Torn (38 page)

She wanted a family, a home, security,
and love. Branson could provide all of those things, but she also
needed trust. He blew it in that department. He promised he
wouldn’t hold her past against her, but she couldn’t get the image
of his expression out of her head. Could she trust that he wouldn’t
hold it against her ten years down the road?

Could she trust Aidan? He was
mysterious and controlling—but honest. If he didn’t like something,
he told her. He wanted her all to himself and couldn’t stand the
thought of another man looking at her lustfully. Wasn’t that
exactly how Branson felt after learning about her past? He was
crazed thinking of someone hurting the woman he loved.

Katie dug her fingers in the dry sand
behind her, and held the soft powder in her hands for a moment
before letting it slip through her fingers. She tossed around the
idea of a life with Branson versus a life with Aidan for hours and
she hadn’t come up with an answer.

***

Three glasses of wine on an empty
stomach wasn’t Katie’s best idea ever. She started to get in the
car, but thought better of it when she couldn’t steady her hand
enough to get the key in the lock. Instead, she walked the two
short blocks to Aidan’s house.

All the lights were out, and she hoped
it wasn’t too late. He had the OR booked for an early surgery, but
she had to see him. Their phone call earlier was brief as he most
likely took Katie’s lack of enthusiasm for boredom. Usually, she
loved hearing about the more difficult surgeries, but her mind was
filled with confusion and grief. Maybe seeing him would give her
some answers. She reached for the doorbell, and pressed it once. A
light came on inside, illuminating a boxer brief clad Aidan as he
walked toward the door.

“
Hi, gorgeous, come
in.”

Katie stood on her tiptoes, wrapped
her arms around his neck, and kissed him. The familiar sensation of
electrifying pulses traveled through her stomach and down into her
thighs as he kissed her back, his hands sliding around her waist
and straight to her ass.

He pulled back and flashed her a
wicked grin. “You’ve been drinking. And now you’re here for a late
night booty call?” Trailing his lips along her neck, up to her
earlobe, he whispered, “I’m in.”

Katie’s body stirred, the familiar
hunger and longing taking over her senses. It took every ounce of
will power to make him stop. “Stop . . . please, I need to talk to
you.” Her words were breathless and filled with need, encouraging
him rather than making him pause. “Aidan. Stop!”

“
What? Why?” He pulled
away, the frustration evident in his tone. “What’s going
on?”

“
I didn’t come here for a
quickie. I said I need to talk to you.”

“
Oh,” he said, his eyes
sobering.

The reality of the situation poured
over Katie like a cold shower—awakening her common sense. Was this
relationship with Aidan purely sexual? Would a future together be
possible? Once the desire hit a plateau, would there be anything
left? There was no room in her twisted heart for regret.

Katie pulled herself out of his arms
and stepped back, creating space between them. “Branson knocked on
my door last night.”

Aidan ran both hands through his hair.
“And you told him to fuck off?” He hooked his finger around the
ribbon that circled the waist of her blue sundress and pulled her
in to him.

“
Aidan,” Katie put both of
her hands on his chest, preventing him from pulling her in any
closer. “Let’s sit.”

Katie sat on the couch and waited for
him to join her. She let her eyes roam over his confused face. He
was the man who helped her heal, the one that convinced her to
laugh, run, play tennis, and experience life again. She felt a pit
in her stomach, wondering if he would fight for her.

“
I listened to what he had
to say.” She looked at the ground, unable to find the courage to
look into his eyes. “He wants me back.”

“
Of course he does, Katie.
Don’t let him manipulate you. He had his chance . . . and he blew
it.”

“
What exactly do you want
from me, Aidan?” she asked, studying a tassel on a decorative
pillow. “How do you see things going for us in the
future?”

“
I . . . Katie, we’ve only
just begun getting to know each other. I can’t make promises yet.”
Aidan stood and paced the room. “I can tell you that I don’t want
to lose you. I’d like to explore a future with you . . . slowly . .
. over time. I don’t think rushing things is a good idea for either
of us.”

“
No, I agree. But I have
to know . . . do you want a family one day? How do you feel about
children?”

“
I’ve never been around
them. They make me uncomfortable, but I’m not opposed to the idea
one day.”

Katie let her mind wander to the
future. She tried to picture Aidan with his son, teaching him how
to fish, or tying his little girl’s shoe before kissing her on the
top of her head. It didn’t fit. Damn it, they would have had
beautiful children, too. Dark hair and eyes, olive skin . . . she
was going to miss him terribly.

Her entire body ached from
the impending heartache and tears filled her eyes.
I can’t do it!
I just
can’t.
Katie stood and wound a strand of
hair tightly around her finger as she paced the floor. “I—I um . .
.” Gauging the look on his face, he knew what was coming . . . more
of the same Katie.

She wiped her tears with the back of
her hand. “This is much harder than I thought it would be.” She sat
back down in a chair opposite Aidan, her mind reeling as she
struggled for words.

“
Don’t do it, Katie.”
Aidan stood and walked to the picture window overlooking the beach.
“You won’t be happy with him.”

“
Aidan,” Katie walked up
behind him and reached out to comfort him, but let her arm drop
down by her side knowing it would just make it harder. “You’re
amazing and I’ll never forget what we shared.”

“
Stay with me.” He turned
and took her chin in his hands. “You can’t deny that what we have
is worth exploring.”

“
I want more, and you’re
not ready to give that.”

“
But—”

Katie held up a hand
interrupting him. “I know it’s too fast, too soon. I don’t begrudge
you that. But you have to realize . . . I
had
a family. I
had
the future I’d always dreamed
of. That’s what I need. I want a whole houseful of kids . . .
running through the house, climbing into our laps to cover us in
sloppy, wet kisses.” She saw the dread in Aidan’s face as he tried
to smile, but the cringe lingered in his eyebrows giving him away.
He’d probably keel over the minute a dirty little hand was pressed
against his sparkling sliding glass door.

