Torrents (DROPLETS Trilogy Book 3) (29 page)

     We continued to gut the fish, our knives working in unison, even though I noticed my hands weren’t as quick as his. He had his own way of taking off the scales in a few smooth strokes. I had never been adept at this task, but my brothers had taught me well. Compared to when I had first learned on a rocking ship, sitting in the grass was much easier. 

     “Dominance,” he said. I looked up from my work—our earlier words coming back to me. “That’s what he wants.”

     “Isn’t that the same thing as power?” I asked.

     “Not entirely,” he shook his head. “Power is given. He has power, but that’s only because the Hyven give it to him. Dominance isn’t given, you have to make it. Take it.”

     “But they go hand in hand,” I pointed out.

     “Yes, and no.” He lifted his eyes to the other side of the cool water before us. “You can have power without dominance, but not the other way around.”

     It was my turn to shake my head. “Isn’t power domination?”

     “Not necessarily. Think about it this way,” he sighed. “You said Nerissa placed her blade within me and wanted to change me into her warrior. You told me when I originally met her, I was willing to do as she bid. I
gave
her the power. But when I resisted, she began forcing me to her will.”

     “True, but then what do you consider Morven has over you, power or dominance?”

     “Neither,” he said and looked back at me. His dark brown eyes seemed to melt. “He used to have both.”

     “When I first met you, you were his. You called him
Lord
Morven.”

     “But I broke his hold on me.” He said simply, and sighed as though I wasn’t fully comprehending his point. “You don’t understand what it was like to wake up in that dungeon, not knowing who I was, or if I was even alive. When I heard his voice for the first time, I couldn’t think about anything but what he told me to do. It was like living in a fog. When he told me to stand, I pushed through the pain and did as he said. That’s dominance—not being able to think for yourself. But as I began to see the world open up around me, I was able to shift the power. I gave it back to myself and pushed against the control he had over me.”

     I nodded my head. “You mean Morven wants to force his will over others, not simply receive respect.”

     “Exactly,” he shrugged. “Tunder has power over the Lathmorians, but that’s because they give it to him. Morven doesn’t want that. He forces us to bend to his will.”

     It was all slowly falling into place.

     “Actually,” he shifted, popping another hunk of fish into his mouth, “it’s no different from your voice.”

     “How?” I asked, a little taken aback.

     “When you use your voice, what do you do first?” he asked, even though he knew the answer. I felt as though I was being guided to a solution I couldn’t quite grasp.

     “I reach out,” my tone was light.

     “Yes, and once you get them to allow you in, you take over. Placing your will above their own.”

     “It’s not exactly like that,” I said, although his words were making perfect sense. I simply didn’t want to face the truth.

     “Oh, but it is,” he replied, a smirk turning his lips. He was enjoying himself.

     I sighed heavily, “All right, I guess you have me.” I put my hands up in surrender. “I am a horrible mermaid in pursuit of domination.” I nearly laughed as the words came out of my mouth.

     “Now that’s more like it,” he leaned closer to me, the knife and fish forgotten. For a moment I thought he would kiss me and waited for him to do so, but in an instant he was standing with a hand extended in my direction. “Which of these do you want to jump off of?” He asked as he pulled me to my feet.

     Without waiting for my response, he ran toward the large boulder beside the waterfall. He scaled the side of it with a skill I had seen once before, where upon reaching the top, he ran, leapt off the edge, arcing in the air to hurtle toward the water, he hit with a tremendous splash.

     I laughed, and when he broke through the surface, he joined me. Shaking the water from his hair, it dried almost instantly. When he yelled for me to join him, I realized this time I could. I didn’t have to hide any secrets from him.

     I ran to the rock with an urgency I didn’t know I possessed and climbed up. My toes and fingers scraped against the stone, but I hardly noticed, as the top came closer. Scrambling, I reached the flat surface and paced to the end. It was higher than I thought it would be, I was at least three stories up, and seeing Zale’s upturned face made me smile. He looked so human treading water, waiting for me to join him.

     Taking a huge breath, I ran across the top and into the empty air, feeling as though I was flying for a moment before plummeting toward the water. I landed with a smacking splash and felt the wind swoop out of my chest. I had forgotten how hard water could be. Pushing to the surface, I came up laughing and choking.

