Transformation (52 page)
Authors: Carol Berg
“No.”
“Grandfather did. It was not the only battle he lost, but it was his last. He never forgave himself, because he knew he should have let someone else fight it.”
I raised up on my elbow to listen. I’d never known what made Galadon stop fighting. It was not something he would discuss with his students. “Who was it?”
“It was my mother.”
“Ah, Catrin ...”
“She was an Aife, a brilliant one. My father was her Warden. His talent was weak, and he struggled with his tasks, but she would not withdraw from the pairing. Eventually, inevitably, he lost a battle ... and the demon took him captive. It was a villainous soul where he battled, and she would not leave him there.”
“So she tried to get him out.” It was hard enough for an Aife to leave a dead Warden behind. But it was infinitely more difficult to have to abandon a living Warden when he had been taken captive. If she kept the portal open too long in hopes her partner would escape, trying to shift the weaving to give him a chance to get free, she left herself vulnerable, for the demon would make the captive speak her name. And if she fell, the demon could find its way back into the Comforter and the Searcher, and eventually into Ezzaria, endangering everyone. Yet to close the portal upon one you loved, to leave him there trapped with the demon in the abyss ... Aifes were the strongest of all who fought the demon war.
Catrin folded her small hands and leaned her chin on them. “My mother finally closed the portal before the demon could come through, but she herself was taken. When Grandfather went in, he was not able to save her. It came near killing him, Seyonne, because he could not keep his focus, could not stop thinking about her. He tried to see his beloved daughter in the landscape his Aife created for him, and so he did not look for the demon. He stayed his hand when he should have struck, because he could not separate the monster he faced from her. You must not make the same mistakes.”
“So tell me what to do.”
She did. For the next five days we worked at every mental discipline. Everything I had learned while a slave—of focus and barriers, of single-minded purpose—I put to use. She would create visions—horrific, terrible, beautiful, distracting—and force me to solve problems as I lived in them. She painted such accurate portraits of Aleksander in the midst of her weavings that I was sure he was standing before me, laughing, arguing, swearing at me. And after a while it wasn’t only Aleksander in the visions, it was Rhys ... and then it was Ysanne ... plucked out of my living memory and set before me as friend and lover, as monster, as demon-infested opponent. I killed all of them fifty times over, saved all of them fifty more. We worked from dawn until Catrin could not conjure another scenario, and I could not lift my hand.
Only one thing nagged at me in all our preparation. Catrin and I never worked a test together. When a Warden and an Aife trained together, a third person would summon the vision, and the Aife would create a portal into it, weaving her own magic so that she and the Warden could become accustomed to each other. Hoffyd was strong enough to create the vision, if Catrin would tell him the problem she wanted.
“We don’t need to practice like that,” she said as I lay sprawled on the floor, panting from the exertions of a just finished session on our last afternoon. “Making and using a second portal is not the same as a true pairing. The Queen will be the actual Aife, as you know. All I do is let you in.”
“But I may need your guidance. There are a thousand things, just like—”
“I cannot speak to you in the way of an Aife. I cannot hear you or know what’s happening. That’s the way it is. I’m sorry. There’s no need for us to practice together.” She averted her eyes as she spoke, and I wondered if she was embarrassed to think of the words she had spoken beyond the portal. Or perhaps she really didn’t understand that I had heard her. It was strange that she wouldn’t try to practice with me when she was adamant about my own training.
That night when I called a halt, fearing I would have nothing left for the real battle if I were to attempt one more practice, I asked Catrin if she would walk with me outdoors for a while.
“I should get some sleep,” she said, glancing over at Hoffyd, who had dropped off over his journal as we worked late.
“As you wish. I just wanted to get a breath of fresh air.” And to look at the stars and the moon and the peacefully sleeping world that I might never see again after the next day. And to feel the warmth of someone walking alongside. The burden weighed heavy on me that night.
She hesitated, then picked up her cloak. “You’re right. We’ve been bottled up inside too long.”
The night was pleasantly cool on my face. We strolled across the pasture toward a stretch of spring-fed trees in a gully beyond the fence. The yellow moon hung low in the west. Four horses nudged our arms and nosed our pockets looking for treats. Catrin laughed and shooed them away.
There was nothing to say. Our preparations were made. I was as ready as I could be in six short weeks. She could give me no more reminders, no more tests, no more words that would move me one step beyond the level I had reached. Unfortunately, she could not remedy the lingering doubt that we both knew would be my greatest danger.
At some point her hand found its way into mine, a sweet human comfort that had nothing to do with desire or love or anything but companionship. It was enough. We wandered through the wooded gully, the broad ash leaves making dappled moonlight on the path, a nearby spring whispering its way along beside us. When we came to the edge of the trees, we stood for a moment gazing up at the looming blackness of the Khelid fortress high above us on the rocks. Then we turned back, and in far too short a time we were back at the stables.
“Thank you,” I said as we paused at the door before stepping back into the roles we had chosen. “For everything. You’ve given me back my life.”
“It was never lost. Only mislaid.”
“You are your grandfather’s worthy heir. Your students will call you a nefarious old buzzard and twist their brains into knots and their bodies into mush to earn a single word of praise from you.”
She laughed and stretched up on her toes to kiss me on the cheek. “And you, my dearest Warden, my first and most prized pupil, will never, ever tell them that I once made you almond cakes.”
We stepped inside the stable and slept soundly until dawn.
Catrin had not yet told me how she was going to know where and how to open a door on Ysanne’s enchantment. As far as I knew there was no temple in Parnifour, no place where Ezzarian enchantments were drawn together like the center of a great spiderweb. It was why we had to come ourselves when Ysanne agreed to meet face-to-face with her partner in treachery. But it was not for me to know how an Aife planned her business. Catrin had given me all that she could.
