Torn (46 page)

You treated the girl like shit. She was gon' eventually come to her senses and bounce one day."

"Will you shut the fuck up?"

"Don't get mad at me 'cause ya dumb ass got bamboozled!

Instead of sittin' there lookin' crazy, you need to get up! Be a man about yours and go find them bitches!"

"I don't even know where the fuck they could be at."

"You better round up them niggas on yo' pay roll and put

'em to work!"

"I was fuckin' that bitch without a rubber and that muthafuckin' baby ain't mine!" Quan responded in disbelief.

He was crushed. Mo tried not to see the pain in his eyes, but it was too hard to deny. Despite all the dirt he'd done to her in the past, Quan was still her friend. They'd been through too much for her to just play him like that.

"Well you know if you need my help, I'm here," she sighed, taking a seat next to him.

Turning his head, Quan kissed her forehead and said, "I know shorty ... I know." It was almost six o'clock when Mo slipped back into bed with Boss. She thought he was asleep, but he wasn't. He'd stayed up the whole time waiting for her return. What fucked him up the most wasn't that she'd been gone for three hours, but that Mo had the nerve to wrap her arms around him and kiss his back when she got into bed. Boss couldn't believe the chick had that much balls.

Mo was so exhausted that she dozed off to sleep as soon her head hit the pillow. Boss, on the other hand, couldn't sleep a wink. He lay awake, allowing the sunlight to strike his face. He'd thought about leaving after talking to Quan, but chose not to. He wanted to hear Mo's explanation, but now none of that was important. Filled with bitterness, Boss snatched the covers from off his body and got up. Mo felt his heavy footsteps as he walked around the room. Turning over, she squinted her eyes and wondered what his problem was.

"What time is it?" her hoarse voice cracked.

"I don't know." Boss but on his pants.

"Where you going?"

"Home."

"You couldn't tell me you were gettin' ready to leave?"

"Did you tell me you was going to get that nigga out of jail last night?!" His raised voice frightened her.

Mo's eyes grew wide in surprise. She had no idea he knew the truth.

"Wha-wha-what are you talkin' about?" she stuttered.

"Yo, Mo ... on the real ... don't even try to insult my intelligence right now by playin' games. I know where you was at." He put on his shirt and pants.

"Okay, you know where I was at. He needed my help and I knew if I told you the truth you would react just the way you're actin' right now!"

"Mo, don't try to put this shit off on me. I don't care what you say. You still got feelings for that cat. And it's cool, ma ...

but I'm gon' and get out your way until you figure out who you wanna be wit."

"What are you talkin' about, I'm with you!"

"Man, you call this a relationship? You couldn't even tell me you love me last night!"

"What ... you ain't get the hint?"

"You know what, shorty ... I didn't ... but I do now." Boss laughed as he grabbed his keys and phone.

"What? Will you wait! I'm tryin' to explain!" Mo pleaded, hoping he would stay.

"Nah, you cool, 'cause I'm good. I'm so fuckin' good on you shorty you don't even understand," he stressed, leaving Mo sitting in the bed with a dumb expression on her face.

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

The lids of Mo's eyes hung low as she struggled to put the
finishing touches on her makeup.
The prickly bristles from her blush brush glided across her face as she tried not to look at herself. Mo hated her reflection. For weeks she hadn't been able to look at herself in the mirror. No one would have known it, though. After almost ten years of faking and fronting that her life was the bomb, she'd grown good at pretending.

No matter how much Mo hurt, she was determined to have a good time for once.
No more moping around the
house,
she tried to convince herself. Mina would be arriving soon to pick her up. They were about to hit up a club and have a few drinks. It was her birthday. Mo was turning twenty-seven. Forcing a smile she stood up straight, placed her shoulders back and tried to fake the appearance of a happy, confident woman.

But faking it just wasn't working for Mo. She tried to seem as if the break up with Boss wasn't affecting her, but the non- stop bellyache and motion sickness in the pit of her stomach kept reminding her that she wasn't alright. Mo knew she was crazy for letting him go. Once again she had fucked up, but this time she only had one person to blame. For the first time in her life, she might've had a real shot at love.

But having silly bouts of jealousy and denying her feelings may have cost her everything. She knew how Boss felt and misused it. She took pleasure in taking him through the drama of uncertainty. In a sick way, she liked seeing him frustrated and confused. She wanted to see just how much he'd put up with before he'd walk away. He couldn't have been any different than Quan.

She liked punishing him for all the years of pain Quan put her through. It felt good to be the one with the upper hand for a change. Mo enjoyed making Boss fight for her love. It was like she was dangling it in his front of his face, daring him to reach out and grab it. But now that she was alone with regret-ful thoughts, Mo realized that she'd been a complete fool.

Boss had been nothing but good to her. He didn't take her feelings for granted or play with heart. He stuck by her side even when she pushed him away. She promised herself if he came back, she wouldn't play games anymore. He could have it his way. She'd give herself to him fully, with no reserve.

The only thing she asked in return was that he forgive her and take her back. Without him, her days and nights had been so uncomfortable. She hadn't meant to let him down. Mo wanted to be what Boss deserved, but how could she be without spilling all of her weaknesses out on the floor?

No one knew how it felt to have her heart stomped and kicked with steel-toed boots, only for it to mend and then be asked to love again. She never planned to be this vulnerable.

She never planned to fall head over heels in love. Everywhere she went, she heard his name. She missed the smell of his cologne, the way it lingered in her nose, intoxicating her senses, turning her on.

Boss had that masculine thing down to a science. He was the epitome of a real man. He always held his head up high and looked you dead in the eye, and the way he'd sexually satisfy her body blew her mind every time. But what was done was done. Boss was no longer a part of her life. Mo just had to learn how to deal with that, so she forced a smile on her face, grabbed her keys and purse and met Mina downstairs. She was parked in front of her building. A few minutes later they were at the Loft.

