Torn: Bound Trilogy Book Two (26 page)

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t.

He nodded as though I had. “Keep your mind clear and calm. If you can’t remove emotion from yourself, at least use it in a way that benefits you instead of holding you back. If we can build up this skill of yours, we might be able to work together and get out of here. Practice now, while your power still fills you. Don’t turn your back on it.”

His gaze was intense, piercing in a way that I found uncomfortably familiar. I had little hope of encountering Aren’s intensity again if I didn’t do something to change my situation.

Ulric and I were trapped. We weren’t powerless.

I nodded.

He held out a hand. I grasped it, and he pulled me to my feet.

“Good. Again.”

W
e reached
the crossroads at Gormen late in the afternoon. The entire town consisted of an inn, a butcher shop, a general store, a farrier, and a smattering of small houses spread out along a few narrow roads. The buildings on the main road were well-kept, built of stone with decorative shrubs in front to welcome those who might be tempted to stop and spend the night or their money in town. Few people roamed the streets, but those who did gave us polite nods of welcome.

“Will we stop here?” Nox asked. She spoke to Kel and Cassia. Never to me, if she could avoid it. I’d noticed she seemed more bashful around Kel this morning. She studied him, but never let him catch her doing so. “I don’t want to spend your money for you, but a bath and a comfortable bed would be nice for a night.”

Cassia pulled out their pouch of coins and examined the contents. “Aren, what have you got?”

“Not much.”

She frowned. “Since Kel was so generous about the horses, I think we’re going to have to choose between a night at the inn, or supplies, or having something left for an emergency later.” Her shoulders dropped. “I’m not sure I can take another night in the open air.”

I hated seeing her like that. Cassia had always seemed so vibrant. Indestructible. But though Nox’s potion had helped with her cough, she seemed to be dragging herself through each day, forcing each step she took. An inn wasn’t a lake, but as Nox had said, there would be a bathtub. A cool soak for each of the mers would do them wonders.

We need supplies,
my rational mind argued.
But there is another way…

Darkest magic,
another voice responded.

My chest tightened. No one had ever told me what to do when two opposing courses of action both seemed right.

I cleared my throat, and they all turned to me. “If it’s that important, I could take care of things. It’s nothing I haven’t done before. Maybe I’ve been looking at this wrong, and—”

“Oh, Aren. No.” Cassia rested a hand on my arm and squeezed. “I wasn’t thinking when I said that. Of course you shouldn’t. We’ll make camp on the other side of town, and Kel and I will come back for supplies. We’re the least-recognizable of the group.”

Nox sat up straighter. “Wait, what could he do?”

We didn’t answer her.

As we rode on and searched for a place to sleep, I tried not to let my emotions overtake me. I despised myself for not helping my friends. But then, Kel and Cassia never would have let me use my magic that way for their sakes. And would I have felt any better if I’d done it, knowing that I might be doing unseen harm to innocent people? More than that, I hated myself for caring about it at all. I longed for the days when I’d shut thoughts like this out, followed orders, and had only to think of my goal, not the damage I might cause along the way. The old Aren would have been disgusted by what I’d become.

Forget it,
I told myself.
Focus on finding a place to sleep
.

The road was well-traveled in that area and dotted with campsites. We passed by them and looked for something less visible. Whenever there appeared to be a faint path leading away from the road, one of us would go off to see where it went. Most were game trails, but Nox found one that led to a small clearing behind thick tree cover. She motioned for us to follow, and she and I dismounted.

“What do we need?” Kel asked.

I took Rowan’s sea glass out of my coin pouch and tossed the bag to Kel. “Use what you need. Food will be fine. Some extra blankets, another water bag if anyone’s selling, and a little grain to add to what the horses are digging up.” I could think of other things I’d have liked, but nothing worth spending money on. I had the supplies my uncle had given me.

Kel turned to Nox. “Anything I can bring for you, my lady?”

She tilted her head slightly to one side. “Why, all the treasure in the Diamond Dragon’s caves, good sir.”

He grinned, and Cassia slapped his arm. “Come on, good sir,” she said. “We need to get back before dark.”

The playful look dropped from Nox’s face, and she stepped back. Conflicted, I thought, but didn’t care to check in her thoughts. “Actually,” she said, “if they’re not too expensive, I could do with a few more bowls, maybe a pot.”

