Tracey H. Kitts - Lilith Mercury 1 - Red (10 page)

Every time he smiled at me, the world seemed to be a better place. I loved him so deeply, so passionately, that it hurt to breathe. I took those strong emotions, those memories and I pushed them with my mind, through my hand and into Alfred.

The memory of the night that Peter had turned on me played itself out in my mind as if it were yesterday. At last, Alfred knew what it felt like to be called a monster. I let him feel my memory of being afraid that the world would end and I would have never known love. Then I remembered another face, one without fond memories attached. I let him see the girl Peter had married and how strongly she resembled Marcy Johnson. I remembered the way I had felt when I learned of Peter’s engagement. No one had had the balls to tell me. I’d had to read it in the paper. It felt like someone had hit me. I remembered the picture of their smiling faces looking back, mocking me from page five of the local news. I knew they had been dating. It had been five years since my attack when Peter got married. But seeing it there in plain black and white brought home more than ever that he would never be mine again. I took my rage, my unfulfilled need to cause someone else to hurt as badly as I did and flung it at Alfred.

I relived meeting her years later in a supermarket. She was wearing dark shades to cover her black eye. She knew who I was. We’d known each other in school. I spoke to her, determined to be the better person and never let her know how much I loathed her.

RED

Tracey H. Kitts

48

She had taken my hasty greeting as a sign that I didn’t hate her, and poured her heart out to me.

There I stood, with the woman that I had despised for years, crying on my shoulder because Peter abused her. I let Alfred feel how much I wanted to strangle her, and how glad I was that it was winter, and I’d worn gloves. I did not want to directly touch that woman. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my hands around her slender throat until I felt the bones crack, just for the satisfaction of hearing them crunch.

Instead, I held her. I held her to me as if the world were ending, because to her … it was.

As we stood there, in the middle of the frozen food isle, I cried with her. As I held her I suddenly understood that she had no one else to turn to, not if she looked to me for comfort. If I was her idea of refuge, what must the storm be like? Though I wanted to do so, I could not turn her away.

Through my touch, Alfred knew what if felt like to fall in love again, against your better judgment, with a man that you knew deep down would only break your heart. He understood what it felt like to have someone not only fear your love, but run from it. I hurt so deeply that it was beyond my description. The disappointment I’d felt when Bradley had shown his true colors coursed through me, crashing into Alfred like the tide.

It wouldn’t have hurt so much if he had at least spoken to me. I knew Bradley planned to leave. His plans were not a secret to me, but he thought they were. I had hoped that he would be man enough to tell me he was leaving. Coward. Through my memories, Alfred experienced my fear, my longing, and my hatred. What I felt was beyond words.

When Alfred’s face appeared in my mind, I broke the contact. After all, he didn’t need to know everything. We sat quietly for a moment, before he whispered,
“Figlio di
cagna, troia.”
That’s Italian for son of a bitch.

“Exactly,” I said, wiping my eyes. I looked up at Alfred and realized he’d been crying. As red as his eyes were, he must have cried from the time that I’d first touched him until I broke the contact. I felt guilty. I’d wanted him to understand what I had been going through, but I’d never meant to hurt him.

“I’m sorry ….”

“Don’t.” He wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his pajamas. “I asked. I wanted to know. I wondered what happened between you and Peter. I knew about Brad, but I had no idea …” He seemed at a loss for words.

“And I didn’t know how to even begin to explain it.”

He offered me a weak smile. “A picture’s worth a thousand words.”

“So you did see the memories, you didn’t just feel them?”

“I saw them … and I felt them.” He reached out, covering my small hand with his. I was surprised that he would be willing touch me after what had just happened.

“I’m sorry, Lil. I’ve been an ass. I’ve deliberately provoked you. I saw who Peter’s wife looked like ….”

“I don’t own you,” I interrupted, trying to sound casual.

“But, you could …”
I looked down at my hand, still resting in his and realized that I was hearing his thoughts. I didn’t know what to say, or how he would feel if I were to respond to his thoughts. I was afraid to know what Alfred felt, but … I didn’t want to break the contact. His hand felt so warm and comforting. I wanted to touch more of him.

