Tracie Peterson - [Heirs of Montana 04] (28 page)

Funny how easy it was beginning to be—pretending she was happy. She caught sight of George watching her. His face was sober, his expression intense.
He knows,
she thought.
He knows it’s all a game for me. He knows my heart isn’t in any of this
. She sighed. If she wasn’t careful she’d find herself confiding everything to George, and that could be very dangerous.

“So you’re absolutely certain this is what you want to do?” Dianne asked Ardith.

Ardith sat on the edge of Dianne’s bed. She had stared at a fixed spot on the wallpaper for the last ten minutes of their discussion. It was clear to Dianne she didn’t want to get into the emotional side of the matter.

“Winona will be better with you and Koko. She loves your children, and she needs to be with others her own age. I know this will cause you to take on extra responsibility, what with her schooling and such, but I’ll send money home for her upkeep and your trouble.”

“The money is certainly of no matter to me,” Dianne told her. “I’m more concerned with your daughter’s needs … those that can’t be bought. Like a mother’s love.”

“She’ll always have that,” Ardith said, still not looking at Dianne.

“But will she know that—believe that—when you are nowhere to be found?”

“You’ll always know where I am. It’s not like I’m going to disappear into uncharted territory. It’s New York City. Of course I’ll be doing some travel, but my residence will be there and you can wire me or send mail to the address I gave you. Besides, you left your husband in Kansas. Do your children believe he’s stopped loving them simply because of the distance involved?”

Dianne wanted no part of that question. She instead brought the subject back to Ardith. “I just want to be sure that you understand how hard this will be on Winona,” Dianne said, coming to stand between Ardith and her fixed point. “Look at me.”

Her sister slowly raised her gaze. “Why? Because you think if I look deep enough into your eyes that I’ll change my mind? Don’t play such a game with me. You’re hurting enough—you’re feeling the same sense of loss that I feel. You’ve run away, so why can’t I?”

“I didn’t run away,” Dianne protested. “I brought my children to safety. They were endangered in Kansas.”

“And Winona … well, I can’t be a good mother right now,” Ardith said sadly. “I’m sorry. I’m not as strong as you are. I need to go, and I need you to understand and let me go. You must know how I feel in some small part. Your pain drove you to make a difficult decision—a decision that you never would have made under normal circumstances. Please understand that my situation is no different.”

Dianne fought back unbidden tears. She nodded slowly, feeling that she understood her sister’s plight for the first time. “I understand. I love you, and I love Winona. I want good for both of you. I’ll take Winona with me and love her as my own, but please remember that it will never take the place of your love. Don’t make the separation a long one or I’m afraid her heart will be forever broken.”

“Your sisters seem so unhappy,” Mara said as she and Zane took a long walk to discuss the events of the next day. “I hope they’ll be able to enjoy the wedding.”

“If they’re saddened by it,” Zane said, “they’ll simply have to understand. We moved the wedding up for them, and we’re happy. I won’t be made miserable just because they are.”

“I know,” Mara replied, “but I feel sorry for them. They are struggling with so much. I wish I could help more, but neither one seems to want to discuss the situation with me.”

“They don’t want to talk to anyone. I tried discussing this with Dianne, and she tells me that because I’m not married, I can’t possibly understand what she’s going through. Then when I tried to talk to Ardith, she accused me of trying to run her life. So I figured it was safer to keep my opinion and thoughts to myself.”

“You can share them with me,” she said lightly. “You know I love hearing what you have to say.”

He grinned and tightened his hold on her hand. “I never figured to fall in love this late in life.”

“It’s hardly like you have one foot in the grave,” she teased.

“No, but my father was my age when he died. I guess sometimes I think about that.”

“But he didn’t die naturally—he was killed. It wasn’t like his health failed him.” Mara stopped and turned to face Zane. “You can’t judge your existence by your parents.’ Both died tragically.”

“I know you’re right, but I will always worry about what might become of you if something were to happen to me. I didn’t have those concerns before agreeing to take on a wife. I figured if I died, I died. I wouldn’t be leaving any grieving widow or orphaned children.”

“Zane, you’ve talked about this before, and I want you to know that I feel a complete peace about this. I’d rather have whatever time together God will give us than to have nothing at all.”

He reached out to stroke her cheek. Her skin was so soft. “I want that time too. I didn’t mean to despair on the eve of our wedding. I suppose it’s seeing the problems around us that brought it all back to me.”

“Then put it aside,” she said, putting her hand over his. She drew his hand to her lips and kissed it lightly. “I just know we shall have a long and happy life together.”

In that moment Zane felt certain of it too.

CHAPTER 19

D
IANNE HAD NEVER SEEN TWO PEOPLE HAPPIER TO BE WED
than Zane and Mara. She was taken back in time to her own wedding as Mara gazed adoringly at Zane.

I felt that way once. I loved Cole more than life. I waited for him for such a long time—lived with the fear that he was probably dead. Still, love prevailed
. She sighed. Could love prevail this time? Could it cover the multitude of sins that seemed to paint her life like watered-down whitewash?

With their marriage only twenty-four hours old, Zane and Mara were completely immersed in each other. Dianne had already reminded them twice that they needed to get on the road, only to have them mutter something to the effect of, “We’ll be right there.” She had to laugh. It was good that they were so happy. She prayed that God might never let the interference of others cause them grief.

“Well, at least they have no mothers-in-law to intrude upon their lives,” she muttered.

