Too Hot to Handle (30 page)

Merry shook her head and sank slowly down to the couch as her eyes flew over his words. His apology. His explanation about a father who’d disappeared and a grandfather whose only tie to Shane and his brother had been a need to control. The last, final demand he’d made of Shane, and the last, final humiliation he’d dealt.

Gideon Bishop had funded the trust out of spite, and Merry could understand perfectly why Shane would fight that. The money should have gone to him. She’d give it to him if she could. In fact, the letter made it more shocking that he’d dropped the lawsuit. He had an emotional justification for wanting that money, so why had he changed his mind? There was nothing here about that.

The letter was just an apology, and a halfhearted explanation, and a promise that he’d never say a word to anyone about what she’d confessed to him.

I didn’t know you when I decided to deceive you, Merry. I didn’t know your heart and soul and body. What I did was wrong, and I can’t excuse it, but I never meant it to be a betrayal of all the beautiful things I know in you now. I didn’t mean that, and I wish I could take it back.

My God, had he given up two million dollars because of her? That was…awful. Amazing and humbling, but still awful. She couldn’t let him do that, not even for the sake of Providence.

Handing Grace the letter, she replayed the brief conversation they’d had that afternoon. He hadn’t said anything about dropping the lawsuit. Then again, she’d cut off any conversation he’d wanted to have.

“Did Cole tell you about his family?” she asked Grace. “About his dad abandoning them? About his grandfather?”

Grace shook her head and glanced up from the letter. “No. Nothing.”

Merry stood and walked to the window to stare up into the dark sky. She couldn’t even be angry with him now. She couldn’t be relieved. She couldn’t be anything but torn and confused and tormented. She’d gotten everything she’d wanted tonight. The truth from her mom. Security at her dream job. Even triumph in the face of Crystal’s bile.

But all of that felt uncertain. In fact, it felt almost unimportant. Because Shane hadn’t just given up millions of dollars. He’d given up so much more than that, and Merry needed to know why. But the phone didn’t ring, and Shane never came home.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

S
HE
HADN
’
T
SLEPT
AT
ALL
. She’d meant to. She’d pulled out the sofa bed and lain down and forced herself to close her eyes. But at five-thirty, she’d given up and taken a shower. After fifteen minutes standing with her head under hot water, the only ideas she’d come up with were to break into Shane’s apartment, search out his mom’s phone number and stalk a man who may or may not want to see her.

Or she could just be patient.

“Fuck that,” she muttered as she got out and toweled off. She couldn’t be patient. She couldn’t do
nothing
. She also couldn’t break into Shane’s apartment, if only because she had no idea how to. Although… She shot a look toward the closed bedroom door. Grace would probably know.

She considered it for a good thirty seconds, then shook her head. He probably hadn’t left a note detailing his plans on the off chance that a crazy chick would break in to track him down. So instead of waking Grace up, Merry tiptoed into her room and checked her phone for texts from Cole. There were none. She was back at square one. So she got in her car and drove in slow circles around town.

There was no point hurrying. She wouldn’t find him. But she couldn’t sit around anymore. Her brain was a tumbling mess of confusion and betrayal and hope, and she had to move or she’d go mad.

The hope was the worst part. It wanted to fill her up. It wanted to overtake everything else. Hope that everything was going to be okay for her, but the worse, more insidious hope that she could have better than okay. She needed to find him and cut that off at the knees. Lay it to rest. Or maybe, just maybe, let it grow.

Trying to stamp down her own ridiculous thoughts, she stopped for a latte and then drove out of town, automatically heading toward Providence. It seemed as good a destination as any. Maybe it would bring her some peace, or maybe she’d find some clarity about what Shane had done. At the very least, she could do a little busywork and move back into her office.

She tried to breathe deeply. Tried to relax. And the drive helped. The rising sun turned the sky to a beautiful silver-blue that took her breath away. The last of the snow on the far peaks of the Tetons glowed white and pink and pale gold, and she felt a moment of such sharp relief that tears sprang to her eyes. This place didn’t just
feel
like home. It was home, now. She wouldn’t have to leave. There’d be no moving on.