     Zale grinned and the little drops of water near his eyes from my splash seemed to make his eyes shine brighter than I had ever seen them. For the rest of the afternoon we continued to climb up the rock, sometimes jumping together while holding hands.

      Once, he even wrapped me up in his arms and lunged off the ledge in a flip. I had screamed when he did that, but the water caught us all the same, even though his back took the brunt of the fall.

     It was wonderful to feel so human. The clothes from the cabin were soaked through but I didn’t care. It was delightful to have something remain wet and press against my skin. With the fabric taking forever to dry, I could feel the drops coursing down my body even as I climbed the boulder after another successful plunge into the depths of the pool.

     Somehow, now that I was fully a mermaid, I felt more human than I had when I was partially transformed. More than anything, it was this wonderful blessing to remain wet and stay that way. By not having to transform into a mermaid in the water, I was given a piece of my past back and was so thankful for it.

     The sky was magnificently changing colors. During one jump, I watched the bright strips of orange disappear above my head as the water rushed closer, and on another, the purest pink splotches dotted the horizon. The sunset turned chartreuse orange once more, the light reflecting off the frothing pool below and I felt as though I were plummeting into the sky itself.

     I broke the surface once more and was about to beckon Zale to join me at the top of the boulder when I noticed him looking at the waterfall. I opened my mouth to ask what had captured his attention, but before I could say anything, he moved toward it, his arms moving powerfully through the water.

     Thinking he was going to the other side, I moved to follow until he grasped part of the rock on the outskirts of the waterfall. The edge of the roaring curtain poured down against his back and when he started to climb I held my breath. The muscles beneath his scarred flesh trembled as they worked to make it to the top of the slick wall. Once or twice he almost fell, yet he somehow regained his hold, only to push on farther.

     He reached the top and I applauded him. He was heaving in large breaths and shook his head like a dog, the spray flinging out to the sides. When he looked back down at me his hair was nearly dry and I had to shelter my eyes with a hand to see him. The top of the waterfall was a story or two higher than the rock I had just jumped off. He was silhouetted against the sky.

     Biting my lip, I waited for him to jump and when he did it with such elegance, I found myself laughing as he crashed into the water. Not waiting for him to resurface, I kicked to the side and climbed out, my clothes dripping. I ran to the boulder, ready to scale it once more, and only smiled brighter as I heard him approaching behind me.

     Hurrying, so he wouldn’t catch up, I reached the top and stood on the edge looking down into the pool below. My hair rippled on the breeze and I could hear him reach the flat part of the rock, but instead of coming to my side, a sharp gasp reached my ears.

     Spinning on my foot I stared at him, his face had gone pale and his chest was heaving harder than it had after he climbed the waterfall.

     “Zale?” I asked, my eyes wide. Something about his gaze wasn’t right, my heart began to accelerate as my mind started to piece together what was happening.

     It was an instant, a mere fraction in space and time, but it changed everything.

     There had only been one time in my life where I had felt such overwhelming change in one passing moment; the day I had been thrown overboard from my father’s boat. What came after was life changing, but when the wave hit me, it was the one clear definitive moment I simply knew my life was never going to be the same. The wave had smashed into my body, flipping me over in its clutches and pulling me overboard. Inside, I felt the wave gripping me again and I was at its mercy.

     I watched as he struggled to breathe and tears pooled in the bottom of his eyes. He shook his head, never taking his eyes off of me, and I simply knew. His hands trembled and he seemed to be unable to move closer.

     I mouthed his name again and he negated it with a shake of his head, once more. And that’s when I saw it.

     His eyes—where there had always been a storm hiding—had lightened, and when he nodded, my heart leapt out of my chest. 

     “Patrick?” I asked, my voice breaking around the name, and one of his tears escaped making a trail down his cheek.

     He nodded.

     I ran to him with everything I had in me, slamming into his chest with more ferocity than I knew I possessed. He wrapped me up in his arms, crushing me to his body. His chest was heaving as he struggled to regain his breath and I murmured to him, inconsequential little nothings. And still he held me.

