touch (19 page)

I didn’t turn.  Holding my pillow close, I continued to
stare at the wall.  “Listening to Mom and Gran, it’s not as simple as walking
up to someone and saying ‘I choose you.’  Most the time they make it sound like
just going on a date would be enough.”

“You have to choose in your mind and your heart.”

“How can that be?  I heard Gran talking about her husband. 
She didn’t really like him.”

“She saw her daughters though.  It was enough for her heart
to choose.”

So every vision I’d seen, it’d never been enough for me.  All
those cute little cherub faces, even the ones that stayed with me for days
afterward, hadn’t been enough to outweigh the guilt I felt over causing
someone’s premature death.  If it had, I would have chosen.

The phone rang stopping my train of thought.  Since I was
the only one home, I forced myself to get up.

Morik stayed in my room while I went to my mom’s room to
answer it.  Sitting on her bed, I said a quiet hello.

Beatriz chirped a greeting and kept talking. “I’m bored,
you’re done with work, and it’s light out.  I think you should have hottie
drive you over again.  He can join the guys in their air hockey tournament
while we spectate.”

“Heard Tommy christened your bathroom,” I said ignoring her
invitation and changing the subject.  Going to her house again wouldn’t be fair
to Morik.  I’d promised him an hour a day.

“Yeah, Brad mentioned he talked to you about that.  I think
he was worried you wouldn’t come by again because last night got a little
crazy.  He thinks I need more friends.”  She snorted in disbelief.  “Most
everyone in our school is a backstabber or a gossip.  No thanks.  So, can you
come over?”

Glancing at the open bedroom door, thinking of Morik waiting
for me in my room, I knew I couldn’t go.  “I’m sorry, Beatriz, but I don’t
think Morik is in the company kind of mood today.”  If he didn’t like me going
last night, and didn’t like Brad showing up at the Coffee Shop, it was safe to
guess he wouldn’t be happy about a repeat visit.

“Aw!  That sucks.  If you still want to come over, I can get
Tommy or Brad to pick you up and bring you back home again later.”

Looking down, I twisted my finger in the antiquated phone
cord.  “Thanks Beatriz, but I ditched Morik last night.  I can’t do that to him
two days in a row.”

Morik’s hand covered mine, stopping the agitated twisting. 
“We’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

I looked up in surprise not realizing he’d joined me. 
Beatriz squealed loudly through the phone.  I jerked it away from my ear
wincing.  Obviously, I didn’t need to relay what he’d said.  I mouthed, ‘why?’
to him.

“You could use the fun.”

“He’s right, you know,” Beatriz piped in.  “You’re way too
serious.  Let him know that there will only be a few people here, nothing crazy
like last night.”

I agreed to tell him and quickly hung up the phone.  We
looked at each other.  I hadn’t forgotten our interrupted conversation but
wasn’t sure if I wanted to revisit it.  I felt like a failure thinking about
it.  How could the other women in my family so easily choose?  Well, not
everyone.  Aunt Danielle understood.  Maybe Morik was right.  I needed to relax
a little and give nature a chance to work itself out.

“Still using the motorcycle?”  He nodded.  “I’m going to
layer then so my legs don’t freeze.  Wait for me in the kitchen?”  He agreed.

I found a pair of leggings, long sleeved V-neck shirt and
then raided my mom’s closet for an oversized sweater.  Over the leggings, I
added jeans.  Nothing really matched, but it would keep me warm, at least for a
little while.  I thought of adding another layer, but other than my pajama’s
nothing would fit over the jeans.

“You need to go shopping,” Aunt Danielle commented when I
stepped out into the living room.

Laughing, I shook my head.  “It’s not that bad.  I just
don’t want to freeze again on the way over to Beatriz’s.  Can you let mom know
where I went?  I’ll be back before nine,” I said walking toward the door.  She
promised she would and I followed Morik out after slipping into my jacket.

When the chill wind bit into my skin, I appreciated that the
helmet at least would keep my face warm.  Even with the extra layers and the
scarf I’d tucked around my neck, I estimated I’d lose feeling in my feet and
legs by the time we reached her house.

“Remind me why this is the transportation of choice…” I
mumbled as I slipped the helmet on.