“For potions?” I asked.

She didn’t look back at me. “For potions, but also for cooking. If anyone here can hunt, I can collect anything else that’s edible, and we could make a stew that stretches further than the dry rations we’ve had so far. Potatoes would be lovely.” She looked down at her hands. “And soap.”

Cassia nodded. “Agreed on all counts. We’ll see what we can do.”

Then Nox and I were alone, with no neutral parties between us. I decided keeping my mouth shut was the best course of action. Everything she did irritated me, though I still didn’t care to think about why. The way she talked down to us at first and then won over my friends. The way she held herself, as though she thought herself a true princess instead of a girl brought up in the harshest, least-refined parts of Tyrea—and the way she betrayed that when her accent slipped into a backwater drawl when she let her guard down. The uncertainty that came off of her in nearly visible waves, though she tried to hide it under a veneer of cold confidence.

That doesn’t hit a little too close to home, does it?

I shook that thought off, too. Gods, even the way she laid out the bedrolls irritated me. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had gotten under my skin like this. Not since childhood.

“Are you going to change again tonight?” she asked.

“I suppose I will, unless they get more blankets. Even then, it’s better if you all use the extras. It feels like it’s going to be a cold night.”

She rested her hands on her hips. “Do you know that by magic?”

“No. There’s a chill. It’s clouding over. I’m guessing based on past experience and prior knowledge.”

“Interesting.”

I sighed. “What is?”

“I had heard you were so powerful.”

I gritted my teeth. “I am.”

“I knew a fellow who used magic to predict the weather. Not a Sorcerer, but he used some magic.”

Deep breaths.
“We have different skills. It’s unusual for a person to master more than a handful. Weather-prediction, while terribly impressive, is not something I have natural skill in, nor is it something I’ve cared to develop. Does that answer your question?”

“I didn’t ask a question.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. She stepped back. I couldn’t fathom why she’d bait me. To prove I wasn’t everything she feared? To prove I
was
?

“We should gather firewood,” I said.

Most of the fallen branches were damp with melted snow, but I found a few bits that were dry and snapped them into smaller pieces for burning.
Should have asked Kel and Cassia for an axe,
I thought as I snapped a long stick against the trunk of a tree, the branches of which were covered in tiny pink leaves. They’d grow, widen, take on a richer color by summer.

Heartleaf
.

I leaned against the trunk and inhaled the sweet scent of its bark, which would always make me think of Rowan. I let the memories overtake me, just this once. If she were there, she’d have helped me sort through everything. She’d make things clearer. At the very least, she’d help me set my problems aside for a while and rest. She would have faith that things would turn out—or at the very least, she’d smile and pretend she did. My mind calmed. I’d need some of that faith if I were going to move ahead with my plan.

I pushed away from the tree and carried the firewood back to camp.

Previous travelers had cleared a space for a fire and ringed it with jagged rocks, and by the time I got back Nox had cleared the fallen leaves from it. She stood branches in the center of the pit, building a cone shape over a space that held smaller sticks and dried leaves.

She offered a tight smile and wiped her hands on her pants. “Go ahead.”

“You’ve done this before,” I observed. I would make an attempt to be friendly. Give her a chance, as Kel had suggested.

“Mm-hmm. We can’t all shoot flames out of our bodies to warm ourselves.”

I lit the flames, and she pretended she wasn’t watching. “Most of us can’t do this on any great scale, either. Magic might not be exactly as you’ve imagined it.”

“Severn can, though?”

“He could have this fire blasting higher than your head in seconds, with no wood to feed it.”

Nox’s brow furrowed. “What else does he do?”

She looked into my eyes, and a chill swept over me that made the hair on my scalp stand up. I knew it was only because some part of me recalled those ice-blue depths from childhood. We’d played together, I knew that. I’d known her as a servant’s child, though I couldn’t recall anything else. Really looking at her gave me the creeping sensation of seeing something for the first time, but feeling it’s all happened before. Time-doubling. I’d never enjoyed that feeling.

“He’s always been interested in fire,” I continued. “He’s familiar with my magic, and can sometimes find me if I’m not careful about blocking him.” At least I’d become better about that. “I don’t think he can change forms, but I can’t be sure. I managed to keep my skill at it hidden from him for a time. That’s the problem. I don’t know what he’s capable of because we’ve never trusted each other enough to reveal all of our secrets.”

