Read Translated Accounts Online
Authors: James Kelman
There were no people from earlier times, they did not come to her. This was not her homeplace. If she said that it was, it was not. Her mind was mistaken. Neighbours. What neighbours. What is
neighbours. If visitors to her, there were visitors and she only cried at them, thieves, murderers! And with her stick, yes, lashing at them. At myself, also, neighbours may testify, if they so
have said, yes. One might sit by her and she lashed with it, suddenly.
A religious man did visit her. I am not the religious man.
She was not murdered, neither killed. She died.
If she would think of herself as having been murdered. None may ask her opinion. But the devils were responsible, evil ones, bringing her from behind the locked door to outside, outside as to
the perimeter, they were dragging her, jeering at her, your breasts are withered and shrunken, old skin and bone, you are nothing, jeering also at her stick, it is a great weapon, oh greater,
greater! and her agitation, everything, her clothing, what clothing.
She was of an age that to die is natural but she died on the road. Natural unnatural, unnatural natural. She died, it was on the road. She was an elderly woman whom I had known, had been
acquainted. I spoke with her, she allowed my presence. If she did not consider me likeable. Yes, I accept this and accepted this, that she did not like me. I can say it as others might. They have
done. I know that they have done. Why should they not if it is the case, as so, it was the case, certainly. If she liked anyone, did she, I do not think so.
I do not care. She is dead.
I had become familiar to her. From when I was in that area. The work had taken me to there and so I lived there. I lived in many areas, becoming familiar to some, as they to myself, many people,
so it was with the elderly woman. She had nothing, no treasures, trinkets, no jewellery, no, not anything that I saw. Yet there may have been, she may have secreted such items. People do it, women.
I did not look. These might have existed. I cannot answer. If she had a horde, treasure-trove, who is to say. Relations. She had a niece.
She had not been ill that I know. I had not visited with her but that last occasion. Not recently, other than the occasion referred. People have memories but in substance these may be false, not
biased, not necessarily.
The religious man certainly had been visiting. I said about the religious man. If I am thought to be so, mistaken so, I am not religious, having none such belief. But this man did visit her,
certainly, if from charitables, organisations. He neglected to close over the door. If not him, another. I came along and found it so. It lay open. People could have entered, children are here.
Elderly people, religious men, children, who is to say.
The door was open. I came along and saw it and so entered. It was not then, she was here, and sleeping. If I was not suspicious, I had to be so, of course. How this place had become and a door
open, of course I entered. Perhaps she might be sleeping. She had her own manners, her customs. It would not have been his fault that now she was dead. She died on the road. I have no suspicions of
the religious man. I have no knowledge of the niece. The elderly woman would blame no one not herself, would blame everyone, cared for none, only herself.
I have seen him, as they say religious man, I do not know him, have no recourse. He had been with her. I cannot say had his visit been requested. By whom? by her, I do not think so. Yet I cannot
say what may be possible, anything. She was dozing when I entered but soon had raised herself, was sitting up,
of course on the bed, gripping the handle of the cane that she kept by the side. Stick, cane, a cane, she kept it by her, to herself. She had been waiting for me so was not frightened. She
always was waiting for me. If I had made no plans, still she was waiting. Her memory was not good. If I entered she would expect me so to enter.
I did not correspond with her. If I was not in that area there was no communication. If I had travelled then was returning to the district, I visited. I had not visited for a long period of time
and she would have expected that I come to see her. If I had not visited. She would have waited. I am saying it.
Her health was not good, she did not go walking. Not to the countryside, what countryside. Not beyond the walls of her home, where is the perimeter, she would not have known. Her life was there
only in that place.
I took food. If I stole it from her, she thought so, food from herself. I have said it. But it was food I took to her, to herself. If visiting I took her food and ate with her, we two, I took
food and with herself, we shared it.
Old people, elderly woman, we take food to them, if they will take it, some do not take it, they take nothing, eat nothing. How do they live, fresh air. There is no fresh air. I would say it,
There is no fresh air. She did not answer, only looked to me and in her eyes she was mocking.