Her mind started turning through the possibilities, and by the time she turned onto the dirt road, she’d given in to the excitement of the big news. This was no longer going to be a piecemeal effort. With the release of funds, the first thing she’d do was hire a restoration consultant to be sure she was on the right track. Then she’d finish the saloon, start on the church and start writing up content for the placards that would need to be ordered for every building. Of course, there were still the historical documents to be organized and cited and…but that could wait for winter, which would not only stop work, but also make the town inaccessible for long periods of time.

She was so completely drawn into the excitement of planning that she didn’t notice the vehicle ahead of her until she was almost at the pullout for Providence.

Frowning, she took her foot off the gas and let the car slow. Why was there a big white SUV parked just at the edge of the trees ahead? Was it someone from the trust? Or should she be worried for her safety? Then the logo on the side of the truck became visible. And the low light rack across the top of the cab.

A sheriff’s truck.

“Oh, no,” she breathed, worried even before she drew even with the place where she always parked and saw that Shane’s truck was there.
“Oh, no.”

She parked her car in the middle of the road and jumped out, eyes flying between Shane’s truck and the sheriff’s SUV a hundred yards farther away.

Shane’s door opened, and Merry lurched toward him. “Shane!”

Her relief at seeing him was immediately quelled by the exhaustion on his face. His gaze met hers with weary sadness as he rubbed a hand over his stubbled jaw. “Hey, Merry.”

“What are you doing here? What’s going on? There’s a cop car and…the lawsuit…”

“I found my dad,” he said quietly.

She froze in the act of reaching out to touch his arm. “What?”

“I came out here to think, and I wanted to… I’d spotted something that day I took you up to the cabin, and I wanted to check it out.”

“I don’t understand. What does that have to do with your dad?”

“He bought a camping trailer the day he disappeared. He was with his girlfriend, so everyone assumed they hit the road. But I think maybe…I think he was taking the trailer up to the cabin.”

She shook her head, still completely lost.

“I found his truck and the trailer below one of those washed out areas of the road. Either the road collapsed beneath him or he didn’t see the gap until it was too late. I don’t know. But…he’s been here the whole time, Merry. He never left.”

She didn’t know much of the story, just what he’d revealed in his letter, but she could see enough of it on his face. The stunned sorrow, the years of pain and so much regret. “Shane, I’m so sorry.” She let her hand reach toward him again and touched his arm. “Have you been here all night? Is the sheriff’s office…” She didn’t know how to say it. How did you speak to someone about his father’s body?

He shook his head, his eyes on the arm she was touching. “Last night they couldn’t do much more than cordon off the scene. They found two partial skeletons in the grass, but it was too dark to start the recovery. They told me to come back at dawn, but I couldn’t leave. I just thought…Jesus, it’s stupid. It’s been twenty-five years, but I didn’t want to leave him alone for the night. Knowing he’s been here this whole time, and…”

“That’s not stupid. It’s not. You should have called me. I would’ve stayed with you.”

A bitter smile flashed over his face. “Yeah, somehow I didn’t think you’d be sympathetic.”

“Shane Harcourt!” She shoved him hard enough to make him step back. “You’re an idiot!”

“I know.”

Guilt shot through her like a bullet. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.”

“You have a right to.”

“I don’t, but I’ve been looking for you all night, and I’m so confused. Shane…
what did you do?
”

He watched her for a long moment without answering, his dark, weary eyes getting sadder as the seconds passed. “I did the right thing,” he finally said. “I’m sorry it took so long.”

“No! It’s your land and your family! I understand now why you fought it. Providence shouldn’t be built out of spite. It shouldn’t be brought back to life as a way of hurting you. That’s so wrong, Shane! Gideon Bishop did something terrible to you, and I don’t want to be a part of that.”

“You’re not, Merry. You’re the opposite of that. I’ve spent the past year so damn angry. Hell, more than the last year. When my dad left, it broke us. My whole family. My brother was angry from the age of nine on, and I was sucked into denial and delusion by my mom. She always believed he was out there somewhere. Always believed he was coming back. She made me believe it for a long time, too. When I finally woke up, I think I was angrier than my brother ever was.”