“It’s small enough that I can appear suddenly on the side of
the road or in an alley with no one noticing.  Cars are harder.” The visor on
the helmet was still up when I paused to stare at him in surprise.  I’d thought
he’d done it because it was faster or maybe just because he liked motorcycles. 
“I didn’t realize you get so cold so easily.  I’ll look for some better riding
clothes for you,” he promised with a concerned look at my jacket.

His yellow glasses hid any color differences in his irises. 
I wondered what colors I would see if he wasn’t wearing them.

“No, that’s okay.  We just won’t plan any longer rides until
it warms,” I tried to joke.  He didn’t smile back.  Instead, he carefully
closed the visor and helped me onto the bike.

I took turns with one arm around his waist and the other on
my legs to prevent them from getting cold.  And it worked for the most part. 
My legs were fine, but my hands froze quickly despite my knit mittens.  I tried
putting them into his jacket pocket, but they didn’t warm up.  Telling myself
we were only a few minutes from Beatriz’s house, I curled them into fists.

My pinky on both hands started to sting.  I wiggled my hand
out of the glove careful to keep my hand in his pocket.  Without the glove,
some of his heat seeped through the lining, but not enough to warm it.  The
sting intensified, and I started to worry.  Brad’s comment about frostbite rang
in my ears.

An option to warm my hands came to mind, and I took a moment
to deliberate.  Morik hadn’t seemed to mind when I touched him three nights
ago.  But I hadn’t been freezing cold then.  Hoping he wouldn’t be upset, or
worse, drive us off the road, I quickly withdrew my hand from his pocket and
slipped it under the jacket sighing happily.  He wore an un-tucked button up
over a tee-shirt today.  The tee-shirt was also free of his waistband.

Greedy, I laid my cold hand right on his skin.  His stomach
muscles twitched, but he didn’t give any other indication that he noticed me. 
I quickly shed my other glove so that hand could join the first.  I leaned
closer to keep his jacket down, worried that I was letting cold air get to him.

My hands slowly warmed.  I’d forgotten how smooth his skin
felt.  Leaning this close, my legs stayed warm too.

Turning my wrists, I warmed the backside of my hands.  His
muscles twitched again.  It probably didn’t feel too good to keep moving my
cold hands around like that, but he could scowl at me when we got to Beatriz’s.

I realized the trees lining the road, which whipped past at
a dizzying speed, had slowed… no we had slowed.

“You okay?” I called through the helmet.  He nodded and sped
up again.

The last flip to warm my hands had probably shocked him.  At
least he hadn’t run us into the trees.

With regret, I withdrew my hands and stuck them back in his
jacket pockets.  I stayed reasonably warm the last few minutes of the ride, but
was happy to see Beatriz’s house when we arrived.

I quickly dismounted and waited for Morik to help with the
helmet not wanting to take the gloves off I’d managed to put back on.  As soon
as it was off, I gave him a sheepish smile.  “I hope I didn’t cross a line.  My
hands were cold.”

His dark eyes met mine, and he quirked a lopsided grin.  “I
know.  I felt it.  And no, you didn’t cross any lines.”  He stepped close and
gently smoothed my hair.  “For you, I’ll never draw any.”

Something inside me squirmed a little.  Not trusting myself
to say the right thing, I just nodded.  His eyes behind the yellow sunglasses
appeared much darker than usual, tempting me to reach up and move the
sunglasses out of the way, but the front door opened before I moved.  Beatriz
greeted us.  I broke eye contact first turning away to wave to her.

“Twenty minutes on the dot,” she said when we stepped
inside.  “You’re good.”  Her eyes were all over Morik.  I hoped she wouldn’t
notice his eyes… or horns… or ears.  Oh, boy, or his nails.  Hopefully, she’d
think it was nail polish like Mona.  This wasn’t a good idea.  Hesitantly, I
officially introduced the two.

Beatriz, ever to the point asked, “So, what’s up with your
eyes?”

I wanted to cringe at the same time I fumbled for something
to say.  Morik had it covered.

“It’s an eye condition.  Several actually.  The whites are
discolored and the irises abnormal.  I use the yellow driving glasses so people
can still see my eyes, but not all the detail.  Less mass hysteria.”  He tucked
his hands in his pockets in a relaxed pose and waited.