Also other of her possessions, all were stealing, all who came to visit with her. Thieves, murderers, everyone, all visitors. We took her possessions. That is what she said. Everyone comes into
my house, they steal from me. Yet had I been doing such as she charged would she have suffered my visit. Perhaps having need of me, if she so had that. Yes, for she had need of visitors otherwise
how she might live, she would have no food. Have you a book, she would say, give me a book, or have you a story, tell it to me, what songs are there? And if I would talk she would lie back on her
pillows. I could not sing to her.
Of the niece, none knows what happened to her, if she disappeared. She did. I can say she will be dead. She is dead. If none says it I say it, am saying it.
I understand as much.
It is no prediction. I do not care. It is stated, I have so stated. Recorded, so, that the niece now is dead.
When the old woman saw me at her bedside she soon was talking, railing against all that she knew in the world. Myself also, diatribes, against everyone. Neighbours may testify. Myself, whomever.
And the religious man, yes, also. He is evil! He is a devil. Murderer!
If there is anyone else, who it might be. Everyone. Yes her niece, everyone, I have said. Also how her contempt for the people of this section, I have said it, she scorned them. She might refer
to them as evil, yes, children, evil children, idiot children, she spoke so of them. Of the young, she spoke of them also as devils. I heard her say it. Devils. Spirits from the wall, young people
of the district. I cannot say. Two kinds of spirits, real and not real, some came from the wall. I do not know.
Elderly people.
If the religious man said something, what he might have said, how I may know, I am not myself religious, if in God, yes, I do believe so, supreme creator. If without God, what kind of world that
could be, if such a world could exist, no, I do not think so.
Where is the boy.
Yes, she would say this. Boy. She was referring not to her son but to myself. I know of no son. Nor daughter, if there is a daughter, neither son, I know nothing of them. It is myself whom she
referred. I was the boy. I was that one.
If she had regard for me, perhaps. I do not know. To myself I was not likeable, not from her. I saw she did not like me, I thought so. If she had regard for me, no, if it is said so, I did not
think so, do not.
I spoke to her, told stories to her. I can tell stories. She settled to listen, listen not listen, her mind moving by itself, fired by myself. I spoke to her of my life and her life, drawing
stories from there, inventions. We do it, all stories.
I did not know her life.
She thought of me. I think of me. What is I think of me? She thought of me. The elderly woman. I do not believe it.
Then ranting about the devils on the staircase, their screaming and shrieking against her, thieves and murderers, battering on her door, the walls of her room and too her roof, attempting to
invade her room in what way any way to kill her in her own bed where she lay, dragging her out, twisting her limbs and her hair all out from her head, torturers. This was how she would cry out. She
often did so. I would be there and suddenly awake she would be striking out with her stick. Often, she did so.
There was the staircase. I cannot say if she walked to there, upwards not down. If to the top of these stairs, that smell, always.
Striking out, yes, screaming and shrieking, ranting, to be murdered in her bed. It was her greater fear, more great, greater, murdered as she lay, as powerless, devils entering, coming upon her,
demon spirits to drag her away. She had the stick, no weapon. But these were spirits, devil-spirits. She was at the mercy of these things. I would be calming to her, my hand to her brow. She would
not be touched but I would touch her, yes her brow, one moment only. Old people, this elderly woman, I could calm her. She allowed it for one moment then might strike at me, to hit myself. No, I am
your friend. But now she would mock me in her eyes, seeing myself, yes, I was a devil, spirit, spirit of a devil.
Until recognising it is myself, I am visiting. And into watchfulness she would stare to me, if she might speak it was of how they had stolen from her. Might I know where her goods had been
taken. What goods. The goods stolen from her. No goods have been stolen from you, do not worry. But she would worry, she would cry out, goods are stolen! You are the thief ! Yes, she would scream
this. Murderer. These are my treasures.
What treasures there are no treasures.
I cannot say of treasures. Jewellery, trinkets. Articles held by women. These are precious. They so give to their family, daughters and granddaughters.
I had not known of any daughter. I can say this. I did not know of any daughter. But of her niece, I can say that she did not like her niece, holding her in suspicion. She told me so. This niece
was a sly one. She said it. This niece also played tricks. The elderly woman said it to myself. I now am saying it, yes, that she played tricks, so may have done.
