Trade Off (10 page)

“You know I love Bri…” His cheeks colored under his fading summer tan. “You know what I mean, she’s like family, but havin’ her here… I don’t know. I might be kinda weird…”

Aiden knew his sister was friends with both Spencer brothers, as was he, but aside from the other night at his parents’ house, he hadn’t seen the trio interact in a long time. Brianna hadn’t mentioned anything about tension between them, but that didn’t mean something hadn’t happened that she didn’t want her brother to know about.

“Is there anything you want to tell me?” Aiden asked, leaning forward.

“Jesus…” Ryan said, covering his face with his hands. “This is really awkward, man.”

“What the hell’s goin’ on with you, and what does it have to do with my baby sister?”

“Nothin’,” Ryan said, holding his hands up. “She just uh… went out with a buddy of mine a while back and…”

Aiden knew his friend too well to believe that was the end of the story. If getting the truth out of him was so difficult, he was certain there was a story to be told. “And what?”

“He brought her to a party and…” Ryan looked as though he’d rather be anywhere else when he said, “I had a bit too much to drink…”

Aiden clenched his fist. “If you tell me you took advantage of my sister, you do realize I’m gonna have to kill you, right?”

“It was nothing like that. I just kissed her, and…” The blush crept up his neck. “Said some things I probably shouldn’t have, okay?” Ryan sighed when his friend scowled at him. “I’m not gonna tell you exactly what was said, ’cause it’s none of your damn business, but I will say that I said more than I probably should have and things have been kinda weird between us ever since.”

Ryan was famous for putting his size elevens in his big mouth before considering the consequences, but Aiden didn’t believe he would ever do anything to intentionally hurt or disrespect his sister. “Look, you’re both adults. Whatever happened that night, you just need to talk about it so you can move on and forget about it.”

“Right… forget about it,” Ryan said, looking skeptical. “Anyways, I’m sure you didn’t come here to talk to me about Bri’s job prospects. So tell me, what’s goin’ on with you?”

“I had dinner with Sela last night.” Had his situation not seemed so dire, Aiden may have been amused that his announcement caught his friend off guard.

“As in your ex Sela, the girl who married that piece of shit Michaels a few weeks after you left town, that Sela?”

“One and the same.”

Ryan slapped his palm against his forehead. “Man, what’s wrong with you? You could have any freakin’ woman you want, and you’re still wastin’ your time chasin’ a girl who’s already shown you she can’t be trusted. Come on, we both know you deserve better than that.”

Aiden didn’t expect Ryan to understand how he felt about Sela. The man had never been in love, and he told himself he came here because his old friend may be the only person who could talk some sense into him. But now that he was here, he found himself wanting to defend Sela. Everything Ryan said was true, but he’d seen glimpses of the sweet, honest, loving girl he used to know, and he couldn’t let go until he figured out where and how they’d gotten off course.

“What happened to Monica?” Ryan asked.

“I told her I was leavin’ town. It wasn’t the kind of relationship that would’ve worked long distance.” He shrugged. “Besides, I knew it wasn’t goin’ anywhere. It wasn’t fair to her to keep her hangin’ on, hopin’ for somethin’ that was never gonna happen.”

“Okay,” Ryan said, extending his linked hands and cracking his knuckles. “I’m listenin’. What kind of excuses did little Miss Sela dish out to draw you back in again?”

“Did I say she’s drawn me back in?”

“You didn’t have to. You’ve got the same spacey look you used to have back in high school, when you couldn’t focus on anything but that girl.”

Ryan and his twin brother, Evan, were a couple of years behind Aiden in school, but he made it a point to look out for them because of their family connection. “Man, don’t you think I’ve tried to move on? You know there have been other girls, quite a few actually, but none of them even came close to what I had with her.”

“You were a kid back then. What the hell did you know about love?” Ryan laughed. “Hell, I’m willin’ to admit that I don’t know shit about love even at my age, and that’s the way I’d like to keep it.”