“Probably a wise move on your part.” She still seemed guarded.

I took the sea glass from my pocket and rolled it between my fingers. “He’s forged a mind-connection with a flying horse, strong enough that he can make it do what he wants at any time. He can use blasts of pure magic to do physical damage.” I rolled my shoulders forward and back to stretch out the phantom pain in my scar. “He knows things. Not the way I know them. I can see what people are thinking, but that’s affected by holes in people’s knowledge or mistakes in their perceptions. Severn…I swear he just knows. I don’t know how.”

The more I talked about him, the more hopeless the task ahead of me seemed. I stared into the fire. “It’s too much,” I whispered, though I hadn’t meant to say it aloud.

Nox narrowed her eyes. Studied me, though not nearly as warmly as she did Kel. “So that’s why you’ve been looking for our father? Because you can’t beat Severn on your own?”

A flash of panic crossed her features, as she apparently realized the sharp sting her insult sent through me. I sat up straighter, ready to defend myself, and stopped. She was rude, and over-confident if she thought she could afford to insult me, but she wasn’t wrong.

“Close enough.” I leaned my elbows on my knees and tried to let my anger drain away. “Ulric could take his position back without fighting for it, at least in theory. He doesn’t have to be stronger than Severn. He just has to get back before Severn can legally declare him dead and his crown forfeit. But I don’t think there’s any chance of that now.”

She kept watching me with sharp intensity that tempted me to peek into her thoughts. “But you have your own gifts. And years of training with great teachers.”

“I have.”

“What were you saying back on the road about something you could do to get us into the inn? Another magic trick? Conjuring money?”

So she didn’t know as much about me as she thought she did. She was feeling me out. Perhaps measuring her own skills against mine. “You’re quite interested in magic, aren’t you?”

She shrugged. “I’m curious. The magic users I’ve known weren’t capable of much. I haven’t seen a lot from you, except—” She stopped herself, crossed her arms, looked into the fire. “Well, the eagle thing is impressive. And the fire. I’d just heard other things. I wonder what our odds are if we go to Luid.”

“So you’re wondering how you can use me?” I’d seen as much hate for Severn in her as I had for me when I’d slipped into her mind. She saw me as a tool. She had no idea what she was dealing with.

Her lips tightened. “Let’s just say I’m interested in your sort of magic. I have experience with potions, and I’m good at them, but it’s different.”

I smirked. “Quite.”

The sharp, offended look on her face pleased me.
And now we’re even.
I wasn’t about to let her think herself better than me, or insult me. She had no right.

“What didn’t you do back at the village? If we’re going to work together, I’d like to know.”

Work together. As if she had anything I needed.

The peace I’d felt back at the heartleaf tree was gone, pushed father away each time she prodded the open wound of my conflicting desires.

“You wouldn’t understand,” I said.

“What, because I’m just a common Potioner?”

“It’s a long story, and it’s complicated.”

“Make it short.”

I shot her an irritated look, and she turned away. She didn’t back down, though.

“Fine,” I said. “You know I can see into people’s thoughts when I want to.”

“I do know. You did it to me, didn’t you? I felt it.”

I did. I wish I hadn’t.
“I can also change their thoughts. If I’d gone into that inn, I could have made them think I’d paid for rooms. Made them forget we were ever there.”
It would have been so easy
, I added to myself. I remembered how it had helped Rowan and me—and the troubled look on her face when she realized what I’d done. I dragged a hand through my hair. “That’s what I was referring to.”

Silence followed as she frowned into the flames. I wondered when Kel and Cassia would be back.

“I knew something about it,” she said, “though not how you did it. So why
didn’t
you do it?”

I laughed, caught by surprise. “What?”

“We could have had warmth. Shelter. Good food for a night. We could have been clean and sleeping on feather beds.”

I stared at her. “A few moments ago you were angry with me for looking into your thoughts. Just observing, not even manipulating them.”

“Yes.”

“And yet you think it would be fine for me to do worse to someone else’s thoughts, to change them, to make a person disbelieve reality, just so you can be comfortable? Are you insane, or just that much of a hypocrite?”