RED

Tracey H. Kitts

49

I wanted to run my hands over his satin pajamas, just to feel the warmth of his skin beneath. What I felt wasn’t sexual, I needed comfort. I let some of what I was feeling pass to Alfred.

“Don’t be afraid to touch me,” he whispered, more softly than I’d expected. He stretched out his arms to me, and I leaned into his embrace.

“I’m so confused,” I whispered.

“I know,” he said as he swept me onto his lap, wrapping me in his arms.

I rested my face against the side of his throat, feeling his pulse against my forehead. Alfred held me for a long time, speaking softly to me in Italian. His voice soothed the emotional storm that had raged within me. For the first time in weeks, I found some measure of peace as he stroked my hair, whispering words of comfort, like a caress to my tormented mind. I couldn’t tell you a word he said, but I remember the way he made me feel. I drifted to sleep in Alfred’s strong embrace, knowing that I was not alone, and that this night I could rest, knowing that the arms that held me would also protect me.

I felt myself being lifted. Someone was carrying me, but where was I going? The last thing that I remembered was Alfred holding me. Where was Alfred? I was startled awake by this thought. “Shh,” Alfred whispered. I sighed, appreciating for the first time how good he smelled. I breathed deeply, rubbing my face against the satin of his pajamas, wanting to commit his scent to memory.

Alfred shifted me in his arms and I heard him open my bedroom door. Had I been awake enough to think about it, being alone in my bedroom with Alfred would have made me nervous. But, I wasn’t awake. In fact, I was barely conscious when he laid me back against the silk covered pillows. I felt cold without him. As I opened my eyes, I realized that he was leaving. I reached out and caught his wrist just as he turned to go.

“Stay,” I whispered.

He looked over his shoulder at me, but he didn’t turn around. I saw the question in his eyes.

“I’m not asking you to climb through my balcony window, but please … don’t go.”

He sat down beside me and caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. “So, you’re not asking me to climb through your window, huh?” He smiled. “It’s a damn good thing, too, cause I pulled my back again carrying you up the stairs.”

“Again?”

“I pulled it weeks ago, dragging that damned werewolf down to the incinerator.”

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at the pitiful look on his face while I slid between the sheets and patted the space beside me. “Come here.”

“Do I look like a teddy bear to you?” Alfred asked as he stretched his long legs out beside me. He held his arm out toward me and I snuggled up against his side.

“Maybe if you wear one of those little bow ties.” I smirked.

“Me wear a bow tie?” He patted my head as he continued, “You poor thing you’re delirious.”

I giggled, snuggling closer into his embrace. It had been a long time since I’d slept with a man—and actually slept. I felt so small pressed against his side. I fit RED

Tracey H. Kitts

50

completely under his arm. My feet only reached to the middle of his shin, where I pinched his pajamas between my toes, enjoying the feel of the fabric on my bare feet.

“This feels good,” I mumbled, already drifting off again. I felt Alfred sigh as I rested my head against his chest. I fell asleep letting the steady rhythm of his heart soothe me like a lullaby.

* * * *

I awoke to the safety of Alfred’s embrace, his body wrapped around me like a warm blanket pressed against my back. I turned to face him, careful to move only as much as necessary. With his arm still across my waist, I watched Alfred as he slept.

I lay there for the longest time, admiring his full lips and creamy caramel complexion, amazed that it had taken me so many years to notice how handsome he was.

Soft rays of morning sunlight touched the top of his head, making his dark hair shine like polished obsidian. The urge to run my fingers through that thick dark hair was too difficult to resist. I snuggled closer to him, running my hand up the back of his neck and into the softness of his hair. I giggled at the thought of asking him what sort of conditioner he used. His long eyelashes fluttered slightly and I was soon looking into his sleepy dark eyes.

“You look rested,” he said.

“I slept surprisingly well.”

“Did you?” Alfred smiled his charming half smile as he ran his hand up my back.

He looked puzzled for a moment. “Are you wearing a bra?”

“Yes.”

He looked even more confused. “To bed?”

