” I ran my hand through his hair. He’d worn it without gel today.

“I like saying it. No, I love saying it. A lot.” We both laughed and then I watched his face change, like the sun going behind a cloud.

“I shouldn’t be so happy when my parents are so miserable,” he said in a quiet voice.

His words pretty much broke my heart.

“Oh, Max. Don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes things happen. Sometimes your family lets you down.” Mine definitely had. He rubbed his eyes with both hands.

“I guess.” I stood up. I needed to find a way to get him out of his funk. I turned the TV on and tried to find something. Perfect. One of the cable channels played
Family Guy
, like, all the time. You couldn’t watch that show and not laugh.

“Hey,” I said, poking him. He opened his eyes and I could tell he was still thinking about earlier in the day.