Trashy (15 page)

Grabbing the paper, I sit down to read and wait. It’s probably nothing important, but Shep’s usually so meticulous about things, I can’t help but want to read it.

My breath catches as I do.

It jolts my body, bringing back the fear from the night before. Had it really been that close? Close enough that he felt a need to write a will?

But of course he did. Because while Buck is the heart of our family every day, keeping us laughing and loving, it’s Shep who’s the backbone. He’s the one that pays the bills and makes sure I’ve got everything I need. I can tell he hates having to tell Buck and me no when it comes to buying stuff, but he’s also promised us he’s saving money for us to be comfortable soon.

Seeing it here, though, warms me through. Shep’s so damned thoughtful. Any dreams of being able to make it with just one of them are shattered by this. We’d never survive as a duo. Each of us brings something to the table.

Logistically, I know we need to have a talk about it. Shep had some foresight, but now that he’d come inside of me with no protection, the future seemed bigger. We needed to put all our cards on the table and go from there.

Tucking the note into my own pants pocket, I cracked open a book. By the time I was engrossed in studying, the ominous feeling from before had disappeared.

Buck

“I can drop them off,” I mutter. “Stop being a nag.” That last part is teasingly tacked on. Shep’s been hounding me all weekend to drop off papers at the bank granting Vickie and me access to his accounts.

Last week Vickie brought home a piece of paper that was a poor excuse for a will. Shep, in his potentially last moments, had wanted to make sure she and I were taken care of. Knowing this did funny things to my chest and heart.

Shep’s basically the only family I’ve really known. I mean, I knew my mom and dad. But if they’re still alive, it’s somewhere else. Probably with a bottle of alcohol or a packet of drugs. Either way, they aren’t here with me.

Sometimes I wonder if that’s why the three of us click so well. None of us have folks around that we care about, or that can care about us. We just have each other.

Maybe we’re going to have a little one, too.

That spins me so many directions I can scarcely think. The first time Shep came in Vickie it was obvious that we were all just feeling so high on him being alive that the world was full of possibility. We would have said yes to almost anything.

But the next night Vickie had come to us and asked me to come in her, too.

“I don’t care who the daddy is, because you’ll both be daddies in my mind. But if you want, I’d like it to be a chance of either of you.”

Now, I hadn’t thought much about having kids. Shep sure had, but he never talked about it much. I think he’s always hoped for a wife, though, and the patter of tiny feet through the home. I always assumed I’d sleep my way to an STD and live with Shep forever. Like an Uncle or something.

Single.

Vickie was giving me a chance to be something more, and I took it. And her. Over and over. A switch has been flipped in Shep and me, and it’s like we’ve gotta fill her with as much as our seed as we can.

Not like Vickie minds, though my baby girl likes to joke about how hard it is to move these days.
“I can’t hardly turn around without bumping into a thick cock.”

Shep pushes the papers into my hand, and I take care not to crumple them too hard. There’s a weight to those white, typed sheets with our signatures all over. It makes this crazy thing we’ve got going real in a way I didn’t know I needed.

“I got it, I got it,” I mumble and grab my keys. It’s tough to go back to work. But Shep’s only getting fifty percent of his pay while on leave, and we don’t have a lot saved up. So I need to start putting in hours with Jim to make sure we stay afloat until he can go back to work.

The truck smells like Vickie a bit. It’s nice. I can see she couldn’t help but to tidy it, too. All the trash has disappeared and the old leather was oiled so it looks nice and soft. Damn, she’s a keeper.

In town, I drop off the papers, going in and handing them to the clerk myself. They said they’d call to make an appointment. Next I stop at the small clothing mart on my way to work. It hasn’t escaped my notice that Vickie’s been wearing the same hooded sweatshirt each time she goes out of the house. It hasn’t been too cold yet, except for that small dusting of snow earlier, but the weatherman said this week was going to be fucking frigid.

Inside, I go to the women’s section. Scowling, I look through racks of jackets that are probably cute and fashionable but offer little protection from the cold. A rustle behind me gets my attention.

“Can I help you find something?”

It’s a cute girl, about Vickie’s age. She’s got brown hair that’s over-curled and too much makeup on, but her smile is sweet. She’s the kind of girl I would have bought a few drinks for and fucked in the bathroom. Now, she’s just a cute girl. She’s no Vickie.

“I wanted to get a coat, but none of these seem to be designed for, you know, the fucking winter.”

She giggles at my curse. “Yeah, fashion isn’t always practical. Is this for Vickie?”

My eyes widen. “Yeah. You know her?”

