Training in Love (11 page)

I
smile at him sweetly. He looks up and says, “Lord, give me the strength to not
hit her…”

“Tell
me what I have to do and I’ll do it. But you aren’t coming.”

He
looks at me, astonished. “But if I don’t know how you swim!”

“What
do you care how I swim? Give me a number of laps and that’s it!”

“You
might do it badly,” he says crossing his arms on his chest.

“I
do it very well.”

He
doesn’t answer.

“And
then, I can’t pay you for another one or two times… You’re expensive.”

He
opens his mouth. “I’m not expensive at all! The amount you pay is ridiculous
for a personal trainer!”

“Andrea,
you still aren’t coming,” I say slowly, mirroring his tone from before. “Either
it’ll be like this or I won’t do it at all – you choose.”

He
pulls himself up. “Do you think you’re getting back at me by doing this?” Just
afterwards he shakes his head, closing his eyes. “Ok, ok, forget it. It’s
useless to argue for two hours when I already know we’ll get nowhere because
you’re as stubborn as a piece of marble.”

I
smile as though he had complimented me.

He
sighs. “I’ll prepare a program and I’ll get it to you the next time…”

“Good.”

“But
if you use your arms wrong, if you don’t do the correct movement and you keep repeating
it...”

“I’ll
do it right, don’t worry.”

Huffing,
he finishes stretching and we say our slightly chilly goodbyes.

***

Today
I spent the afternoon with Linda. Now I’m accompanying her to the twins’ house.
We often do this on Sundays to spend a little time alone, then around six I
accompany her to Marco’s house. She’s begging me to come in and say hi to him
for two seconds, since it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.

“For
heaven’s sake, he’ll have been happy to not see my ugly face for a while,” I
say laughing.

“Please!”
She pulls me by the sleeve.

I
park and get out. I’ve put on a pair of pants that I wouldn’t be able to fit
into. I bought them a couple of years ago in too small a size – one of those
absurd purchases made with the sole purpose of giving myself an incentive to
lose weight. They didn’t inspire anything, they were put in a corner of the
wardrobe and forgotten. Today, while I was getting ready to go out with my
friend, I remembered them and wanted to see if they fit me… The feeling of
wearing them and zipping them up was indescribable. They are black, and to be
truthful, they aren’t anything special. Their specialness was in the fact that
they didn’t fit me, which made them immediately beautiful that day.

While
we head towards Marco’s room, we run into Nic. “Olly!” He says immediately.

“Hi
Nic!”

“It’s
been a while since you’ve been here!”

“Well,
hi!” Says Linda feigning resentment.

“Will
you stay for a bit?” Nic asks me without replying to Linda.

“Ah
no, I just came to accompany her and say hi to Marco, then I’m going.”

Nic
crosses his arms. “To say hi to Marco, and me?”

I
raise an eyebrow. “But I see you every Thursday!”

“Lucky
her!” Grumbles Linda.

“Well,
why don’t you come over anymore?” Asks Nic, giving Linda just a glance.

I
shrug my shoulders. “I’m just a little busy, and at times, when I’ve finished
everything, I’m tired and I want to stay home.”

Nic
smiles. “He’s keeping you busy, eh?” He chuckles, shaking his head and there’s
no need to mention a name to know who he’s talking about.

I
roll my eyes, huffing theatrically. “You can say that again!”

The
truth is that without Andrea, doing sports is still really hard. In fact I
should have gone to the pool two times a week the last three weeks since he
gave me the program, and instead I’ve been once, shamelessly lying to him when
he asks me about swimming. I was just telling this to Linda today, and she
generously offered to come with me to encourage me.

Nic
looks me up and down. “Well, he’s doing a great job…” His tone is strangely mischievous.
Nic’s tone being naughty isn’t at all unusual, on the contrary, it’s perfectly
normal; I’ve heard it a hundred times, the weird thing is that it’s directed at
me…

Linda
doesn’t limit herself to sarcastic comments, she actually punches him in the
arm.

