Toxic (14 page)

“How are
you
doing?” she repeated the question to me, sidestepping it herself.

“Anxious, I guess,” I answered honestly. I wasn’t sure how the party was going to go, especially with Alix and I walking on glass when we were supposed to be the happily-engaged couple.

“Me too,” she said, looking at me with a shy smile. “Not used to being the center of attention. Not to mention, I’m not entirely sure who-all Jennifer invited.”

“It’ll be okay. I’ll be there by your side the whole time.” I clasped her hand in mine.

“I wouldn’t expect anything different from you.” She squeezed my hand and I felt the pressure around my heart ease with that simple gesture.

She still trusted me.

Chapter Thirteen

~Alix~

I felt overwhelmed and exhausted and the party hadn’t even started. It was why I’d sought John out to begin with. I needed him to comfort me and calm the storm brewing inside me. I didn’t like the way things were between us. Yes, he needed to get some serious help. Especially after taking pictures of me while I was sleeping. All he had to do was ask and I would’ve happily let him take whatever pictures he wanted, but the fact he’d done it sneakily and not told me about them crushed me. It was an invasion of what little privacy I had.

I didn’t want things to be over between us, not after everything we’d already made it through, but I couldn’t allow him to not see the error of his ways. There were just some things you didn’t do.

Rising from the bed, I held out my arms and he pulled me close. I breathed in his scent and relaxed in his embrace. Everything would be fine once we got over the newest hurdle. It would. I had to believe it or I’d break down.

After a few long moments, I stepped back and smiled up at John.

“Let’s go show everyone what they wish they could have,” I said, feeling much better than I had when I’d entered the room.

“Can I get dressed first?” he asked, and I blushed.

“Yes, of course.” I’d forgotten he hadn’t dressed yet, which showed how stressed I was.

The doorbell rang.

“Why don’t you head down and I’ll be right there.” John kissed my forehead, then released me.

“See you soon,” I said and went to get the door.

Jennifer had already greeted Gabe and the two of them were talking quietly. I didn’t think they’d met before but it wouldn’t be a bad idea for John’s good friend to be close to my best friend so I headed to the kitchen instead to double-check everything was ready even though I’d made sure before going to see John. My stomach was a hard ball of nerves, but there’d been no mention of inviting anyone “special” or any surprises so I hoped for the best.

Before long, the house held a dozen people and John had joined the party. When Mariah arrived, the entire room tensed. It was palpable and I started to regret inviting her. Then her boyfriend entered and I stepped back.

It didn’t matter that I was in the middle of a conversation. It didn’t matter that John was looking at me in concern. Nothing mattered.

I had to get out of the room. Now.

Spinning around, I ran down the hall that led to our bedroom.

John found me hyperventilating in the bathroom with my head between my knees.

“What just happened?” John asked, squatting next to me in his slacks and button-down shirt as he rubbed soothing circles up my back.

“That… That… That was my brother,” I managed to get out through my chattering teeth. Violent tremors were running through my body and I couldn’t get them to stop.

“I didn’t think you had family, or if you did you weren’t close to them. Why would he be here?”

I tried to calm down and share the single part of my past that I’d never told him and hadn’t spoken about in a very, very long time.

“Come on. Let’s go in the bedroom,” John said as he clasped my shoulder and tried to pull me to my feet.

I vehemently shook my head and started crying hysterically while repeating, “No.”

“Whoa. Calm down,” John whispered, scooping me up into his arms. He sat on the cold bathroom floor with me in his lap. “Precious, please talk to me.”

I buried my face in his neck and cried.

He held me and rubbed my back until the tears stopped and I was just hiccupping and trembling.

It took me a few tries to wet my tongue enough to speak.

“He raped me.” I forced the words out. They were barely audible, but I’d said them. When the world didn’t collapse around me, Bryce didn’t burst in the door and John didn’t react, I swallowed and finished. “He raped me and they didn’t believe me.”

