Trigger (18 page)

If she saw them, she was to lock the door, even if
customers were in the store and hide in the back. That happened
only twice. Mr. Chung was a very good man.

“Okay Michael, I won’t get you in trouble.” The
smell nearly overwhelms her. She’s forgotten how awful it smelled,
and she knew it tasted worse. She drank it straight down and handed
him the empty glass.

“Are you going to throw up now ma’am?”

“No. I’m fine. I’ve been drinking these for years.
I’m a boxer and it’s made specifically to drink after a
workout.”

“No way! You are way to skinny to be a boxer.”

“I’ve been sick. The drink is to make me strong
again.”

“It’s got to be powerful then. I’d bet a strong
breeze would blow you over. I don’t mean to say that as an insult
ma’am but it’s the truth.”

“You don’t have to be sorry about telling the truth,
Michael .You said it was the first day of you job. What’s your job,
Michael?”

“I’m supposed to bring you this drink everyday and
I’m supposed to talk to you and take the empty glass back.”

“That’s all? Who do you work for?”

“I’m not supposed to tell you ma’am. That’s part of
my job not to tell you.” As if she couldn’t figure out it was
Steven. “He said I would enjoy this job, because you were beautiful
and smart and a good person. He said you were a fighter, but I
didn’t think he mean you were a boxer, ma’am.”

“How did you get this job?”

“My principal is a boxer like you. Boss is a boxer
friend of his. The principal recommended me. That’s was nice of him
wasn’t it.”

“Yes.” She smiles and realizes how long it’s been
since she’s smiled.

“I always wanted to box, but . . . didn’t happen.
You sure you don’t want to throw up?”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Are you swimming tomorrow?”

I nod.

“Okay, Miss Mason, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Harriet comes running in full of apologies about
something with her mother and starts fussing over her. “Stop that,
please. Get me home. I want a hot bath.”

Judy’s daily meeting
with her Stalwart executive staff goes well today, as most days.
Charles is amazing and is as dedicated to Stalwart as she is. When
he heard about everything, he quit the good job she got him in
California and persuaded Franklin to hire him back until she gets
back on her feet. He’s actually running Stalwart Companies and it’s
effortless for him. A little direction and guidance and talking
things through and that’s all he needs.

It’s comforting having Charles back. Judy can spend
most of her time on the abused children program, business
development, which is mostly finding and courting compatible
companies to buy. Other than Stan and the shooting ranges and
clubs, Charles takes care of everything else.

That’s good too, because she really isn’t doing too
well. Physically she’s a mess. Besides being totally blind, she’s
weak and get’s bone tired amazingly fast. There are the nightmares,
no appetite and a real bad attitude. Bad enough to drain away most
of her energy and then there’s the pain. It never stops, day in and
day out, every night and all night, pain and aches and cramps and
headaches. She’d grit her teeth in frustration, but it would
hurt.

If that isn’t enough, she has that great big black
bubble inside of her that she tries never to burst. Simon.

“Becky, I won’t need lunch. Steven sent over a kid
with a glass of his green/gray sludge. I’m full.”

“Dr. Harter did that?”

“Shove it Becky. You’re not fooling anyone and
especially not me.”

“Okay.” Becky walks away. Judy loves her. She’s
never had a friend before. Becky is her friend. She got fired for
leaving Judy to stand for nearly two hours waiting for Simon in her
new boxing outfit. But Judy understood. Becky knew Simon was coming
and she always made sure they had quiet time together. She had been
busy and assumed he came as always. She was devastated over leaving
her to suffer, but more so over Simon. She loved him too. Two days
after Simon was murdered, she discharged myself and came home.
Becky came with her.

Steven, what can I say, he left her too. After he
told her Simon was dead and stopped crying he got up and walked
out. He stopped in the next day. He said he take her to the
funeral. But that was it. He called a couple times each day after,
but she didn’t see any reason to talk to him. She could tell he
didn’t want to talk to her. Why torture the man?

Deidre said Steven blamed himself for Simon’s death.
He said Simon called and said that he found her Dad and oldest
brother and he was going to meet them. Steven was in the middle of
working with the governor and told Simon to wait for him.

