Tracing Holland (NSB Book 2) (28 page)

I laugh and close my eyes, still trying to catch my breath.

“Unbelievable,” she continues and turns toward me. “Pavlov
had no
freakin
’ clue. No clue!”

“So I’m getting better then?”

She responds with a kiss that makes me burst with pride at
just how satisfied she is. I love that I’m enough for her.

“Seriously. Perfection,” she breathes, pulling away, staring
into my eyes. I’m not even sure she’s talking about the sex.

I return her smile, captivated by the sudden explosion in my
heart. Something is happening. Right here. Right now. Something huge, and I
take a deep breath, searching her eyes.

“Holland, my entire life people have tried and failed to
‘fix’ me. You’re the first person who’s made me believe I’m not broken.”

Silence.

I actually think I’ve stunned her for once. My words settle
in the stillness, hanging between us like a promise, a gift, and I wait in
agony, wondering what she’ll do with it. Her eyes
fill
as she seems to search every recess of my soul. I don’t know what she’s looking
for this time, but as usual am afraid she won’t find it. That I can’t be for her,
everything she’s becoming for me.

I swallow, suddenly nervous, ashamed, maybe even regretting
my impulsive confession. I don’t deserve her. I’m sure she knows that. “I’m
sorry if that scares you. I…”

She shakes her head and cuts me off. “No, you know what
scares me, Luke?” she whispers, still staring into my eyes. “I’m terrified I’m
not even close to finished falling in love with you.”

∞∞∞

“Dude,
you killed it tonight! What is up with you?” Sweeny cries as we move off stage.
The crowd is still screaming, still calling for us and we’ve already done two
encores. I grin and shrug as I wipe at my forehead with my shirt.

“Just
feelin
’ it, I guess,” I
return.

“That was amazing!” Callie cries, running toward us. I
return her quick hug and catch Holland gazing at me several feet away.
She’s surrounded by her own band
so I know there’s no chance
to get to her. But my body is pumping with life right now, and it kills me that
I can’t share this moment with the one person I’m craving. My phone buzzes and
I cast a quick glance at the screen.

Incredible performance.
Almost as good as this
afternoon’s.

My blood sears hot as the grin spreads across my lips. I
glance up at her and notice
her own
attempt to hide a
smile.

Thanks. I was pretty nervous so I just kept picturing you naked in the front
row.

She seems to like my joke, and this time gains the attention
of her
bandmates
when she chuckles. I’m careful to
look oblivious in my own circle as I sense Wes’ gaze. I can’t tell if he buys
it or not. He has to know she’s talking to me.

When we get to Toronto, you won’t have to imagine anything.

I suck in my breath.

Greater Metro New York City

September
27

“Luke.”

“Callie.”

Callie grins and drops to the seat across from me at the small
table.

“Glad you found it. Thanks for coming,” I begin.

“Breakfast with Luke Craven at a local diner? Um, yeah, you dork.”

I smile and shrug. “I don’t know. It’s been a while since we
did this.”

“I know. Too long.”

“I already ordered for you. Hope that’s ok.”

She seems surprised, maybe even pleased. “You did? Really?”

I nod. “Pancakes, small stack.
Fruit cup,
no bacon.
Oh, and tea of course.”

Her grin is priceless. “Perfect. What about you? Rye toast
with orange marmalade, coffee?”

“Actually, I went with the French toast. I’m curious about
the powdered sugar application at this establishment.”

She smirks as the server appears and delivers our drinks.
“Your food will be out shortly,” he informs us.

We thank him, and Callie stares me down from across the
table. “So, what’s up with the mysterious breakfast invitation? What’s the
occasion?”

“No occasion. Just missed this.” She looks skeptical, and I
shake my head with a sheepish smile. “Seriously!”

I sigh. “Ok, fine. I have some things I want to say to you
without everyone else around. Not even Casey.”

She puts down her mug and leans back. “Hang on, I’m
confused. You actually called me here to talk? Like with real words and stuff?”

I roll my eyes. “Hilarious. I talked at
Jemma’s
.”

“Yeah, as long as you didn’t actually say anything.”

“You kept coming back.”

“I sensed you needed someone to care about your life. Plus
you were crazy hot.”

I laugh. “Oh, is that it?”

She grins and shrugs. “
Kinda
. But
seriously, Luke,
Jemma’s
changed my life too.”

“You completely blew mine apart.”

She quiets, and I can tell my confession has touched her.
“I’ve always wondered what went through your head those first few weeks at
Jemma’s
.”