I wrapped my arm more tightly around his waist meaning to slide him closer to me, but because of our significant difference in size, I slid closer to him. Smiling seductively I said, “I’m too well endowed to go without some kind of support.”

“Is that so? I hadn’t noticed,” he replied playfully as he ran his hand up underneath the back of my silk pajama top. He toyed with the clasp on my bra as he whispered softly,
“Tu guardare bella in la mattina luce.”
(You look beautiful in the morning light.)

“Grazie.”

I wasn’t sure what else to say, or how I should react, but I didn’t want him to stop.

I leaned in to kiss him, wishing that I could spend the day in his arms while he whispered sweet Italian nothings in my ear. However, before our lips could touch, I heard an unusual clattering sound against my balcony window.

“Did you hear that?” I asked.

“Unfortunately.”

As the clattering sound grew louder, I realized that someone was throwing rocks at my window.

“A bit early for Don Juan, don’t you think?” Alfred said irritably.

I crawled out of bed and flung the balcony doors open. Kat was standing beneath the roses, her hands filled with small pieces of gravel from the driveway.

“Psst
, Lilith, are you there?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” I said, leaning over the railing where Kat could see me.

RED

Tracey H. Kitts

51

“I couldn’t get Alfred to answer the door ….” She broke off suddenly. Her jaw dropped as Alfred walked up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

“Everything alright?” he asked. Looking over the balcony he added, “Good morning, Kathryn.”

“G-good morning,” she stammered. An evil smile played across her features.

“Well, no wonder you didn’t come to the door. You weren’t downstairs, were you?” Her wicked smile widened when Alfred didn’t bother to correct her line of thinking.

He turned to me with an evil smile of his own, “I’ll let you girls gossip. I’ve got work to do.” He pinched my butt as he added,
“Zuccherino.”
I couldn’t help laughing.

“You’re evil,” I said to Alfred, soft enough that only he could hear.

“Zook what?” Kat asked.

“Sugar pie,” I interpreted with a smile.

“Oh.” She yelled at Alfred before he could leave, “Hey, what makes you think I’m here to gossip?!”

“Because you are,” he yelled back on his way across the bedroom.

I looked back at Kat and she giggled, “Yeah, I am. You suppose I could come in now? I’m getting a crick in my neck.”

I stepped back into my black fuzzy slippers and went downstairs to meet Kat.

When I opened the door I was greeted by the most mischievous grin I’d ever seen. It was like looking at the Cheshire cat on crack. “So, does it match the rest of him?” she asked, stepping into the foyer.

“Does what match the rest of him?”

“You know, he’s big, and tall ….”

“Kat!”

“What?” she laughed. “It’s a perfectly natural thing to ask.”

“Oh, yeah? Good morning, Lilith. So, how big is Alfred’s dick? That sound normal to you?”

She burst out laughing. “That’s not exactly what I said, but I guess it’s close enough.”

We walked into the kitchen to find Alfred making coffee. Kat blushed to the roots of her hair. Apparently she realized he had most likely overheard our conversation.

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” I said, determined to get even for the interruption that morning.

“Ask me what?” Alfred said. He winked at me in a way that let me know he had heard every word we’d said in the foyer. I took a seat at the kitchen table, smirking at Kat’s obvious embarrassment.

She turned an almost tomato red as I blurted out, “Kat just wanted to know how big your dick is. You know, since you’re so …
big
and tall.” I turned a smile to Alfred that would have made the devil proud, while I slid down in my chair so that I could reach him enough to run my bare foot up the front of his pjs, taking advantage of how near he stood.

“So, why don’t you tell her?” I purred seductively, “Is it as big as the rest of you?”

RED

Tracey H. Kitts

52

Alfred’s eyes sparkled with a mischief I’d never seen before as he said, “You can tell her yourself, I’ve got work to do.” He turned around and began pouring himself some coffee.

“So you’ve said, but I don’t see you going anywhere.”

“Watch closely then.” He picked up his coffee cup with a smile and left the room.

Kat sat down across from me, her embarrassment replaced by curiosity. “Well?”

she persisted.

“What brings you here this early, Kat?”