Kiril came that morning. Hoffyd had cleaned out one of the large rooms above the stable, swept and swabbed and wiped until the place was bare wood with a small, clean window open to the sky. It was there we had practiced for five days, and it was there that I was working through the exercises I needed to stay loose and to put myself in the proper state of mind. Catrin tried to keep the Derzhi away, but I heard the disturbance on the stair and peered down.
“He’s busy,” she was saying, her small hand set firmly on Kiril’s broad chest. “He needs to be alone.”
“It’s all right,” I called from the top of the stair. “One minute more or less isn’t going to turn the tide, and if I can’t put aside one more distraction when the time comes, then we’ve wasted a great deal of time this week. Besides, I need to eat.”
“You said this was the day,” said Kiril a few minutes later, downing a cup of wine, while I drank strong tea and devoured such a pile of bread and cold chicken as might satisfy a shengar.
“It is.”
“So what’s going to happen? And when?”
“I have no idea when. But at some time Catrin is going to tell me it’s time and where we need to go ... and then, we’ll see.”
“That’s when you fight this demon.”
“Yes.”
“Damn. It’s all too strange. Well, you can be easy about my part. The garrison is ready to move at my word.”
“Good.”
He hesitated a moment, then pulled something from his pocket. “I’ve received a message from Aleksander.”
I shook my head. “Don’t tell me. I mustn’t think about him. I’ll do the best I can, and that will have to be good enough.”
“But I think you need to see.” He gave me a folded paper. “It was sent yesterday.”
Kiril,I’ve just arrived in Parnifour to learn more of the Khelid and to inspect our fortifications here on the border. I’ve heard reports that you think to avenge Dmitri by cutting my throat or taking my heart or drinking my blood or some other nasty business. It will not happen. I am well protected, and even your skill cannot touch me. If you wish to avoid charges of treason, you will put aside such idiotic notions and come to greet me by week’s end with proper respect and humility, proclaiming an end to all grievances against me. If you do so, I may consider allowing you to retain your post as well as your life, for you have done good service these past months in accommodating my Khelid friends. We will put your past behavior up to grieving. But if you refuse and continue to mouth these scurrilous charges, I will see you hanged—kinsman or no. You cannot imagine that my father would countenance such behavior.Aleksander
The broken wax seal was red.
“He is not theirs,” I said softly.
“That was my thought. When he left me six days ago, he knew I wouldn’t kill him. I’d had the chance and couldn’t do it. And as for my ‘skill’ ... I’ve never bested him in a fight. Not since we were in the nursery.”
“You mustn’t trust him, though,” I said, returning the letter to him. “This could be only one small secret that he’s kept his own. And it could change at any time. You understand that? This demon lives inside him, and for every moment he resists its will, he must pay a terrible price.”
Kiril smiled. “I’ve known Aleksander a great deal longer than you have, Seyonne. Even from your hard experience, you can have no idea of his stubbornness.”
Catrin was hovering around the door like a moth trying to get into the light. “You should go now,” I said. “Catrin will explode if I don’t get back to work. Thank you for coming.”
“Athos be at your right hand, my friend,” he said.
“With us all.”
Once he had gone, I spent one minute savoring Aleksander’s tiny victory. Every moment he could hold gave me a moment to strike. If he could avoid revealing my name, the demon could not worm its way into my head as easily. If he could refuse to allow his knowledge of me to be put to use, it gave me the advantage of skill and surprise. I wished I could believe that stubborn resolve could protect him against the creature devouring his soul, but after only the moment’s indulgence, I put it out of my mind. I could not afford that kind of faith. I had to fight this battle alone.
In only half an hour more, Catrin came in and said, “We need to go. There will be a private place for your preparation.”
I nodded and followed her down the stairs into a cloudy morning. Hoffyd was nowhere to be seen, but the horses were saddled and waiting. Catrin’s hair was bound in a heavy braid, wound about her head. As we rode through a wooden gate and onto a narrow path across the meadow-lands, the freshening wind picked at her braid, luring dark strands from their confinement to brush her flushed cheeks. She wore her usual attire, a brown riding skirt and a dark green tunic, tinted light and dark by the changing patterns of sunlight and racing clouds. A formidable warrior, riding into battle. We didn’t say anything. It wasn’t forbidden, just unnecessary.
Our path led us a short way into the foothills of the Khyb Rash east of Parnifour and through a wide slot between two sizable rock formations. I was surprised to see that our narrow bridle path followed what had once been a paved road as wide as the rift. Broken fragments of stone too smooth and too uniform to be of nature’s making were nestled in stirrup-high weeds, and every so often we passed a stele not quite ruined by centuries of weather and falling rock. After no more than two thousand paces the narrow gorge opened into a lush little valley of knee-high flowers and thick-boled ash and hemlock, centered by the ruins of a long, open building. Half the ruin was roofless, huge slabs of granite fallen amid the crumbling giants of its toppled columns. The farthest portion of the building still held intact. It was an ancient place. Hoffyd’s horse stood at one end.
I should have known we would come to one of the builders’ ruins. Comforters often took possessed victims to the fallen temples and houses and colonnades. The melydda found in those places made it easier to set up the enchantments that would link the victim to the Aife who waited back in Ezzaria.
As we dismounted and tethered our horses beside Hoffyd’s mare, fat raindrops plopped heavily on the dark green leaves. Hoffyd came out to meet us, clasping Catrin’s hands and sweeping her face with a lingering gaze that left no room for anyone else in the world. When she brushed his cheek with her hand, a number of things became very clear. I smiled to myself and thought that Elen would approve, ignoring the faint twinge of regret that flitted through the remote corners of my mind. And Aleksander would be pleased. He had been right again.
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