“Mmhmm, we graduated together. She’s living with you and that other guy, right?” Her voice drops and there’s a hint of pink on her cheeks. The girl steps closer to me.

“Yeah, she’s our little lady. Do you think you could find something warm in her size? Something she’d want to wear?”

Her hand grazes my arm. Definitely flirting. “Sure thing… Buck. I can help you with anything you need.”

Sweet mercy, where was all this young pussy before Vickie? My cock swells a little, and now I’m wondering if Jim can give me some more time off, because I don’t think I’ve had enough of Vick’s curves to make it through the day.

The shop girl helps me find a pink coat that’s filled with goose down. It looks puffy and warm, but the soft petal pink is gonna look great with Vickie’s blond hair and creamy skin. I pay, she wraps it up, and I’m on cloud nine as I finally pull into work.

Jim is kinder than usual. He’s saved me a Mustang to work on, letting me replace its clutch and play with the transmission instead of doing the three sedan oil changes I should’ve been working on.

By the time my shift is done, we’ve cleared a lot of the shop.

“Shep okay?” Jim tosses me a rag, and I clean myself up as best as I’m able.

“Yeah. Just good to have him home, you know?” My boss shuffles a bit, avoiding looking at me. We’ve been working together going on a decade. “Jim, whatever you want to say or ask, just do it, man.”

He pulls his baseball cap off and runs a hand through his hair. “There are rumors.”

“There are always rumors.”

“That you and Shep kissed. At the mine.”

“And?” I can feel defensive anger beginning to well in my stomach. Jim gives me a look like
give me a break
, but no. I’m not gonna do it. If he wants to know something, he should know me well enough to just fucking ask.

“And is it true?”

“Yep. Kissed Vickie, too.”

“So… it’s the three of you? Like, you and her, and him and her--”

“And him and me. That just about sums it up.” I pause, watching the color rush to Jim’s neck and face. He’s finally looking at me, but it’s like he can’t believe what he’s seeing. “That going to be a problem?” I ask testily.

It takes longer than I’d hoped for. We just stare at each other, but I don’t budge. Jim shrugs. “Not for me. There are some folks who don’t want you workin’ on their cars, but I’ll deal with that.”

“Why the hell not?”

Jim pats my shoulder. “They think they can catch gay from an engine.”

“I hope they catch a fist to the face,” I mumble. “That’s ridiculous.”

Jim laughs. “Well, now I’m gonna walk away real fast. I don’t want my ass tempting you as I walk away.”

“You asshole. That ain’t the way it works. Besides, have you seen the people I go home to?”

Jim just waves as he walks away. My chest releases and I have to exhale. That defensive rage is still there, but muted. It’s gonna take some time to release it. But I know just the two who can help me out.

Vickie

It feels good to be on my bike. It’s only possible because of the warm, downy jacket I have on.

Buck said it was an early Christmas gift, and it meant the world to me. It was gorgeous and it was new and it was warm. The only other new thing I’d ever owned was the nightie my mom gave me. Unlike that, though, wearing this made me feel safe and happy.

The wind is whipping in my hair as I peddle down the town’s main street. Miss Tammy waves at me from her store. My exams are over, and Shep should be hearing back soon from the mine. Buck didn’t say a lot, but he’s still working with Jim even though Jim knows about all of us.

It’s hard to imagine the people in this town being so open-minded. I know when I was in high school people still used the words “fag” and “dyke” and “slut” to hurt. Ugly words that make for ugly souls. I’d been scared for Buck and Shep, because sometimes people seem so angry about the things they can’t understand, that words aren’t all you have to worry about.

There’s an alley between the laundromat and the bar next door that a lot of people use to loop around. I steer my bike down it, thinking nothing of it. It’s the middle of the day and the alley’s wide enough that sun hits the pavement. It isn’t until I’m about halfway through that the ominous feeling comes back.

Someone is watching me. Nervous and scared, I glance behind me, but the street is empty. There’s the soft chatter of some guys smoking outside the bar, but no one staring at me.

Worrying my lip, I speed up, eager to be out of the alley. Just as I get close to the street, a huge body steps out and blocks my path. I squeal and try to brake, but end up falling off my bike and onto my knees.

The person steps over to me. I’m about to scream when a hand grips my arms and I hear a familiar voice. “Jesus, Vickie, be careful.” It’s Mikey. He helps me up, waiting until I’m steady on my feet. When I go to pull away, though, he doesn’t let go of my arm. “How’s it going, Mikey?” My voice tremors a bit, and I hope he thinks it’s from the fall.

“Oh, I’ve been okay. A little down, though.” His hand releases my arm but begins to stroke it, up and down. Stepping away, I laugh nervously and stoop to get my bike.

