T'on Ma (28 page)

"Thank you, sweetheart. I'll repay you for this when we get home."

Liam only scowled as he reached for a towel and stood up, sending water splashing across the floor.

The O'Connells walked across the compound, Liam carrying a basket of food and coffee cups and Lana carrying her coffee pot. As they approached the stockade, the guard saluted Liam and stepped back. Liam set the basket on the ground and turned to Lana.

"You sure about this?"

"Yes. It's just a meal."

Lana took the venison and cornbread she had made and walked up to the bars.

"Food,"
she said in Kiowa.
"I've brought food."

One of the warriors stood up, curious about the white woman who spoke Kiowa.

"Oh, it's you, Water Woman,"
he announced, surprised. Taking some food from her, he turned back. "
Isn't she your woman?"
he asked Two Hawks.

Two Hawks had been sleeping, propped up in the corner, but at the warrior's words, he jerked awake and looked out. There, in the darkness, stood a familiar silhouette. He stood and walked slowly to the bars, where he waited until everyone else had food. Then he approached her.

"What are you doing here?"
he growled as his eyes flickered toward Liam and then back to her.

"Hello, Centas Yi." She spoke in English so that Liam would understand. "Food."

When he shook his head in refusal, she offered it again.
"Please,"
she said in Kiowa.
"I brought this for you. I know you're hungry."

The angry man almost refused a second time, but something in her eyes stopped him. He'd seen that look of love hundreds of times before, but this time it couldn't be true. She loved someone else, not him - didn't she? Even so, her expression softened his resolve. T'on Ma had made this food by her own hand, and brought it because he was here. He sensed that she wouldn't have done this for any of the others. Reluctantly, he took the offered food from her. Liam scowled as he watched, an alarm going off in his mind.

Next, Lana poured them all coffee, adding sugar to each tin cup. The cups just fit through the bars and were taken by eager hands. Sweet coffee was a treat at any time. But in these circumstances, it only proved once again how strange the white man was. Who gave treats to prisoners?

"Is it true you married him?"
Two Hawks nodded toward Liam.

"Yes."

"Do you love him then so quickly after me?"
He sounded contemptuous.

"No."

"What?"
He stepped back in his surprise.

"Only you,"
she said softly in Kiowa.
"Always you."

"What are you saying?" Liam asked as he stepped over to them.

"He's asking me if you and I are married. And I told him yes."

"Oh, well, let the guard get their cups. You've fed them. Now, let's go home and feed me."

"All right, sweetheart."

Liam picked up the empty basket and the coffeepot in one hand and put his other around Lana's shoulders. Two Hawks watched them walk away, more confused than ever. Had he just heard right? She loved him? Only? And always? He didn't know if his heart could take this kind of puzzle.

Back home, Liam finally had Lana where he wanted her, in his arms, lying beside him, holding him.

"I missed you so much," he whispered. "I used to like going on scouting details, because somewhere in that time, I knew I'd be seeing you. But now, I don't like them at all."

"I missed you, too," she smiled up at him. "I've never been alone before like this. I don't like it, either."

"My poor baby," he murmured. "I'm here now." He slipped her nightgown over her head and then began moving his hands over her in a way that he knew excited them both. While he was rocking her, kissing her, he looked down at her face. Her eyes were closed and a solitary tear shimmered, hung on her dark eyelashes." Liam stopped and brushed the tear away.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I don't know," she told him. "I guess I missed you more than I realized."

"Oh, woman. Here. Let me take care of that." He continued making love to her, but as aroused as he was, he moved slower, with more deliberation, more tenderness, wanting that tear to disappear for good. It took all that he knew to do, but finally, she arched her back and held him tightly, moving with him, her head thrown back as she moaned.

"There you go, baby," he murmured as he watched her face. "There you go. That's what I want to see." With that, he moved faster, harder until he also moaned and let go.

A few minutes later, he lay on his side, his chest against her back, his arm across her hip, almost asleep. But a muffled noise made him alert. Listening closely, he realized it was Lana trying to hide her tears. He pulled her back to face him.

