Torn - Part Three (The Torn Series) (5 page)

I rolled my eyes. "I'm working and making rent, Jen, it's not that complicated." For some reason Jen had always seemed to have it in her head that city living would be too much for me and that I would flee back to the suburbs.
It's just another way to make herself feel superior
, I reminded myself. Sure I felt overwhelmed, but it wasn't New York City's fault; my location wasn't my problem, it was just certain people in my life.

"Be nice," Robin admonished, "I'll just be a minute and we can get out of here." Robin tried to remain neutral, but I couldn't fault her for choosing Jen over me. They'd been friends for a very long time.

"I've had a shitty enough week, Jen. Would you just let me watch my show?"

She snorted. "You've had a shitty week? I'm the one stuck living with my brother, the sour bastard."

"You moved in with them?" I tried to keep my tone neutral but she smirked anyway. Then, with a shrug, she walked off.
Bitch
. I was not going to follow her and I was not going to beg for information.

It wasn't my business anyway. If she was living with Mallet... if she was fucking him... The thought made my fists clench so hard they shook.
He wouldn't do that, would he? Stop by and fuck me while he was fucking her at home?
He'd said they were over a long time ago, but would he have lied?

I didn't want to believe that. I didn't even want to think about it.

Jen and Robin left just minutes later, thank goodness. I thought about texting Mallet and outright asking him what was up but I didn't want to seem like a crazy jealous nutjob, even though that was how I felt. I considered heading over to Picklebackers and parking myself at the bar to bother whoever was working that night, but I was feeling too worn out to socialize.

When I retrieved a bottle of wine from atop the refrigerator that night, I thought about my family for the first time in a long while. Thanksgiving had been lurking in the back of my mind, sure, but only in the way an upcoming dentist appointment might.

But that evening, pouring myself a glass of red to chase my troubles away, I wondered only briefly if I was turning into my mother.

And how unfortunate that would be.

CHAPTER 5

The dam broke the very next day. The morning started with my usual message from Tyler - an email this time, updating me on how school was going for him, and how easy it was going to be for him to find a good, high-paying job when he graduated.
Yeah, right
. I never should have replied but I was weak. "It was never about money," I wrote.

And that was true. I wasn't a big spending sort of girl and I never had been. But that never got through to him.

The afternoon only went downhill when my older sister called. I clenched my jaw when I picked up. "Hello, Katherine."

"Alexa," and said, skipping over the niceties right away. "Mom needs to know if you're coming next weekend."

Goddamn holidays
. I could just not go. But the following guilt trip would be unbearable. Despite the fact that I was distancing myself from the family as best I could, I did still care.

"Yes," I sighed, hating how I sounded. Talking to my sister made me feel like a teenager all over again. "I'll come up on Wednesday and help start the pies like always."

"Don't be so irritable, Alexa," she said, pulling that superior tone that I hated. "You aren't doing us any favors by coming."

"Sorry," I mumbled, even though I wasn't. "How is Mom, anyway?"

"You'd know if you called." She sighed, finally relenting and dropping her bitter attitude. "It's business as usual in the Riley household. Dad might come, so she's crazed over that, as I'm sure you can imagine."

I could. All too well. "How are you holding up?"

"Same as always." That meant she was still caving to our mother's demands, to the detriment of her own happiness and sanity. I'd feel a lot more sympathy for her if she wasn't so prone to turning it around and taking it out on me. "Will Uncle Rickie show up?"

"Probably." My mother's brother and my father did not get along, to put it lightly. "We'll see. I want to try to keep them separate but you know how Mom is."

"Yeah. Some things never change."

That was as much emotional turmoil as I could take in one day, so I decided against fishing for information from Mallet. If he was living with Jen and didn’t want to tell me, then that was his business. He’d run out of my apartment like his heels were on fire, after all. I wasn’t going to chase him down no matter how much I wanted to.

Instead I texted Vanessa and Adele - "girl's night after work?" They had second jobs just like I did but I didn't think any of us were scheduled to work until closing, if my memory was correct.

Sure enough, both were free after midnight.
Finally, something working out in my favor
.

○●○●○●○●○

The world was spinning. I was pretty sure the girls were still with me. Somewhere. But someone had taken my phone and someone else was holding my purse and how did I end up sitting on a stool outside? This wasn't an outdoor bar. The stool was on the damn sidewalk.

I tried to ask a question but my tongue didn't want to work right. There was a man on a stool next to me. Two stools on the sidewalk? What was going on? I was so confused, I wanted to cry.

I must have made some sound, because the stranger turned his head and peered at me. "Don't worry," the man said with a thin smile, "Your boyfriend will be here soon."

"I have a boyfriend?"

He laughed. "I just mean someone's coming for you."

Why did it feel like we’d already had this conversation?
Please let it be Martin or Shawn.

But it was Mallet who materialized out of the night. He shook the other guy's hand -the bouncer, I finally surmised after he’d checked a few IDs - then helped me slide from the stool. My legs wobbled. "What happened to your friends?"

I couldn't answer. I was too drunk and suddenly too emotional over his presence to say anything that made sense. "I'm sorry," I said. I leaned into him, my forehead against his chest.

"Did they just leave you here?" I shrugged. "Come on," he said, "I'll get you home."

