Tomato Girl (24 page)

When I saw Tess, I dropped the blanket and clothes.

She sat on the floor, leaning against the stove. Her eyes seemed to look right through me, as if she couldn't see. She'd taken off her wet panties, and her skirt was pulled up over her knees. Her hand smacked between her legs. “Please, Papa, don't. It hurts, it hurts,” she cried.

When I saw Tess, I thought about the dirty things her father had done to her after her seizures. I swallowed hard, forcing the sour taste down my throat.

“Tess, please don't,” I said as I stepped toward her.

“Ellie?” Tess said my name like a question. She acted like she hardly knew me. Her eyes moved around the room as if seeing it for the first time. At least she'd stopped hitting herself.

Kneeling beside Tess, I tried to comfort her. “It's me, Tess. It's Ellie. Don't you remember? We played Avon Lady in my room, and you braided my hair. You gave me kissing lessons. Remember?”

She studied my face. Her eyes moved as she looked at me. She reached up with one hand to touch my arm. “I remember, Ellie. Ellie with the Jellybean bird.”

“That's right.” I made myself smile.

She wrinkled up her forehead. “Oh, no. The funeral. There was a funeral, wasn't there? Jellybean died, and we buried … and then she called me the baby killer … and Rupert? … Where's Rupert?” She tried to sit up more, then winced. Her body must have hurt from banging so hard against the floor.

“Papa, he … he hurt me down there.”

“He wasn't here, Tess. You had a bad dream, that's all.”

“No, no. I remember. I fell, and then he was on me, pushing me. And …” She sobbed, and started clawing between her legs as if she could feel her father there.

I managed to pull her hands away and to make her stop. Then I placed the blanket over her body, and stroked her face, wet with tears. “Tess, please. You have to believe me. You had a seizure, but your papa isn't here. He was never here.”

“I hurt too much. I want Rupert. Where's Rupert?”

“Oh, Tess, I want him, too, but he's not here.” If only someone could tell me what to do.

I stood up and walked to the telephone. Maybe I should call someone. Mr. Morgan? Miss Wilder? Maybe the ambulance?

Without knowing who to call or what to say, I picked up the receiver and took a deep breath.

Just as I placed my finger in the dial, a screeching noise came from outside the front of the house. Then a car door slammed. “Daddy?” I called.

I dropped the phone and ran toward the door. As I pulled the door open, Daddy stepped inside.

My father looked right past me. When he saw Tess on the floor, his face turned white. “Oh, God, what happened? What happened?” Daddy ran to Tess and knelt at her side. He took her face in his hands and kissed her mouth, her cheeks, even her eyes.

“I tried to help her, Daddy.” My voice broke as I explained. “She started shaking, and then she fell.”

Daddy looked up at me. “A seizure? How long?”

“Yes. I don't … It seemed long, but … and … and I put a spoon in her mouth, but she'd already bit her tongue a little.”

Daddy looked at Tess's mouth. “Open, let me see, baby.”

Tess opened her mouth for Daddy to check the cut.

“Not too bad. Just a little cut.” Daddy wiped the blood from her lips. Then he looked at me and said, “You did fine, Ellie. You took good care of her.”

Tess cried. She gripped Daddy's shirt. “I thought he was on me, Rupert. I could feel him, smell him.”

“Hush, it's okay.”

She nodded, wiping tears from her face.

“I was getting ready to call the ambulance when you came, Daddy. I didn't know what else to do.”

“No, no ambulance. I'm here now. I'll take care of her.”

“I tried, Daddy. I was scared.”

“You did good, Ellie. It's okay.”

Daddy yanked away the blanket covering Tess. There was pee and a small amount of blood on the floor under Tess. Daddy looked at me. “Ellie, go upstairs and bring Vaseline, bandages, and clean towels.”

I hurried to the bathroom and gathered the things Daddy wanted. I was glad Tess had brought her own Vaseline, so I didn't have to go into Mama's bathroom and take it from her medicine chest.

Back downstairs, I handed Daddy the jar, bandages, and towels, then curled up in the corner to stay out of his way.

Daddy didn't notice me. He busied himself tending Tess, cleaning her. As he did it, he talked softly. “You're okay now, don't worry. I'll take care of you. Don't worry. Mason Reed can't ever come near you again. I made sure of that.”

