Trouble According to Humphrey (6 page)

“Are you paying attention, Og?” I squeaked to my neighbor. “We’re going to have new jobs!”

There was such a loud buzz in the room, Mrs. Brisbane had to say, “Shush,” then “Class!” and “Quiet now!” before everyone calmed down.

“Listen carefully, please,” she said. “The jobs will rotate on a weekly basis. So whatever your job is the first week, you’ll have a different job next week. If you don’t get the job you want the first time, you’ll have another chance at it. You’ll be graded on a point system. You’ll get ten points for doing a good job. I will add extra points for doing an especially good job and subtract points if you don’t do a good job. Understand?”

Heads nodded yes around the room and a few hands shot up. Mrs. Brisbane called on Mandy.

“If we like our jobs, why can’t we keep them?” Mandy asked in her whiniest voice.

“Because I think you’ll learn more by switching around.”

Mrs. Brisbane turned and began filling in names next to the jobs listed.

Name after name, job after job, each one sounding more interesting than the next! Imagine erasing the chalkboard at the end of every day. Or being Mrs. Brisbane’s actual assistant!

I was especially thrilled that Golden-Miranda was going to be in charge of Og and me because she takes such good care of us.

But not everyone was happy. Hands were raised. Kirk thought being the Door Monitor sounded boring. Heidi wanted to know what a Pencil Patrol Person did. When she heard she had to make sure the students had sharp pencils when they needed them, she didn’t complain.

Mandy, on the other hand, did complain when she found out the Table Monitor was supposed to make sure everybody’s work space was neat. “I don’t want to clean up somebody else’s mess.” Mrs. Brisbane explained that she didn’t have to clean up the mess. She just had to give a student a written notice stating that their work space needs straightening. If someone’s table didn’t get straightened, she was to report that student to Mrs. Brisbane.

“It’s an important job,” the teacher explained. Mandy seemed satisfied.

“Any more questions?” Mrs. Brisbane asked.

Art slowly raised his hand. “What’s that Energy Monitor job?”

“At recess, lunch and the end of school, you make sure the lights are turned off to save electricity. When everybody comes back, you turn the lights on.”

“That sounds easier than being a Table Monitor,” Mandy argued.

“Don’t worry,” the teacher replied. “You’ll all switch jobs at the end of the week. Okay, we’ll start this afternoon.”

When it was time for recess, my friends put on their coats and rushed outside. Pay-Attention-Art stayed behind as Mrs. Brisbane had requested. Once my classmates had cleared out, she went over and sat down next to him. In her hand was Art’s spelling test.

“Art, about this F …”

My heart pounded. Art got an F! F as in Failure! F as in Flunking! F as in Family-being-really-mad if you bring home one of those on your report card!

“Art, I know math can be a problem for you, but you’ve always done better with your spelling. What happened?”

Art stared down at the table and shrugged his shoulders. “I goofed up.”

“Did you study?”

“I forgot.”

F as in Forgot-to-study!

“You’ve been forgetting a lot lately. What’s on your mind?”

Art shrugged his shoulders again. “I don’t know. I just think about stuff I like.”

Mrs. Brisbane examined the elaborate house that Art had built, the one with the train tracks going through it. “Stuff like building this house?”

“Yeah. I like building things.”

“And you’re good at it. Look, I know you can do better than this. If I let you retake the test tomorrow, will you study for it tonight? Otherwise, I’ll have to let your parents know about this F.”

Art perked right up. “I’ll study tonight. I promise!”

Mrs. Brisbane pushed back her chair and stood up. “Don’t disappoint me, Art. Tonight, what are you going to do?”

“Study!” He sounded convincing to me.

“Good,” the teacher said with a smile. “Now, why don’t you get your coat and go on out to recess?”

Art didn’t waste any time grabbing his coat and dashing out of the room. After he left, Mrs. Brisbane stopped smiling. “I hope you do study, Art,” she said softly.

After school, I stared at the job list I’d written down. Good thing I had, too, since Gail was such an excellent Chalkboard Eraser, Mrs. Brisbane had to stop her before she erased the list of jobs. On the other hand, Art had not
exactly been a great Energy Monitor. He left the lights on at the end of the day. I wished he’d pay more attention.

Usually, I would have been glad the lights were on so I could study my notebook. But I had something else on my mind. I turned to my neighbor.

“Og? Can you hear me?”

I heard the faintest splashing of water. At least I knew he was listening.