Simon didn’t. Confronted with her Dad and oldest
brother, Simon was no match for their vicious attack when he said
he didn’t bring the money they had demanded in payment for leaving
her alone.

They had been hanging out at the hospital and Simon
hired a security company to protect her and hold them at bay. But
Simon wanted to settle it once and for all. If he would have talked
to her, she would have known how to handle it. It was easy. She’d
planned and practiced for years. A bullet right between the eyes;
problem solved.

But he didn’t. And he didn’t wait for Steven. And he
didn’t live to realize his error in judgment. Deidre said Steven
got to him before he died and his last words were about her. She
said that like I was to be happy about that.

What is it about “last words” that could make anyone
happy, especially since they were Simon’s? Kind, gentle,
thoughtful, and civilized, Simon knew nothing about mad dogs. She
feels the creeping need to explore the big black bubble.

“Enough! No!”

Judy jumps on her running machine and runs. Her mind
and body will never be in synch again, but if she’s tired enough,
she can sleep and forget. If the pain is bad enough, it can block
out even Simon pain and Steven pain and Mom pain and BB pain. It
used to take minutes but she’s better at it now and it takes hours,
before she passes out from the pain of running.

“Miss Mason!”

“Michael. I’ve got twelve laps left.” She yells out
mid-lap without stopping.

“You’re up to a hundred and fifty?”

When she’s finished Michael brings over the
wheelchair and holds it steady while Judy kind of crawls and then
falls into it. “If it hurts that much and makes you so tired, why
do you swim so hard, Miss Mason?”

“Because I can.”

Michael hands her Steven’s green/gray sludge. She
sips and shivers at the taste and smell.

“How’s Suzanne?”

“She’s doing great Miss Mason. Suz really likes the
kid club you got her into and I don’t worry about her being there.
It’s a lot better than her at the apartment and alone. She’s used
almost all the drawing paper you got her. She sent you some
drawings.”

Michael tells her about each drawing, one of the
kids club at after school snack time, one of homework time, one of
three girls with their arms around their shoulders, laughing and
making fun of the artist. “I can’t look at that one without
laughing, Miss Mason, what’s better that giggling BFFs.” Suzanne
drew one of Michael studying under the light of a small lamp.
“History exam.” Michael says and laughs. “Got an A.”

The last one he says is a drawing of Judy
swimming.

“I described it to her. The pool and the light and
how the sun sparkles. I tried to describe you Miss Mason but to be
honest, you’re very hard to describe.”

Yes, well, that’s because she’s dead, she smarts off
in her head.

“So she got the slender body with long arms and legs
and straight honey-colored hair and swimming like a shark is
chasing you. If anyone knows you, they’ll know it’s you.” He
laughs.

“Thank Suzanne for me. I’ve got more paper for her
and a box of pastels. It’s over there.”

“That’s mighty nice of you. I’m sure she’ll have it
all drawn up over the weekend, but it keeps her off the streets and
she’s not asking me a question every minute. Ten-year-olds, what
can you do with them.” He laughs.

“Have you always taken care of Suzanne?”

“Since Mom came home from the hospital. She was on
the streets by the end of the week and then it was me and Suz. She
was quieter when she was a baby though.”

After nearly five weeks, Judy looks forward to
Michael’s visits. Satisfied that he’s not there to harm her,
Harriett leaves, and let’s them talk. He’s observant and has an
amazing command of his surroundings. When he describes an event or
a happening she sees it as clearly as if she was there. It’s good
to see into his world. It deflects hers.

“You drink that up, Miss Mason. Boss sent more for
you today?”

“Of this? No thanks.”

“Something different.”

“I’m told you have to finish that before I can give
you this very pretty box, wrapped in pink, glossy paper and light
blue bow on it.”

She doesn’t think she can. Her stomach rolls in
fear. Whatever it is, it’s definitely going to hurt.

“I don’t want it!”

“It might be nice, Miss Mason.”

“No. Take it away.”

“Boss said you would say that and if you did, I’m
supposed to open it. Are you done?”

“No.”

“Okay you finish while I open this.”

Her hands are trembling hearing Michael rip off the
paper.

