Triumph of Chaos (Red Magic) (26 page)

They stared at me, stunned. Finally, Brad said, “That was you?”

I nodded.

“We’ve been watching the news, trying to pay attention to chaos, like you said. They said it was terrorists who wanted to destroy cultural treasures.” Brad’s voice was bitter. “But that was just you letting off a little steam.”

“Look, I didn’t mean to. I saw him, and I lost it. If you knew what he’d done—”

Brad glanced swiftly at Izzy and nodded. “Okay, fine, I get it, revenge and all that, but did you have to kill all those people?”

I gritted my teeth. “I didn’t mean to. It just happened.”

“Shouldn’t you be able to control your magic?”

I snorted. “You just heard about magic a month ago, and now you want to give me advice? I’ve been a Witch all my life. You’re just a stuck-up Non.”

All three of them stared at me in silence. Finally, Izzy said, “They’re both learning really fast, Darlena. I don’t think either of them counts as a Non now.”

“I don’t need him to get magically self-righteous!” I stuck my thumb at Brad, and he leaned back in his chair.

“But he’s got a point. Your magic has been out of control lately. Maybe there’s something you can do to work on that?” Izzy’s voice was earnest, and I suddenly wanted to reach over and smack her.

“Fine. Whatever. At least Set got me out of there before the state department could interrogate me.” I said his name forcefully, and I was gratified when Izzy turned ashen.

“He helped you?”

I nodded. “More than you guys did, that’s for sure.”

Ben stood. “We’re going inside.” He reached for Izzy’s hand, and I expected her to wave him off. Instead, she grasped him tightly and stood up. Somehow, they managed to slam the screen door shut behind them.

Brad leaned over and looked into my eyes. “You better fix that, and fast. You can’t do this without us.”

“Maybe I don’t want to do this anymore,” I muttered, but his expression didn’t change.

“I don’t care. You dragged us into this, and you better make it right somehow. That girl has been missing you to pieces.”

I crossed my arms and looked away.

“Not that you’re worth missing, but my brother cares about her. If she’s miserable, he will be too. So fix this. Now.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It’s not as hard as you’re trying to make it. Grow up, Darlena. The world may be ending, but you’re sure doing your part to destroy your friends.”

“If something happens to y’all, it won’t be my fault.”

He stared at me without blinking. “You’re a Red. Chaos is your deal, remember?”

I didn’t answer, and finally Brad sighed and stood up. Before he entered the house, he looked over his shoulder at me.

“When you’re ready to act like you’ve got a brain, I’ve seen some things we should discuss. About Rochelle and Hecate.”

I shrugged.

As he slid the door shut, he added, “And Loki.”

I watched the reflection on the glass slide to the left, and the door had just barely clicked when I exploded. “I can’t do this anymore!”

A column of fire shot into the sky in front of me, and I struggled to control it. Finally, the flames burned down, leaving a black patch on the grass at my feet. The edge of the garden had been singed, too, and I knelt down next to the remains of my mother’s herbs.

Tears welled up in my eyes. “I’m sorry, Mom.” I gathered the blackened peppermint and sage plants to my face, but instead of the familiar smell, I was met with the rancid burn of charcoal. My throat caught, and I pulled the ruined plants away from my nose. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t want any of this to happen.” I started to weep, and for the first time in a while, I didn’t try to stop my tears.

I cried beside the garden until I couldn’t cry anymore. All my fear, all my frustration, and all my grief poured out of my eyes, and when the tears finally stopped, I might as well have been a hollow shell. Finally, I pushed myself up to my feet and headed into the house. Brad was right. I owed it to Izzy to fix things if I could.

She was curled up on the couch with Ben. The TV was on, and I caught a glimpse of the shower scene from Psycho before I stood in front of them.

“Look.” I took a deep breath, and Ben muted the movie. “I’m really sorry. It’s just been too much.”

Izzy toyed with the edge of Ben’s shorts, not looking at me. “I’ve lost people too. There are better ways to deal with it.”

“Maybe,” I agreed. “But I’m not you. I’m not sworn to a Blue goddess, and I don’t make people happy just by walking into a room.”

“But you could try.”

“If I’m a Red Witch, then there are some things I’ll never be able to master. Peace is one of them.”

Izzy raised her eyebrows. “
If
you’re a Red Witch?”

I stared at her silently, and she clapped her hand over her mouth. “Oh, gods, Darlena, you wouldn’t give up now, would you?”

“I’ve done a lot of harm in the past two years. We’re supposed to harm none, remember?”

Izzy shook her head, but I pressed on.

“Wouldn’t it be better if none of this had ever happened? If there was a way to go back to the way things were two years ago?”

Ben looked at Izzy and then up at me. “But that’s not possible. Even with magic, I don’t think you can time travel.”

I ignored him. “Izzy, answer me. Wouldn’t it be better?”

She shook her head forcefully. “You can’t ask me to make that kind of a decision! You being a Red has nothing to do with what Hecate was planning. How can you know it will all be all right?”

“I can’t. But if there’s a chance, I have to take it.”

She glared at me. “Well, not me! I’m in this ‘til the end. I lost everything to help you, and I’m not going to give up now.”

“But what if there were a way for me to take it all back?”

Understanding crossed Izzy’s face, and she turned pale. “You wouldn’t make a deal with her, would you?”

“It would fix everything!”

Brad had come into the room behind me, and he snorted. “I doubt that.”

I whirled to face him. “Look, you need to stay out of this. This is between me and Izzy.”

He shook his head. “I know magic now, thanks to the two of you. You can’t treat me like an idiot.”

Ben got up. “He’s right. But I think we need to go home and leave the girls to talk things out.” He squeezed Izzy’s hand. “Call me later, okay?”

