Toxic (10 page)

He’d wiped his browser history though, so there was nothing there to ease my mind. I opened the website I’d seen him on and was surprised to find that his username was saved but not his password.

That was all I needed, though. The user name matched the counselor I had talked to every single time I’d gone to the website.

My vision felt like it was blacking out so I backed away before stumbling to the couch and falling into it. I couldn’t believe it. He’d been manipulating me all along. He’d been sneaking around behind my back telling me what to do and how to feel about so many things he had no right to be involved in since they often included him.

Hours later, I was still sitting on the couch and John came wandering into the room.

“What are you doing already up?” he asked, hiding a yawn behind his hand as he walked past me and into the kitchen.

I heard the hiss and gurgle of the coffee machine, then a moment later I heard the laptop being shut and a curse.

John came to sit next to me, looking much more awake than he had. He didn’t say anything for a long moment and I didn’t either, simply kept staring at the blank television screen.

“Well?” I finally broke the tense silence when it was clear he wasn’t going to.

“I was going to tell you,” he said sounding defeated.

“Tell me what exactly?” I turned to look at him then. Anger and hurt warred with confusion and embarrassment inside me and I didn’t know which one was stronger right at that moment.

“Everything,” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

I jumped off the couch and glared at him.

“You better start talking. I don’t even know who you are right now. You’ve been lying to me, leading me on… or was this all some sick game to you? Did you get your jollies off knowing that the sick little girl addicted to touching herself was coming to you both on and off the computer for help? Using one role to help the other get what they wanted while yanking me around?” Anger was obviously winning out at his unwillingness to talk about it.

“Sit down,” he said calmly.

“No.” I answered firmly. “You aren’t my dom, my master or my fiancée right now. You are a stranger to me.”

“Don’t say that. Let me explain,” he said, finally meeting my eyes again.

“I’m trying to but all you keep doing is avoiding it!” I shouted. My face burned with embarrassment as it all sank in at just how stupid I was. I shook my head and walked away from him. Retreating to the bedroom, I yanked my suitcase out from under the bed and threw open the top.

“What are you doing?” John asked in a bored tone.

“I’m fucking leaving. What does it look like?” I spat. It didn’t take me long to have an armful of panties and bras in the bag.

“You aren’t going anywhere.”

That made me stop and glare at him.

“Why? You going to stop me? Hold me here against my will?” I scoffed and moved past him so I could get my clothes from the closet, but he did stop me.

His hand wrapped around my arm and he spun me so my back hit the wall and he was pressed against my front.

“You. Aren’t. Leaving,” he said, finally angry.

“You can’t stop me,” I spat back.

“Watch me.”

We stared into each other's eyes for a long time until finally I sighed. I knew I couldn’t get out from his grip, nor did I really want to leave. At least not until I got some answers.

“Calmer now?” he asked.

“Yes.” I gave a tense nod.

Slowly, his fingers unwound from around my arm as if he didn’t completely trust that I wouldn’t bolt. He had good reason, because the thought crossed my mind, but everything I owed was there and I would have to come back and deal with him at some point.

“Can we please sit and talk about this?” he asked, nodding toward the bed.

“No. We can go to the living room or the dining room. I’m not getting on the bed with you.” I might have calmed down, but I was still plenty angry.

He sighed, then held out a hand toward the door.

We both settled into opposite corners of the couch before he started talking.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. It was wrong of me. I didn’t realize who you were at first… No… All right, I’m going to come clean about everything and you have to promise me you’ll at least hear me out until the end and then you can do as you wish and I’ll stay out of your way.”

I stared at him hard. He’d just forbidden me from leaving and now he was telling me that he basically knew I’d want to leave once I heard it all. Did it get worse than what I already knew? How would that be possible? Guess I was about to find out.

“Okay. I promise to let you say everything you have to say.” I couldn’t promise anything other than that until I knew the extent of what it was.

He took a slow, deep breath before blowing it out and running a hand over his face.

“About four months before I met you at The Scene, I’d walked into the hotel I regularly took my clients to. There was this drop-dead beautiful woman there. She’d flashed me a killer smile before turning back to whomever she was talking to. While I knew she’d thought of me as just another customer in the lobby, something inside me clicked. I
had
to know more about this woman.
Everything
about this woman. I did things I’m embarrassed to admit. Things that would probably get me arrested if I’d been caught. However, none of that mattered at the time. I burned to get closer to her, to know her in every sense. While I’d never once in my life had a hard time talking to a woman, I couldn’t seem to find it in myself to speak to
this
woman. Then one day out of the blue, this woman looked up at me and locked gazes with me while she did something I never thought I’d see her doing. It turned me on to the point I nearly embarrassed myself right then and there. I had managed to catch her eye somehow. Granted, things took a long time to come to the point where we could be together in a normal relationship.