“Who?” John’s voice was tight, like he had a hard time saying the word.

“My parents. They never believed me. No matter how many times he did it. No matter how many times I told them. No one ever believed me. He never stopped. Not until I moved out.” The words flowed out now that I’d managed to start. “He beat me, but my parents said it was from being a klutz. Anytime I bled, it was my period being wonky.”

I shook my head as all the horrible words my parents called me came back. All the embarrassment I dealt with at school when everyone called me a slut because of the rumors Bryce spread. The memories of him forcing me against my will.

After so many years, I thought I’d gotten over it all. I hadn’t thought about it in a long time, not in the way I was.

“Precious, let me take you to bed so I can ask everyone to leave. The party is over,” John stated.

I wasn’t going to argue. There wasn’t a chance that I was going to be able to act like I hadn’t just relived the worst time of my life.

“Okay, John,” I whispered.

He hoisted me up and carried me to the mattress. The look in his eyes told me he was struggling to hold it together as much as I was, but he walked out of the room with his back straight. It felt like he was gone forever, but was more than likely only a few minutes. He climbed up next to me before pulling me tightly against his chest.

We lay there for a long time. Neither of us spoke, just shared comforting, lingering touches.

“I believe you.”

They were the first words John had said since he’d told the guests to leave.

“I am going to delay my treatment so I can be here to take care of you,” he whispered as his hands wandered over my back and arms.

“No. It’s okay. I’ll be okay. I’ve dealt with this for a long time. I can do it a while longer,” I said, not wanting to him to put his life on hold for me.

“The only way I’ll go is if you see someone while I’m gone. I’ll get help for my problems if you get help for your past.” John leaned up on an elbow so he could look down at me.

“I can do that. When we meet again we will both be in a better place,” I said, cupping his cheek.

He slowly lowered his head until his lips pressed to mine in a gentle kiss.

We spent the rest of the night touching and kissing. At one point we made love, slow and tender in the dark.

When the sun rose, John got up and packed a few items into a bag to take with him to the treatment center.

“I’ll miss you every second I am gone,” John said while holding me in his arms.

“Me too,” I whispered, but stepped back.

It was going to be hard being apart, but we could do it.

John grabbed my hands in his and sighed. Slowly, he stepped back, then again until our arms were stretched between us. Finally, our fingers slipped apart. He frowned and spun around to walk briskly to the door, closing it softly behind him.

I was glad he’d left the way he had; it made it easier and stopped me from keeping him from going.

Jennifer showed up shortly after he’d left.

“Oh, babe, you look terrible,” she said when I opened the door to let her in. “He left already?”

“Yeah. It’s for the best.” I nodded and moved into the living room.

It was a hot mess. There were half-filled glasses everywhere, along with plates covered with food. The kitchen wasn’t any better either. I had a lot of work to do, but it would help keep my mind off everything so I was grateful.

“Well, let’s get to cleaning up then,” Jennifer said, going into the kitchen, presumably to retrieve bags. When she returned, she handed one to me.

I looked at her and she smiled before getting started. While I expected her to ask what had happened the night before, I was happy that she hadn’t brought it up.

By the time everything was back to normal, I plopped onto the couch exhausted and Jennifer followed suit, leaning her head against the back.

“What do you say we go get a drink and some food?” she asked, rolling her head to the side to look at me.

“Sounds good. I’m starving. I also need a shower desperately. What if I meet up with you once I rinse off the stink?” I said, trying to find the energy to get up. It would be good to go out for a little while though.

“Fine. I should probably do the same and it’d be a perfect time for an early dinner,” she said, looking at her wrist watch.

I looked at the clock on the wall and was surprised to see how much time had passed while we cleaned.

“All right. Up we go,” I said, slapping a hand on Jennifer’s thigh.

“Okay. Pull me up,” she demanded holding out both her hands.

I laughed and tugged her off the couch.