He
gives her a dark look without saying anything and massages his bicep, which she
hit with a certain amount of vehemence. I think some non-verbal message is
passing between them which I can’t understand and that Linda will have to
explain to me immediately, as soon as we’re alone.

Nic
goes back to looking at me, still holding his arm with his hand. “He’s really
pleased… He’s really enthusiastic about the work he’s doing with you.” Again,
we know who we’re talking about. “And you can’t fault him…” He adds in a low
voice and, seeing Linda moving towards him, steps back raising his hands. 
“Stop! You’re tough for someone so small, you wrecked my arm!”

Linda
huffs.

“I’m
pleased too, really very happy,” I say hurriedly to get them to quit and I take
two steps towards Marco’s room. “I’ll always be grateful to you for having
introduced us.”

I
take Linda by the arm to drag her towards me and go, but Nic smiles and speaks
again, just as we’re passing him. “He always talks about you, all the time I’d
say.”

I
freeze and look at him with raised eyebrows, while my heart, after a somersault
in midair followed by a triple twisted dive, gives way to frantic beating. I
hope no one has noticed, but it’s closed up in my ribcage and shouldn’t be
difficult to hide if I can manage to control my breathing.

Nic
laughs a squeaky high laugh, shaking his head. “It’s almost embarrassing!”

I
can’t manage to formulate any coherent answer because I’m too busy trying to
breath normally, but he continues, saving me the trouble. “Yesterday evening, for
example, I had to reel him in… He was numbing the girls we went out with
talking about your progress and what he intended to have you do in the future,
the heights he wanted to reach and the ones that you can achieve…” He shakes
his head.

“Oh…”
I let go of Linda’s arm. I wouldn’t like her to feel me tremble.

“My
date,” Nic continues smoothly, “was completely fine – she knew I’d keep her
occupied, but his…” He bursts out with a hearty laugh, shaking his head. “Poor
girl! You should have seen her face!”

Nic
laughs to himself and I struggle to find something to say, but it’s difficult
to speak up without air in your lungs and your heart stopped.

“She
didn’t dare say anything, but if she was understanding at the beginning and
tried to take part in the conversation, after an hour and a half of ‘Olly this’
and ‘Olly that’ she couldn’t pretend to be interested anymore in what you could
or couldn’t do at the beginning and what you can do now, etc...” Nic interrupts
himself to laugh between one phrase and the next. Evidently he finds this
terribly amusing even if I can’t see anything comical about any part of this
story.

“I
had to take him to the men’s room and tell him straight out that he was messing
up the date and to quit speaking about you… I had to tell him! Can you believe
it? And usually he’s an intelligent guy…” He shakes his head with an astonished
air and a half sneer on his lips. “When we returned he kept his mouth shut and
the girl finally relaxed. Too bad there was no way to get him to open it again.”

This
last part, despite my actual near-death physical state, makes me smile. “At
best, he was offended…” I say in a low voice.

Nic
nods theatrically and laughs again. “Exactly!”

I
furrow my brows, trying my best to seem indifferent. “If I have to be truthful
though, I didn’t think he was one of those…”

In
a flash, Nic becomes almost serious. “One of what?” And even Linda turns to
look at me.

“One
of those people who always talks about work!”