     I reveled in his embrace, knowing it was what I had given up and still been longing for all this time. He molded to me perfectly, his arms surrounding my body with an embrace which brought more tears to my eyes. Somehow, I felt known, understood.

     It was the way I held him too. He was the man I had fallen in love with, though he had changed. He was here before me, his arms, his chest, his eyes, his memories, and his soul. The part of my heart, which had been torn to shreds when he left, began to soar.

     It seemed forever before he let me go; he grasped my hands between us and placed his forehead against mine. The tears were gone, but for his shaking breaths, I knew he was still struggling to understand what all had happened.

     I closed my eyes and felt completely at peace, squeezing his hands with my own, his hair tickled my forehead. And when he spoke, his breath brushed against my lips, their meaning filling my mind with ecstasy.

     “I remember,” he said with perfect clarity, and I clung to his hands. Tears filled my eyes. The last time I had heard his voice was in the dungeon of Hyvar. His words came back to me now and the familiar tearing of my heart disappeared. 

     My wonderment, of finally holding him once more, surged into uncontrollable joy. This was what I had thought I lost forever; what I had given up and moved on from. I was at home, at peace. And when he touched his lips to mine, I felt his familiar smile behind the kiss.

     The tears of joy began again.

Everything seemed new again. The sky was brighter, the sharp streaks of vibrant orange glowing as the sun settled beneath the trees.

     I felt as though I was flying, drifting upon the breeze, soaring with each crash of the far off waves along the shore. My joy rang forth, seeing him, feeling his hand in mine, in an entirely new way, only to have my emotions rush back and soar forward once more.

     My smile couldn’t be contained, even as the wind stirred, blowing my hair across my shoulders, I couldn’t believe what was happening.

     We had walked back to the cabin with our fingers interlaced; our hands swinging back and forth with the rhythm of our walk. Every now and again, I peeked up at him and had to look away before the heat flooded my cheeks. I couldn’t explain what was happening in my chest. My heart felt as though it was growing. Every time he touched me, it was like the first time. A shock ran up my arm when his finger brushed against the back of my hand, a sudden trembling in my stomach when his shoulder bumped into mine. I was smiling, inside and out. My whole body floating on a cloud, and when I thought of how he said he remembered, I felt the grin spread across my face.

     When we reached the stairs to the cabin, he never let go of my hand but led the way to the top. The way he slid his palm along the wooden railing made me realize how fresh he was to experiencing all of this again. It was all new to him, returning to who he used to be.

     I let my fingers slide out from his grasp as he walked into the cabin. His eyes roved over the chairs and table he had long ago labored over. When he passed his hand across the smooth wood, a hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He was coming home.

     When his molten gaze turned to mine, he opened his arms and I stepped into them, slowly rejoicing in having him hold me once more. His fingers traced over my shoulders, caressing my back and leaving a trail of fire behind. A heavy sigh escaped his lips, and though I had my arms wrapped around his back, I looked up at him.

     “Happy to be home?” I asked.

     He nodded and continued to look around the room. “It’s all so confusing. I was just here.” He swallowed heavily. “It’s difficult—I don’t know—I’m trying to understand it all.”

     “Me too.” I gave him a little squeeze, looking upward. The side of his mouth lifted.

     “That helps,” he flexed his arms, and I returned my head to his chest. “How did you know?” he asked after a moment.

     “I didn’t.” I said, following his line of thought.  I knew he would wonder how I had managed to trust him, even when he clearly didn’t remember who he was. Sometimes I didn’t even know why I had allowed myself to believe in him.

     “Lissie,” he whispered into my hair, causing my stomach to drop. I lifted my eyes to his, the warmth in them almost overwhelming. “You could’ve died,” was all he said.

     I raised my head from his chest, the fear in his slightly widened gaze spoke more than his words. The memories were plain upon his face; he remembered what he had done the night he followed me into the cave.  

    “It was close,” I said squeezing him again, hoping he would understand.

     “Closer than you think,” he said and shuddered. His thumb brushed against my throat, in the exact place he had held my dagger, I trembled.  He took a step back, releasing me from his embrace. Turning to the mantle, he placed his hands along the well-worn wood. I smiled to myself, remembering when he had stood in a similar manner not long ago. Sitting down in the center of the bench, I waited for him to speak.