Aiden admired his friend’s carefree attitude. If he could care a little less, it wouldn’t hurt so much to know that the woman who should be his wife, the mother of his children, was sharing herself with another man.

“So, did she tell you her marriage is on the rocks or what?” Ryan tried to keep a straight face as he mimicked a woman’s voice. “‘Neil just doesn’t understand me. He doesn’t pay attention to me, poor me—’”

“Shut up,” Aiden said, scowling. “This is my life, not some goddamn joke.”

Ryan wiped the smile off his face and stared at his friend a long time before he surrendered to a rare moment of seriousness. “Don’t you think I know that? Man, I wanna see you happy, you deserve that, but it ain’t gonna be with this chick. You need to find a way to move on and just forget about her.”

“That’s just it, I don’t know if I can. Lord knows I’ve tried. I put eight long years and thousands of miles between us and I still think about her damn near every day.” He drew his hands through his hair. “How messed up is that?”

“That’s pretty messed up.” Ryan sighed. “So, what are you gonna do about it?”

“Damned if I know.” Aiden stood up.

“You’re gonna see her again, aren’t you?” Ryan asked, getting to his feet to walk his friend to the door.

Aiden glanced at his watch. “We’re meetin’ in about an hour. She’s gonna show me a few more houses.”

Ryan offered his hand. “Listen, why don’t you talk to your old man about this? If anybody knows how it feels to be the guy who married his best friend’s lady, it’s Josh.”

His father had married his best friend’s college girlfriend, Ashley, shortly after they graduated, but they went on to divorce years later. Derek and Ashley spent half their lives apart before they finally found their way back to each other. Aiden could only hope he and Sela did not have to wait that long to find happiness.

“I might do that, thanks, man.” Aiden shook his friend’s hand. “And thanks for lettin’ me bend your ear.”

“Any time, you know that. Hey, in case I forgot to mention it before, it’s damn good to have you back home.”

“Thanks, buddy, it
almost
feels good to be back.”

After a long, sleepless night, Sela was even more nervous about seeing Aiden again because now that they’d reopened the door to their past, she didn’t know how she would find the strength to close it without revealing her skeletons.

She knew he deserved to know the truth, but she couldn’t live in peace knowing he hated her. In spite of the choices she’d made, he still seemed to like and respect her as a person, and the prospect of losing that was almost as bad as facing the loss of their baby all those years ago.

Sela got out of her car and wandered around the grounds. The house was beautiful, with professionally landscaped flowerbeds formed into the lush green grass and an Olympic-sized swimming pool, but she also had the sense the house was home to a lot of great memories. Perhaps it was because she’d spoken to the listing agent earlier in the day and found out that the vendors were a retired couple who raised four children in that house. They were ready to move on to the next phase of their lives, but the agent warned the house had great sentimental value to them, so they wouldn’t even entertain lowball offers. They wanted someone who would love and appreciate the beauty of their home as much as they had.

Her heart did that familiar backflip when she saw Aiden’s big truck pull into the driveway. She suspected she would always have that visceral reaction to him. Back in high school, he’d been the quintessential jock, playing and exceling at every sport possible, and whether he was skating out on to the ice or taking the pitcher’s mound, she always had that moment of disbelief when she had to remind herself that he was really hers. Those were some of the happiest years of her life, when she was young, in love, and still believed they were going to find their way to the altar someday.

“Hey there,” he said, propping his dark sunglasses on top of his head. “Now this is what I’m talkin’ about.”

She could see the flash of excitement in his eyes and it reminded her of another night, a lifetime ago, when she’d given him her virginity on the night of their junior prom. “You like it?”

“This is exactly what I was lookin’ for, darlin’.”

Sela loved that he hadn’t lost that sexy drawl in the years since he’d moved up north. It reminded her that they weren’t so different after all. Life took them in opposite directions, but no matter how many zeroes they tacked on to his paycheck, Aiden was still the same sweet, down-to-earth boy who’d been happy to drive around in a rusty pickup truck the year he got his driver’s license.