“Sound familiar? Well, in my exploration of knowing all there was to know about you, I had found your IP address, and when I’d found it was you coming to the counseling site that I worked on sometimes, I set it up so I was the only counselor you could be connected to. I wanted to be the one to support you, the one to help you work through your problems, not some random person who would never be able to relate to you like I did. So, yes, I hid a lot from you, but I never did it to hurt you or embarrass you. To this day, not a single person knows that I talked to you on there or knows any of the things you told me there. Those are my most treasured secrets that I plan to take to the grave. They were given to me in times of duress and when you were the most vulnerable. However, I understand if you are upset about the deception and need time to gather your thoughts without me around.” John stopped talking and looked down at his hands, his shoulders curled inward in a way that I’d never seen on him before.

“So… you stalked me?” I asked hesitantly.

“Yes.”

“Why?” I couldn’t wrap my head around that part. The rest I could at least partially understand.

“I don’t know. I couldn’t stop myself from doing it. I made sure you got to your car safely after work and into your house after that. Sometimes I would come by in the middle of the night to make sure you were okay and nothing was happening to you. I never wanted to harm you. It was like I couldn’t rest or focus on anything else until I knew you were okay. It sounds insane and I’m sure you think I am, but I can’t explain it. Once you moved in with me, it all stopped. Hell, once we started seeing each other regularly, the urges lessened greatly for the most part. I knew I would have to tell you one day, I just kept putting it off because I knew it’d freak you out. Any person in their right mind would be upset about someone following them around.” He hung his head and shook it slowly.

I stared at him. While I knew I should be upset, I couldn’t seem to find the emotions within me. If anything, I felt relieved. He’d never done anything to hurt me, not that I didn’t want anyway. He was never malicious or even overly angry with anyone, let alone me. I can only imagine how upsetting and strange it was for a man with so much self-control to feel out of control of his own body and thoughts.

Scooting closer to him, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and he jumped as if expecting a blow instead of a hug.

“I understand. It’s okay. I wish you would’ve told me earlier and that I wouldn’t have had to stumble over it myself, but I do get it. I masturbated in all sorts of places and inappropriate times because of my crazy urges. They weren’t things I wanted to do, but I did them anyway because I was compelled to do them. However, if the urges are gone now that I’m here, then things are better. Have you ever done such things to another person?” I asked as the question popped into my head.

“No!” he stated adamantly. “Never. It’s always only been you. Something about you, Precious. Something I can’t shake.”

“Well, good, ‘cause if that is the worst you have, then you can’t shake me. Almost everything can be talked through as long as you start the conversation. It’s secrets that kill,” I said before placing a kiss on his temple.

His body vibrated in my arms before he pulled me into his lap, burying his face in my neck.

“What did I do to deserve you? I love you more than life itself,” John whispered into my hair.

Chapter Ten

~John~

When Friday rolled around, I could barely contain my excitement. I’d told all my friends that I was no longer going to be helping any of them cover any time on the online site. It was a long time coming, but I hated saying no to people who’d helped me out in the past. Since Alix had found out everything, I wanted nothing more than to spend every moment I could with her. I felt lighter than I had in a long time. It’d been hell hiding something from her. She’d taken the news better than I’d expected — well, once I’d calmed her down.

I’d planned everything for our evening out and hopefully it would all go down as expected. April had left most of my afternoon unscheduled as I’d asked her to so that I could make a few last-minute stops.

After I’d seen my last patient, I’d run across town to the dry cleaners to pick up my favorite suit, then picked up the last couple of items before going home. There wasn’t much time before Alix was expected back from her first day of volunteering at the shelter.

In fact, I’d just finished straightening my jacket in the mirror when I heard the front door close, signaling she’d arrived home.

“Babe?” she called out, followed by the clinking of keys as she set them down on the table.

I smiled, knowing her habits.

“In here,” I shouted back and waited for her to make it to our room.

She stepped in and stopped to look me over from head to toe, then once more before a smile curled over her lips.

“Wow. You look damn good,” she said, licking her bottom lip and walking closer. She tugged on my lapels and went on tiptoe to kiss me firmly. “Are you sure we have to go out tonight? I’d really rather stay here and strip that exquisite suit off you one piece at a time.”

“Yes. Although if you are still interested, you can do it when we get back.” I winked at her. “I did get you a new dress to wear.”

“You did? What’s the big occasion?” She wiggled her eyebrows before turning to stalk into the closet in search of the new item. After a moment, she came back out with a frown. “I don’t see it.”

