Trouble According to Humphrey (7 page)

“So, Humphrey, I hear you had an adventure last night.”

“Not really,” I squeaked weakly.

“Squeaking will get you nowhere.” She bent down and examined the lock on my cage. She tested the paper clip. “I see Aldo didn’t want to take any chances.”

She turned toward Og. “I suppose you witnessed the whole thing.”

Og stayed motionless. Good. He wasn’t going to squeal—or rather croak—on me. A true friend!

Mrs. Brisbane was staring down at my cage when Garth and A.J. arrived (they took the same bus and always arrived together), with Sayeh and Tabitha right behind them.

Mrs. Brisbane went to the door to greet the students as they bustled in and headed for the cloakroom.

Kirk came in, then Seth, then Heidi and Gail (Heidi always waited outside until Gail got to school because they were best friends).

Next Miranda came through the door, a practically perfect person who never did anything wrong on purpose and who was about to get in BIG-BIG-BIG trouble all because of me!

I wished Ms. Mac had taken me to Brazil with her.

Mrs. Brisbane went about the morning routine. First we studied the planets.

I wished I was on the planet Mars instead of in Room 26.

The teacher wrote out the words for our next spelling test. I almost fainted when she wrote the first one:
trouble
. Trouble was something I could spell. Trouble was what I was in. Trouble was what I had caused. My paw
was shaking and I wasn’t able to write all the words down. I wasn’t worried about next week’s spelling test. I had bigger things to worry about.

By mid-morning, Mrs. Brisbane still had not mentioned the incident from the night before. Maybe she didn’t believe Aldo’s note. But that couldn’t be, because everybody trusted Aldo and knew he wouldn’t lie.

“Og, aren’t you worried about Miranda?” I squeaked when the classroom was empty at recess.

“BOING!” was his clear and obvious answer.

Of course he was worried.

I wished I was a frog in a glass house instead of a hamster in a cage with a stupid lock-that-doesn’t-lock.

After recess, I was so concerned about my troubles, I hardly noticed Paul when he came in and sat down for math. My fellow classmates didn’t either. I did notice him when math was over. He paused at the door and stared at the list of jobs on the board before quietly leaving the room.

Then came the moment of truth. Except it wasn’t the truth. It was all a big mistake.

Mrs. Brisbane said, “Citizens of Humphreyville, please come to order.” She spoke in her most serious and important voice.

“It is time to review the status of our community and the jobs you are all doing. As far as I can see, you all performed your duties as required yesterday, except for one
of you. I’m afraid one of you neglected your responsibility and there could have been a disastrous outcome.”

My fellow classmates were clearly surprised. I glanced at Miranda’s face—so totally innocent. I had to look away.

I wondered if I could go back to live at Pet-O-Rama where I came from.

“Miranda, you were in charge of Humphrey and Og yesterday.” Suddenly, nice Mrs. Brisbane turned into the unsmiling Mrs. Brisbane, the way she was when I first met her.

“Yes,” Miranda answered.

“Last night, Mr. Amato, the custodian, found Humphrey out of his cage. Luckily, he hadn’t fallen off the table and broken his neck and Aldo put him back in the cage and locked it. It’s obvious that you weren’t careful when you locked his cage yesterday.”

Miranda looked as sick as I felt.

“But I
did
lock the cage,” said Miranda. “I remember.”

“Then how do you think Humphrey got out? Do you think someone else in this class unlocked the cage?”

Miranda looked confused. “No, of course not.”

“It was your responsibility. In the end, you are the one who is accountable.”

Miranda was blinking hard. “I remember locking the cage,” she said softly.

“YES, SHE DID!” I squeaked loudly, desperately wishing someone could understand me just this once.

“BOING!” Og chimed in.

Mrs. Brisbane ignored us. “I want you to think about how serious this is. Humphrey might have ended up stuck behind a cabinet or even gotten out in the hallway. We may have never found him again. He might even have starved to death.”

My whiskers quivered and my body shivered until I remembered that I’d been out of my cage many times and none of those things had happened. In fact, I’d performed some pretty brave acts, if I do say so myself.

“In a real community, a person who doesn’t do his or her job well gets fired. I’m afraid I’m going to have to fire you, Miranda.”

“Oh, no!”

Mandy’s hand shot up in the air and Mrs. Brisbane called on her. “You can get fired even if you’re good at your job. Like if your company closes down.”