“Don’t blame you.  People freak out when you’re different. 
That’s why I like different colors in my hair.  Distract them with the obvious
so they don’t notice the stuff you don’t want them to.”  Beatriz held up her
hand fingers splayed.  When she did that, I noticed that her pointer finger was
just a little shorter than it should be.

“I never noticed before Beatriz,” I admitted.

“That’s just one of many reasons I call you friend,” she
grinned at me.  “Let’s go downstairs.  They already started warming up.  Are
you any good as air hockey, Morik?”

“I’ve never played, but I’m a fast learner,” he said
following us down the steps.

Beatriz gave him the same guided tour she’d given me of the
basement and then introduced him to Brad, Tommy, and Jay.  Jay’s face wasn’t
familiar so I guessed he must have missed last night’s party.  That or he
showed up after I left.

“Tommy and I will play the first set.  Best of three.  Then
Morik and Jay.  Then the winners of the two sets play.  Anyone want anything to
drink before we start?”  Brad moved behind the bar and pulled cans of soda out
of the refrigerator.

Everyone grabbed their choice and then moved into place. 
Beatriz and I stayed sitting at the bar drinking the soda and munching on the
bar mix set out in a bowl.  Morik leaned against the pool table and watched the
contenders closely until the first one scored.  After that, he moved to sit by
me.

Beatriz started up a conversation with him, completely at
ease with his watchful gaze.  She asked when he graduated.  Very subtle. 
Figure out when he graduated to determine his age and if he was too old for
her.  Way too old.

He dodged the question saying he hadn’t made the best
decisions about school and asked what she was interested in going to school
for.  Interior design.  Thinking about her room and her bathroom, it fit.

“You look Native American, Morik.  Where are you from?”

“I grew up not too far from here.  You’re right, this is my
home land.”

Something about the way he said it had me watching him
closely.  I didn’t doubt he told the truth, but probably a very watered-down
version of it.

Jay, growing bored with the wait, joined us and took over
the conversation by asking about Morik’s motorcycle.  The first round of air
hockey was well advanced.

I took the opportunity to escape to the bathroom to peel off
the extra layer I’d put on.  The temperate inside was about the same as last
night, much warmer than at home, there weren’t any open doors to let in some
cool air.  Crazy how a girl who never seemed to get enough heat suddenly had a
sweaty upper lip.  Was there no happy compromise?

Getting rid of the jeans helped, but the sweater was still
too warm.  Taking off the sweater left me in the V-neck shirt and the
leggings.  The clothes were comfortable, but I wasn’t sure I was comfortable in
them.  The leggings did what they were supposed to do.  They clung to me.  The
V-neck was a little longer, but didn’t go past my waist.  Like the leggings, it
hugged my curves giving me a ‘going to the gym’ appearance instead looking like
I wanted to hang out at a friend’s house.

Morik’s comment about dressing for myself rang in my ears
and I quickly switched the leggings for the jeans.  I joined the others after
leaving my extra clothes in the basement living room.

When I walked into the other half of the room, Morik eyed my
change in clothes before turning back to Jay who still dominated the conversation. 
Brad good-naturedly harassed Tommy about winning the first game as they
switched ends of the table.  Beatriz, bored now that she no longer quizzed
Morik, hopped down from her stool and dragged me toward the pool table.

“I suck at playing pool, but,” she dropped her voice, “it’s
better than listening to mechanics.”

I smiled saying nothing about their conversation.  Morik
needed a regular conversation.  I wondered if he’d ever had one before.  He’d
hinted that every interaction had been because of a deal.  Even his
interactions with me were due to one deal or another.

“I’ve never played before,” I said eyeing the table.  “So I
doubt it will be much fun for you.”

“It’s easy,” she assured me with a quick grin.

She racked the balls and then grabbed us each cue sticks. 
At my blank look, she proceeded to show me how to hold the butt of the cue and
how to make a bridge with my hand.  None of it felt natural or as easy for me
as it appeared for her.  Then she explained how I should use the cue tip to hit
the cue ball to knock the other balls into the pockets located around the
table.

I watched closely as she broke the triangle formation of the
balls she’d racked.  They scattered nicely leaving me plenty of openings and
options.  One of the striped balls came to a stop very near a pocket.  I moved
around the table and tried to mimic her bent-over stance feeling a little
self-conscious when she giggled.  She outright laughed when I tried doing the
bridge she’d shown me.