She nodded at him. He didn’t look at me as he walked by. When I heard the door slam, I sat down next to Izzy.

“I think I have a way to take it all back.”

“But Darlena, she wouldn’t give you this option if it were a good thing. You know Hecate. Think!”

I shook my head. “Izzy, I want my parents back.” My voice broke, but before I could continue, she was rattling away.

“You think I don’t want my family back? But I’d never make a deal with a crazy god to get them back. Death happens, Lena. It’s part of life. It’s our job to move on.”

“But everything that’s happened has been my fault! If I’d never declared to Red magic in the first place, none of this would have happened.”

“You can’t know that. You can’t know what Hecate would have done if you weren’t involved. You’ve saved people.”

“Not the ones who matter.”

Izzy glared at me. “I don’t matter?”

“That’s not what I meant. I didn’t save you.”

“Oh, and who made the bargain with Loki? Who set me free?”

“Marcus! He made that bargain. All I wanted was a way to defeat Hecate.”

My words hung in the air between us, and I watched Izzy’s expression darken.

“Fine. Fine, okay. My brother’s the one I should thank, but he’s not here, and he never would have had the chance to make that deal if it weren’t for you.”

“He never would have died if it weren’t for me.”

Izzy laughed humorlessly. “We all die, Darlena. Marcus would have left me sooner or later.”

“But you don’t know how much more time he might have had left.”

She waved her hand. “Don’t make this about my brother. If you make a deal with Hecate, that’s due to your own cowardice. You chose your path; backing out now isn’t anybody else’s fault.”

“Then maybe I made the wrong choice!” I was practically screaming at her, but I couldn’t help myself.

“Deal with it! You’re about to turn eighteen. Isn’t it time to start learning to deal with your choices?”

A memory flashed through my mind. The first time I met Persephone, I had been angry and confused about my choice. She’d told me that choices weren’t always easy, but they were our responsibility. At the time, her words had seemed so noble, but what if accepting your fate was just another way of giving up?

“I am trying,” I lowered my voice and gritted my teeth, “to deal with this choice. It seems to me that everyone would be better off if I’d never become a Red.”

“I think you’re full of it.” Izzy glared at me for a minute before she finally looked away. “But I told you before. I’m in this thing until the end.”

“That’s your choice.” I stood up awkwardly, unsure of what to do.

“We all make choices. But before you decide for sure, will you come with us?”

I stared at her, confused. “Where?”

“That store in Raleigh. You need a new athame, and the boys want to buy some spell candles and stuff.”

I frowned, suspicious that she’d be willing to drop it like that, but she was smiling innocently.

“And after, maybe we could all do a spell together for luck in our choices—whatever they are,” she hurried to add.

I didn’t like the idea of waiting any longer than I already had, but I supposed a trip to Raleigh wouldn’t change anything.
Maybe Izzy just wants things to be normal before I undo my vow
. I realized with a pang that once I gave up being a Red, I wouldn’t have Izzy in my life. Would we even remember meeting each other, or would the past two years become a blank slate? I shook my head sadly.

“Come on, Darlena. For me?”

“No, I’ll go. I was just thinking.”

Izzy smiled weakly. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

I forced a laugh. “When do you want to go?”

“There’s no rush, is there?” She flinched at my expression. “I mean, you don’t need to go today?”

“No, I guess not.” I rubbed my eyes. “I am feeling pretty jet-lagged. Maybe we can go tomorrow.”

“Why don’t you go lie down. I’ll bring you a snack in a bit.”

I nodded. “Thanks, Izzy.” I hesitated on the stairs. “I’m sorry everything is such a mess.”

She shrugged. “That’s life, right?”

It shouldn’t be
. I trudged up the stairs and pushed open the door to my bedroom. It smelled musty. In all the times I’d traveled and not made it home for months, my room had never smelled unused. I smiled ruefully. Persephone clearly hadn’t felt like stepping into my place this time. As the thought crossed my mind, the air shimmered, and a familiar shape began to form, almost as if I’d summoned her.

Persephone gave me a small smile. “I want to help you, Darlena. If you’ll let me.”

I ignored the goddess sitting at my desk. “Shouldn’t you be back in Greece helping with the summer planting?”

“Shouldn’t you be fighting Hecate instead of curling up here to give up?”

“Look,” I burst out, “you can’t tell me what choices to make. You aren’t my patron. Why does it even matter to you, anyway?”

Persephone looked sad. “It matters because I value humanity, every flawed and frail bit. And I thought you did, too.”

I sat down on the edge of my bed, my head cradled in my hands. “Of course I value humanity. That’s why I want to step down. If I had never become a Red Witch, so many people would still be alive.”

“And so many others would now be dead. Chaos will always be there, waiting for the wrong person to tap into it, and as you’ve found, Witches who are willing to balance chaos are few and far between.”

“It’s too much. I can’t handle this responsibility.”

She sighed. “It seems to me that you have been doing a masterful job.”

“Everyone wants to kill me! My old best friend and all the crazy gods are trying to destroy the world. Even Aphrodite, my first patron, wants me dead.” I shook my head. “I’ve screwed everything up.”

“Darlena,” the goddess spoke softly, “remember that it takes barren winter earth to produce the bounty of the spring. What’s on the surface is not as important as what lies beneath.”

“Meaning what? I’m about to burst into flower?” I closed my eyes and shook my head.

“Meaning that even the earth has fallow times. You can’t expect to escape the reality of the planet.”

“Fallow and massively destructive aren’t the same thing.”

Persephone didn’t answer. When I opened my eyes, I was alone in my bedroom.

“I can change all this,” I whispered into my pillow. I buried myself in the covers, even though my room was sticky and smelled like old socks, and I fell asleep quickly.