T'on Ma (34 page)

"You're hurt
now?"
He frowned at that, worried.

"I'm better," she explained. "My ribs still hurt some, especially if you squeeze me too hard, but only a little."

"Then I will be more gentle." He pulled her to his chest again, not willing to have her out of his touch.

They held each other for a few moments before she broke the silence. "What am I going to do?"

"About what?"

"If I tell my family that I'm alive, I will have to go back to Liam."

Two Hawks looked stricken at that. "No, Water Woman! You belong here with me. I'm not losing you again."

"I don't want to lose you, either," she sighed. "I love you too much. I've tried not to, but I can't help myself. You're in my blood."

"Then, stay with me."

"If I do, I'll be dead to my family."

"You already are, my heart," he gently reminded her.

"Yes. I am, aren't I? And, if I went home, I'd have to move back East. I'd never see my family again, anyway. Plus, I'd be living a life that I hated. Absolutely hated!" She looked up at Two Hawks, tears shimmering in her eyes. "I have to choose, don't I?"

He only nodded, knowing that any decision she made would be painful.

Laying her head on his chest again, she closed her eyes, her mind going back.

"Don't take vows you can't keep,"
her mother said.

"
… you let a white woman choose to be a squaw,"
Liam had told her.
"Lana, in many ways, she'd be better off dead."

"No matter that it kills Ma or breaks Pa's heart? No matter that you turning Kiowa means you never get to see us again?"
Nathan had warned her.
"And, do you want to shame your family like that?"

Liam's warning was harsh.
"You will be an outcast among your own people as well as theirs. Your children will be half-breeds, and will live a life even worse than your own."

And the conversation she'd overheard between Liam and his father still stung.
"She's not the type we'd hoped you'd marry…. Someone with more than an eighth grade education. Someone raised around culture and society who could help you further a political career once you left the Army…. So, you love her. Good for you. But you didn't have to marry her. Have your fling here in Texas and then, when you get home, marry the right woman."

Then, the last conversation she'd had with her husband, the one that made her future look so bleak, filled her mind.
"Lana, you have to realize that when I get out of the Army, I will go into politics. My family has groomed me for this all of my life. You need to know what to do, how to speak and dress, what the current topics are, how to entertain. My mother will be more than happy to teach you all of that."

Her mind whirled around and around as these sentences and phrases tumbled over each other, pulling her back and forth. How could she be so selfish to desert her husband and family, to break her vows? She
couldn't
do that. But looking up at Two Hawks, wrapped in his arms, she knew she couldn't hurt him any more, either.

And then there was her own life, her own needs. What could
she
live with?

Two Hawks watched the debate in her eyes, knowing there was nothing he could say that would make it any easier for her.

"I love you, woman," he murmured in her ear.

"I know. I feel it."

"Please - don't leave me again." The young warrior kissed her forehead and silently held her while she decided his future.

Finally, after many moments of silence, T'on Ma knew what she needed to do. Her heart simply wouldn't be denied any more. If she was already dead to the white man's world, then let her be happy in this one.

"I choose you, love. I choose you."

At her words, Two Hawks lifted her chin to look into her eyes. He knew the sacrifice she had just made and vowed to honor her for it. "And I will
always
choose you."

"I guess I'm Water Woman from now on. Lana O'Connell is dead." Her voice quivered as that meaning became real. Her eyes filled with sadness at the thought of never seeing her family again. Liam and Nathan had made it clear that it would be kinder if she let them all think she was dead.

Needing time to compose herself, she turned and pointing to her buttons. "Help me, please."

Two Hawks unbuttoned her dress for her, kissing her shoulders while his hands moved down her back. T'on Ma stood up and let the dress fall to the ground. She knelt beside him again and unbraided her hair while Two Hawks leaned back against the tree trunk to watch her. The firelight reflected in her beautiful face and cast her hair in gleaming highlights. When she slipped out of the rest of her clothes, she said quietly, "I'll be right back."

He watched her, contented to be with her, soaking in the intimacy between them. Nude, she walked into the river, sending the shimmering white-yellow moontrail rippling across the dark water.

She leaned forward and swam a short distance away, her heart still at war with her conscience. Even though she had made her choice, Liam's face haunted her. Tears filled her eyes when she thought of how much he loved her, of how much she knew he grieved over her. Their last words to each other had been of their love. She didn't want to hurt Liam - not
ever
.

In the water, with her face in dark shadows from Two Hawks, she let herself grieve over Liam, over her parents, over her old life. She could do nothing else, could send them no comfort. Her only solace was that they would never know of her betrayal.

Her next thoughts were of Two Hawks and the future. The Kiowa were her people now. She had much to learn, but she was willing - more than willing - because it meant she would be with him. That thought brought a smile to her face. The man she loved waited for her, needing her as much as she needed him.

Feeling more at peace with herself, she swam back to the riverbank, cool, clean, reborn. In a way, T'on Ma felt like she had just been baptized into her new life, her old one left to be swept away in the river's slow current.