“I knew you’d love this place.” She looked up at the charming, two-story home, nestled in the midst of several forested acres. It didn’t have the prestigious address of some of the other houses they’d looked at, but Aiden wasn’t a pretentious guy. He’d obviously retained the values his parents instilled in him growing up: be kind to people, work hard, and don’t ever take your blessings for granted.

“Are you kiddin’? If the inside is anything like the outside, I’ll be ready to sign on the dotted line.”

She couldn’t help but get caught up in his enthusiasm as he bounded up the steps to the wraparound porch two at a time.

He sat down in one of the rustic wooden rocking chairs and grinned. “Couldn’t ya just see bringin’ your mornin’ coffee out here, listenin’ to the birds and watchin’ the little critters huntin’ for their next meal?”

Sela felt a sharp pang of regret at the picture he painted. If she’d made different choices, they would be sharing this moment as a couple and his dream would still be her dream. “It sounds lovely.”

“Tell me what you know about this place.”

She pulled the feature sheet out of her leather-bound folder as she tried to refocus on the business at hand instead of the man re-awakening dreams she thought she’d buried a long time ago.

“Um, let’s see…” Her hand trembled, but she could pretend it was the gentle breeze blowing the sheet of paper. “It’s a bit older than some of the other homes we looked at, but the kitchen and bathrooms were updated about two years ago.” She moved to the lockbox hanging from the doorknob. “Why don’t we go in so you can have a look for yourself?”

“You mind if we just hang out here for a bit?” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I just wanna enjoy this for a bit.”

She took advantage of the moment to drink him in. He was so impossibly handsome with the same dark features the high school girls used to swoon over, but the innocence of youth was long gone. He was all man now, and no woman in her right mind could resist the lure of his effortless sex appeal. She tried to focus on her husband, who was still in meetings, trying to secure his future for the next several years, but a clear image of Neil wouldn’t come. The only man she saw, the only man she could think of, was Aiden.

He opened his eyes and caught her staring at him. Instead of laughing it off or looking away, he stared right back at her before he whispered, “I haven’t been able to stop thinkin’ about you either.”

If she’d intended to deny his claim, her sharp intake of breath gave her away.

“I’ve never stopped lovin’ you.”

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the banister for support. It was so unfair, the promise of another chance with the only man she’d ever loved, yet the past still stood in the way. “Please don’t.”

“I’ve lived the past eight years with regret,” he said quietly. “Cursin’ myself for all the things I should’ve done and said. I thought if I’d stayed, if I’d been more in tune to your feelings, you never would’ve turned to him.”

The guilt of lying by omission was a heavy enough burden to bear, but allowing him to blame himself was inexcusable. “It wasn’t your fault. None of it was your fault.”

“How can you say that? If I hadn’t put my career first, we might still be together.”

No longer trusting her trembling legs to support her weight, she made her way over to the chair beside him. She set the folder down on the table between them and leaned forward to take his hand in hers. It was the only physical contact she’d initiated since his return, and she could tell it unnerved him too. “You are one of the sweetest, kindest, most incredible men I’ve ever known.”

He looked at their joined hands a long time before he asked, “If that’s true, then why wasn’t I enough?”  

“You were enough, you were more than enough. But things beyond my control changed the rules of the game, and I had to face the facts that things weren’t going to pan out the way we’d planned.” She hadn’t intended to say so much, but she couldn’t allow him to go on blaming himself for something that was her fault.

A million times she’d wondered how things might have been different if she had the courage to tell him about the baby. Maybe he would have been excited. His generous first-year contract would have allowed her to move to Vancouver with him and hire a baby nurse to teach her how to care for an infant. But she would have been worried sick about her father, and leaving her mother alone to shoulder the burden while her older brother was away at college wasn’t an option. Besides, she hadn’t wanted Aiden to feel obligated to care for a family he wasn’t ready for.