Tess looked at Daddy with wide eyes. “Oh, Rupert, what have you done?”

“Only what he had coming. What somebody should've done a long time ago.”

Tess grabbed Daddy by the arms as if she wanted to shake the truth from him. “Tell me you just hit him, Rupert. Tell me you only gave him a piece of your mind. You wouldn't … you didn't hurt him, did you?”

Daddy picked up the Vaseline jar and threw it against the kitchen wall. The glass broke, smearing the wallpaper.

“I'm sorry, Tess. Look, you hush now. Just rest, and let me handle everything.”

Daddy looked across the room and saw me in the corner. His eyes darkened like wet stones.

D
ADDY AIMING THE GUN
at Mason Reed … His finger pulling the trigger … Mason Reed falling to the floor … Blood in a dark red puddle …

These pictures played in my head as if I'd stood in the room and watched Daddy shoot the man.

Still seated on the floor, Tess leaned against the stove. She put her hands over her face and cried, her shoulders curled inward. She pulled her knees to her chest as if trying to ball her body into something tight and closed.

I wanted to tell her, “You should be glad,” but that would've meant saying out loud that Daddy was a murderer.

When Tess stopped crying, her voice was sharp and high. “How could you, Rupert?”

“Tess, shut up,” I yelled. Daddy had done this awful thing for her, because of her. How could she blame or question him? “You know Daddy wouldn't hurt anybody. Just shut up!” The word
kill
almost came out instead of
hurt.
No, no, I couldn't say it. I squeezed my fists tight and reminded myself to be careful.

Still, my voice must have startled Tess. She stared at me, a stunned look on her face. She made a sniffling sound and wiped
her nose on the back of her hand. “You're right, Ellie. I'm just upset. So much has happened … and I … I'm not thinking straight … my head,” she said, rubbing her eyebrows.

I wanted Daddy to deny what he'd done, but he didn't say another word about Mason Reed. He didn't even ask us to keep this night's events secret. He didn't have to. I'd never tell anyone—not Mama, not Mr. Morgan, not even Mary Roberts.

Tess complained again about the pain in her head.

“Let's try a compress,” Daddy said as he walked to the sink. He pulled out one of Mama's dishrags from the drawer, held it under running water, squeezed the excess into the sink, and returned to Tess. He knelt beside her. “Hold it right there and close your eyes,” Daddy said, pressing the wet cloth to her forehead and positioning her hand to anchor it.

While Tess rested, Daddy came over and sat on the floor next to me. “You did good tonight, Ellie.” He picked up my hand and kissed it.

“I didn't do it for her, Daddy. I hate Tess.” I whispered so Tess wouldn't hear me. If we started arguing, Mama might wake up and come downstairs. Mama couldn't know about the spoon, or the letter, or about Daddy going out with the gun. Not ever.

“Don't hate her, Ellie. It breaks my heart to even hear you say that.” Daddy looked at me with eyes so sad I wanted to take back my words, but I didn't. Tess had ruined everything. I did hate her. I wanted to hate her for the rest of my life.

“You better get some sleep, Ellie.” Daddy stood up and walked to the front window. He pulled back the tan curtain and looked outside, his eyes searching. I knew from his furrowed brow he wasn't looking for stars or the moon. He was looking for something else, something eyes can't see.

“Can I sleep down here on the sofa?” Going upstairs seemed too far from Daddy.

He turned toward me and nodded. “Tess will sleep in the sewing room on my bed.”

“Where will you sleep, Daddy?”

“Oh, don't worry about me. I'll nap in a chair. I'm not too sleepy anyhow.”

I stood up and moved to the sofa, curling up on my side so my skirt covered my legs. Daddy pulled off my shoes and massaged my feet in his large hands, warming them. He took the afghan from the sofa's back to wrap around me, careful to tuck the edges under me.

“Will you check on Mama before you go to sleep? She hardly touched her supper.” I hadn't eaten either, but didn't feel hungry.

Daddy pulled the cover under my chin and rubbed my shoulder. “Yes, I'll check on her. I'll take her some saltines if she's hungry.”

“Promise?” I yawned. My eyelids felt heavy.

“I promise. Don't worry now.”