“
You’ve already made up
your mind.” He dropped his hands and turned away, facing the large
glass window that looked out toward the ocean.

“
I—I’m sorry. You helped
me heal and I experienced things I didn’t know were possible. I’ve
changed because of you. I’ve enjoyed being a woman. I love you,
Aidan, but—”

“
Spare me the bullshit,”
he said flatly.

Katie stiffened. The uncaring tone
stunned her, releasing the vice grip from around her heart. “I’m
sorry and I hope one day you’ll forgive me,” she said, keeping her
voice level. “I gave my heart to Branson a long time ago, and I
know we can’t give each other what we both deserve.” She turned to
leave, swallowing the lump in her throat that made it difficult to
breathe.

Aidan whirled around and pulled her
into his arms. Before she could protest his lips were on hers with
such desperate need it was uncomfortable. She pulled back and
looked into his troubled eyes as he spoke.

“
I’m not going to be here
every time you need to be glued back together, Katie. He can’t give
you what I can—what you need. I know you, you’re fragile and
vulnerable. You need someone to push your limits so you can enjoy
life. I want you . . . and you need me.”

“
You
have
pushed my limits, and I’m
grateful to you for that, but I’m not fragile.” She wiggled out of
his arms, stepped back to get the full view of him. “Do you love
me? I mean, really, truly . . . love me enough to give up
everything for me?” she asked, watching his expression change.
Finally—the chance to see him squirm under
her
gaze for once. It was a lot to
ask, and she knew her own answer to the question. She couldn’t give
up her dreams for him.

“
I—you know I do. I mean,
we haven’t known each other very long, but—”

“
You and I are in lust,
not love, Aidan.”

“
Don’t diminish what we
have.” His eyes grew darker, something Katie didn’t think was
feasible. “Yes, there is a lot of lust between us, but I do care
for you . . . deeply.”

“
I care for you, too,
Aidan. I just don’t think it’s enough to sustain us long term.” She
turned to walk away.

“
Katie!”

Aidan slammed his fist against the
wall, causing her body to recoil in fear, but she resisted the
compulsion to look back and closed the door behind her. Walking
down the road, she took her time, pondering the night’s events. A
feeling of morose washed over her temporarily as she recalled the
words they shared. Questions still loomed over her. Had she made
the wrong decision? Would it have been worth it to give up on the
idea of a family? To erase her past once more, and move on as
someone without skeletons in her closet?

Nearing the pale yellow cottage,
sadness was immediately replaced with joy. Branson was leaning
against the front porch post waiting for her.

“
What are you doing?”
Katie asked, walking to the front door.

“
You said one day. The day
is over.”

Katie unlocked the door, pulling
Branson in behind her. After locking the door—just in case—she
buried her head in his chest and wrapped herself in his arms. Not a
word was spoken between them as Katie pulled away and removed his
shirt. She kept her eyes locked on his as he pulled her in at the
waist, untied the ribbon, and unzipped her dress. He slid the
straps off of her shoulder, letting the thin material fall to the
floor.

Katie stepped around the dress. Her
body stirred in anticipation as Branson’s eyes roamed over her as
she stood in her bra and panties. She reached out and skillfully
unbuttoned and then unzipped his khaki shorts, using both hands to
slide them to the ground. She trailed a finger down his stomach,
over his belly button, moving until she reached the waistband of
his navy boxer briefs.

Not able to wait another moment to
feel her skin, Branson pulled her into him and led her back against
the wall. He kissed her hard and deep, concentrating on her taste,
the way she melted beneath him. Unhooking her bra, he flung it
across the room. With his free hand, he cupped one of her breasts.
He could feel her breathing become heavy as he took her nipple
between his forefinger and thumb, squeezing with just enough
pressure until she released a soft moan. Keeping her hands against
the wall, he rested his palms on top of hers and lightly trailed
them down her arms, feeling her body quiver under his
touch.

Katie lowered her arms and pulled him
into the bedroom. She stood on her tiptoes and wrapped one hand
around his neck as she kissed him with all the passion she had.
When she pulled back, she slid her fingers into the waistband of
his boxers and carefully lowered them down and over his bulging
arousal. She guided him onto the edge of the bed and knelt down in
front of him, trailing her tongue along the length of his
impressive erection.

“
Katie,” he warned. With
the emotion of having her in his arms again, and the length of time
that had passed since he’d been touched by her—or anyone for that
matter—he wouldn’t be able to maintain control.

She peeked up at him
through her lashes, and smiled before sliding her mouth over him
inch-by-inch.
Oh, shit!
The site of her pleasuring him as her hair moved
around the insides of his thighs nearly took him over the edge. The
room began to spin as her warm mouth and tongue enveloped him,
causing every muscle in his body to tense. He clenched the sheets
on either side of him as he allowed another moment of the exquisite
pleasure. In one swift motion, he lifted her off him and laid her
on the bed. He hovered over her, caressing her magnificent body
with his eyes.

Katie moaned with pleasure as his hand
moved between her legs, feeling how turned on she was. He needed to
taste her, to please her. Nibbling and kissing her thighs as he
made his way to the destination he desired had her squirming
beneath him. He felt her body tense when his tongue touched her,
and relax again as he savored her. Her body writhed appreciatively
as he moved at just the right speed and pressure, until finally she
released the tension that had been building and cried out his name.
He watched as the last of the aftershocks surged through her while
she gripped the pillow above her head.