“Why’s that?”

“Well, it’s just Leigh Anne’s been away at college, and I’ve been lonely.” Something low and dangerous in his tone makes me stand up straighter. Leigh Anne was the reason Mikey wasn’t my first kiss. He’d asked me to, but I knew she liked him. She and he have been a couple ever since, but she managed to get out and go to college. Mikey? Dropped out Junior year.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“You haven’t been lonely, that’s for sure.” I look at his face, and his eyelids are half-down. He’s staring at my breasts, even though I’m covered in the coat.

“Well, with school and--”

“You know, the kids at school always thought you’d end up like your mama.” Mikey steps closer to me, and I try to edge to the street. “I have to say, I’m a little disappointed you didn’t. I’d been counting on it. Hell, Clay’d been talking about how excited he was to get in that pussy. He’s been damn near heart-broken since you didn’t go through. Yep… we’re all disappointed.”

My blood feels like ice. It’s a cold anger, made stronger by my fear. “Well, I’m not sorry I disappointed you, Mikey. Now, if you’ll excuse me--”

His hands come to rest on my handlebars, stopping me from passing. “Vickie, be straight with me: those two homos can’t satisfy you the way I can. Why don’t you let me show you how it’s done?”

It’s funny. He could have kept going after me, and I might’ve let him beat my spirit down. Years of watching mama acquiesce to men has made it tough for me to stand up to them. But Mikey was insulting Shep and Buck, and it lit a fire in me that I needed. Shoving him off the bike, I push my way out into the street. “Mikey, if I felt like disappointment, I might fuck you. Then again, I’m used to real big dicks, and yours might not make me feel anything at all.”

“Shut up, you bi--”

I hold up my hand and he actually stops. I know I’m glaring. “Don’t call me a bitch. We were friends once, Mikey, and now you’re insulting me, and you're insulting my boyfriends. If you really want a taste of me, ask Lloyd about what happens if someone comes after me when I say no.”

“Is that a threat?” His chest is puffed, but his skin is sallow. Mikey didn’t expect me to talk back. There is a power here I didn’t know I had and would warrant some thinking on later. “Because I have talked to Lloyd. Let me tell you, he’s got plans for you. Him and your mama both. So you can have your fun getting broken in now, but one day you’ll be under me, and how you treat me now will change how hard I fuck you then.”

“Lloyd’s full of shit, Mikey, and so are you. Not interested.”

Swinging a leg over, I pedal away before we can keep exchanging words. I don’t want to hear whatever filth he’s thinking, and all I have to say back is ‘no.’

As I near the park, I realize the part of the conversation that is worrying at me isn’t that Mikey was being a jerk. I knew he’d become low and disrespectful long ago. The memories of us playin’ together are all but forgotten. No, the thought that’s rubbing my brain raw is what he said about Lloyd.

I don’t want it to be true. His ass got handed to him and then some by Buck and Shep. You’d have to be crazy to think of crossing them again. But Lloyd… well, he might just be crazy. I haven’t seen him in months, really. His car sits outside Mama’s trailer, but other than a shadow in her window occasionally, I’ve managed to avoid him altogether.

Considering how small the park is, this means he’s avoiding us, too. After what Mikey said, though, I can’t help but wonder if he’s not avoiding but plotting.

Arriving back at the trailer, I park my bike around back and find Shep working on his Camaro. “I didn’t know you did much on cars. Does Buck know?” I tease and sit next to him.

Shep scoots out from under the car. Even though it’s cold as hell outside, he’s in a black thermal shirt-- no jacket. It’s a henley, the buttons undone at the top, showcasing his strong chest and tattoos. His dark hair is super shaggy now. Since he doesn’t need to be at work, keeping it controlled doesn’t seem to be an issue.

A swatch of grease is on his cheek. Grabbing a nearby rag, I start to rub it off, loving how the stubble of his beard is rough through the cloth. “Please. I taught Buck half of what he knows. Besides, this is my baby, and she’ll tell me what she needs.”

“That sounds serious. Maybe I should go inside and leave you alone with her.”

Shep pinches my leg softly. “How was town?” I can’t school my features before he sees my hesitation and frowns. “What happened?”

“It’s nothing, really.” Fidgeting, I stand and lean on the car. “Just had a run in with Mikey is all.”

This has Shep’s undivided attention. He rolls all the way out and heaves his way up. The fog of his breath dances in the air while he wipes his hand clean on ripped jeans. The bulge of his muscles lets me know he’s tense. Pissed. “What did little Mikey need to say?” The emphasis on ‘little’ isn’t lost on me, and Shep’s not kidding. He’s got at least three inches on Mikey. Forty pounds of muscle, too. Add in Buck, and Mikey’s dogfood.