“Of course you were. You had every reason to be.”

“Apparently not.” He glanced up toward the hills.

“Did you decide to drop the lawsuit when you found him?” She was relieved at that. It’d had nothing to do with her.

But Shane shook his head. “No. I did that for you, Merry.”

“Shane, I—”

He cut off her alarmed words by taking her hand and tugging her a little closer. “You showed me what life could be like if I was willing to let go of the anger. To accept the past and live like I at least
wanted
to be happy.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You haven’t had a perfect life, but you don’t walk around angry and scared.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that,” she murmured, remembering the way she’d lashed out at Crystal. She’d also thrown a few choice words at Shane.

He smiled. “I know you get angry. You’re a woman, not a saint. But you see the possibility in things, Merry. You see it in every day. You see it in this pile of run-down buildings and spiderwebs. You even see it in me. And all I could see was a challenge to try to get back a little of what was taken from me. As if that would change anything.”

“But the money. It should be yours.”

“Why? Because I had the good grace to be born? I didn’t give my grandfather the time of day for over a decade. I didn’t even want his name. I told myself I wanted nothing from him then I happily took his land and demanded his money, too. Like a selfish damn child.”

“He was the one who was selfish!”

“And I was so much better?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Come on. Look what I did to you.”

She couldn’t argue with that. He’d used her and betrayed her. No matter what he was going through or how he’d tried to make it up to her, she couldn’t deny that.

His gaze fell. He turned her hand over in his and traced the lines of her palm with his thumb. “I’m so sorry, Merry. You made my life sweeter. You let me see things I needed to see. And all I did was hurt you.”

“That’s not true,” she whispered.

“Everything else I tainted with a lie.”

She curled her fingers and captured his. “That’s true. But you’ve taken that back now with an awfully grand gesture. I think we might be able to find a way to be friends again.”

“Friends,” he repeated.

Despite the way the word ached inside her, she nodded. “I don’t want you to be alone out here like this. It’s not right.”

He nodded, but then his forehead creased in a tortured frown. “I don’t want to be friends.”

“Oh.” She tried to tug her hand back. Right. Just because he’d given up the money didn’t mean he was happy about it.

But he didn’t let her go. “I’ve spent my whole life telling myself I’d never be good at this. That the men in my family were nothing but philanderers and escape artists and people who could never be counted on. Hell, all the way back to Providence, even. But I don’t have to be that. I can’t use that as an excuse just because love scares the hell out of me.”

Merry blinked. “Love?” she croaked.

“Yeah, I know. You might not even like me right now. You certainly don’t trust me. But that’s fine. That won’t stop me from loving who you are, Merry Kade. That won’t stop me from loving your smile and your laugh and the stupid jokes you crack when you’re nervous.”

“Oh.” She shook her head in shock.

“Or the way you can’t stop talking about this damn town that shouldn’t mean anything to you. Or how you get shy and turned on all at the same time in a way that makes me crazy to touch you even as I tell myself I should go slow.”

Her heart thumped faster in her chest. Her cheeks burned. She couldn’t believe what he was saying. She refused to believe it, because it scared the shit out of her.

“Shane, I don’t know. I hardly know you, and what you did… That hurt. What if I can’t get past it?”

“I understand. We haven’t known each other long and I’ve been holding back, not just from you, but from myself. I’m not asking you to love me. Heck, I’m not even saying we should be together. I’m just asking if you can forgive me. Maybe not today, but sometime. And if you can, I’d like a chance. Just a chance. I love who you are, Merry, and I think it could be way more than that, but all I need right now is to know if you’ll consider it. If you’ll just…consider me.”

She didn’t let herself answer right away. This was a serious question and she couldn’t take it lightly. Could she forgive him? Could she ever trust him? Could she give it a chance? He’d hurt her, badly. He’d lied. He’d embarrassed her. And he’d tried to take something from her that meant so much.