“That’s because it’s on the bed.” I nodded toward it and her cheeks turned pink.

Picking up the small, bright blue dress, she held it up then pressed it to her front.

“Short and sassy. Good thing I have you to keep any stray hands from getting too close.” She giggled, then set it down and started stripping.

I was happy to see the boring tan pants and polo shirt go. Slinky, sexy and soft looked so much better on her.

When she moved to the dresser to take out a garter belt, stockings and a matching set of panties and bra, I felt my dick thicken and lengthen. She knew exactly what buttons to push to get me hard.

Smiling, she walked past me into the bathroom in her comfortable underwear. After a quick rinse in the shower, she jumped out and strolled past me completely nude with water droplets still sticking in various places where she’d missed them.

“Precious,” I growled in warning. It was taking all my control to keep my hands off her when she taunted me like she was. However, knowing all the plans I’d put into place, I refused to give in.

Slowly, she pulled on one stocking, connected it to the garter belt then did the same to the other one. She put on her panties and bra next, then finally the dress.

“How’s it look?” she asked, walking to the full-length mirror in the corner of the room.

The bottom of the dress barely covered the lacy tops of the stockings and the back dipped low enough it almost revealed her bra strap, but it perfectly accentuated her curves and cleavage.

“Simply divine,” I said, walking up behind her and pulling her against me so she could feel just how much I liked it.

“Mmm, good, since you bought it.” She grinned at me in the mirror before heading to her jewelry box to retrieve a couple of strands of pearls I’d bought her. Each was a different length and together they drew more attention to her breasts. She fluffed her hair, then turned to look at me. “Ready, sir.”

I ushered her to my car, only allowing her to stop to grab her purse. We didn’t speak on the drive to the restaurant. Excitement filled the air in the car. The glances we shared said enough words weren’t needed. It was a special night, but I wasn’t going to tell her why and she knew not to ask. Electricity practically sparked between us as we exited the car.

“Do you have reservations?” the twiggy thing behind the hostess stand asked when we entered the restaurant.

“John O’Roarke,” I told her, wrapping my arm around Alix’s waist.

We followed the hostess as she led us to our table. While I could tell the girl was trying to catch my attention, I had eyes only for Alix.

“Here we are,” the girl said, holding a hand out to emphasize a booth that was in the back of the restaurant, exactly as I’d requested.

I waited until Alix was seated before sliding n across from her. We chatted briefly over what we were going to have before the waiter showed up to take our order, then disappeared again.

“So, what was so special that you set up a date night?” Alix asked, leaning over the table to get closer to me.

“Why does it have to be something special for me to want to take you out for a nice evening?” I asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“You don’t have me fooled. There is a reason, I just haven’t figured it out yet.” She squinted her eyes as if that would help her figure it out.

I laughed and shook my head.

The restaurant was quiet with a romantic ambiance, but it was also the first place Alix and I had gone on a date to. I didn’t know if she remembered that or not, but it was why I’d brought her there.

Our food arrived and we ate in relative silence. As we finished, she asked about my day and clients, but seemed to have realized she’d just have to wait until I was ready to reveal my plans.

When they brought the dessert platter to the table to show us all that was offered, there was a ring box in the front.

Alix looked at me wide-eyed and I looked from her to the server with a similar, surprised expression.

“Uh…” I trailed off, looking back to the box and the server before shaking my head. That wasn’t supposed to be there!

He cleared his throat and turned a bright shade of red.

“Oh. This isn’t for your table. I’m incredibly sorry,” he said, snatching the box up and tucking it into his apron.

“I think we are good without dessert. Just the check, please,” I said tensely and he scooted away. I took a deep breath and turned toward Alix.

“Well, that was a bit awkward.” She laughed, rubbing the back of her neck. Her face was pink with her own embarrassment.

“Yes.”

I didn’t say anything else and paid when our bill arrived. Then we walked back out to the car. I could tell Alix was disappointed. She’d hoped that ring was for her, but I wasn’t going to call her on it, not until we were alone. I prayed that I could save the evening from that little mishap.

Once we were both settled in, I turned to her with one hand on the steering wheel and placed the other one on her thigh.

“Precious, did that ring look like anything I would have given you?” I asked, because really, it wasn’t my style or hers at all. She might have been excited for a “real” proposal, but the ring wouldn’t have been right for us, nor would asking in such a cheesy way.

“No. I still would’ve said yes,” she said, slumping in her seat.

I forced her to look at me by pressing a finger to her cheek. When her eyes met mine, I closed the distance between us to place a soft kiss on her lips.

“You already said yes, Precious,” I reminded her, threading my fingers into her hair.