“Hey, it’s you, Miss Mason. You weren’t kidding you
really are a boxer. It’s a photo in a gold frame. You’re in the
ring and fighting a man, who’s shorter than you but he’s looks
strong and muscular. You’re taller, but he’s bigger. You’re
sweating, focused and your right is connecting with his jaw. In
this shot his head is just starting to fall backwards. His eyes are
crossed.

“I remember that! I knocked Chris on his ass and he
wouldn’t fight me again. It was my first win.”

“You look great Miss Mason. You look beautiful and
strong, but looking at your face, I wouldn’t want to fight you.
Man, that’s determination if I’ve ever seen it. You were going for
the win, weren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“There’s more Miss Mason.” He hands her another
glass and I can smell the sweet delicious, citrus drink Steven made
for her when he started her recovery massages.

“You are supposed to drink this when you wake up
with a nightmare in the middle of the night. Boss said to keep it
in the refrigerator and it’ll be cold when you need it. There’s a
note to go with it.”

Her fingers are trembling again.

“Boss hand wrote this, I can hardly read it.”

In a halting voice trying to decipher Steven’s
scribble:
You’ve started to drop your right shoulder too low on
the forward stroke. It’s throwing your body out of alignment. It
makes it harder and hurts more. Only sweet dreams my love,
Steven.

Quickly she looks up and around, she can’t see, but
she can smell and hear. Nothing but the pool pump, chlorine and
Michael’s breathing. Steven’s here or has been here. He’s watching
her?

“Miss Mason, since its Friday and the weekend, can I
bring Suz with me tomorrow? I’d like to give her a little break and
get her out some. Boss said it was okay to ask you and it was okay
with him if it was okay with you.”

“I was going to take the weekend off. Why don’t you
and Suzanne could come and swim during my time. I’ll watch you for
a change.”

“Suz has never been in a pool before. I have at a
summer camp I went to once. Suz has never gone. She doesn’t have a
swim suit.”

“Shorts and a top would be okay. There are towels
here.”

Judy feels heavy and tired. Knowing that Steven has
been watching her is unsettling. She only wants to be free of him
and Simon. That’s all gone and dead like her and Simon.

“Are you all right, Miss Mason? Suz and I don’t have
to swim. I’ll just bring your drink and Suz and I will leave.”

“I want you to come. It’ll be fun to see Suzanne.
I’m just really tired now.”

“I’ll get Harriet, Miss Mason.”

After her bath with lavender bubbles, Judy went to
bed, took the photo and laid it on the pillow next to her and cried
until she didn’t know she was.

“Dr. Harter, it isn’t working. Judy is really upset.
She came back from swimming and went straight to bed after her
bath. I heard her crying . . . huge sobs and now . . . well she’s
kind of passed out. She’s breathing okay but I’m worried. She looks
forward to Michael coming everyday, but something happened today.
Do you know what?”

Warm arms are holding her but they can’t stop her
from walking past the alley on her way home from school and seeing
some material that looks like the dress her Mom always wears.

She’s afraid, but she has to know why it’s there.
Her left foot steps and her right foot must follow or she’ll fall
over. A body in her Mom’s dress and Judy’s shaking so hard her
books hurt her ribs from holding them so tight. Bloody face so
crushed she can’t tell who it is. The hair is the same color as her
Mom’s but it’s the ring and tells her what she needs to know.

She’s screaming and screaming but the imagine
doesn’t stop and now it’s Simon’s bloody face and his gold watch
that always catches in her hair and now she’s running and running .
. .

“Judy it’s a nightmare . . . it’s not happening . .
. it’s not happening . . . it’s a dream . . . Shhhh . . . I’m here
with you.”

She’s running and she hears Steven talking . . . his
voice sounds real . . . but the running feels real too.

“I’ve got you . . . we’re all right. You’re safe.
I’m holding you and keeping you safe . . . Judy, you are in your
bed . . . what you see in your head is a nightmare . . . feel my
arms holding you . . . feel by body . . . you are safe.”

And then she’s holding onto the body that came with
Steven’s voice and crying into a chest that feels familiar. Crying
and holding on like she did one time before. Crying until Steven’s
shirt is wet and then she goes to sleep.