     “I’m not the same anymore,” he confessed. The muscles in his back flexed beneath the thin fabric of his shirt and I could almost make out the scars, which crisscrossed over his spine in so many different places. “I remember,
everything
. What I did when I was human, and everything I’ve done since then. I’ve killed so many.” His head hung low.

     “By Morven’s command,” I added, and he whipped his head around, his eyes sparking for a moment.

     “By my own,” he said, shaking his head. “I knew what I was doing. When you said you wouldn’t come with me, I wanted to forget you. I let my anger consume me, forced it to. I could have fought it, but I didn’t want to.”

     I inhaled a silent breath, working to control my voice. “Come here and tell me.” I patted the wood beside me. He hesitated for a moment before moving across the distance between us.

     “Where should I start?” He ran a hand through his hair, the other resting on his knee; I scooted closer to him and interlaced our fingers.

     “Where you think it’s best,” I prodded.

     He huffed, not an irritated sigh, but more of an exasperation for how far back he would have to reach into his memories.

     “Then I guess that leaves me no choice,” he shook his head slightly. “I told myself I would never think of it again, but I want you to know how much you mean to me.”

     My eyebrows puckered together, uncertain of where he was going to begin. I had been expecting him to confess all of Morven’s misdeeds and commands.

     “When Verna brought you into the clearing during Nixie’s wedding, I thought I lost a part of myself.” His voice was deep velvet brushing against my skin. Each word eliciting a delicate softness inlaid with a memory of lost desire. “I knew I was strong enough to take on a merman, one or two at a time, but I had always known I couldn’t defeat Morven. Even if I tried to tell myself otherwise.” He gave a half-laugh that was anything but cheerful. “I had trained for years here on the island, but I knew I’d never be fast enough to beat him.

     “You stepped into the clearing so strong and beautiful, I couldn’t look away. Only when Morven called you by that awful name, was I able to understand what would happen. I lost all thought. I had to do whatever I could to protect you. And, well, you know what happened next,” he shrugged, and I squeezed his hand, recalling how he had fought and sacrificed himself. The trip to Hyvar had been a terrifying time, I had been certain he was going to freeze to death. His lips had been so purple and his face as white as I had ever seen it.

     “When he separated us, I thought I would go crazy from the fear of what he was doing to you. I spent the night alone, terrified. I tried to break through the metal bars, anything to leave the cell and find you.” He shook his head, his words beginning to run together and I struggled to keep up. I remembered all too well the hours I had spent pacing through the chamber, all the while wondering what Morven had done with him.

     “They beat me the next morning, and nearly every day after, sometimes every other day.” His back twitched, a seemingly unconscious movement connected with the memory. “If it wasn’t my back, then it was my stomach, my legs, my arms. Bolrock was very thorough. He was in charge of every single beating, except one. Morven whipped me once. I only knew because he didn’t say anything. Bolrock liked to talk.”

     Suddenly, he shifted his focus and turned to look directly at me. I knew he could see the tears which had welled up in the corners of my eyes. I had known all of this had happened to him. Morven had told me, Bolrock had told me, I had felt the dried blood on his arm, but hearing him confirm the truth of what he had endured, was almost too much to bear.

     “Your voice was the most wonderful sound in the world.” He spoke softly and I blushed even as one tear escaped my eye. “I was so afraid for you that night. Afraid I wasn’t going to last. I knew Morven was going to do the same to you as he had done to me. As much as I wanted to rely on my strength, I knew the end was coming soon.” He spoke softly, and I squeezed his hand again, before he looked away. “At the end of each beating, they asked me a series of questions. Simple things, like the color of the sky or what they had given me to eat, and sometimes I would get those questions wrong. But there was always one I got right.” He inhaled, it was a gentle sound like the retreating sigh of water over the ocean shore. “They would ask me your name, and I never failed.”

     My breath caught in my throat, knowing this was what Bolrock had meant. They had tried to break him, over and over again. Morven had worked to force him to forget himself and become the warrior. It never worked, until he thought I was gone forever. A grimace parted his mouth and I knew his thoughts had turned in a similar direction. I didn’t want to hear this part of the story.