“What was that?” George asked as he tightened the ropes holding the tarp over their supplies.

Dianne shook her head. “Nothing. Nothing of importance, anyway.” She looked at her watch piece. Time was getting away from them, and even Daisy, her buckskin mare, was anxious to be on their way. “Should we get going?”

“I think the sooner the better,” George said. “But I’ve been saying that since I got here.” He smiled. “If you’ll get the children loaded up, I’ll make sure the horses are secured to the back of the wagons.”

“Do you really think it’s wise for Luke to ride? He hasn’t had much experience since we moved to town.”

“He’ll do fine. How else is he going to learn? I’ll be with him.”

George’s kind expression stirred Dianne’s heart. Why couldn’t Cole care like George? She shook her head.
I can’t let these thoughts take me captive. Maybe it’s a mistake to go back to the ranch and be around George
. She looked at the man as he walked away to check the extra horses they were taking.
Oh, Father, I don’t want this to turn into something sinful. I don’t want to turn to George and put Cole from my life
. But George was here … and he cared. Cole had made the choice to tend to his mother. She put her hand to her head.
What am I to do?

“I had to come tell you good-bye,” Faith Montgomery said as she came forward with a cloth-covered basket. “Seemed that we never got a real chance to talk. I got this basket from Ardith before she left with that Mr. Stromgren. I filled it with goodies for the trip home.”

Dianne took the basket and secured it under the wagon seat. “That was so thoughtful. I know the children will appreciate your cooking.”

Faith smiled. “I’m glad you’re home but so sorry things aren’t as they should be.” She sobered and took hold of Dianne by the shoulders. “You know I’ll be praying. Charity too.”

“Yes, she told me so this morning. I’m glad she and Ben have agreed to move back into the house and live with Joshua. Since Ben wants to groom him to take over the church, it seems logical that they should be together.”

“I agree. It should prove to be an amicable solution, and you’ll be back on your ranch.”

Dianne drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Was I wrong to come back? Tell me the truth, Faith.”

Faith dropped her hold and her expression changed to sympathetic. “Child, you know God doesn’t approve of strife. He doesn’t want families divided. The Good Book tells us that His is a ministry of reconciliation, and ours should be as well.”

“But it’s so hard,” Dianne murmured. “You don’t know what I was going through.”

“But He does,” Faith countered. “And He didn’t just stick you there without knowing what was coming and without making a provision for you as well.”

“Then maybe returning to Montana was the provision. After all, I left with Cole’s blessing.”

“But not his heart. He knew it’d do no good to fight you on this.”

“He didn’t even want to fight me on this, Faith. He didn’t want me to go, but he also didn’t need me to stay.”

“Pray, Dianne. Keep taking it back to the Lord. Don’t let this become a root of bitterness in your heart. Cole loves you—I know that as clearly as I know my own name.”

Dianne knew it too. He might not have responded in the manner in which she would have liked, but she knew he loved her. Right now that love was just being smothered with the vines of his mother’s selfish desires to keep him to herself.

“I wish you and Malachi would reconsider and come back to the ranch,” Dianne said, changing the subject. “We’re going to need a good blacksmith.”

“Not for a time. Malachi has good work here, and Cole has trusted him to oversee the freight company in his absence. Our family is happy here. Folks have gotten used to us, and while there aren’t many Negroes in these parts, we aren’t treated so bad anymore. Not like it used to be. Folks seem to appreciate what Malachi can do for them, and while he’s still just a black man to them, they no longer say the ugly things they used to.”

“Well, if you change your mind, you know you’re welcome. We’ll build you another cabin, like we did in the beginning.”

Faith laughed and her delight was evidenced in the twinkle in her eyes. “Those were mighty fine times. They will be again. I’m convinced of it.”

“I hope so.” Dianne’s voice was filled with longing. Why did it seem the valleys lasted so much longer than the mountaintops?

Zane and Mara finally emerged from the house. They were dressed in traveling clothes, and Zane carried Lia in his arms while Mara carried a small bag. They were heading back to the ranch with Dianne so they could pick up Elsa and sneak away with her to Butte. Dianne still thought it a risky idea, but the thought of Elsa living at the Diamond V didn’t come without its worries. Just as Zane had figured, Chester Lawrence had been waiting outside of the church after the wedding. When he saw Elsa was nowhere to be found, he spewed out curses at Zane and Mara. Then upon spotting Dianne, he laid into her as well. The moment was still rather startling. Dianne could only imagine that there would be trouble from her neighbor in the months to come.

The boys came running out the front door with Charity coming out of the house behind them. “You boys forgot your cookies!” Charity declared.

Dianne laughed at the antics of her sons as they ran past Mara and Zane, circled around like howling Indians, and raced back to where Charity stood with their treats. Everyone seemed happy and energized. It even looked like the weather would give them a good day for traveling.

“Where’s Winona?” Dianne asked as she suddenly realized that the girl was nowhere to be found.

“I haven’t seen her,” Zane said as he lifted Lia into the place where the children would ride. George had fixed them a sort of covering, and the children were eager to pretend they were on one of the great wagon trains of days gone by. The boys climbed up like kittens scaling draperies and disappeared inside the canvas covering. Zane and Mara were going to drive one load while Dianne drove the other. Poor Daisy would get exercised, but not with a rider. She was tied unceremoniously to the back of Dianne’s wagon.