“I know. Never mind. It’s nothing,” she said, waving a hand through the air and forcibly straightening her back and shoulders.

I watched her for a moment before taking back my hand. I sighed softly before starting the car and heading to our next destination. The excitement from before was gone, but I kept silent until I pulled into the parking lot across from The Scene.

“Oh. I didn’t know we were coming here,” she said, looking at me with a whole different type of thrill in her eyes than earlier in the evening.

“Mmm, yes.” I smiled and exited the car. It had been awhile since we’d been to the club, one of the first places we’d met and gotten intimate.

After helping her from the car, I wrapped a hand around the back of her neck. It was a show of dominance and she melted against me with a soft moan.

Inside, she handed over her purse to the woman waiting behind the desk, then without any other interruptions, we went to my room. I shed my jacket and draped it over a chair in the corner while she watched me.

“Strip,” I said while undoing the buttons on my shirt.

She shimmied out of the dress. The wiggle of her body drew my attention and made me pause. A small smile pulled at her lips when she caught the hesitation in my movements, then she sank to her knees on the padded section of the floor, bowing her head.

I quickly finished removing my shirt and tossed it aside, then walked around my submissive. So perfect. So mine.

Once I completed a circle, I stopped in front of her with my feet shoulder-width apart. My cock was already getting excited just seeing her half nude and handing over her control to me.

“Stand,” I demanded.

She gracefully did as instructed, keeping her head down.

Moving close to her, my hands glided from her shoulders to her hands, then I threaded my fingers with hers. I forced her to lift her arms over her head as I pressed my body against hers. The feel of the silk bra against my bare chest made desire throb through me and a soft sound escaped from Alix’s lips.

I released her and trailed the tips of my fingers down the sensitive underside of her arms and sides. Stepping around her, I grabbed a length of rope from the nearby table. It only took a few movements before her wrists were securely bound together, then I slipped the knot over a hook hanging from the ceiling.

“Now you can’t go anywhere,” I murmured against her neck before licking a line up to her ear. Dragging a hand around her hip, I stepped back in front of her. I reached up and removed all of her necklaces. “Wouldn’t want these to get dirty.”

She bit her bottom lip, holding back a protest.

I’ve never taken my pearls off her before so I knew she wanted to ask why I was doing it that time, but she didn’t.

Once more, I stepped close to her and kissed a line down her throat, between her breasts and then down her stomach before lowering myself to my knees to continue downward. At the top of her panties, I kissed from hip to hip. Nuzzling my face into her silk-covered mound, I slid my palms up her legs until I could hook a finger under the elastic keeping the material on. Yanking downward, I took them off.

She lifted one foot then the other so I could completely remove them.

I reached between her thighs to grip an ass cheek in each hand, bringing her to my mouth so I could tease her pussy.

My tongue traced all along her slit, tasting her arousal while my lungs filled with her unique scent. That combination along with the sight I was greeted with when I looked upward had my dick throbbing and begging to be released.

The more I tasted her, the more I thought I could stay there forever, with her on my face and filling all my senses.

“Oh, sir! Please let me come. I want to come on your face,” Alix begged from above me.

Pushing two fingers into her so I could nail her sweet spot, I lifted my head enough to answer her.

“Come for me, Precious. Let me hear how good I make you feel. Show me how much you want my cock in you,” I said, looking up the line of her body to where her breasts were heaving from her rapid breaths, then farther to where her head was thrown back in pleasure, her bound wrists coming into view occasionally as she writhed on me. Lowering my face back to suck her clit into my mouth, I moved my fingers faster in and out of her.

“Yes… Oh, yes… Master…” Alix barely breathed the words between gasping for air. Her thighs tensed around me seconds before her pussy clamped down on my fingers and she sharply arched against her restraints as her orgasm flashed through her.

I lapped at her, capturing all of her release before standing again. Quickly, I undid my pants and shucked the rest of my clothing. I couldn’t resist stroking myself while watching her come back down from the high of getting off. Precome leaked out to help lubricate the glide of skin on skin.

Alix blinked her eyes open after a moment and immediately her eyes locked on my cock. She bit down on her bottom lip as a shiver went through her.

“Want a taste?” I asked her and she nodded right away. I smiled and released my hard length before walking over to the prepared table and picking up a knife. I locked eyes with her for a moment to make sure she was okay, then slipped the blade under a bra strap. Once it broke free, I did the same to the other side, then between the cups, and it fell to the ground around her feet. Without being asked or directed to do so, Alix kicked it away, knowing I wouldn’t want it in the way.

I couldn’t help the spark of pride that rushed up my spine; she knew me so well. After placing the knife back where I got it, I stepped behind her and wrapped my arms around her, taking her breasts in my hands.