“That’s true, Mandy. That’s different. Miranda is losing her job because she didn’t fulfill her responsibilities,” said the teacher. “Now, Kirk, I’ll make you the Animal Keeper.”

Kirk made a great roaring noise, like a lion. A few kids giggled.

Mrs. Brisbane did not giggle. She frowned at Kirk and continued. “Art, you can be the Door Monitor. Miranda, you will get no points for this job, but I will give you another chance. You can take Art’s job as Energy Monitor. However, there will be consequences for your carelessness,” said the teacher.

I knew Mrs. Brisbane wasn’t a bad person. She was a good person, but she was doing a bad thing.

Miranda covered her face with her hands and we could all hear her crying.

“What am I supposed to do?” asked Art.

“Pay-Attention-Art,” said Mrs. Brisbane, who by now was in a very bad mood. “You will be in charge of opening and closing the door at recess, lunch and the end of the day,” she said. “Miranda, you may go to the rest-room and wash your face.”

Miranda raced out of the room, sobbing.

My heart was aching. I was afraid it was breaking. Because of me, Miranda was crying. Because of me, her grade had gone down.

I was nothing but Trouble.

Usually while my classmates eat lunch, I take a good nap. Today, I paced back and forth in my cage until Mrs. Brisbane came over. “Humphrey, let me check this lock.” Thank goodness, she unfastened the paper clip, unlocked my cage, then closed it again. She tested the door to make sure that the lock was securely fastened. As usual, it seemed to be locked.

Mrs. Brisbane sighed. “I was hoping I was wrong. I was hoping the lock was broken. It’s not like Miranda to forget.”

“You are making an unsqueakable mistake!” I yelled.

The teacher chuckled. “Obviously you agree.”

I did not!

Just then, Miranda returned. Her eyes were red from crying. “Mrs. Brisbane, I’d like to apologize,” she said.

“Thank you, Miranda. But I still have to switch your job.”

“I know. I’d just like to say I’m sorry to you and to Humphrey. If anything ever happened to Humphrey …” Her eyes filled with tears again.

“Everybody makes mistakes. Let’s move on from here, okay? You go on to lunch.”

Miranda nodded and went to get her lunch bag. When she returned from the cloakroom, she stopped by my cage and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Humphrey.”

What Mrs. Brisbane said was true: Everybody makes mistakes. Only in this case, it was the teacher making the mistake, not Miranda. All because of ME-ME-ME.

Somehow we got through the rest of the day, although it was hard to look at Miranda, with her red eyes and her shiny nose. I saw Mandy staring at her. When it was time for afternoon recess, she hurried over to Miranda’s table.

“I know that losing your job feels really bad. I’m sorry about it,” she told Miranda. “Want to play tetherball with me?”

Miranda seemed surprised. She and Mandy had never been close friends, but by the time they had their coats on and were headed out the door, they were chattering away.

Art stayed in during recess to retake his spelling test. I’d been worrying about Miranda so much, I had forgotten about Art’s problem. He hadn’t done a good job as Energy Monitor, but Mrs. Brisbane didn’t know about
that. I was worried that Art had forgotten to study for his test … again. I had to hide in my sleeping hut so I couldn’t hear Mrs. Brisbane read out the words for him. PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE, I thought. Please let Art pass the test!

I couldn’t hear Mrs. Brisbane very well, but I certainly did hear Og when he let out a long series of BOINGs! Four or five at least. I darted out in time to see Mrs. Brisbane smile at Art. She was holding his test in her hands.

“A 95%. Art, that’s the best you’ve done all year. Now that I know what you’re capable of doing, I expect this kind of grade from now on. Think you can do it?”

Art squinched up his face. “I guess.”

“Just remember to study. And pay attention, okay?”

Art nodded and got out of the classroom as fast as he could.

Whew! “Well, Og, he did it,” I told my neighbor. He took a deep and splashy dive into the water of his cage, which meant he was feeling as happy about Art as I was.

Late that afternoon, Kirk took charge of Og and me. In his usual clowning way, he pretended to eat a cricket before he gave it to Og and he also made icky gagging noises when he cleaned up my poo. But he laughed, so I knew he really didn’t mind.

When he was finished and the students were doing silent reading, Mrs. Brisbane quietly slipped over to my cage and checked again to see that it was locked. It was … or at least it seemed to be.

At last, the long and difficult day was over. I was
greatly relieved when Miranda waited until everyone had left the classroom and carefully turned off the lights.