T'on Ma walked out of the water, her silhouette in dark blues. She resolved that there would be no more sadness that night. There had already been too much. The rest of the night was just for them.

When she neared Two Hawks, he reached for her, wanting her body and her love. Needing his reassurance about her decision, she took his hand, straddled his lap, and leaned forward to whisper, "Kiss?"

With one strong hand behind her neck, he gently pulled her to him while his other hand rested on her thigh. That kiss, that hungry, rich, long-dreamt-of kiss was sweet and passionate. They took their time with that kiss. They had both waited too long and gone through too much to hurry it. It marked the beginning of their life together.

When she sat back up, Two Hawks smiled at her, his hands slowly moving up her arms to push her hair behind her shoulders. There were so many ways he wanted to make love to her, to touch her, but for a moment, he was lost in her amazing blue eyes - those bewitching blue eyes.

"Do you know the first time I wanted to kiss you?" he asked softly.

"No. When?"

"When you fed me blackberries. It was all I could do to keep from taking that berry you put in my lips and feeding it to you in a kiss. And then another berry and then another."

"I didn't know," she smiled and then asked coyly, "Since you're telling me secrets, when did you first want to make love to me?"

With that, he chuckled. "The night you kissed me after the prairie fire. If you hadn't had three brothers and a father, all with rifles, I would have, too."

"Oh, I see." She looked down at him, her eyes twinkling. "So, when
are
you going to make love to me?"

"You're sitting like this?" he gestured to her naked body, "And ask me that?"

"Yes. I'd really like to know. Because, if you're not interested, I'm getting dressed."

"Not…?" Two Hawks shook his head in mock disbelief at what she had just said. But then his expression softened.

He looked at her body in the soft firelight and pulled her closer. "Come here, my heart." His sultry whisper felt delicious in her ear. "Let me show you how a Kiowa warrior loves his woman."

His kisses started with her lips, his hands holding her face. "I am so thirsty for you," he sighed.

Moving his arms around her waist, he laid her down on the blanket. Quickly undressing, he laid on her. Pushing her hair back, smiling into her eyes, he kissed her sweet lips once, twice more. Next, her throat and shoulders received his attention. As he moved down her body, caressing and kissing her breasts, he heard her sigh in contentment. Moving slowly lower, his lips found her navel, his hands running up and down her sides and hips.

In that beautiful Texas night, under the moonlight, beside the river, his hands memorized the contours of T'on Ma's body, his lips, the taste of her skin. He filled her with a passion and anticipation she could no longer contain. After a few moments, she touched his shoulder.

"Please. I need you now." Her voice both demanded and pleaded, her body almost writhing in its urgency.

Moving back up, he did as she asked, looking deeply into her eyes as he took her, reveling in her touch, and in the way she moved against him - and with him. She held him in her arms, kissing his shoulders and chest while he rocked her, sometimes in a slow, sensual rhythm, and sometimes with the heat and force of a strong, hungry man. When he heard her breathing change and felt her body's excitement, he watched her face, deeply satisfied to bring her that intimate pleasure. Then, closing his eyes, he thrust once, twice, a third time, and threw his head back, as he held himself against her. Still lying on her, he wrapped her in his arms as his breathing slowly returned to normal.

The young warrior had waited all of his life for this kind of love, for this woman. He held nothing back from her, not his heart, not his emotion, not his soul. T'on Ma understood what she was being given. There was no going back. He was totally committed to her, completely in love with her. That strength resounded in her, connecting her to him, giving her a home on this earth where she was not only welcomed, but needed, by the man she couldn't live without.

Her tears sparkled in the starlight.

"What is it?" he whispered as he held her.

"I am so happy. So incredibly happy."

Her lover smiled. "Good. That's the way I want you always to be." He kissed her once more before he said, "Tomorrow, I will tell everyone that we are married. I only wish I could give your father horses to make things right."

Several days later, lying next to T'on Ma under the warm buffalo robe, Two Hawks awoke with a smile. Having her with him like this brought him joy and filled him with contentment. He kissed her awake even though it was very early. The sun wouldn't be up for three hours.

"I have to do something this morning," he told her. "But I'll be back by this afternoon."

"All right," she smiled up at him. "I'll be here. Besides, I think your mother is coming over to show me how to tan hides."

"Good." He leaned down and kissed her one more time as he ran his hand across her soft body. Forcing himself to leave the comfort of their bed, he stood up and dressed. Walking outside, he went to the remuda and got two horses - his black stallion and the palomino.

In a few minutes, he rode the black stallion out of camp, the palomino led behind on a rope. Two hours later, just as sunrise began to streak through the eastern sky, the palomino stood in the middle of Joshua's corral. The Coopers were stirring awake inside the house. Two Hawks rode away, unseen, and turned to look back only once. He honored T'on Ma by giving for her the best thing that he owned - the horse that had almost cost him his life. Now, he felt at peace. His debt was paid. T'on Ma was his woman - forever.