“Really, Shep, it’s okay. I handled it.” I mean it, too. It thrills me that Shep gets up in arms over me. He’s not great at talking about his feelings, but the man knows how to show them. From fucking to fighting, he isn’t exactly subtle. But it’s more than that. I’m proud of talking back to Mikey. “He won’t bother me again.”

“But,” Shep insists, “he was bothering you. When he should know better.”

“He was just being crude. It isn’t anything I haven’t heard before. You don’t grow up with my mama and not hear things, Shep.”

His face darkens. “You don’t deserve to hear those kinds of things, Vickie.”

I shrug. “Well, it’s been done and over with. There was just one thing that I didn’t understand.” Lloyd’s been on my mind the whole ride home. It’s probably nothing, but with the weird feelings I’ve been getting while I’m out, I feel the need to speak up. “Mikey said Lloyd’s still talking about pimping me out.”

Shep doesn’t reply. He grabs the cloth from my hands and scrubs his face a bit harder. All it does is smear the grease on more, making him look ferocious. Like a storm incarnate. Without a word, he starts out, me following close at his heels.

As soon as I see where we’re headed I grab at his elbow. “No, Shep, it ain’t worth it. Besides, Buck isn’t here.”

“You think I need Buck to take care of me?” I know he doesn’t mean to lash out at me, but I release his elbow and wince all the same.

“No, but this isn’t going to solve anything.”

He’s stomping up the rickety stairs to my mama’s trailer. Those stairs have seen more boots than I can count, but they shudder under the wrath of Shep. His fist bangs on the storm door. It’s so loud it’s like a supper bell for our neighbors, signaling them their feast of drama is about to be served.

Shep’s forced to step back as the door opens. Lloyd’s got a shotgun in his hand, and my fist stifles my scream. Shep doesn’t flinch.

“What the fuck do you want?” Lloyd shouts. He hasn’t aimed the shotgun, but his hands seem restless while holding it. Behind Lloyd I can see glimpses of my mama. It stuns me how little I feel about it, and her.

“I heard you’ve still been mouthing off about Vickie. Saying you got plans to pimp her out.”

The doors around us are all squeaking open. The whole park is out to witness us, yet again. Lloyd doesn’t get cocky with them there, not after last time. Enough of our neighbors spoke for Shep and Buck, and Lloyd’s not counting on their support or loyalty now. Still, he’s feeling big in his own home with that gun in his hands. I see his chest stick out a bit more and a shit-eating grin widen on his face. “What I say don’t concern you. In concerns me and that trollop--” he nods to me, and I wrap my arms around my stomach tight, “and what she owes me.”

“Look,” Shep’s voice is low, but it still carries. “I’m saying this once. If you talk to Vickie. Touch her.
Think
about her at all? I won’t just beat you. I’ll put you in the fucking ground. So shut your goddamn mouth.”

Lloyd’s smile drops. When he shouts, it isn’t at Shep. It’s at the neighbors. “See that? He threatened to kill me!”

Shep passes by me and slings an arm over my shoulder. Returning to our trailer isn’t optional. As soon as we’re inside, I whirl on him. “Why did you do that?”

“Because he needed to know his place.” Walking to the kitchen, he yanks open the fridge and pulls out a beer.

“But now people will think you’re crazy, Shep!”

“Fuck what people think about me.”

“They’ll think you’re a murderer if you just go around saying you’ll kill people!”

He slams the bottle on the counter hard enough that I fear it’ll break. It doesn’t. “We both know they already think it. Hell, Buck thinks it-- no, don’t argue.” His features soften, the anger beginning to leave him. “Okay. Maybe he doesn’t think I killed my folks, but he’s not sure I didn’t, either.”

Shrugging out of my coat, I meet him in the kitchen. Wrapping my arms around his middle, I press my cheek into the ropey muscles of his back. Angled like this I can hear his lungs rattle a little with each breath. “You need to get your lungs looked at, Shep.”

His grunt is his reply. “Why can’t you just tell people what happened to your folks? Clear the air? If--”

“If I didn’t do it? Vickie…” He twists so that he’s leaning against the counter and I’m pressed to his front. A strong arm drapes around my back and his fingers toy with the ends of my hair. “It’s in the past. That’s all I can say. My folks are gone, and they aren’t coming back. That family is done, and you and Buck are my new family, and I will do anything necessary to protect y’all.”

“Okay.”

We cuddle and he even helps me cook dinner. When Buck comes home, we don’t say a word about Mikey or Lloyd.

We fall asleep together like we do every night.