     “Lissie,” he breathed, his voice had gone cold, a sudden chill ringing in its depths. “I endured it all, every punch, taunt, and whip; every freezing night and mindless session of abuse. All of it, until I thought it was over. Two days before you were put in the cell beside mine, he brought a human girl to my cell. She was young, not much younger than you, and he told me she would die if I didn’t give myself over to him. She was crying, her sobs echoing through the dungeon, but to give in would mean losing you. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t kill you too. All I did was refuse to answer and that was it. He dragged her away and took her into a room.” As he spoke, the dark room Morven had led me to came back into my mind. “She had screamed and then it was silent. When he walked past me with her body over his shoulder, I vomited all over the floor. I don’t know what else I could have done, it all happened too quickly.

     “So when he took you away, I knew it was all over.” He turned back to me and I realized I wasn’t the only one with tears pooling in the bottom of their eyes. “You screamed, and I thought you were dead.”

     “Shhh—” I crooned, reaching up to place my fingers in his hair, even as the tears trailed along my cheeks. I wiped them away quickly. “I’m still here.”

      He swallowed heavily and his control took hold. As quickly as the water had formed in his eyes, it was gone. A fleeting moment of the past.

     “He didn’t even have to beat me after. He left me there, thinking you were dead. I don’t know how long it was, but I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, and then they asked me the questions again. I knew who you were, but I refused to say your name out loud. Before I could even shake my head, Morven cut open my hip and I blacked out.

     “When I woke, everything was dark. I didn’t know who I was, or if I was alive. I didn’t remember anything of my past and when Morven told me to stand, all I could think about was what he wanted me to do. It was like a cloud in my mind, not unlike when you’ve used your voice on me.” A shiver ran down my spine and I almost drew back in horror. “I lived in a fog, one moment blending into the next. I didn’t have a real thought of my own until the first time I saw your face, well, all except one.”

     He grew silent and I waited for him to elaborate. After a few minutes, I realized he wasn’t going to speak again.

     “What thought?” I asked, softly.

     “The image,” he said and nodded his head in my direction. “Well, now I know it’s a memory.”

     “What memory?” I asked, thoroughly confused.

     “You,” he said simply. “The first time I saw you on the cliff. The image of you, silhouetted against the orange sky when you first turned to me. You were smiling, I know now that smile soon turned to terror, but when the image played in my mind, all I saw was the smile.”

     “I’m confused,” I said, clearing my throat. “I thought you didn’t remember anything from before he changed you.”

    “I didn’t, except for what I thought was a dream of a blonde girl. You can’t imagine how surprised I was when you came into my room with Elik. You were a stranger to me, I saw you the moment you walked in through the door, but you didn’t notice me standing there. That’s how I knew you weren’t a mermaid, you would’ve seen me.

     “When you stepped into the moonlight, I recognized you. For a while after you left, I thought I was going crazy.” He laughed, a real laugh this time. I chuckled too, knowing he had already lost his mind by that point in time. “I couldn’t get you out of my head,” he shrugged, “not long after, I disobeyed Morven for the first time and left Hyvar.”

     I nodded, unsure of what to say.

     “And now,” he shifted his shoulders again, “I’m here, and by some miracle, so are you.”

     I smiled through the tears, which refused to fall, and ducked my head.

     “Thank you,” he said, stirring the air near my ear.

     “For what?”

     “For leaving me behind.”

     The words took my breath away and when I raised my eyes to his, I felt the painful tear in my heart begin to pull. This was playing dangerously close to what had nearly torn me apart. My decision to leave him behind had haunted me ever since I leapt from that window and fled into the night. I had known he thought I was dead, and still I had left him to think it was over.

     “They would have broken me anyway,” he leaned in and kissed my forehead. “You saved us by leaving that night.”

     The beginnings of a smile passed over my lips, even as my mind tried to comprehend what he was really telling me.
Was it really true?

     “And thank you for one more thing,” he said, trailing kisses down my cheek and onto my neck.

     “What’s that?” I asked, breathlessly.

     “For never giving up on me,” he raised his eyes to mine; the brown depths drawing me in. “It was foolish, but I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t.”

     I smiled spinning on a whirlwind, my emotions swirling in my chest. I attempted to speak, the word coming out in a gasp. “Anytime.”