“I’ve been thinking about this job thing,” I squeaked.

The splashing got louder. My small hamster voice couldn’t be heard over the noise, so I opened my cage’s lock-that-doesn’t-lock. It looks like it’s locked when a human closes my door, but I can easily open it from the inside. No one knows about it except Og, thank goodness! I couldn’t have helped my friends and had so many adventures without that good old lock.

I scampered over to Og’s house. “Our friends have helping kinds of jobs, like taking care of us. Even if we can’t erase the chalkboard or turn off the lights, there must be something useful we can do.”

“BOING!” Og jumped up alarmingly high.

“Mrs. Brisbane didn’t even think of us. So we’re going to have to find jobs of our own. Real jobs, like turning off the lights.”

“BOING-BOING!” Og jumped up even higher.

“Good! You want a job, too. Is that what you’re saying?”

“BOING-BOING-BOING!” My froggy friend was quite frantic, which was certainly unusual for him.

I didn’t realize that he was actually trying to warn me until Aldo hurried into the room, pulling his cart. “What are the lights doing on? A waste of energy,” he grumbled.

My heart was thumping so loudly, Aldo could probably hear it. I couldn’t let anyone discover the secret about my lock! I madly dashed back to my cage and almost made it, too, but it’s hard to stay ahead of Aldo.

“Hey, buddy, hold on, there!”

His big hand reached down and picked me up. “What are you doing out of your cage? This classroom could be a dangerous place for a small fellow like you. Somebody could have squashed you or something.”

He gently placed me back in my cage and closed the door, checking to see that the lock was firmly locked. “It seems okay,” he said. “But just to be safe, I’ll give you some extra protection.” He searched around until he found a large paper clip, which he straightened out. Then he bent it around the door of my cage.

“EEK!” I squeaked. I was
really
locked in now.

Aldo stroked his mustache thoughtfully. “Somebody must have left your door open. I wonder who took care of you today?”

He thought for a minute, then took out a piece of paper and sat down to write a note to Mrs. Brisbane. “I’d better tell her that whoever’s supposed to take care of you didn’t do a very good job.”

I swallowed hard. Golden-Miranda had the job of
Animal Keeper and no one took better care of pets than she did. (Even if she personally owned a scary dog named Clem.)

“NO-NO-NO!” I squeaked, trying to make Aldo understand that he was making a big mistake. “Not Miranda!”

For once, Aldo didn’t get it. “I know, pal. It must have been pretty scary being out of the cage like that. Mrs. Brisbane will take care of it.” He folded the note and put it on her desk.

My stomach was bumpy and jumpy, the way it feels when I have to ride the school bus with somebody. Aldo finished cleaning and ate his dinner, but I was so upset, I wasn’t even interested in the carrot he offered me.

Aldo got up and pushed his cart toward the door. “Lights out, guys. Gotta save that energy.”

After he left and the room was dark again, I squeaked to Og. “Thanks for trying to warn me, Oggy. Next time, I’ll pay more attention.”

“BOING-BOING,” he replied.

“I’ve got to get over to Mrs. Brisbane’s desk and throw that note away,” I told him. He twanged in agreement.

I went right to work on unbending the paper clip. I used my paws, my teeth (ouch) and even my tiny pencil. I wiggled it, jiggled it, pushed it and pulled it. But by the time the sun came up, I was still locked in.

I’d failed Golden-Miranda, a person who would
never do anything to harm me. (The same does not apply to her dog, however.)

No wonder Mrs. Brisbane didn’t give me a real job. As a classroom hamster, I deserved an F for Forgetting-to-pay-attention-to-everything-I-was-supposed-to-do!

EMPLOYMENT PICTURE BRIGHT
FOR HUMPHREYVILLE!

Students start a variety of jobs today.

The Humphreyville Herald

M
y paws were practically raw and my teeth ached from trying to remove that paper clip from my cage when I heard the doorknob turn, saw the lights come on and watched Mrs. Brisbane enter.

“Morning, fellows,” she called out to us. She took off her scarf, her coat, her hat and her gloves and walked toward her desk.

Aldo’s note sat squarely in the center of her desktop. It might as well have been screaming, “Read me! Read me!” I held my breath while she combed her hair, checked her face in a mirror and locked her handbag in a drawer. Then, she sat down at her desk. My whiskers drooped and my heart sank as she picked up Aldo’s note and began to read.

“Oh!” she said out loud. “Oh, dear!” She studied the note for a while before walking over to my cage.