"No."

"No?"

"With you," I slurred, “I want to stay with you.” That I knew. Even in my drunken haze - or maybe especially because of it - I couldn’t let him go. My fingers curled in his jacket, my forehead rested against the bared skin of his neck, and nothing was going to make me let go. He’d have to physically peel me off him if he wanted to get rid of me.

Thankfully, he didn’t. I felt him nod, and the next thing I knew, he was pushing me ahead of him into a cab.

“I’m getting in,” he laughed when I wouldn’t release his sleeve. He gave the driver his own address and soon we were on our way, speeding around what little late-night traffic there was.

I curled up against him and tried to mentally will the roiling in my stomach to stop, tried to focus my vision on his jaw, but everything kept on swimming.

“That phone call scared the shit out of me, Riley,” Mallet said. “Next they were going to call the cops. The bartender said you were too drunk to tell anyone your address so they could send you home.” God, I’d missed him so much, even the sound of his voice so close to my ear soothed my confused drunken state.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled again. Tear rolled unbidden down my cheeks. I was such a goddamn mess. Why couldn’t I just snap out of it?

“Hey,” he said, jostling me a bit, “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I’m so embarrassed.” My vision was spinning. I clung to his arm as if he were the only solid thing left in the world.

His chest shook as he chuckled. “Yeah, this is pretty bad. But I’ve been just as bad myself, if not worse. Did I ever tell you about the trouble Surly and I used to get into before we started training to fight?”

“No.” I didn’t know much about his past at all. But I found myself curious - I wanted to know. I wanted to learn everything.

“For starters, we’ve been kicked off of countless busses and out of cabs all over the damn city.” That made me giggle. It wasn’t hard to picture. “I was so drunk once that I fell onto the tracks. No one brushed me or made me trip. I just straight up fell over.”

“Holy shit,” I said, “You could have gotten hit by the train!”

“Or touched the third rail. Or been eaten by rats.”

I giggled again, though the image made my stomach turn over even more. Just thinking about the subway rats grossed me out. “Did Surly save you?”

“Yeah, he helped pull me back up.” He sounded sad when he talked about his friend. “But see, we’ve all done stupid things. So don’t feel too bad.”

“If you say so.”

He kissed the top of my head. “I say so. It doesn’t mean you can keep doing this though, Riley.”

“I know.”

“You’ll end up getting hurt. Like, actually hurt.”

“Stop.” A lecture was the last thing I wanted or needed.

“Well. We can talk in the morning.”

That was fine. I just needed for my head to stop spinning first.

○●○●○●○●○

My hangover the next day was punishment enough; I didn’t need Mallet’s concerned look making me feel like an epic asshole on top of it. At the same time, I was grateful that he was there, that he’d brought me home and taken care of me.

I wanted him back. There weren’t many clear thoughts in my head that morning, but that was one of them. I didn’t care if he lived with Jen - if he told me that he wasn’t sleeping with her, then I would believe him. I could trust him. He wouldn’t have come for me the night before if he didn’t care, not when I was like that. It was downright selfless.

It did occur to me then, though, where I was. Jen could be around - and I certainly didn’t want her to know what a mess I’d been.

“Want to use the shower?” Mallet asked.

I nodded but I hesitated. “Is anyone else home?”

“Lockett’s around but he won’t mind.”

I grimaced and finally asked, “What about Jen and Surly?”

Mallet’s head tilted. “What about them?”

“Are they home?”

“Surly moved out.” I nearly choked with relief. I tried to hide it but not very well. “You thought Jen was living here?”

“I saw her the other day and she said she was living with Surly, so I just assumed…”

I could see the muscles in his neck bulge as he clenched his jaw. “I wouldn’t live with her. I thought you would know that.”

“She was messing with my head on purpose,” I said with a gasp. I put my throbbing head in my hands and groaned. “Will I ever stop fucking up? Holy shit.”

He rested an arm over my shoulders and sighed. “Not just you.” That was true. He’d made a mistake or two himself. “I can’t decide if we’re good together or if we’re terrible. I do know we got off to a bad start. I know I can’t seem to stay away.”

“Can’t we start over?” I whispered. “Is that even possible?”

“It is.” I finally looked up. He didn’t look all that much better than I felt; he looked weary.
Did I do that to him? Did I make him worry that much?
I traced the hard line of his jaw with my fingertips, just briefly before pulling away.
What we were doing to each other had to stop. Something had to change. “You’re going home for Thanksgiving, aren’t you?”

“I am.” I’d taken a few days off from work so I could do so. Not that they lived all that far away from the city - they were just north in Connecticut, maybe a two and a half hour trip. But they liked to make a big deal out of the holidays and were uncannily good at guilting me into sticking around for a while. “I’ll be back the Sunday after.”

“Good,” he said, nodding and looking off into the distance. “Good. Use the time to reboot, if you can. Enjoy it. Relax. And when you come back, we’ll try again. A fresh start. We’ll do things right this time.”

“Okay.” I hadn’t told him much about my family - he didn’t know that going home was less of a reboot and more of a stress test. But I’d save that discussion for later. When we started over. I tilted my head back and kissed him, softly, just once. “I’d like that a lot. Let’s start over.”