"What is it? Something's wrong."

"No. I'm fine."

"You are not. You were crying earlier, too. Talk to me, please." They lay together quietly for a moment. "Maybe you're pregnant," he suggested. "I've heard that women get moody then."

"I wish that was it," she smiled. "But my monthly visitor was here while you were gone."

"Oh." Liam frowned. "I don't like seeing you sad. Are you sure you don't know what's wrong."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I don't." She reached up and kissed him. "Now, quit worrying about my silliness and go to sleep. I know you're tired."

"Goodnight, then. Sweet dreams." Liam adjusted his pillow and was soon asleep, but Lana closed her eyes and prayed to be forgiven for telling her first lie to Liam. She knew exactly why she was in tears. She had just made love to the wrong man. Her man was only a few yards away, locked in the stockade, waiting to be hanged!

The next morning, Lana presented Liam with a false cheeriness and a delicious breakfast. Unaware of her true state of mind, he kissed her goodbye and walked out the door to work. As she cleaned up the kitchen, the turmoil in her conscience came to a boil. What was she doing to Liam? What was she going to do about Two Hawks? Her mother's voice filled her mind.
"Don't take vows you can't keep."

A plate slipped out of her soapy hands and went crashing to the floor. After staring at the mess for a moment, she threw herself into a kitchen chair and, head on folded arms on the table, burst into guilty, angry, confused tears. If Two Hawks hadn't been captured - if she hadn't seen him again - maybe she could have continued her well-meant façade with Liam. But Two Hawks' nearness jolted her back into reality, almost drowning her in her need for him. Knowing that she could never stop loving him, she wondered if she had the strength to ignore that love. It would shatter Liam into a million pieces if he ever found out. He deserved so much better.

Two Hawks watched all day long for her. She never came. But Liam did. Walking up with an interpreter, he began telling the Kiowa what was in store for them. Stealing horses from other tribes was of no concern to the soldiers. However, burning out homesteads and killing the settlers was, and they were to be hanged in two days' time for their crimes.

The Kiowa braves shouted in their anger, shaking the bars, demanding to be set free, or at least to be allowed to die fighting, not swinging at the end of a shameful rope.

During the furor, Liam approached Two Hawks, wondering why the warrior stood quietly, seemingly unaffected by the announcement of his eminent death.

Knowing that the soldiers intended to kill him, to kill them all, Two Hawks wanted Liam to know, even in death, Two Hawks was still victorious. "Lana," Two Hawks said in English as he stepped up to the bars. "Lana is mine."

Liam laughed at that.

Two Hawks shook his head, "Even if I am dead, she is mine. Her heart is mine. Forever!"

Liam turned and walked away, not believing a word of it. But the smallest shadow of doubt entered his mind and took residence there. Just a few days before, Lana had been dead to Two Hawks. What had changed? And why?

At dinner that night, Lana seemed tense. After the meal, she picked up their plates and took a step toward the kitchen counter before she turned to face Liam.

"Is it true the Kiowa are going to hang day after tomorrow?"

Liam sighed. There was no keeping a secret in a fort this small. "Yes, it's true."

Lana turned back and walked to the washbasin, angrily throwing the plates in it, not caring if they broke.

When she came back for the rest of the dishes, Liam stopped her. "That bothers you, doesn't it?" he growled.

"You know it does! They haven't had a trial or anything. It's not right!"

"Would it bother you this much if Centas Yi wasn't one of them?" Liam's anger was clear in his tone.

His question stopped her. "Honestly?" She looked down at him, worry and frustration in her eyes. "Probably not. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"I wanted to hear the truth!" he snapped, standing up. "And now I have. He told me today that he has your heart. I laughed at the time, but now I wonder."

"Liam, we talked about this before we got married. Remember?"

"Yes. I know. But now you're my wife, my lover. I thought your feelings had changed for me, that you were in love with me. It certainly feels that way when we're in bed together."