I study her for a moment with a mischievous look. “You
really want to know?”

She smiles and crosses her arms. “Dying to know. I can take
it. Hit me.”

I draw in a deep breath. “Ok, honestly? At first I thought
you were a little annoying…”

“Annoying
?!
” she cries.

“But adorable!” I add quickly with a grin.

“Still!”

“Cal, you kept interrupting my breakfasts.”

“Uh, you weren’t there for breakfast.”

“Exactly!”

“Ugh,” she groans.

“You didn’t let me finish,” I laugh. “Anyway, you were also
sort of fascinating at the same time. That day I walked in and saw you in my
chair…”

“It was my chair too!”

“Our chair,” I concede. “The point is
,
I didn’t freak you out when I asked you to move. You just scooted across the
table like my bizarre request made perfect sense to you. What was I supposed to
do with that?”

“Oh, believe me, it made zero sense to me, I just had no
reason not to move.”

“Well, you did, and it changed everything, Cal. Then when it
became obvious that you cared even though you had no clue
who
I was, you had me. I was hooked.”

“You and Casey make fun of me all the time for not knowing
who you were!”

“It doesn’t mean we didn’t love it!”

She gives me a mock glare, and I grin before growing serious
again. “Cal, you know what I loved about you, what I still love about you?
You’re just there. Even when you didn’t know what to say, what was going on
with me, when I pushed you away, you were
there.
No
judgments, no expectations, just present, across from me, reminding me that I
was alive and I was important to you.” I glance away, still not used to this
whole sharing thing. “You probably saved my life, Cal, and I never really
thanked you. So thank you.”

Her eyes meet mine and the tears there affect me in ways I
never could have expected. I’m not finished and search for the rest of the
words. “Most didn’t even try, and the few who did…” I glare at the table. “God,
I was so tired of people trying to fix what they didn’t understand, of framing
me and my pain with their own experiences.” I glance at her again. “But you
didn’t. You just saw
me
. There was
a patience
in your gaze that I couldn’t ignore no matter how
hard I tried. I couldn’t let you down. I had to keep coming back because I knew
you’d be there waiting for me. You expected something from me after everyone
else gave up.”

“I think in a lot of ways we needed each other.”

I smile and nod. “We did.”

She returns my smile and reaches across the table to take my
hand. “I just hope you always understand how much Casey and I love you.”

I almost laugh. “You make it pretty hard not to.”

She grins, and I settle back. “Anyway, that’s why I called
you here. I wanted you to know all of that. I know I’m not nearly as good at
conveying my love for you, but I just really needed you to understand the
impact you had. How beautiful you are, Cal. Inside and out.”

Her smile makes the whole thing worth it, and I didn’t even
get to the good part.

“Thanks, Luke. That’s…” She wipes her eyes. “Gosh, I don’t
even know what to say.”

“Good, because I’m not done. There’s something else I wanted
to talk to you about.”

She looks surprised. “What’s that?”

“I want to send a note to Shauna from us.”

Her confusion makes me smile. “What? Shauna, our server from
Jemma’s
?”

I nod. “Yeah, I’ve always felt badly about the whole chair
thing and how it all went down at the end. She helped us out and I never really
thanked her. We just kind of disappeared from her life.”

Her eyes narrow.
“So you want to send a thank you note?”

“Sure, I guess,” I chuckle. “Along with a long overdue tip
from the two of us.”

“A tip? What kind of tip?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess, the kind of tip that will
give her more choices in life for her and her family.”

She stares at me in disbelief. “What?”

“I’ll cover that part of it. I just think the note should
come from both of us. She always liked you more anyway.”

“Um…”

“Just think about it. Maybe after the tour we can deliver it
in person. Or mail it, whatever.”

She shakes her head, and I’m still not sure what she’s
thinking.

“Hey, Luke,” she says after a long pause. “You know what I
thought about you those first few weeks?”

“What’s that?”

“I always wondered how amazing it would be to know the rest
of you. To see the world react to you when you broke free, when you escaped
your prison.”

“Yeah? Do you still wonder that?”

She grins. “I’m starting to believe I’m about to find out.”

∞∞∞

“How
was your date with Callie this morning?”

“Probably much better than your date with Wes,” I tease,
pulling Holland against me on the couch when I’m sure we’re alone in the lounge
of my bus. Eli, Sweeny, Jesse and Parker are in the back playing video games,
but their enthusiastic hatred for the zombies they’re hunting behind the closed
partition indicates we should have plenty of privacy for now.

She grins up at me.