Nic
bursts out laughing and Linda just smiles. I’m afraid I haven’t been clever
enough to fool her…

Frankly,
I haven’t been clever enough even for myself. I’ve become so good at listening
to my emotions and my reactions to not realize now that all this time my mantra
hasn’t worked for crap. I’ve fallen in head first, despite myself. Seeing him
so often, speaking as though we were friends and as though we’d see each other
if I weren’t paying him… Joking together and seeing him smile… His almost
perennial kindness – because, besides that day he lost his temper, he has
always treated me well… What was I thinking? That something was starting? His
kindness is just good manners, and when we see each other he’s working.  Good grief,
he’s working
. I’m so stupid, how did I manage to fall for him? Despite
all my precautions, how did I do this? I have no right to feel betrayed when he
goes out with other girls… No right. And this is the saddest thing about all
this pain. I’d like to not see him anymore – it would be the best thing to do.
Yes, for my heart it would be the best thing, but for the rest of my body it
wouldn’t, and that’s the real problem. I don’t want to give up now, when for
the first time I’m getting there…

“How’s
Gianca doing?” I pop out suddenly, surprising myself. My malfunctioning brain
must have dragged up an idea that died several weeks ago. Perhaps dying the day
I met Andrea, but let’s not quibble.

Nic
neither laughs nor smiles, but straightens up, seeming suddenly taller. And
even if I’m not looking, I can feel Linda’s utter stillness. Neither of them
speak for a few seconds and I breathe, trying to calm myself. Gianca wasn’t
even part of the discussion, and that alone would be something that would
attract attention. And then, throwing out him after the story of their foursome
evening… I might as well have told Nic that I wanted to go out with Gianca
because Andrea went out with someone. I could punch myself.

“Fine,
why?” Nic’s gaze has an intensity that I’ve seen very few times.

I
shrug. “No reason. Don’t you see each other anymore? Now you always talk about 
Andrea… you only go out with him now?”

He
relaxes a little, as though his suspicion we dissipated, but not completely.
“Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve seen him… Yes, actually, since we met up
again, I’ve been going out a lot with Andrea…”

I
don’t answer, creating another moment of embarrassed silence.

Linda
steals a look at me, clearly bewildered. She doesn’t understand my intentions.

After
a few seconds Nic says, “Would you like to see him? Gianca, I mean.”

I
glance at Linda and decide to do another exercise from Andrea’s book, that is,
live the moment and not wait to be thin to do things - to not put your life on
stand-by over a few kilos of flesh. “Sure, why not.”

Nic
inhales sharply, now completely serious, then he turns to Linda and points his
finger at her. “Before going out with Gianca, she can go out with me, I say!”

“Too
bad she doesn’t want to go out with you, but with Gianca!” Answers Linda
crossing her arms.

No.
Too bad that
she
wants to go out with Andrea…

I
sigh, shaking my head. Two minutes of living the moment and I’ve already made a
mess. I’ve done so little of it that it looks like I’m not capable of it. “
She
doesn’t want to go out with anyone really.
She’s
too busy with other
things,” I quickly specify, speaking of myself in the third person, anyway,
just like the other people here present are doing. “And so what do you mean?” I
say to Nic, “with ‘go out with me’?”

Nic
crosses his arms on his chest, mirroring Linda’s position. He takes a moment to
shoot her a dark look and knit his eyebrows in a way that makes the piercing he
has on the left one point up as though it were a small silver sword. “She forbade
me to do anything with you - to go out, to try on anything with you or even to
think about it,” he answers keeping his eyes fixed on Linda.

“Linda!”
I exclaim to her.

She
drops her arms and makes a contrite face. “Do you mind? I did it to protect
you! This guy here is not the least bit serious! He’s not right for you!”

“No,
I don’t mind, but what if I liked him?”

“Hey!”
Nic interrupts.

“I
knew you didn’t like him, I always know when you like or don’t like someone,”
she answers with a look full of hidden meaning. No, I didn’t fool her before.

“Hey!”
Nic cries again.

“You
were still in the wrong,” I tell Linda. “You should know your brother-in-law.
By saying something like that, you just encouraged him!”

“Hey!”

“You’re
right…” Linda admits right away.

“He
probably would never have thought of it on his own,” I point out gently.

Linda
nods.

“Will
you stop talking about me as if I weren’t here?” Interrupts Nic.  “And what do
you mean you don’t like me?” He asks me, a little grumpy.