She left and I jumped in the shower. The warm water felt heavenly as it washed away food, drinks and sweat that had accumulated.

When I got out, I felt much more energetic. After pulling my hair into a ponytail, I dressed in jeans and a silk top with a pair of low heels. Grabbing my purse and phone, I left to meet Jennifer.

She was already at the restaurant when I arrived. The table she’d claimed was in a quieter part so we could still talk without having to shout.

Once we ordered, she took a drink of her soda and gave me a serious look.

“So, do you want to talk about what happened last night?” she asked, putting the glass back down.

“Not really. Let’s just say I saw a ghost from the past and didn’t want to entertain people anymore. One day I’ll tell you all about it, but it’s still raw right now,” I admitted.

“Oh hell, I understand that. When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here. Now how about we talk about all those presents you got?” She quickly changed the subject and I was grateful.

The rest of our meal passed as we chatted about the wedding, or lack of one, and the pros and cons in her eyes. By the time we were done, I was still against having one. Look at how well the engagement party had gone, after all.

“Let’s meet up for something fun tomorrow,” Jennifer suggested as we walked out of the restaurant.

“I don’t know. I might just stay home and veg. I’ll call the shelter and see if they need some help, too, since John is gone,” I said. I didn’t know if I would have the energy to keep up with her again so soon.

“Oh, you are so boring,” she teased. “Well, if you get tired of being alone and want some company, you know my number. Don’t stay in that house the whole time John is gone.”

“I won’t. I promise.” I knew I had to find a counselor to talk to and that’d give me a reason to get out as well. Plus, the shelter would keep me plenty busy, or I hoped they would since it was all I had besides pestering Jennifer to keep me company.

“Later!” She waved and wandered off to her car.

I headed home with thoughts of lounging on the couch and catching up on some television shows. After parking in the garage, I walked up to the house and unlocked the front door, then walked inside. I put my purse down and flipped on the light.

“What the…” I yelped, jumping back.

Mariah leaned against the back of the couch in a tight pair of black pants and a matching low-cut top with a glass of wine in her hand. She wore heels that had to be at least four inches tall with bright red soles peeking out.

“About time you got home,” she said, crossing her ankles where they were stretched out in front of her.

“Why are you here? How’d you get in?” I asked nervously.

“Oh, where to start…” She trailed off before taking a large swallow of wine. “How about you come in and get comfortable. We are going to be here a while.”

“Uh… That’s okay. I’m good here,” I said, not wanting to get any closer to her.

“I insist.” She pushed off the couch, and it was only then that I saw in her other hand she had a large knife. “Don’t be stupid. Go sit down.”

Swallowing hard, I stepped widely around her and sat down on the edge of a cushion. She sat across from me on the coffee table, wine glass still in one hand, knife in the other.

“Since John couldn’t see that you were bad for him, I decided to help him see what a bad decision he was making. He needs a strong woman. An employed woman who can not only take care of herself, but provide for the household,” she started, as if we were in the middle of a conversation already.

I tried to bite my tongue and not interrupt, but I couldn’t.

“He needs a woman who loves him,” I said, repeating the words he’d told me numerous times. “The rest will work itself out.”

“
I
love him. I could take care of him better than you would ever be able to.  I thought he’d leave you once you lost your pathetic job, but he didn’t, did he?” Mariah clenched her jaw as she tapped the knife length along her thigh. Her knuckles were white from holding it so tightly.

When I refused to answer, she let out a suffering sigh and took another swig from her glass.

“He didn’t even care that holy people were trying to tell you how disgusting you are.”

“You know as well as I do that John is also part of the lifestyle.” I shook my head, not understanding why she thought any of this would work.

“No!” she shouted suddenly making me slide back on the couch. “No, John doesn’t need that in his life. He just thinks he needs to live that way. When we were together he learned that sex could be just as good without it. Our relationship was just as wonderful without it. I never planned to be submissive to him for long.”