“I’m not the one he despises, remember? Not a single punch
was thrown.”

I smirk. “Has he mentioned anything about our phone call
since we’ve been back?”

She shakes her head. “Not a word, which comes as a relief
and scares the crap out of me at the same time…”

“Me too. I guess as long as he doesn’t jump me on stage.”

She gives me a look, and I grin.

“Don’t even joke about that.”

“Aw, come on. Chorus two of ‘Crash Down,’ here comes Wes
with a devastating sucker punch to the head? Hopefully to my right side this
time. Left eye is still a little sore.”

I love the quick transition of her scowl into a smile. “Nah,
then he’d have to come out stage right. Too awkward getting past Sweeny.”

I laugh. “Good point.”

“That’s just what your Label wants, more headlines.”

“Eh, they’re used to it. I’m a permanent headline. I’m
pretty sure my name is on the meeting agenda template at this point.”

“Wait until news breaks about us.” My gaze shoots to hers,
and she shrugs. “What? I mean, eventually we’ll have to go public, right? I’m
not letting you take other girls out for your public appearances, so you’re
either going to the Grammy’s alone, or taking me.”

I can’t tell if she’s joking or not. “You really want to go
public with this?”

“Well, not right now, but yeah, after the tour. Why? You
don’t?”

I almost laugh. “I mean
,
it’s
totally your call. You’re a lot better for my reputation than I am for yours.”

She rolls her eyes and smacks my arm. “So, what was your
plan then, genius? Keep it a secret forever to protect my sweetheart status?”

I shrug. “I don’t know, at least until I save a busload of
puppies or something and fix mine.”

She laughs. “A busload of puppies? That’s your plan?”

“I don’t know! It doesn’t have to be puppies…”

We’re interrupted by a knock on the main door and exchange a
brief look before pulling away. I make my way to the stairs and relax.

“Delivery guy,” I call back to Holland, opening the door.

“I’m looking for a Jeff Sweeny?”

I nod. “One sec.”

Based on the volume still roaring from the back, I know he
won’t hear me if I call. I pull open the partition and four sets of eyes settle
on me.

“Sweeny, your food’s here,” I say and start moving back to
Holland.

“Huh?”

I glance back at them and catch the looks of confusion.

“Yeah, there’s a delivery guy here looking for you.”

“For me?” Sweeny asks, shaking his head. “No, that can’t be
right.”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I’m just telling you.”

It’s then that I see it. Jesse staring me down, shouting at
me with a look, and I just about
choke
. Oh, shit. Here
we go.

“Dude, just see what he wants. Guy’s standing there
waiting.”

Sweeny grunts and pushes himself up from the couch, Eli
close behind.

“Are you Jeff Sweeny?”

He nods. “Sweeny, yeah, but…”

“Ok, great. That’ll be $1,605.00.”

My jaw hits the floor as Sweeny literally takes a step back.

“Um…I’m sorry…what?”

“Your total for today is one thousand, six hundred, and five
dollars. We have two vehicles here with your pies. Thirty pepperoni, thirty
plain, thirty
meatball
, and ten mushroom. Where do you
want them? I’m not sure they’ll all fit in here.”

“Uh, no. I’m pretty sure you made a mistake.”

“You’re not Jeff Sweeny?”

“No, I am but…”

“Catering event, far north parking lot, black tour bus,
phone number 281-3…”

“No, I got it! I mean
,
I get that
it’s me it’s just…”

“So it is you? Look, seriously, man, I’ve got a hundred pies
here getting cold.”

I can’t breathe. I’m pretty sure I’m literally dying. I can’t
even look at another soul right now and focus on the floor.

“I don’t have that kind of cash on me!”

“We take credit.”

“Ok, but…” Then, he freezes. “Wait…
.no
…no
fucking way….” he breathes, his eyes darting toward the back of the bus. I
follow his stare and almost lose it completely at Jesse and Parker’s perfect
disinterest in the events. They’re back to zombie-killing, gazes fixed solidly
on the TV.

“Seriously, dude. Are you paying for this or what? Do I need
to call my manager?”

“Fuck!” Sweeny cries in exasperation, pulling out his
wallet. “No, I got it. Fuck! Give him your card too,” he barks at Eli who still
looks monumentally confused. “We’re splitting this.”

“What? But…”

Sweeny points to the Limelight boys, and Eli’s eyes widen.
“No!
Those little shits
!”

I can’t hold it in anymore and the laugh escapes before I
can stop it. They turn on me, eyes blazing, and I hold up my hands.