"You sure you wanna go out tonight?" Mina asked for the one hundredth time.

"Mina, I told you I'm fine, stop trippin'."

"I would believe you if you showed some kind of emotion.

You haven't cried. You haven't yelled or nothing. I know you gotta be feeling something."

"I'm feeling like I wanna slap you right now. Let it go. I'm fine. Me and Boss weren't even that serious. It's nothing." Mo shrugged, getting out of the car.

"Okay. Well c'mon girl. Delicious should be in here waiting on us."

Once the two best friends got inside, they spotted Delicious and headed over to the bar. The place was packed and the crowd was live. Gorgeous eligible men were everywhere, but Mo wasn't stunting them none. One man had already claimed her heart. With her back to the bar, Mo placed her elbows on it and posed. She looked absolutely gorgeous with her hair flat-ironed straight with a swoop bang.

Chandelier earrings hung from her ears. A silver beaded Dolce

& Gabbana bustier, skinny-leg jeans and Giuseppe heels decorated her body.

"I got your first drink, birthday girl," Mina chimed. "What you want?"

"Umm ... an apple martini, please."

"Mo, that bustier you rockin' is fierce, gurl! Yo' titties look biiiiiiiig!" Delicious poked the top of her left breast.

"Yeah, bigger than usual," Mina agreed.

"Poke me in my titty again..." Mo warned, rolling her eyes.

"
Gurl,
the Loft is jumpin' tonight! A diva sure to find a boo!" He ignored her and pumped his fist in the air and danced.

"What happened to Ra'heem?"

"We are soooo over him,
gurl
. That nigga was on some bull. Only time he came around was when he wanted some. I ain't have a problem at first. I was cool about mine but after while a diva asshole get tired,
gurl
!"

"Why do I even attempt to have a normal conversation with you?" she questioned herself.

"I'm for real,
gurl!
I get tired of stocking up on K-Y Jelly and Johnson & Johnson baby oil."

"Ah uh!" Mina laughed. "Here you go, Mo." She gave Mo her drink.

"Thank you, love."

"So how does it feel to be the big two-seven?"

"Good, I guess. Feel like just another day to me," she replied, nonchalantly taking a sip from her drink.

"Well after the club, we're heading back to your crib. I got you a cake."

"What would I do without you?" Mo hugged her friend around the neck.

"Probably just shrivel up and die. You know you can't survive without me."

"Don't mean to ruin the party, Tia and Tamera, but Mo, ain't that yo' boo over there on the other side of the bar?" Delicious pointed his finger in Boss' direction.

Mo quickly spun around. To see him melted her heart. She finally had her opportunity to makes things right. As usual, he was dressed in all black. Boss looked so handsome in a NY fitted cap, T-shirt, Evisu jeans and low top Air Forces. Mo was so happy to see him. That was, until she noticed Boss grinning at a girl. Mo hated it because she loved the way he smiled.
I know he ain't flirting
, she thought as he licked his bottom lip suggestively.

Mo gulped down the rest of her drink, pissed. Here she was mourning the death of their relationship and he was out grinning in some other chick's face. Boss had Mo all the way fucked up. He wasn't about to play her and get away with it.

"Muthafucka!" She slammed down her drink, about to go off.

"Ah uh, Mo, what you about to do?" Mina grabbed her arm.

"Fuck him up."

"Don't go over there cussing that boy out."

"Nah uh, fuck that!" She yanked her arm away and headed over to Boss. He didn't even see her approaching. "So I guess I was right?!"

"Say that again?" He turned and looked at her.

"Oh, so this you?" She placed her elbow on the bar and leaned directly in front of him, getting in his face.

"What?" he gave her a mean-mug, confused.

"You know what, you's just a typical nigga. Yo' ass ain't special. You just like all these other niggas out here. And to think almost for a minute there you had me fooled. It's that easy for you, Boss? You switch up that fast?"

"Switch up? First off, you couldn't even let your fuckin' past go. Ain't nobody got time for that bullshit so don't come over here talkin' all that rah rah shit embarrassing yo'self," Boss checked her, then turned his attention back to the bar- tender. "So what's up, girl, you gon' give me that Hennessy and Coke for free or what?"

Mo was flabbergasted. Boss was straight playing her like a chickenhead.

"Oh, so that's how it is? A couple of weeks ago it was
I love
you, I want us to be together!
Now you gon' act brand new like you barely even know me for this funny lookin' bitch?"

"Hold up, bitch, I don't even know him, but by the way you actin', maybe I should," the bartender checked Mo, then turned her attention back to Boss. "Now what was that drink you wanted again?"

"Just get the damn drink." Mo flared her nostrils, annoyed.

"Like for real, Mo. I don't know what you're tryin' to prove but just go 'head." He screwed up his face.

"Excuse me?"

"Yo, didn't I leave you alone last week? You straight up embarrassing yourself, ma."

Mo swore on everything she loved that she had officially died. She was so caught up in her emotions that she couldn't even reply. All she wanted was for him to understand her pain and that she wanted him back. This couldn't be happening again. How could he talk to her that way? Didn't he see how hurt she was? Didn't he know that fighting was all she knew?

Holding her stomach, tears welled in Mo's eyes as she walked slowly back to her friends. The room was spinning. She had to sit down. She had to get out of there. No, she had to throw up.

Mo could feel it rising in her throat, so she bypassed Mina and Delicious and ran. She didn't even make all the way to the bathroom before puke erupted on her chin and hands. It was the worst feeling ever. Her throat wouldn't stop gagging and tears drenched her face.