"Liam, I don't know what you want me to say."

"I want you to say that you love me. Only me! That Centas Yi is in your past. I am your future." He looked down at her, his eyes filled with so much pain that she couldn't stand to see it. Standing in front of him, tears in her eyes, she said nothing, not wanting to lie to him, and yet, not wanting to hurt him with the truth. Her silence turned his pain to fury.

"You know, I was disappointed at first when I found out you weren't pregnant. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise." Liam stomped across the room and slammed the front door on his way out.

Lana stared at the door as it quivered in place. Numbly, she finished cleaning the kitchen, then she grabbed her shawl and went to look for Liam. On a hunch, she went to the Bachelor Officers' Quarters and knocked on the door of one of Liam's friends. When the door opened, cigar smoke poured out in a thick, blue-gray cloud.

"Is Liam here?" she asked, waving her hand in front of her face, trying to breathe.

Speaking over his shoulder, the officer said, "Hey, O'Connell. It's your wife."

Liam stepped to the door, a cigar in his mouth, a shot of whiskey in his hand.

"Can we talk? Please?" she asked.

"Why? Have you
finally
got something to say?" His sarcasm felt like a slap across her face. He'd never spoken to her like this before.

"Please?" She stretched her hand out toward him.

A debate raged in his mind as he stared at her. Part of him wanted to slam the door in her face, but another part wanted to grab her up and hold her so tightly that she'd never leave. Finally, giving her a sharp look, he stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

"They're just starting a game, so make it quick." Liam's words cut deeply, as he had intended.

"You're so angry right now that maybe this should wait." She briefly touched his shoulder, then turned to walk away, unwilling to be bullied, but not wanting to continue the fight, either.

He watched her take a few steps and then sighed in resignation. "No, Lana. Come back. Let's talk." Throwing the cigar down onto the dirt, he walked up to her, drained the whiskey from the shot glass, then nodded. "All right. I'm ready. What do you want to say?"

She looked around the compound, wondering if this was a conversation for such a public place. But, from the expression on his face, she realized he wasn't going anywhere with her in his present mood.

"Liam, I've been so upset at seeing Centas Yi again that I haven't done right by you. I should have answered you after dinner. I am very sorry. Please forgive me for that. I'll answer you now, if you want." When he didn't say anything, she went on. "You are my future. He is my past. I am your wife and that's the end of it." She put a hand on his arm. "Just understand that I am upset he is being hanged. I can't pretend I'm not."

Watching Liam for a moment in the dark, she smiled sadly. "Come home when you're ready." She left him standing there, filled with questions he was afraid to ask and even more afraid to hear the answers to. In spite of her words of reassurance, she hadn't said the one thing he desperately needed to hear - that she loved him,
only
him.

Lana went home and got ready for bed. She lay there for quite some time, listening to the silent house.

Liam opened his friend's door, put the shot glass on the floor beside it, and left. He walked for a long time behind the stables and the Officers' Quarters. What was he going to do? Lana would stay with him, would be his wife. But he knew, he
knew
, that Two Hawks was right. Lana's heart belonged to another man, and that was
killing
him.

Not sure how long he had been outside, he finally went home. Liam sat on the bed, and removed his boots and shirt. Still sitting there, he held his head in his hands, feeling lost and sad.
Why couldn't she love him with her whole heart? Why? It would be so easy!

Lana's soft touch on his back let him know she was awake. He twisted around to look at her, his sorrow evident.

"Come here, sweetheart," she whispered. Reaching for him, she pulled him to her and simply held him.

"I love you so much, Lana. I don't know what I'll do if I lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere. It's going to be all right."

The sound of hammering woke them both the next day. Lana sat up in bed, trying to figure out the noise. She rose quickly and walked to the window, but when she looked out, she jumped back as if she had been hit.

"Gallows! They're building gallows."

"They'll have to hurry if they're going to be ready by tomorrow morning," Liam said matter-of-factly.