“The baby in the jar, his name is Tom. You have to remember that, Daddy. Mama will want you to notice Tom.”

“I will, Ellie. I'll say something nice about Tom. Now go to sleep.”

“I love you, Daddy.”

Daddy leaned close and kissed me good-night. “I love you, Ellie.”

S
LEEP CAME, BUT
it was fitful and broken. Doors creaked. The car engine moaned outside. Thumping sounds hit the floor. Lights flickered on the porch and glowed in the window. In my sleep, I couldn't tell which sounds came from dreams and which were real.

Tess's voice woke me. “Please, Rupert, you've got to help me! The headache … the pain … it won't stop.”

“Daddy?” I called from the sofa.

Sunlight streamed in the front window, making the room bright. I must have slept for hours. “Daddy?” I called again, rubbing my arm awake.

When Daddy didn't answer, I got up from the sofa and followed his voice into the sewing room.

“Not the hospital, Tess. We can't go to the hospital. Not now. I know a man not too far from here. He's good. He'll know …”

“Rupert, I need a doctor, not some man.”

“He is a doctor, honey. He got in some trouble, lost his license for a little while, but he'll know exactly what to do. And he'll keep quiet.”

“Daddy?” I stood in the doorway and looked into the room. Tess sat on the makeshift bed, dabbing a cloth at her head. Pieces of the night flashed in my mind: the letter, the spoon, the broken jar of Vaseline.

Daddy turned around. “Ellie.”

“What's the matter, Daddy?”

“Ellie, Tess had another seizure. She needs a doctor. I'm going to have to leave for awhile and take her to see someone who can help.”

“No, Daddy. No!”

“Honey, I have to …”

“Why can't the ambulance come and take her like it did when Mama fell?”

“There's another doctor that'll look at Tess. Now, I'm going upstairs to check on your mother. You wait here, keep Tess company.”

“But Daddy!”

“Hush now, Ellie!”

After Daddy left the room, Tess reached out her arms to me. “What's going to happen, Ellie? I'm so scared.”

Ignoring her, I hunted for Mama's sewing basket. “I'm going to sort buttons.”

“Buttons? You're going to sort buttons?” she repeated.

I didn't answer. I had to stay in the room because Daddy said to, but he hadn't told me to talk to her.

“Reds in the corner. Blues in back.” My fingers separated buttons into little piles. “Three green buttons …”

“God, would you shut up about the damn buttons!” Tess screeched. She stood a few feet from me.

“Seven black buttons. One more makes eight …”

“Jesus Christ!”

“One canary yellow … three off-whites.”

“You're just jealous. Jealous because your daddy loves me. Go ahead and count your stupid buttons.”

Something dark and fierce rose inside me. Nothing I could do would stop it from escaping. I picked up handfuls of buttons and threw them at Tess.

She screamed and tried to cover herself with her hands.

Blacks, reds, blues … I grabbed fistfuls and threw them as hard as I could. Buttons hit her legs, arms, and face.

Daddy came downstairs and ran into the sewing room. He wrapped his arms around my waist. “Ellie, don't! Stop it!”

I thought Daddy would be angry, but he just held me tight and carried me to the sofa. He sat with me on his lap and rocked me back and forth while I cried. As soon as my sobs quieted, Daddy looked into my face and spoke in a firm voice. “I'm going to be gone for awhile, Ellie.”

“Daddy, no!”

“I have to, Ellie, just for a little while. Not long, I promise. And I'll be back … but I have to go.”

“I don't want you to go!” I sobbed into his shirt.

“I know, Ellie, but I can't just let Tess have another seizure, not after two already tonight. It's too dangerous. You know that. She has to get some medication. And I've done some terrible things, things I could get in trouble for, awful trouble. I have to go away for awhile until I can figure everything out.”

“Why can't you stay here and figure them out?”

Daddy held my face in his hands. His eyes never looked more serious. “Because if I stay, Sheriff Rhodes is going to come looking for me, then I will have to go away for good. So you see, it's better that I go away now for a little while, then come back when I figure out a safe way.”

“Why can't you take me? Maybe I can help you figure out things. I want to come with you!”

“Ellie, honey, Mama isn't well, and I can't bring her along. If you come with me, she'll have no one to take care of her. Is that what you want?”