I did not meet with this niece. She may have cleaned, may have nursed, may have done all such things, cooked for her, other matters, nursing matters. If she spoke of myself, she did not know
myself but if she said something, I do not know. I cannot say. I did not. When at my last visit the old woman was sleeping then was waking and her eyes opening, she saw that I was there by her, and
she knew me, looking to me as to frighten me. Yes, sternly looking to myself. I knew of her suspicions, all who everyone might be and who I might be, I only was another man there thief and
murderer. This was not new. I was seeking treasures and trinkets and had come to her house. It was not a house but a room, yes, in that section, by that staircase, that staircase. She had nothing.
What someone would do. She was elderly. Elderly people also have courage. I could not be elderly. It is an opinion. I hold this opinion of myself.
No matter the outcome I would discover something of it, more of it, and here it is of the future. So, we had moved one from another. He now would know that this distance was
between us. He had not the power to outwit me, it could not be done, not by him.
This place that we were inside had been a town building of a kind, building with people, seeming so also to have been offices. Many of us were there but myself and the one were finding the route
of entry. The others did not help. The work I thought of interest, also physical, but excitement lay in its mystery, that this building as formerly was unknown to all, it was such a venture and if
I should have been worried then no, the one with me I did not care about. His selection was by others, himself but by others and his enthusiasm was survival. Mine was not.
I had detractors. Who does not. They had no grounds. Not all were detractors, those who spoke against me.
It is not important.
Where we would begin. The others fifty metres off, the brick wall by there also dilapidated, over that which we would travel, climb upon and would it not crumble, would we pass there safely.
Questions questions, those and others. Some would sleep, some talk, some only lying. All regaining strength. At first the one was by me, keeping there as if a team, we two. I ignored him. The
building in length, horizontal, was twenty metres.
And so from the outside immediate impenetrability, we two there standing. In silence, I could not talk with himself, nor to myself, he to myself. If there is significance, I do not know, for
myself it is nothing. He was to my left side. He had been on my right side and I did manoeuvre and now that he saw he said something but I did not respond, but moving then, yes, time and onwards.
The approach itself was to be solved, I could solve it. The lower wall was ahead. Intact. Three metres in height and with the circular top to reach, hoisting upwards quickly, quickly. And the
further wall now a greater test, but over it also and inside lay wood, beams of wood and concrete, iron rods, masonry. It lay in its mass, its mass. The impenetrability of this, seeking the entry
and if this entry was to be discovered I could not discover it it was outside myself beyond myself, it was, I not discover it, could not. And he now was in sight, moving up and across the second
wall, thirty metres from me, climbing. How could I push, it is not sensible.
But the mass lacked entry. It lacked entry.
If entry was there, if I was in error.
Routes existed. I only could seek them, dislodging the first beams, looking that I so might find. I could force entry and would force entry, I can say it.
He also was here. It was an irritation to me. Only that. I then had gained balance. He also. Where he had come from in seconds, I did not know, having been on the lower wall. If he was a capable
man, it is certain that he was. Yet neither was there physical power in his body. Why that was. Yet he had none. What his life had been I cannot say, tall man but thin, thin. If power had been
there I do not know of the form, perhaps endurance tests, as of the dancer in strength, lifting women. If so and he had this it was concealed, this could not be distinguished, nor when we began,
swinging onto the uppermost wall, myself being first onto there but with an entry in a bad location, worse location, and I had selected it myself when from the ground seeing upwards, the mass from
there, how I could make a way for myself. It could not be. I saw that it lay impossible. This was as confirmation. How I could succeed, I could not, and if I failed, I would not fail. I heard
laughter. The laughter was to me. I saw the one now with a weight of concrete, wielding this as hammer against something inside, his attempt to force entry, bulwark to his entry, but he forced, was
forcing, yes he had a strength. Yes, and I also, seeking the iron rods yes and finding one, breaking one, yes loosening and in my grip at that time it felt strongly to me my knuckles, gripping. I
too had the strength, my arms with power, and I might do it, so would do it, yes. It came free, thus to be laughed at by those others, yes they may laugh, all may so laugh. What I may do. No, I do
not think so